Together or Not at All
by AntimonyAvenger
Summary: Since Shield fell, Natasha and Steve were closer than ever. But when a rouge night of drunken games at the Avengers Tower changes their relationship, it opens a whole new world that neither of them could ever expect. Or, watch Natasha and Steve struggle to navigate their way through their relationship all whilst keeping it secret from their teammates.
1. The Beginning

**AN: When I first started writing this it was after Age of Ultron, but I forgot about it until I found it again a few weeks ago after I watched Endgame. Because of that, I guess this is technically an AU, where they all live in the Avengers/Stark tower and everyone is alive and happy and everything's okay. The characters from Agents of SHIELD will be in this so if you haven't watched it (which you really should because it's awesome) then you might be a bit confused, but they won't be in it all the time. I also decided to write Daisy as Skye but she will still have powers because why not. I just want to bring a bit of Romanogers happiness to the world after the emotional rollercoaster that was Endgame. Anyway I hope you enjoy.**

* * *

Natasha woke up the soft beeping of an alarm ringing over the speakers in her room. She'd gotten back from what had ended up being a month-long mission with Steve, so it was safe to say she was slightly disoriented waking up in her own bed again. She sat up groggily, shoving off the blanket she had obviously found at some point in the night, noticing she was still wearing her catsuit as she groaned, feeling the dirt and sweat still on her from the day before.

"Agent Romanoff, it is currently 8:30 and Mr Stark is demanding everyone to be downstairs at 10:00 for breakfast since you and the Captain are back in the country." Jarvis cut through her thoughts, his voice loud causing her to groan into her pillows. She was going to kill Tony for waking her up.

"Thanks J," she replied wearily, bringing herself to extract her body from the blanket pooled around her ankles. Natasha could've happily stayed in bed all day, finally being able to catch up on all the sleep she'd missed over the last few weeks. Slowly, she eased herself out of bed, blindly grabbing a towel as she headed towards the shower. Showers weren't a luxury they'd been afforded over the last month, and the grime was embedded into her skin at this point. She glanced at the clock, noticing she was already late and forwent drying her hair, throwing it up in a loose ponytail instead. Grabbing her phone, she hurriedly got in the elevator, thumbing through her messages, trying to catch up on everything she'd missed, which was a lot. The elevator dinged and she walked out, typing out an email to Fury when she collided with another body, falling to the floor gracelessly.

"Shit, fuck. I'm so sorry," Skye apologised quickly, offering her a hand up. She was Coulson's latest recruit to his team, but in their few encounters she knew she liked the girl. In a lot of ways, she reminded Natasha of herself, only with less childhood murder.

"It was my fault Skye. Can't say I was expecting to see you guys though, I thought you were in Paraguay," she said, pocketing her phone as she brushed off her jeans. It wasn't uncommon that they'd arrive at the tower unannounced, but it always threw her through a loop, especially when she wasn't entirely sure what time zone she was in.

"We were in town and Stark invited us round to stay for a while, something about a party. But I was just coming to get you, Stark's getting angsty that you're late," she explained as they walked to the dining room. They rarely used it, if they ate together it was usually in the kitchen, and even then that was an uncommon occurrence. None of them really lived on the same schedule.

"Reeedddd, I told you to be here at 10." Tony whined as she walked in. "Sorry Stark, some of us only got back 7 hours ago after a month of practically no sleep," she said pointedly, sitting down in the free chair between Bruce and Pepper.

"Capsicle managed to get here on time," Tony pointed out, looking at the man opposite her. He only shrugged as if to say 'what can you do?'.

"Yes, but he's a super soldier that only needs 6 hours of sleep," she quipped back, unable to keep the smile off her face despite herself.

"Excuses, excuses." Tony waved his hand absently, taking a long drink of coffee. She instantly looked for a mug of her own, and was handed one by Steve, along with two tablets. "Ignore him."

She smiled at him gratefully, taking a long sip, black with two sugars before throwing the tablets into her mouth. She appreciated the way Steve read her mind, although she suspected the painkillers were more to do with the fact she'd been complaining about her aching ribs the entire flight home.

"Thanks," she smiled at him brightly before looking at the food on the table, only just noticing what looked like a goat's hoof on one end. She furrowed her eyebrows, trying to make sense of the mysterious item. "Why is there a hoof on the table?"

"I read online that Russians eat a llama hoof for breakfast on special occasions," Tony explained, being fully serious, causing everyone else to crack up into fits of laughter. "I not even going to dignify that with a response." She couldn't help the grin the spread onto her face, glad to be home.

* * *

The llama hoof was quickly removed after Tony was assured that, no, Russians don't eat hooves, and that no, it wasn't offensive to get rid of it. There was idle chatter to start but as soon as they dug into the food, silence reigned over them as they devoured their food. They'd all learned from Thor and Steve in that respect. Besides, it was good food, despite the lingering smell of hoof.

"So lil' red, do you have any idea when Katniss will be coming back? As much as we respect him for wanting to spend time with his family and all that lovey dovey crap but without him and Thor around there's no good people to get drunk with and have fun around here." Tony said from one end of the table between shovelling food in his mouth.

"Tony." Pepper said in a disapproving tone, but she still rolled her eyes fondly at him, causing Natasha to send her a smirk.

"Sorry Pep. But seriously though, any idea?" Tony seemed genuinely interested in her answer, but she could only shrug in response.

"Sorry Tony, he'll be here when he decides the farm life is boring again. I'd give him a week," she told him, chuckling slightly at her best friend. Clint was a city boy at heart, and in a different life she was sure he'd live with his family in New York, but it was just too dangerous, especially with the kids getting older.

They continued chatting, talking with May and Coulson, reminiscing about the old days at SHIELD when a circle of light appeared in the center of the floor. As soon as it had appeared it disappeared, with Thor in the area that replaced it.

"Thor, buddy, what are you doing here?" Tony said whilst skipping up to him. They exchanged a manly hug before Thor dropped his hammer on the coffee table and coming into the kitchen.

"What's going on? Is something wrong in Asgard?" Steve said. He always worried about everyone on the team, which was what made him such a good leader. She envied his ability to care about everyone and everything. "Can I not visit my favourite Midgardians for no reason?"

"How are you?" She asked, passing him the plate of pop tarts. His eyes lit up instantly, shoving one into his mouth before answering her question. "I'm brilliant, thank you Natasha. My brother has seemingly changed and Asgard is in relative peace."

Natasha loved Thor to pieces, his complete innocence of the way the earth worked always surprising her, and it always led to a lot of laugh trying to explain each reference they made. She'd somehow ended up sitting next to Steve, and she couldn't resist pinching a strawberry off his plate. He rolled his eyes fondly, his lips curling into a small smile.

"There's an entire bowl over there Nat," he laughed, taking a piece of bacon off her. She slapped his hand playfully, but didn't stop him from taking her food.

"Oh you're asking for it Rogers. Never take a girl's bacon," she joked, stealing a piece of toast from him. Steve gasped in mock offense before nudging her side, grinning at her and taking another piece of bacon off of her..

"But it's just so delicious, and the bacon's all the way over there," he mocked, licking his lips. The bacon was right next to her, causing her to roll her eyes fondly at him before looking back at everyone, glaring at Pepper's raised eyebrows.

"What?" She asked, causing Pepper to laugh. "Oh nothing. You'll figure it out soon enough."

* * *

The rest of the day went off without a hitch as they spent it hanging out and catching up on all the things they missed when they weren't with each other. The rest of the day had been a complete blur, it wasn't often that they all got a day off at the same time. Tony had brought out the alcohol a few hours previously and they were all sitting in the main room when they heard the elevator ding, causing them all to turn around on instinct, Natasha already reaching for one of the many guns she had hidden around the tower, Thor reaching for Mjölnir, but they all instantly relaxed when they saw who it was.

"Legolas! Good to see you buddy." Tony all but yelled, running up to him like an excited child on Christmas. "Woah Tony, calm down, I've only been gone 2 weeks." Clint replied, whilst wandering over to the couch and settling in a spot next to Natasha, stealing her beer. She glared at him, but did nothing to take it back.

"So, what are you doing?" He asked, flinging his arm around her and giving her a quick hug. "Well right now we're not doing much of anything," she told him, taking Steve's beer from his hands to replace her stolen one. He rolled his eyes, getting up to find a new one and leaving them alone to chat.

"How's the fam?" She asked, knowing how much he hated her using the word fam. She would always argue that it's what all the young people were saying these days, and that he was clearly too old to understand. And that would usually end in a painful, but totally worth it slap from Clint.

"Good, the kids miss you, it's been a while since you last came round," he told her, and it was true. She really hadn't visited in a while, much to her disdain as well as the kids. "I know, but Fury has us out on missions non-stop. I promise I'll come over when things settle down more at Shield." She intended to keep her promise, she loved those kids so much, and she hated it when she wasn't able to see them.

"You could always bring someone with you if you wanted." Clint waggled her eyebrows at her, like he knew something she didn't. "Who the hell would I bring? In case you're forgetting, I'm painfully single Clint." Her love life was pretty much non existent at this point, not that she really cared that much. It wasn't high on her list of things she needed to do, in fact it was probably right at the bottom just above forgive Hydra for messing up her life.

"Rogers?" He said it so casually that she spluttered on her beer. Her and Steve were friends, nothing more, and they definitely weren't a couple.

"Why would I bring him?" She furrowed her eyebrows at him, trying to work out why he said it. If it had come from Tony, she would've understood, but Clint knew they were friends, and that she valued their friendship more than a romantic relationship. Not that she even wanted that with him. "Come on Tash, I see the way you look at him. I'm not blind."

"You are deaf though," she joked. She knew Clint didn't mind being the butt of a joke, and he wasn't sensitive about his hearing, at least when she was making the joke.

"Hey, back off." He sometimes forgot that he was half deaf, the technology made for him by Shield, and then Tony was so good that he hardly noticed it the majority of the time. But he really didn't mind being the butt of Natasha's jokes.

"Sorry. Seriously though, nothing's going on with us," she insisted, because there was nothing going on between her and Steve. Sure, there was shameless flirting at times, but that was it. They were friends.

"Really?" Clint raised his eyebrows at her in disbelief, and she didn't know how to make her point any more clear. "Really. I don't like him like that. We're just friends."

"Incredibly close friends who flirt all the time," he pointed out, cocking his head to the side. He had a point, but it was harmless really. "We do not flirt." Despite the fact she knew they flirted, she would deny that fact to Clint until the day she died. Because was it really flirting if neither party involved actually meant it?

"Yes you do."

"Do not."

"Uh do too," he mocked her tone, flicking her nose, which caused her to slap his shoulder lightly. "What are you two bickering about?" Steve asked, sitting down next to them and passing her a fresh beer, causing Clint to chuckle. Not dating his ass.

"Nothing," she told him way too quickly, causing him to narrow his eyes at her. In return, she turned to glare at Clint, silently telling him that he better not tell Steve about this conversation. Luckily, Tony interrupted before any further discussion on the matter that was her and Steve's non-existent relationship could continue.

"I have an idea guys. Let's play a game of truth or dare!"

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**AN: So this chapter is a two/three parter, I haven't quite decided yet, but I'm not planning for that to be a theme. Anyway, please follow, favourite and review, constructive criticism is welcomed and appreciated. I hope you enjoyed!**


	2. Truth or Dare

**AN: Thank you so much for all the follows, favourites and reviews on the last chapter. It means so much to me But here we go with another chapter so I hope you enjoy**

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"Let's play a game of truth or dare!"

There was a collective groan that came from everyone in the room, they all knew how out of control Tony could get when drunk, and none of them wanted to deal with that.

"I do not understand. What is this truth or dare?" Thor questioned. She could see Steve fidgeting out the corner of her eye, and she could tell that he was glad Thor had asked so he wouldn't have to. She almost found it cute. Cute in a totally platonic way.

"Basically somebody will spin a bottle and ask the person it lands on truth or dare. If you pick truth you have to answer a question they ask you honestly and if you pick dare you have to complete a dare of someone else's choice." Tony explained, clearly very excited to start the game.

"I'm gonna need a lot more alcohol to play this Tony." Natasha told him, gesturing to her beer bottle. "Consider it done Red." Tony ran off, returning moments later with what looked like the entire bar. He poured out shots of vodka before giving Natasha the rest of the bottle.

"I'll go first." Tony said spinning the bottle on the table, landing on Bruce. "Brucie, truth or dare."

"Truth," he answered, downing a shot. Because Natasha was right, there was no way any of they would get through this without serious amounts of alcohol. "Okay...What's the best and worst place you've ever been?"

"Fiji was pretty cool, New Mexico was a little weird but it's way too hard to pick a single place really, I've been to so many," he told them, shrugging slightly. It was a boring answer, but in his defence, it had been a boring question. "Clint, truth or dare?"

"I'll go with dare." Clint took three shots in a row, and now Natasha was starting to think this was a seriously bad idea. Clint could handle his liquor, but any man could be brought down by enough.

"Okay then...I dare you to...use your confetti arrows and cover Starks lab in confetti." He couldn't even finish his sentence before Clint jumped up and ran towards the elevator, with Tony hot on his heels, yelling "Stand Down" and "Not the Lab!".

"Clint has confetti arrows?" Coulson asked, furrowing his eyebrows ever so slightly. It really wasn't that unbelievable, the amount of rubbish that was made at 3am in the tower was insane. "Yeah, Tony made him some about a year ago so they could annoy us. It's really backfired on him now though." Bruce explained. 5 minutes later they both came back, covered in glitter, leaving a trail behind them.

"Tony! Not on the…rug." Pepper trailed off, the damage had already been done. There was no way all that glitter was ever coming out, not in a million years. "Blame him! He's the one who did this to me!" He moaned pointing to Clint. For his part, Clint seemed completely unperturbed about the fact he was also covered in glitter, sitting back down on the couch and propping his feet up on the coffee table. Natasha couldn't help but laugh, Tony was pouting like a miserable child, whilst Pepper looked so unbelievably annoyed.

"What's so funny Natashalie?" Tony scoffed, feigning offense as he sat down, picking back up his beer.

"Oh come on. Stop being so dramatic Stark. It's just a bit of glitter," she teased, knowing she'd get a rise out of him. Annoying Tony Stark was one of her favourite past times, right after throwing knives and reading books she'd stolen off Steve's bookshelf. Mainly because she did actually own any books.

"I have glitter in places I didn't even know existed! It is not just a bit of glitter," he whined dramatically, and she could sympathise with him. A very messy mission in Rio taught her that much. Still, she couldn't resist rubbing Tony up the wrong way, once she started she just couldn't stop. "I'm so very sorry Tony. Are you five years old now or what?"

"Both of you stop it!" Steve ordered, causing them both to turn to him in surprise. He usually just put up with their bickering, or at least asked them to stop. This ordering was new on him, and it was honestly kinda sexy. From a completely objective viewpoint of course. "Should we continue the game?"

They both muttered "fine" under their breath and Clint spun the bottle, knowing a fight between Tony and Natasha was never a good idea. "Right then, Skye, truth or dare?"

"Ummm...Dare," she shrugged, unconcerned until she saw the look on Clint's face. Instantly, her face morphed into one of fear, regretting all her choices up to this point. "I dare you to kiss the next person the bottle lands on." Clint said, laughing evilly and raising his eyebrows at her in challenge.

"Really? Fine." Skye groaned, although she wasn't really mad. She was sitting in a room full of incredibly attractive superheroes, she really couldn't be annoyed even if she tried. She spun the bottle and it landed on Thor. "Well that could've been worse," she whispered to Simmons whilst leaning over to Thor and giving him a firm kiss on the lips. "Truth or dare Thor?"

"I will go with dare." Thor said, and Skye just smiled. "I dare you to go to Asgard and get some mead so those party poopers over there can get drunk," she cocked her head towards Steve and Natasha, raising her eyebrows at them. Natasha could get drunk, and she had done plenty of times, but it was always her goal, casual drinking did nothing for her.

"I'm Russian, I've been drinking vodka since I was five. I just have an incredibly high tolerance," she explained, even though they all knew that. "Well we need to speed up the process."

"Your wish is my command Lady Skye." Thor said standing up, "I will return soon." He spun his hammer and 5 seconds later he was gone.

"Seriously! We need to talk to Thor about doing that inside. It's a pain to get up." Tony complained, causing Pepper to snort. "How would you know? You never clean things up," she responded, causing Tony to furrow his eyebrows and pout ever so slightly.

"I... Fine, you win this one," he said sulkily. Thor came back within five minutes, making another mess on the carpet, something Tony picked up on, which in turn earn him a slap around the head from Pepper. Thor came back to the couches, handing a bottle to Skye, who promptly poured it into two tumblers and passing them to Steve and Natasha. "Drink up." Skye demanded. Steve personally found this whole thing rather funny, he'd never felt much need to drink. He couldn't feel the effects of alcohol, so it just felt like a waste of money. And whilst that thankfully wasn't something he had to worry about any more, he'd always remember how much they struggled to get by when he was a kid. When they didn't immediately drink, Skye started shaking the tower ever so slightly with her powers. "Alright. Don't bring the building down."

"Thor, your turn." Tony slurred slightly, and it was clear Tony was on a mission to drink as much as humanly possible. Thor spun the bottle with a bit too much force almost breaking it in the process, but it eventually stopped in front of Natasha. "Lady Natasha, truth or dare?"

"Give me a dare." She was itching to do something fun, and she didn't feel like spilling her guts tonight. Thor looked thoughtful before frowning ever so slightly. "I do not have a good idea."

"I have a good one, let me help!" Tony practically screamed, moving over to Thor, tripping over the coffee table in the process, whispering suggestions in his ear. It was barely 10 and if Tony was already tripping over the furniture, well, it meant they'd get some pretty good blackmail for later.

"Lady Natasha, Brother Stark has suggested that I ask you if you and the Captain are dating."

"Stark! That's not even a dare," she said, ready to give him a slap, or maybe some bruised ribs. Not only was he not playing by the rules, which pissed her off, but she was getting tired of everyone asking her if they were together. They weren't, and that was it.

"You're only saying that cause you don't want to answer." Tony pointed out, and that was as far from the truth as you could get. "We are not dating."

"Are you sure? Cause you and Capsicle are very friendly with each other." Tony waggled his eyebrows, and Steve audibly sighed beside her. Clearly he was getting tired of this as well. "Stark, we are not together."

"Yeah you say that, but I'm really not convinced Tasha." Clint butted in, and if looks could kill, he would be well and truly dead. She was losing her nerve now. A private conversation between them was one thing, but she'd have thought he'd have her back in front of everyone.

"Again Clint? I thought you knew me better." She knew her tolerance for bullshit was lower when she got drunk, but this was insane. Her and Steve were not, and would never be a couple. She didn't like him and he didn't like her.

"I mean it is a little hard to believe you're not dating," Coulson said, and she raised her eyebrows at him, daring him to continue. No one seemed bothered by her mood though, and Coulson pressed on. "I mean you hardly took your eyes off each other on the Helicarrier when you first met."

Steve tried to stifle a laugh, because despite how uncomfortable he was feeling, they had known each other for mere hours then, and whilst he had certainly been attracted to her, he definitely hadn't been staring. Had he?

"And at breakfast this morning." May added, and Natasha tensed ever so slightly next to him. She knew Steve felt protective over her when they'd been on a mission together for a long time, even more so when she got hurt on said mission. She knew it was just her friend, her best friend looking out for her, and he knew that too. Shame nobody else seemed to.

"You can talk," she fired back, looking at May who blushed intensely. If everyone thought that her and Steve were a couple, then it was blindingly obvious that May and Coulson were together. "I have no idea what you mean." Coulson said, feigning ignorance.

"Of course you don't," she muttered, finished with the conversation. She spun the bottle and it turned to face Stark. This was going to be excellent payback.

"Truth or Dare Stark?" She asked, even though she already knew what he would say and she was ready. She didn't like people asking about her life, and she could tell just how uncomfortable the entire conversation had made Steve. "Give me a dare Natashalie."

"Right Stark, I dare you to sing a song of your choice and let us record it." And if that video just happened to appear in the press tomorrow morning, well that was neither here nor there.

"It's on Lil Red." Tony said, getting up. His command of the space was trying aweing, despite the fact he was about to make a massive idiot of himself. "JARVIS, please put on Wannabe by The Spice Girls." Tony demanded. The song started up and he launched into the song, singing every verse by heart.

"What exactly are you planning on doing with that?" Steve whispered into her ear, and she suddenly realised why everyone thought they were together. She didn't let anyone close to her like that, but it was Steve. All her rules didn't apply to him or Clint for whatever reason. And seeing as it was pretty obvious she wasn't with Clint, Steve was the only other option. "Depends on how annoying he is the rest of the night," she smirked, causing him to laugh heartily. It brought a smile to her face, grinning at him before looking back at Tony who had finished his rendition of the Spice Girls.

"Alright, now let me have my turn," he said, flopping back down onto the couch and spinning the bottle. It landed on Steve, and he groaned. In no world was this going to go well. "Stevie! Truth or dare?"

Steve couldn't decide if he wanted to pick truth or dare. He knew if he picked dare, Tony could come up with absolutely anything. But he knew if he picked truth, it would be something to do with his lack of relationship with Natasha. Somehow dare seemed like the better option. "Dare I guess."

"I dare you to kiss Natashalie, on the lips, for a full minute!" Stark said, clapping his hands together, clearly very chuffed with himself. Suddenly, he wished he'd picked truth.

"Really Stark?" Steve asked, keeping his cool despite the blush he felt rising through his cheeks.

"Yep, really, or are you too chicken? Are we gonna have to call you Captain Chicken from now on?" Tony was taunting him, and he was ashamed to say it was working. But he couldn't back down from a challenge, it was against his very nature, even when that challenge was kissing Natasha.

"Nat? Are you okay with this?" Steve asked. He would never kiss her if she didn't say it was okay, even if that ensured relentless teasing from the rest of the team. Although kissing her would probably end in that result as well. She cocked her head to the side, trying to read his expression. She nodded softly, nervous of saying the wrong thing. She had no problems kissing someone, even Steve. But then again, this was Steve.

"Yay! Romanogers for life!"

"This doesn't mean we're dating Stark. It's a harmless kiss to fulfil a dare," she said, trying to make it as clear as possible. It's not like he would remember this tomorrow morning, in fact the only person who would remember anything about tonight was Bruce, and she could live with that.

"Someone better tell us when that minute is up though." Steve warned. It wasn't like they hadn't kissed before, they had plenty of times, and they were all as innocent as the next. He saw no reason why this should be any different.

"Don't worry Steve, I'll tell you." Pepper assured and Natasha could see him relax ever so slightly. She could tell he was nervous, and she was too in a way. A kiss was harmless, especially if there were no feelings on either side. And there weren't so it didn't matter, but that didn't mean having to kiss Steve in this forced upon situation didn't make her a little bit anxious.

"Get on with it you two, we don't have all day." Tony moaned, but she paid him no attention, shuffling in closer to Steve and gently laying her hand on his shoulder. He ducked his head down until their faces were almost touching, and she gave him a smile. A small, reassuring one that resulted in one of his hands brushing her waist ever so slightly as his lips descended onto hers. It was a little awkward at first but soon they melted into each other, their lips working in tandem as his arm wrapped itself firmly around her waist, her arms wrapping around his neck in response. Her lips parted ever so slightly to get some air, and she felt his tongue pressing at her ever so slightly, asking her silently if it was okay. She just parted her lips further, letting his tongue slide in as her teeth grazed his lower lip ever so slightly. She made a soft hum that reverberated through his body, and he never wanted this to end. They'd never kissed like this before, and he liked it, more than he thought he would. Suddenly, it was like a switch had been flicked in his head, and all these emotions came flooding out of him. The main one being that he liked Natasha as more than a friend, way more than a friend. He was scared, and confused, but he knew that having her lips move over his so perfectly was a feeling he never wanted to forget.

"Okay guys, minutes up." They could hear Pepper's voice in the background as they opened their eyes and pulled away from each other. She didn't want to, kissing Steve made her feel something she hadn't felt in a long time, something she had supressed, but now she wanted nothing more than to kiss him forever.

Okay, that was new. She'd known that maybe her feelings for Steve were more than friendly, despite what she told herself and everyone else, but she would never do anything about it. She couldn't risk their friendship, but one look at his face, his eyes full of lust did she let herself imagine what could be. She brought herself back down to reality, the faint blush on his cheeks was just the alcohol, and his dark eyes staring into her soul was just the side effects of not enough sleep.

"And you say you're not together." Fitz muttered. She tore her eyes away from Steve, distracting herself by drinking her beer, avoiding his stare and trying to focus on what else was happening.

"Ahem, moving on. Coulson, truth or dare?" Steve asked, spinning the bottle, wanting the focus to be off of him and Natasha. He couldn't bring himself to look at her properly, he needed to get himself under control.

"Truth." Coulson said, and Steve knew what he was going to ask. It was something he had wondered about for years, and not once had he managed to get a clear answer. "On the day you died, were your trading cards actually in your jacket pocket?"

Coulson immediately turned bright red at the reminder. "No, they we in my locker. Why would you think they were in my jacket?"

"Damn you Fury." Tony muttered, shaking his head in disbelief as he downed a shot.

"You've got to be kidding me." Steve said under his breath. Whilst he wasn't particularly shocked, he wouldn't have asked the question if he didn't already have his suspicions, but the way Fury manipulated them into doing what he wanted would have been impressive. If not for the whole manipulating part.

"Can someone explain please?" Fitz asked, and everyone else nodded along. If you weren't there, the significance of the situation was lost.

"Fury told us that his trading cards were in his jacket, there was blood on them, it brought us together." Tony explained, causing Coulson's face to morph into one of fury. "There was blood on them?! No wonder I never got them back." Coulson exclaimed. Steve hadn't realised that Fury had never returned them to Coulson after his resurrection. Natasha had told him how much time he'd put into the collection, but Steve reckoned that being Captain America, he might have some sway in the matter. Although that highly depended on him remembering tonight, which got more and more unlikely as time went on. Not that he wanted to forget, because that kiss. Oh god that kiss. Coulson spun the bottle, this time landing on Simmons. "Dare please." Simmons said, hiccupping slightly.

"How are you still polite when you're half drunk?" Tony asked, and she just shrugged. "I'm British," she explained as though that was all the explanation needed. A dark look came over Coulson's face, one that was devious as so unlike him that it scared them. Or maybe he was just mad about the trading cards.

"Okay, I dare you to drink something that Clint has concocted." Clint immediately leaped up moving into the kitchen. They heard the clattering of jars and bottles until Clint emerged, holding a slimy brown liquid in a glass.

"That is rank Clint." Natasha moaned, pinching her nose as he walked past to dramatically present it to Simmons

"What's in that?" Simmons asked, taking the drink off him and grimacing.

"I'll tell you after you drink it, otherwise you won't." Clint laughed. Simmons looked tentative before glaring at Coulson. "I used to like you." He just laughed, gesturing for her to drink.

A small sip had her choking as she tried to swallow even the smallest bit. "That is the worst thing I've ever tasted, what is it?"

"A dash of milk, splash of vodka, bit of ketchup, mustard, gravy, I think I put a sardine in there, definitely a lot of beer and just a pinch of salt." Clint described, rubbing his hands together evilly. The glass and it's contents were quickly disposed of, and Simmons spun the bottle as they played more rounds until it was back to Natasha again as she spun the bottle, it landing on Clint.

"Truth or dare Clint?" She asked, and she couldn't lie that she was excited to finally get him to do something despicable. Because he was obviously going to pick dare. "What do you take me for? Dare."

"Okay, I dare you to call Fury." She hadn't quite figured out where she was going with this yet, but she knew it had to be good, really good.

"Uh oh." For a man who wasn't phased by anything, the worry on his face with evident, and that's when the idea struck her. She just hoped he wouldn't get fired. "And tell him that you're in love with him, and always have been."

"Is that really a good idea?" Steve questioned, and she got where he was coming from, but no one had ever successfully pranked Fury in the many, many times they'd tried. Plus, Clint had pissed her off too many times today. "Just think of it as payback."

"What for?" Teasing her all day for liking Steve. Regardless of the fact she might actually like him, it was annoying. She wasn't going to tell him that though. "Something you haven't done yet."

"Fine, pass me my phone." Clint grumbled, and she threw his phone to him from the coffee table.

"I really don't think this is a good idea Natasha." Coulson interjected, but Clint just laughed at him. "I'm a grown ass man with a wife and kids. I can call my boss to tell him that I love him." Clint defended. Just hearing it out loud made Natasha think that maybe she had made a mistake, but Clint was already dialling.

"Barton?" Fury said, and Natasha glanced at a clock to see it was 1am. Maybe this really was a bad idea, actually scratch that. This was defiantly a bad idea. "Hey Nick."

"Don't call me Nick." Clint had put the phone on speaker so they could all hear, and Fury already sounded pissed off. Clint made a small little giggle. "Got it Nicholas. Nicky. Fury."

"Is that his idea of flirting?" Steve whispered into her ear, and she just shrugged. How Clint was married was beyond her. "What do you want Barton?"

"I just wanted to say that I love you Nicholas J Fury. With all my heart." Clint confessed dramatically, and he wasn't particularly trying to make it convincing, but that made it all the funnier. "You're drunk." Fury pointed out, not that it deterred Clint any. "I LOVE YOU!" He screamed into the phone, and whilst they'd all tried to be quiet, they all burst out into laughter. "I'm hanging up now."

"YOU'RE BREAKING MY HE- He hung up." Clint told them, though they could barely hear him through their uncontrollable laughter.

"I've gotta give it to you Legolas. You really committed." Tony got out between laughs, clapping Clint on the back as the man just looked sheepish. Clearly he'd just realised what exactly he'd done. "Think I'll still have a job tomorrow?"

"We've done way worse." Natasha told him, which was ture. At least this time it didn't resultFury being forced to have a shower. Clint spun the bottle, watching as it spun around until it landed on Natasha in a sick twist of fate. "Shit."

"Revenge will be mine." Clint cackled, and if she thought her dare had been bad, she didn't want know what Clint was going to get her to do. "Truth or dare?"

She was way too drunk to even consider truth, and besides, that was way less fun. "Dare, and make it a good one."

"Put on Steve's shirt." Clint told her, and she raised her eyebrows at him. "The shirt that Steve is currently wearing?"

"That's the one." Clint grinned, and she hated the fact that he was getting Steve in on this dare as well. She wouldn't have been surprised if they'd all gotten together and decided to fuck them over all evening. Steve didn't seem that impressed either, glaring at Clint. "So for part of her dare, I have to take off my shirt? That doesn't seem fair."

"Awww, c'mon Cap. It's hardly like you've got anything to be embarrassed about." Steve glared at Clint for a long second, before eventually deciding that there was nothing to be done, and may as well get it over with. He pulled his t-shirt over his head, ignoring the may stares that always happened when he was shirtless, instead handing it to Natasha. She smiled at him, her eyes darting down to his chest quickly before coming back to smirk at him. "This doesn't seem that bad." Whether she was talking about the dare or Steve's chest was no ones business.

"You didn't let me finish Tash. You will wear his shirt, and only his shirt." Natasha had to sigh, because of course that was coming, nothing was ever that simple.

"Underwear?" She questioned. "Of course, I'm not an animal." Clint said. She left the room to change, coming back in Steve's shirt. She had left her fluffy socks on though, causing her to slide around slightly on the floor boards, almost falling into Steve as she sat back down.

"Oh you are so incredibly cool." Clint teased, and she stuck her tongue out at him.

"And yet somehow incredibly sexy." Skye said before thinking, blushing wildly when she realised what she'd said. Her only comfort was what Steve said next. "I'll say."

His eyes widened as the words came out of his mouth, unable to stop them. He looked up from Natasha's leg to grimace at her, but she just smiled at him, shaking her head. "Okay soldier, I think you've had too much to drink." She took his glass off him, downing the rest of it before putting it down on the table. She didn't want to know what he meant by that, if he even meant anything like that. Steve had never made a comment on her appearance before, ever. And now she was so painfully aware of the fact she had some sort of feelings for him made her mind go into overdrive. Instead of dwelling on her thoughts, she spun the bottle, so at least she could think of something else.

"Okay Tony tru- Oi!" She started speaking before Steve stole her beer off her. She slapped him lightly, taking it back, which only prompted him to steal it again. He ginned at her, his head ducked ever so slightly as he nudged her shoulder. And fuck, the temptation to kiss him was so great, they way his eyes bore into hers, shining brightly. She cleared her throat, desperate to get out of this by turning to look at Tony who was speaking. "Give me a dare."

"I didn't really even ask you but okay, I dare you to…"

* * *

They continued playing into the early hours of the morning until everyone fell asleep. She was asleep on the couch when she was woken by a pair of arms reaching underneath her and picking her up. She blinked slowly, seeing Steve carrying her towards the elevator.

"Steve?" She asked groggily, rubbing her eyes as she tried to focus on her surroundings properly

"Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you," he whispered, brushing a strand of hair off her forehead tenderly. She was struggling to stay awake, and she didn't understand where they could possibly be going in her sleepy haze. "Where are we going?"

"To your room." He said like it was obvious, which it kinda was she guessed. She really could've figured that out if she'd put any thought into it, but she was struggling to put together a string of words right now. But she wanted, no needed to talk to him about their kiss. Her mind was still reeling, and she could practically feel her lips still tingling. "Hey Steve?"

"Yeah Nat?" Despite the fact his grip on her was firm, he was half drunk, sleepy, and a bit out of it. Now was the perfect time, if he didn't feel the same way, he would probably forget it by morning. Which let's face it, was what was going to happen. He didn't like her back, she knew that. Why would he? He could do so much better than her and she knew it. "I…nothing." She was a chicken, and she hated herself.

"Okay Nat." He didn't question it, and they got to her room with her slipping in and out of sleep the entire time.. He laid her on the bed, pulling the covers over her before kissing her forehead quickly and going to leave before she caught his hand.

"Stay." She wasn't sure why she said it, but in her tired, drunken stupor it seemed like the right thing to say. Although the second after she had, she'd realised how idiotic she sounded. She expected him to reject her offer, in fact she expected him to laugh in her face, but instead he climbed onto the bed, lying down next to her.

"Budge over," he said back to her, shuffling under the covers and propping his head on her pillow. It was awkward at first, but she snuggled close to him, cherishing his body heat. He eventually turned over, wrapping his arm around her waist and pulling her closer to him, relaxing around her body. Steve knew he was overstepping his boundaries, she'd asked him to stay, not to snuggle, but the way she fit so perfectly in his arms was irresistible. He pressed a kiss into her hair, letting his eyes slip shut. "Goodnight Natasha."

"Night Steve."

* * *

**AN: If you have any ideas that you desperately, or not so desperately want incorporated into this story, please let me know and I'll try to write them in. I hope you enjoyed, please follow, favourite and review. Constructive criticism is always welcome and appreciated.**


	3. The Next Day

**AN: Thanks so much for all the follows so far. They really make my day. Here's the third and final part of this truth and dare bit before we move onto different stuff. I hope you enjoy!**

* * *

The next morning, she woke up cradled in someone's arms. Last night was a little hazy and she couldn't remember anything past kissing Steve – shit. She kissed Steve. She was pretty sure that wasn't meant to happen. It was just a little crush she would get over, nothing would be different because of it. In fact, she didn't want anything to be different, it would just make everything more complicated, especially as he definitely didn't feel the same. She rolled onto her other side to face the person holding her to see it was Steve, and that she was currently using his chest as a pillow. What on earth happened last night? She couldn't remember the last time she couldn't recall the previous night. She really must have drunk a lot. She lifted the covers slightly and looked beneath them, they weren't naked thank god, but she was wearing a man's shirt, Steve's she presumed. She tried to extract herself from his arms, hopefully she could escape before he woke up to avoid that awkward conversation when Steve stirred next to her and opened his eyes, squinting at the bright light coming through the windows, they clearly hadn't had enough common sense to close the curtains the night before.

"Natasha?" He mumbled, burying his face in her hair, to asleep to think anything was odd about their positions.

"Hey," she said, trying to keep it casual between them, although she feared she was failing miserably. Steve seemed to notice the way he was still holding her tightly, loosening his grip and letting her sit up, her back against the headboard. He followed suit, and they fell into an awkward silence, both waiting for the after to speak first.

"How'd you sleep?" She finally asked after some time, the silence having become too much to bear. This was ridiculous. It wasn't like they'd had sex, they'd literally just slept next to each other, and it wasn't like it was the first time they'd slept in the same bed. But it was different, because every other time it was out of convenience, or lack of other options.

"Good, how about you?" He cleared his throat nervously, trying to be as normal as possible in a unnormal situation.

"Slept like a dog," she said, her mind still pretty fuzzy from sleep and not catching her slip. "That's not the saying." He didn't miss it, pointing it out and chuckling slightly.

"Alright smarty pants," she rolled her eyes, giving him a small smile. Truth be told, she had thought it was dog instead of log for years, it had taken Clint to notice it for her to realise otherwise.

They lulled into silence again, not quite as awkward as before, but it was defiantly still uncomfortable. "Did we ummm….Well, did we y'know?" Steve asked eventually. He was fairly sure they hadn't, but all his memories from the night before were pretty hazy that he couldn't be sure. And the way they'd woken up were sending pretty obvious signals.

"I don't think so." He couldn't help but let his heart fall slightly at that, and that scared him. It wasn't that he wanted to have sex with her and not remember it, or even have sex with her, but he couldn't deny the growing attraction that he'd started feeling for her. "Oh, okay."

"Why? You disappointed Rogers?" She laughed, trying her hardest to keep her voice level. She knew she was just hearing things, she was just tired and letting her insane thoughts get the better of her.

"Nope, that would be weird," he replied way to quickly, and he quickly tried to backtrack. "You're my friend…not that you're not attractive because you very clearly are, not that I stare or anything creepy like that," he started rambling, trying his hardest not to make her feel uncomfortable. Just because he liked her, didn't mean she liked him back, and it definitely didn't mean she'd even want to be with him in a romantic sense. Or if she even did the whole romance thing.

"Just stop Steve, I understand." She couldn't help but feel her heart sink at his words, but she was hardly surprised. She wasn't the type of person Captain America would be interested in.

"That's not…I didn't mean it like that Nat." He thought he saw her face fall slightly at his previous words, but he knew he must've been reading into it. There was no way she liked him back. In the entire time he'd known her, she'd never been in a relationship, or even gone on a date. He was pretty sure he wasn't going to be an exception to that.

"How did you mean it?" She asked, confused at his statement. He wasn't sure how to answer, wasn't sure how to properly put into words how he felt. Or if he should. Telling her he felt for her more than a friend would completely destroy their friendship if she didn't feel the same, and he didn't want to lose that.

"Do you regret it?" He asked instead, although that only seemed to make her more confused. She was usually more quick than she was currently, and she was either really tired, or had a pretty killer hangover. He was willing to reckon it was a bit of both. "Regret what?"

"Us kissing." There, he said it. It was out there now, he'd addressed it. And now he was spiralling into panic as he waited for her to respond. "Steve, that was just a stupid dare. It didn't mean anything," she brushed off quickly, because he didn't need to know that it had meant something to her. It didn't mean anything to him, and she didn't want him to feel uncomfortable. She never wanted him to feel uncomfortable.

"What if it did?" He posed, and that really threw her through a loop. She hadn't been expecting him to say that, or even something remotely close to that. "What are you trying to say?" She didn't want to believe it, she didn't want that hope only to lose it.

"I'll never regret kissing you Natasha." He turned to look at her, properly look at her, and he couldn't read her face. Instantly, he knew he'd made a mistake. She was never going to trust him again, not now he'd told her.

"Really?" She replied, dumbfounded. She had been trained for many different things, but this, this was something she was totally unprepared for, but she kinda liked it, despite the fact it terrified her. Here Steve was, telling her that he liked her, or at least that he liked kissing her, and she didn't know how to react. "Yeah, but I understand you don't feel the same way, I know you're not into that whole relationship stuff. Nothing has to change between us. In fact, forget I ever said anything." If only he knew how untrue that statement was, how much she wanted that with him. But she could never tell him, she valued their friendship too much. It was just physical attraction, but goddammit the way his muscles rippled as he moved made her want to kiss him senseless.

"Shut up you moron." She threw caution to the wind, giving into her impulses and grabbing his face, kissing him hard. She felt him tense under her touch, and she started to pull away, already thinking of excuses when he pulled her back to him, shifting her so she was sitting on his lap, kissing back with as much fervour. He bit her lip ever so slightly, causing her to gasp into his mouth, angling her head as to deepen the kiss further.

"So that was-" He panted, as she pulled away for air, holding her close to him. Now she was in his arms, he wasn't inclined to let her leave easily.

"Yeah," she whispered, her forehead resting against his. She wasn't particularly inclined to leave his arms, for some reason she felt safe where she was, like he would protect her from the world. Not to mention, his chest was very nicely sculpted.

"What does all this mean Nat?" He asked, trying to keep the nerves out of his voice. He didn't know what this would mean for them, whether things would change. God, he wanted them to, he wanted to be more than what they were right now. More than anything.

"I don't know. I mean it's not like I'm not attracted to you, I mean look at you, you're a specimen, you're nice too, I mean I don't just like you because of your looks…" She said hurriedly before Steve cut her off. She hadn't been this nervous because of a guy…well ever.

"Nat. Calm down. Are you trying to say that you like me? Because I think that kiss did most of the talking for you." A low chuckle escaped him, and she slapped him on the chest lightly. His nice, firm, gorgeous chest. She was nervous to admit it, because part of her didn't want thing to change. She didn't want to lose him, her friendship with him was sacred, and not something she wanted to give up because of a failed romance. But she couldn't lie to him, she'd never been able to lie to him. "Yeah, uh, I guess I am," she glanced down at him, biting her lip subconsciously. Before she could comprehend what was happening his hands were gripping her hair, pulling her down to meet his lips hungrily. She met him happily, slanting her lips over his, their bodies melding so perfectly that it seemed like they were made to fit together.

"You're a really good kisser," she panted between kisses, roaming her hands over his chest as his fingers tugged on her hair. "I have a great partner," he joked, fitting their lips together once more. He could stay like this forever, just him and Natasha, without having to worry about the rest of the world. But as was typical, life always found a way of intruding.

"Captain Rogers, Agent Romanoff, it would seem the rest of your teammates are starting to wake downstairs, I would highly advise you make some coffee." Jarvis butted in, causing Natasha to groan and bury her head against his neck. "He is such a buzzkill."

He chuckled, low and hearty, the sound reverberating through her. She smiled, picking her head up to look at him properly. "Speaking of the team, are we gonna tell them?" She asked. Steve brought his hand up to remove her lip from in between her teeth. Clearly it was a habit she'd begun to form when she was nervous, she'd have to fix that.

"Unless you desperately want to, I don't think so, at least not for the time being. They'll find out eventually but I don't think I could deal with Stark while we're still trying to figure this out. Whatever this is," he said, hoping she was on the same page. They didn't know what was going to happen in the future, but it would definitely be easier if no one knew whilst they figured it out.

"Agreed." Besides, she could see the upside of having Steve all to herself for a while. Because had she mentioned his chest? She quickly glanced over to the clock, seeing that it was already nine, way past the normal time either of them got up. But if they'd managed to get that drunk last night, she dreaded to think how bad everyone else would be. "Jarvis is right, we should go down and make sure none of them are dead."

"Good idea," he said, reluctantly letting her out of his arms and getting up off the bed. "I'll go back to my floor and get changed."

"Good luck. I know you're not very good at lying but just play it cool if someone sees you," she advised, laughing at the look of indignation on his face, despite how true they both knew her statement was. "Hey!"

"Like it or not, it's the truth Steve," she replied playfully, pulling him down slightly so she could kiss him again. A small, chaste kiss that made all of this feel a lot more real than it had before.

"Ha Ha Ha. Bye Nat," he said sarcastically, smirking at her and pressing a kiss to her forehead before leaving.

She collapsed onto the bed with a sigh. That could've gone a lot worse. In fact, it actually went pretty well. Because holy fuck, had she just agreed to be in some sort of relationship with Steve. A relationship with actual feelings, and actual emotions. Because kissing was good, kissing was amazing, but a relationship? That was new and something she was entirely unprepared to deal with.

"One more thing." Steve said, running back into her room, throwing himself next to her on the bed and pulling her into a searing kiss before leaving again. She muffled a squeal with her hands, unable to hide her grin. For the first time in a long, long time, she had a proper reason to smile.

* * *

20 minutes later she walked into the kitchen to find Steve cooking pancakes.

"Hey." She walked over to him, leaning against the counter and pressing a kiss to his cheek. "I made coffee," he said, turning to face her and kissing her properly before handing her a mug. She brought it up to her nose, inhaling the sweet fumes.

"I love you," she said offhandedly, taking a long sip. He stared at her, and only then did she realise the reality of her words.

"I didn't…I mean not like that, I just really like coffee," she stuttered her way through her sentence, hiding her face behind the mug. Her cheeks were flushed from embarrassment, and Steve couldn't help but notice how beautiful she looked, especially with the sun filtering in through the large windows, catching her hair, her coppery tones like a halo around her pale skin. Fuck, he had it bad.

"It's okay Nat. From now on, I won't consider you mean it like that when coffee's involved," he laughed, capturing her lips and kissing her softly. She moaned into his mouth, only pulling away when she could smell the tell-tale sign of something burning. She wandered over to the kettle and filled it up with water to hide her blush from Steve as he threw a burnt pancake in the bin.

"Awww, you're cute when you blush," he laughed, brushing his hand against her hip as he reached to get a spatula. At that moment FitzSimmons walked in and sat at the island, causing them to jerk away from each other. Natasha bit her lip, avoiding their gaze until she could get her face under control.

"Morning guys. Tea?" Steve asked, smirking at Natasha's face. He'd never seen her this flustered before, and the fact it was because of him made his manly ego inflate just a little bit despite himself.

"Please." Simmons replied, and Steve didn't need Fitz's confirmation before he was handing them two mugs. And then he noticed that Natasha's mug was empty, how she'd finished it already was a mystery to him, but he took the coffee pot and refilled it for her. She smiled, a soft, grateful smile, and not for the first time today, Steve wondered how he possibly could've missed quite how beautiful she was in the past. "You two sleep well?" Natasha asked

"I've had better, but you haven't been on the base during karaoke night." Simmons laughed, taking a sip of her tea. Fitz nodded, adding "Coulson is a surprisingly bad singer."

"Tell me about it." Natasha laughed, because she'd been there. Back in the old days they'd spent many evenings in bars, and a lot of time listening to Coulson try to sing. Emphasis on trying.

"Do you want some pancakes guys? I've got some spare." Steve offered, gesturing to the ever growing pile on the plate next to him. "Only if there are some left." Simmons said, although it was obvious that there would be some left. It was such an English response.

"Even Steve can't eat that many pancakes, there's tons there." Natasha laughed, smiling as he rolled her eyes at her.

"Nat? Can you get the syrup?" Steve asked, and she nodded, squeezing behind him to get to the cupboard. She rummaged around in the cupboards until she found an empty maple syrup bottle, grumbling as she got up from her crouched position to look at Steve. "Really?"

"Blame Tony for that one. I think he forgets that the cupboards don't magically get refilled." Steve held his hands up in surrender, grinning as she threw the empty bottle at him, catching it just before it hit his head. He threw it across the room, successfully tossing it into the bin as she looked back into the cupboard and after a couple of minutes she returned with a new bottle, throwing it to Steve. He put the finished pancakes on the counter, placing the syrup next to them and they all dug in, talking about nothing in particular. Whilst they were eating Pepper walked in, got a cup of coffee and walked out, saying she was going to the office and that she'd see them later. They finished their breakfasts and FitzSimmons got up saying they were going to one of the labs in the tower when Coulson walked in.

"Morning Sir. Sleep well?" Simmons said chirpily as they headed out the door.

"Can you guys wake up the rest of the team, we've been called in for a mission. Get everyone on the bus in 10." Coulson replied, walking to the coffee pot and filling up a mug before swiftly walking out the room again. Fitz groaned in the doorway, his unhappiness at having to go on a mission evident.

"I'll get Skye and Bobbi." "I'll get Hunter and Mack." They said at the same time before glaring at each other. Was this how other people viewed her and Clint's silent conversations?

"Rock paper scissors?" Simmons asked, and Fitz nodded, holding out his hand in a fist and resting it on his other palm. "Yep."

"Rock Paper Scissors." Simmons held out paper and Fitz held out rock. The man pinched his nose between his fingers, his words barely more than a whisper. "Fuck."

"Sorry guys but what are you playing rock paper scissors for?" Steve asked. She was glad he was confused as well as she had no idea what was going on. And she was an expert on reading people.

"Neither of us want to wake May, she gets very violent when she's woken up before she wants to." Simmons explained, and Natasha already knew that, having spent many missions experiencing the wrath of angry May.

"Fitz, today is your lucky day. I'll wake Melinda up," she told them, and it was only because she was in a good mood this morning. Besides, it had been eons since the last time she managed to mess with her, it was well overdue.

"Why on earth would you want to do that?" Fitz asked, dumbfounded. She just shrugged, moving towards the cabinets and digging out a jug. "Because it's fun. You might want to wake up the team first though. I think they'll want to see what's about to happen." FitzSimmons walked through the door to wake the team while she looked in the freezer.

"Nat? What are you doing?" Steve asked her as she finally found the ice cubes and pulled them out, emptying them into the jug. His hand came to brush her hip as he watched her, and she smiled at him softly before eventually having to pull away. "Just having a bit of fun. It's been a while since I managed to mess with Mel." She turned on the tap and poured cold water into the jug, and now Steve understood what she was planning on doing. At that point the rest of Coulson's team wandered into the kitchen, all making a beeline for the coffee. Once they all managed to get some coffee they walked over to the couch where May was sleeping.

"Hey Natasha, what exactly are we doing?" Skye asked, everybody else nodding along.

"Steve, hold down Mel's arms for me would you?" She asked, picking up the jar of ice-cold water. Steve knew to just play along so held down May's arms, as well as her legs, knowing that she was just as deadly with her legs as she was with her arms, if not more. She stood by May's head and without warning poured the entire contents of the jug on her head. She jerked awake, bolting upright. "What the fuck Nat! Why on earth would you do that? And why the fuck is Steve holding my legs and arms down?" Yelled May. Okay, maybe she was a little mad. Steve quickly let go of her arms and legs, clearing his throat uncomfortably.

"Sorry Mel but Phil wants everyone on the bus in 5," she explained, and that didn't remove the scowl on her face. "Why the fuck would you wake me up like that?"

"I thought it would be fun," Natasha laughed, shrugging and sitting down on the arm of the couch. "You know May, we're never gonna let you live this one down." Skye said in between laughs.

Somehow the racket they were making hadn't woken anybody else up. They were truly dead to the world. "What on earth is going on in here? And why is May soaking wet?" Coulson asked, and May just narrowed her eyes at Natasha. "Ask Tasha," she grumbled, walking out the room.

"Ahhh, you finally got her back for Tunisia," Coulson said in understanding.

"What happened in Tunisia?" Hunter asked. Coulson and Natasha just exchanged a look before a shit eating grin came over their faces. "It's classified."

"Awwww, c'mon." They all complained, causing Coulson to just laugh. "Come on guys, hurry up and get on the bus. We need to get to Australia within the day." Coulson walked out, and the rest of his team trailed behind him with various degrees of complaint.

"I'm gonna miss those guys, they're a lot of fun," Steve said walking back into the kitchen. Natasha linked her hand with his briefly as she followed, and he couldn't help but kiss her softly, his hand tangling in her hair. "This is neither the time nor the place Rogers." He groaned, pouting at her slightly before reluctantly pulling away.

"Morning." Bruce rubbed at his eyes blearily as he walked in, grabbing a cup of coffee before pouring himself a bowl of cereal. "Morning Bruce."

Nothing more was said when a massive clatter came from the other room, closely followed by Clint stumbling in, his eyes barely open. "Why the fuck does my head hurt this much?"

"You got a little drunk last night Clint," she explained patting him on the shoulder and handing him a cup of coffee. "Owww Nat. And only a little drunk? I feel like my kids have run me over with a tractor while crashing symbols together," Clint complained, rubbing his forehead with his hand. Something told Steve that Clint hadn't just pulled that anecdote out of thin air. "You were trashed Clint."

Clint groaned, burying his head in his hands. "I didn't do anything stupid did I?"

"Clint, you were drunk, of course you did stupid things," she said, giving him a pitiful smile. He let out a tiny whimper at that, something akin to fear in his eyes. "Things? As in plural?"

"Yes Clint, things. Things that are recorded and will be used against you in the future," she smirked, laughing ever so slightly and he guzzled his coffee. "Seriously? You're physically incapable of lying Steve, tell me it wasn't that bad," he was practically begging him, and Steve just couldn't help but laugh. He thought back to the night before, trying to think about everything else that happened apart from that kiss. "You weren't as bad as Tony." He placated, causing Clint to bury his head in his hands again.

"Speak of the devil," Bruce smirked as Tony walked in, making a beeline towards the nearest mug of coffee, which just so happened to be in Natasha's hands. "Why does my head hurt this fucking much?" He asked as he took a swallow of Natasha's coffee, grimacing and shoving her mug back into her hands. "How much sugar do you have in this?"

"Deja Vu anyone?" Bruce laughed. This happened every time Tony stole her coffee. He would drink it, then complain about it being to sweet and hand it back to her.

"Brucie, we talked about this, no Latin before lunch," he complained, making his way to the coffee pot and pouring himself a cup. "If you had it your way there'd be no Latin ever," Natasha quipped, and then for good measure added "idiot" in Latin. Steve snorted, and she looked at him curiously. She didn't know that he understood Latin. No one did. It was a dead language. "It's similar to Gaelic. My mom taught it to me."

Tony looked over to them, giving them a calculating stare. "You know, I do remember one thing from last night," he said casually, his eyebrows starting to waggle.

"You sky diving while singing 'I believe I can fly'?" Clint suggested, and Tony looked at him in despair. "Please tell me I didn't."

"You did. Pepper was pissed." Steve told him, and he let out a strangled moan, refilling his coffee. "I'm going to pay for that later aren't I?"

"She already got you back," Bruce told him, causing him to just groan more. Clearly, only Natasha and Steve had experienced a good outcome from last night.

"Back to my point, I was actually going to say is I remember Capsicle and Natashalie kissing," he said, looking over to the pair of them. They immediately moved away from each other, probably too close to defend their cause, although they were acting any different to usual. Not around their friends at least.

"Yeah, and you'll remember us telling you nothing is going on," Steve said, his voice slightly inclining at the end, a sign that he was lying. Although Natasha was fairly sure only she knew that.

"No, no, I don't recall that happening," Tony grinned, and Natasha just rolled her eyes at him, letting out a soft chuckle. "Of course you don't."

"Friends don't kiss like that." Clint pointed out, and she could kill him. Actually, physically kill him.

"We're best friends." Steve objects, and despite everything that had happened in the last 24 hours, Natasha couldn't help but be surprised Steve considered her his best friend. And she realised she'd consider him hers for a long time. Clint was her brother, but Steve had always been something else.

"Best friends don't kiss like that." Clint repeated his earlier statement, not looking at all put off by the glare she was sending his way. Before she could say anything, Thor came into the kitchen, his footsteps heavy. "MORNING FRIENDS"

"Not so loud," Clint groaned, massaging his temples and whimpering. "Inside voice Thor. Poor little Barton and Stark aren't feeling too great." Natasha teased. She knew Thor did it on purpose, he knew a lot more about Earth then he let on. He'd admitted to her it was because he found it funny, and honestly, she couldn't bring herself to ruin his fun.

Bruce rummaged around in a cupboard, finding a box of pop tarts and throwing it to Thor. "Thank you, Brother Green," Thor said, walking over to the toaster. Bruce raised his eyebrows at the new name. "Brother Green?"

"Yes, last night Brother Stark said I should call you that for a week," Thor explained, causing Clint to let out a hearty laugh as Bruce sighed. "That's great. Just perfect."

Suddenly, Natasha's phone rang and they all stared at the vibrating object on the kitchen counter. "Wonder who that is," Steve asked no one in particular, but Clint looked at him in consideration. "Actually, that's a good question. Who does she know that's not in this room?"

Natasha stuck her middle finger up at him, "Excuse me, I have friends," she said in offence, moving to pick up her phone. "Yes?"

"What other friends?" Tony snarked, and she held up her hand, silencing him as she listened to whoever was talking. "We'll be there in 10." Natasha hung up her phone, turning to look at Steve and Clint in particular. "Who was that?"

"Fury. You better get in the shower quick Clint, he wants us at base in ten. Oh, and he says that if you ever drunk dial him again he's reassigning you to desk duty," she told him, and Clint looked at her in horror. "What the hell did I do?"

"I'm afraid that's classified, now go," she chuckled, pressing her hands on his shoulders and shoving him out the room. He tripped as he went, causing Tony to laugh. "Some super spy."

Natasha turned to Steve, raising her eyebrow ever so slightly. "I'm telling you now Rogers, I'm not dealing with his hungover ass." He rolled his eyes fondly at her, grabbing her forearm softly and pleading her out the room. "Come on, we have somewhere to be."

They walked into the elevator and the doors closed, leaving them alone. Immediately, his arms wrapped around her, and she laughed softly.

"Come here," she pushed herself onto her toes whilst he ducked his head to kiss her firmly on the lips. He lifted her off the floor ever so slightly, and she rested her forehead against his. "You know, it took all my self-restraint to not kiss you in there," she told him, her feet still hovering above the ground. Steve didn't even seem to notice, her weight nothing in his arms.

"I can believe that," he laughed, his chuckle reverberating through her body as he kissed her again. "This is gonna be tough, keeping this secret." She tapped his shoulder gently, signalling for him to put her down. He did so, chuckling slightly as he did so. "I know, but we're going to make this work. I know we will."

She smiled, her hands curling around the strands of his hair as she shook her head lightly. "You're right. Why are you always right?" She asked him, pecking him on the lips.

"I'm 100 years old Nat, I know stuff," he grinned as she rolled her eyes at him playfully "Does being frozen in ice for 70 years really count?"

"I don't know, and I don't really care," he admitted, pulling her back into him so she was flush with his body, kissing her firmly, his lips moving perfectly against hers. She only pulled away from him when her lungs started burning, begging for air.

"Come on, let's get this mission over and done with."

* * *

**AN: If you have any ideas that you desperately, or not so desperately want incorporated into this story, please let me know and I'll try to write them in. I hope you enjoyed, please follow, favourite and review. Constructive criticism is always welcome and appreciated.**


	4. Subtly is Key

**AN: So I'm not entirely happy with the way this chapter worked out, but no matter how many times I changed and rewrote this I just couldn't get it to read the way I wanted. Anyway, I hope you enjoy despite all that!**

* * *

It had been two weeks. Two weeks of sleeping in the same bed without actually sleeping with each other. And Natasha was happy to wait. It was important to Steve, so it was important to her. They didn't want to rush into anything, didn't want to risk the chance of completely destroying their friendship, but god she was horny. Steve wasn't a prude, he'd had sex before, but it was much harder to shake his forties conditioning than she thought it'd be. And she'd tried. Really hard. She'd started wearing less and less clothes, all the time. At this point, she was practically walking around his floor naked, save for some underwear. Even around the other Avengers she'd wear lower and lower cut tops, hoping he'd pick up on her signs. But either she was being incredibly subtle, or he wasn't interested. She really hoped it was the former.

"Jesus Christ Natasha. Put some clothes on." Clint exclaimed from the kitchen. Her latest outfit was the worst yet. She was wearing a black lacy bodysuit, paired with some very tight black jeans and not much else. She just wanted to sleep with her boyfriend, was that too much to ask?

"Is there a problem Clinton?" She asked innocently, eating a piece of toast.

"No, no problem. You look very nice," he stuttered. He didn't know where to look, so he focused on his cup of coffee. "Good, I wouldn't want to make anyone uncomfortable."

"Morning Clint, morning Na-" Steve said, cutting himself off when he saw her. She was…well, she was fucking gorgeous. He'd come to the conclusion over the last week that Natasha just didn't like wearing clothes if she didn't have to, because he wasn't blind, he'd noticed she wore mostly underwear or just his shirt when they were alone. Not that he was complaining about any of it. He was flashed out of his daydreaming by Natasha, who was sitting on the counter and eating a banana. "Morning Steve. Enjoy your run?"

"Yeah, is everything okay Nat?" He had to ask, because everything about her behaviour right now was screaming that something was up, the way she was acting so casual and yet she was wearing…well, not a lot.

"Of course, why wouldn't it be?" She replied, emphasising her biting the banana. Clint was eyeing them curiously, trying to figure out what was going on. Honestly, if Clint figured it out, Steve wanted to know, he was just as clueless about this whole situation. But is was very abnormal, even for Natasha.

"No reason." His voice cracked slightly as he said it, turning away from her to get a glass of water. He tried to distract himself as they ate breakfast, but the task was proving difficult given Natasha's…well, her state of undress. He spent the entire time avoiding making eye contact with her, because he honestly wasn't sure what he would do if her did. So he focused on Clint, who seemed to be just as adamantly focusing on him.

"I'll do the dishes," she announced when they were done, reaching over him to get Clint's plate, her free hand brushing over his ass. It was causal enough that it could've been an accident, but that didn't help his growing arousal.

"Thanks." Clint said as she walked to the sink. Steve didn't fail to notice the way she swayed her hips or the way her breasts bounced ever so slightly with each step. He shook his head, trying to clear his less than inappropriate thoughts. Whether Natasha knew the effect she was having on him or not, he didn't know, but he couldn't help the fact his gaze was drifting down her body uncontrollably.

"Steve? STEVE!" He hadn't even realised he'd drifted out of the conversation until her voice pierced through his thoughts. "Sorry. What d'you say?"

"I asked if you wanted any more food." She licked her lips lightly, biting her cheek. He couldn't take it anymore, her constant teasing and flirting. She was impossible to resist.

"Natasha," he almost growled, unable to take it anymore, getting up quickly, and grabbing her hand, all but dragging her out the room. Once they were in a secluded corridor he pushed her into the wall, his body crowding hers as he shot her a dark look. One that either meant I want to fuck you or I want to kill you. Natasha wasn't exactly sure.

"What the hell are you wearing?" His voice was low and throaty, sending an involuntary shiver down her spine. She pressed her body even more against him, her lips practically brushing his as she spoke. "I'm experimenting Rogers. Do you like it?"

"It's…it's different." He was nervous, and not just because of her close proximity. She didn't respond, only closing the non-existent gap between them and pressing her lips to his firmly. He kissed back, groaning as her tongue slipped inside his mouth, her hands trailing down his body. "Nat?"

"It's been long enough. I want you Steve." She kissed him with more vigour, and it took all his energy to pull back from her even a millimetre. "Natasha."

"Look, if you're not attracted to me just tell me and we can forget this ever happened." She slipped away from him, leaning against the wall and trying to mask the hurt she felt. She'd been expecting this, but she didn't think it would be because he wasn't physically attracted to her.

"You think I'm not attracted to you?" His brow furrowed in confusion, trying his hardest to figure out where she'd gotten that idea. It couldn't be much further than the truth.

"Well…I just thought that…yeah, basically." She looked down at the floor, avoiding his gaze. Steve couldn't tell what was going through her head, but he brought his finger under her chin gently, tilting her head so she was looking at him. "That's ridiculous, why'd you think that?"

"You've shown no signs of wanting to be with me like that, despite all my best efforts." She gestured to her clothes, and he couldn't help but laugh ever so slightly. Because suddenly, all her recent behaviour made sense, and he honestly didn't know how he'd been so oblivious.

"I didn't want to pressure you into doing something too soon," he defended himself, and a short little breath escaped her mouth. "Really?" She wasn't used to that. No man had ever considered her feelings towards sex before, and it made her feel appreciated, but that was Steve in a nutshell.

"Really. D'you know how much self restraint it's taken not to pin you against every wall I see and kiss you senseless?"

"I think you better show me," she whispered into his ear, kissing his lobe lightly. He brought her face round to kiss her lips, pinning her arms above her head causing her to gasp as he kissed her hard. She tore her mouth away from his, kissing down his neck, biting and sucking at the exposed skin. Her hand that wasn't pinned to the wall drifted down, messing with the buckle of his belt as she tried to take it off with one hand.

"Natasha," he grunted, letting her go to stop her hand, gripping it softly. "What now?" She was getting annoyed now. She gotten this far, she sure as hell wasn't going to give up. Not when she was this riled up.

"Not here," he whispered into her ear, nipping at her lobe ever so slightly before leading her towards the elevator. The doors weren't even closed when she jumped into his arms, sealing her lips over his in a searing kiss.

"HOLD THE DOOR!" Tony yelled, racing around the corner and sliding into the elevator. They had already jerked away from each other, leaning on opposite sides of the walls, trying their best to look casual.

"Rogers, just the man I was looking for. I've got some new tech that I need you to try out." Tony didn't pick up on their appearance, in fact he barely even glanced at Natasha, focusing all his attention on Steve.

"Great, I'll do it later," he dismissed, because the last thing he wanted to do right now was spend hours with Tony in the lab. Not when Natasha was stood right there, her lips slightly swollen from kissing and just dishevelled enough that he wanted to dig his fingers into her hair and not let her go.

"Just do it now, means I can start adaptations earlier." Tony was fiddling with his phone, not looking up to see the look Natasha shot Steve. A look that clearly said 'if you go with him, I'll murder you'.

"I have plans." Tony looked up at him in surprise, raising his eyebrows. "Doing what?"

Natasha looked at him again, her glare piercing him. Her fingers were playing with the waistband of her jeans ever so slightly, chewing on her bottom lip ever so slightly. He knew what she was doing, and fuck him, it was working.

"Just boring plans." His temptation to tell Tony to fuck off was high, but he couldn't. He knew he couldn't. He knew how much Natasha valued her privacy, if she didn't want anyone to know about them, then no one would.

"Like what?" Tony asked, and he looked over to Natasha, pleading for her to help him. "Oh, ummm…" Natasha shrugged, rolling her eyes before leaning against the wall of the elevator. Tony wasn't going to say no for an answer, and that was that.

"Great, come on then." The doors opened and Tony dragged him out. He looked over his shoulder, mouthing 'I'm sorry' before he was pulled into Tony's lab. She sighed, burying her face in her hands. So close and yet still so far. She punched the button for her floor, deciding the best course of action was a very, very cold shower.

* * *

"Nat?" Steve called out through the apartment. He came straight back to her floor after finishing with Tony, but he couldn't hear any signs of life. He was just about to leave after getting no response when he heard light footsteps, getting louder as she ran round the corner and jumped into his arms. He caught her on instinct, caught off guard as she started kissing him, roughly and desperately. He stumbled the few steps towards the bed, throwing her onto it. She squealed slightly, giggling as he jumped onto her carefully, cupping her face and kissing her.

"Steve," she moaned into his mouth, yanking on his hair roughly. He tore his mouth off hers briefly, kissing down her neck, sucking and biting lightly on her pulse point. She whimpered in response, tangling her hands in his hair, bringing his mouth back up to meet hers.

"Too, many, clothes," he breathed, breaking away from her, pulling his shirt over his head. She stared for a minute, watching his muscles ripple as he attacked her mouth again, tearing away the shirt she was wearing. She flipped him over so she was sitting on him, leaning over and kissing him senseless. A phone started ringing in the background, piecing through the silence apart from heaving breaths.

"Ignore it," she mumbled, throwing her top across the room, not leaving much thought as to where it landed.

"That's your Shield ringtone," he panted as she nibbled at his earlobe. "I don't care." This seemed to spur him on even more, flipping her over so he was back on top, pressing her into the bed, pinning her arms behind her head.

"We should answer," he mumbled, although not stopping his ministrations, letting his finger toy with the top of her waistband as he pressed kisses to every inch of skin he could find. "I can think of something else I'd much rather do."

"Hmmmm, I like your thinking Miss Romanoff." She kissed him quickly before flipping him over and crawling down the bed, pulling his trousers off and throwing them across the room. She peppered kisses along his chest, working her back up to his face, kissing at the sensitive skin on his neck. He brought her lips to his, flipping her back over in the constant fight for dominance. He helped her as she wiggled out of her jeans, not breaking away from her. Just as he'd worked them off, there was an insistent pounding on the door, effectively killing the mood they'd fought so hard to get.

"For fucks sake," she hissed in annoyance as Steve rolled off her, collapsing at her side, his fingers tracing shapes across her skin, sending jolts of electricity through her body.

"Whoever that is, I'm gonna kill them." Steve grumbled, running his fingers through her hair gently

"Natasha!" Clint yelled through the door. She got up, marching towards the door angrily, poking her head around it. She didn't care that she was only in her underwear, or that her hair was ruffled, she wanted him gone so she could get back to the adonis laying in her bed. "What the hell do you want Clint?"

"We're needed for a mission, and you're not answering your phone. Fury's pissed off." Natasha didn't care much about whether Fury was pissed or not. She was horny. "I'm gonna to kill you."

"Are you having sex in there?" She wasn't sure what tipped him off. Maybe the fact she was out of breath, or her swollen lips, or her dishevelled hair, or the fact she was clearly only wearing underwear.

"Yes I am Clint, and I really don't appreciate being interrupted." There was no point hiding what was happening, it was blindingly obvious she was having sex, or at least she was trying to. Clint perked up at this, trying to peer around the doorframe to see who was in there. She trusted Clint, but she really didn't think seeing a naked Steve Rogers on her bed was the best way to tell him about this. "Who is it?"

"None of your concern, besides, it's nothing serious," she snapped, pushing his head back and glaring at him. He held up his hands in surrender, laughing at her stony gaze. "Alright, sorry I asked. But you better finish quickly, I don't think Fury will take kindly to this excuse."

"Alright alright, give me five minutes," she dismissed him, annoyance surging back into her as he raised his eyebrows at her. "Five minutes?"

"Oh shut up. You killed the mood Clinton." She slammed the door in his face before returning to the bed, wrapping herself around Steve and burying her face in his neck.

"To be continued," she kissed his neck, making no moves to untangle herself from him. He pushed her ever so slightly, smiling as he essentially forced her to get up. He pressed a long hard kiss to her lips, getting her just worked up enough again before he let her go. "I'll be here."

* * *

2 days later and no progress had been made on the sex front. And they'd tried hard. Every moment of free time they had was spent together, and yet every time they came remotely close, they would get interrupted. Needless to say they were both extremely on edge.

"Stop dicking around Stark." Natasha grumbled over the comms. They were on mission, and her and Steve were not particularly happy about it. They been called in right when they were on the edge, and it felt like this was never going to happen. Maybe this was the universe giving them a sign, but Natasha had already decided, fuck the universe.

"Just get into the compound and stop messing about." Steve added. He had a serious case of blue balls, and he couldn't deal with Tony's shit today.

"I thought his joke wasn't that bad." Clint commented, and yeah, it hadn't actually been that bad a joke, but Steve just wanted to get this over and done with.

"Can you two just take a chill pill? Relax a bit." Tony snapped back at them, and they kind of deserved that. Not that he thought it was particularly valid. "We're in the middle of a warzone. I don't think relaxing is going to do us any good."

"Why are the pair of you so grumpy?"

"I'm not grumpy." They both replied at the same time, causing Tony to laugh. "Can we just all do our damn jobs and stop being stupid." Steve snapped, and that seemed to shut them up for the time being, only talking when they wanted updates from each other.

"How are we looking?" Steve asked once the battle was winding down. And he couldn't lie, punching the crap out of bad guys had taken the edge off his mood a little bit. But not enough.

"I've taken out everyone I can see."

"Same."

"I think it's time for a lullaby." Steve told Natasha, nodding towards the Hulk who was tearing trees out of the ground not too far away from them.

"I'm on it." At one point, before they were even dating Steve was jealous of the bond she had with Bruce. Now he knew it was the mutual trust they shared that allowed her to get close to the Hulk, and that the lullaby was the result of that. She jogged over to the Hulk, keeping her distance until he turned around to look at her.

"Hey big guy." She kept her voice soft and non-threatening, keeping her body close to the ground. "Sun's getting real low." Hulk approached her cautiously, cocking his head when she extended her arm to him. He grabbed it, squeezing it under his grip, causing pain to shoot up her arm. She ignored it, using her other hand to gently stroke his much bigger one, before eventually prying it off her.

"You're good now. You're safe." He staggered off, slowing morphing back into Bruce. She waited patiently until he could bring himself to look at her, giving her a tiny smile. "Thanks."

"No problem. Come on," she offered him a hand up, hauling him off the ground and helping him back to the quinjet. "I didn't hurt you did I?" He asked, noticing she was rubbing her arm every so often. It truthfully didn't hurt that badly considering the Hulk had tried to crush it. "Nah, it's just a bruise. No harm done," she assured him, throwing him a blanket. She joined Clint in the co pilots seat, grabbing a jumper from the side and pulling it over her suit. She honestly hadn't paid any attention to who's it was, they were all used to her stealing their clothes on the way back from a mission, but she was thankful she'd grabbed the one she had, because the scent of Steve surrounded her, instantly relaxing her.

"Okay, what's up with you?" Clint asked, because of course he did. He couldn't just let anything go easily, and she hadn't exactly been subtle with the fact she was pissed off about something.

"Nothing." He would call her out on her bullshit, but she tried anyway. Besides, she really didn't want to talk to Clint about her sex life, or more aptly, the lack of it. "Bull."

"Look, it's not something I particularly want to talk about with you," she snapped. He didn't press the matter any further, and the trip back was silent as they all recovered from the fight.

* * *

They touched down 4 hours later, and she was tired but goddammit she was going to have sex with Steve Rogers even if it killed her. "I'm going to bed. If anyone interrupts me, I will kill them, world threatening event be damned," she threatened, stalking off the rooftop, sending a subtle wink to Steve as she walked past. They all followed her down the staircase to the common room where they all spread out pretty quickly.

"Got it. Don't wake the spider." Tony teased, and she stuck her middle finger out at him as she left the room. "It's appreciated," she called back as she rounded a corner to the elevators.

"I need a drink." Clint said, walking towards the bar and pulling out a bottle of scotch. "Count me in. Steve? Bruce?"

"I could go for a drink." Bruce replied, sitting down on a bar stool and took the glass that Clint handed him. A drink sounded nice, but then again, so did Natasha.

"Actually, I think I'm gonna head to sleep as well. It's been a long day." Of course he wasn't planning on sleeping, especially if Natasha had anything to do with it.

"Party pooper." He simply left the boys to their drinking, jumping when Natasha leaped out at him around the corner, jumping into his arms. "Jesus Nat. You terrified me." He stumbled backwards ever so slightly, not quite prepared to have a human being jump onto him.

"Sorry," she winced, shrugging slightly and giving him a quick kiss. "That wasn't my original intention." Somehow she managed to change the tone instantly, whispering in his ear, her hands raking through his hair.

"Oh yeah? What was your original intention." He played dumb, playing her game, because he wanted to know how far he could go. Not to mention, he was already painfully hard just by holding her. "Well, I was thinking you could carry me upstairs," she whispered, letting her teeth scrape over his lobe ever so slightly.

"And then?" He gulped, forcing himself to stay calm, but her hips moved over his ever so slightly and he couldn't help but buck against her. "And then we could ruin our friendship for good."

She captured his mouth in a searing kiss, and he managed to walk over to the elevator, having just enough sense to hit the button. "I can get on board with that idea."

"Hmmmm." As soon as the doors closed, he pushed her against the wall, causing her to gasp as his body crowded hers. He bit her neck, and that would definitely leave a mark, but fuck, she didn't care. She adjusted her grip on him, raking her hands through his hair, unable to stop the little hiss that escaped her when she jolted her forearm painfully. He stop immediately, pulling back ever so slightly to look at her.

"Is your arm okay?" He asked, frowning at her in concern. She just smiled at him, nodding and pressing a small kiss to his lips. "Yeah, it's just sore. Luckily, I wont need it for what I have planned."

"You are unbelievable," he chuckled slightly, walking into her room. He kissed her softly, pressing her close to his body as he placed her down on the floor by the end of the bed, pulling back slightly and looking deep into her eyes. "You sure you're ready to do this?"

"I've never been more sure of anything"

* * *

**AN: If you have any ideas that you desperately, or not so desperately want incorporated into this story, please let me know and I'll try to write them in. I hope you enjoyed, please follow, favourite and review. Constructive criticism is always welcome and appreciated.**


	5. Alone at Last

"So, we've got the tower all to ourselves, what do you want to do?" Natasha asked, lying back on the bed. Clint was at the farm, Thor was in Asgard, Bruce had decided to take a vacation and Pepper had dragged Tony down to Malibu to sign some paperwork for Stark Industries. Leaving them all alone to do whatever they pleased for the weekend.

"I think we need to deface the tower," Steve laughed, throwing his wet towel at her, his aim making it land on her head. "Hey!" She squealed, chucking the towel back to him. He smirked at her, ducking down to kiss her briefly as he walked past.

"Okay, but seriously, what do you want to do?" He asked, hanging the towel on the bathroom door and turning to her, pulling on his boxers. She sat up, crossing her legs and not making any attempts to disguise the way she was looking at him. "I think we explore our new-found freedom."

"Hmmm, I like the sound of that," he hummed before bending over to kiss her. She eagerly met his lips as she wrapped her arms around his stomach, only pulling back when she needed to breathe. He rested their foreheads together, his eyes drifting down ever so slightly towards her cleavage. She was wearing his shirt thrown over a pair of shorts and not much else, and goddammit, seeing her in his clothes was more attractive than it should've been.

"Eyes up Soldier," she laughed, kissing him softly. He smiled into their kiss, his hands trailing over her shoulders. "I could say the same for you." He wasn't wrong. He'd just gotten out of the shower and the water glistened on his perfectly sculpted chest. He still took her breath away at the sheer perfection of his body. She moved her hands across the plains of his chest, smoothing over his muscles as he just smirked at her darkened gaze.

"So what's your plan?" He found it within himself to drag himself away from her, pulling on a t-shirt and snapping her out of her fantasies.

"We should make lunch." It was the first thing that came to her mind aside from the obvious, and she wasn't particularly impressed by it, but she was going to go with it now.

"And how is that any different to what we've been doing for the last month?" He frowned, cocking his head to the side in confusion. "We're going to do it in the main kitchen," she told him, taking his hand and leading him out his room and into the elevator.

"Are you sure this is a good idea?" Steve asked her hesitantly. Everything that happened in the tower was always unpredictable, there was no guarantee they'd end up being alone. Natasha just smiled at him, pressing a kiss to his cheek. "Every idea I have is a good idea." She protested, and he couldn't help but laugh again. "Half of your ideas are bad."  
"Technicalities."

"I'll remember that the next time you have a bad idea."

"So you're admitting this is a good idea." She could see Steve trying to form an argument, but he stayed silent, knowing there was no way he could win this one. So she just smirked instead, intertwining their hands and leaning against his arm. "You'll be the death of me Natasha Romanoff."

* * *

"So when you said we should make lunch, you meant I would make lunch and you would sit there?" Steve asked as he cut up some carrots, glancing over his shoulder to look at her. She was sitting cross legged on the counter next to the oven, stirring the pasta limply with a wooden spoon. "Hey, I'm helping."

"You're not making sure all the pasta is submerged Nat," he pointed out, coming over to take the spoon from her and stirring the pasta properly. She stuck her tongue out at him, slapping his shoulder gently. He pouted at that, before a small frown came over his face as he concentrated on the food.

"You're so cute when you're cooking," she smiled, and he looked at her in indignation. "Oi!"

"Sorry, you're so adorable when you're cooking," she corrected herself, and he looked back at her with a smile. "That's much better. Besides, I try my hardest," he smirked, coming over to wrap his arms around her waist and giving her a soft kiss.

"And modest. Did I mention just how modest you are?" She joked, and he just shook his head at her, moving away to adjust the temperature. She pulled him back quickly, pressing her lips to his in a searing kiss.

"You might have mentioned it," he laughed, moving his hands down her body until one rested on her hip and the other on her knee. She instantly recoiled at his touch, jumping back on the counter.

"Nat?" His face looked like a kicked puppy at the instantaneous reaction, and she felt so awful that she reached out to cup his face lightly.

"Oh Steve," she kept her voice soft, gazing into his eyes and trying to dispel his worries "My knees are just really ticklish. That's all." She was embarrassed to tell him, she had a reputation for being serious, being ticklish didn't really fit into that. He didn't seem to care though, a grin sliding onto his face.

"Oh really?" He cocked his eyebrow, and she shuffled back on the counter. "Don't you dare," she threatened.

"You scared Romanoff?" He asked, a smirk evident on his face. Anyone else would be afraid of the death glare she was giving him, but what could he say, sometimes he was pretty stupid. "On the contrary Rogers, I think you should be scared," she quipped back. He approached her quickly, placing his hand on her knee. She recoiled, hugging her knees to her chest, only to have him tickle her bare feet. She kicked out, squirming as he attacked her.

"I hate you," she managed to get out between giggles, panting for breath and curling in on herself even more.

"No you don't," he said, as she continued to try and bat his hand away. Despite her weak slaps, they still packed a punch as they hit him, causing him to back off slightly, which resulting in her almost slipping off the counter. He steadied her, his hands grasping her biceps softly.

At that moment, the pot of pasta started to boil over, covering the stove top with boiling water, quickly spreading onto the counter. Steve quickly swept her up from the counter, as he turned down the temperature, holding her so she wouldn't get scalded.

"Well, I don't know about you, but this has worked out rather well," she joked, pressing a kiss to his jaw. "You're impossible," he laughed, shifting her into a more comfortable position in his arms as she wrapped her legs around him.

"You better not tickle me again Rogers," she threatened weakly, but the way his hands were moving up and down her back, his lips brushing her skin by her ear made her think tickling was the last thing on his mind. "I wouldn't dream of it. Besides, I have a much better idea," he whispered, pressing kisses to every inch of her skin.

"I think I like your idea," she smirked, directing his lips to hers, searing them in a bruising kiss. He pulled her body flush to his, her arms snaking around his neck and tugging on his hair. He gasped into her mouth, letting her swipe her tongue along his bottom lip before tugging on it lightly with her teeth. She peppered kisses along his jaw before landing back on his lips. She eventually had to pull away, resting her forehead against his as one of his hands let go of her and coming up to cup her cheek, her weight nothing to him.

"Steve?"

"mhmmmm?" He hummed against her skin, the vibrations causing her to shiver lightly. "I really like you"

"I really like you too," he said, kissing her forehead before trailing kisses down her faces, kissing her softly on the lips before he made his way to her neck, kissing and nibbling at the soft skin. Her hands moved under his shirt, mapping out his muscles with her fingertips. She tugged gently at the edge of his shirt, asking a silent question.

"Here?"

"I don't see why not," she whispered, capturing his lips with her own once more. She pulled his shirt over his head quickly, throwing it across the room. He started unbuttoning her shirt, his lips still locked with hers as his fingers skimmed over her ribs, causing her to let out a small shiver.

But before they could go any further, they heard a loud clatter followed by a squeal from the doorway of the room. They both looked up in horror to see Pepper standing there, her hand clasped over her mouth in shock. "Oh my god! I knew it!"

"There's no getting out of this is there?" Steve asked her quietly as she buried her face in his shoulder. She ran her fingers through his hair as she shook her head.

"Just thank god we're still mostly dressed," she replied, reluctantly unwrapping her legs from around him as he set her down on the floor. "Hey Pep."

"Tony owes me 40 dollars," Pepper said, her eyes still wide in surprise as Natasha rebuttoned her (Steve's) shirt.

"We thought you and Tony were going to be in Malibu for the rest of the weekend," she asked, trying to get the focus off her and Steve, although why she was bothering she really didn't know.

"We returned early, and don't try and deflect Nat, it doesn't work on me."

"That you know of," she said cryptically, causing both Steve and Pepper to raise their eyebrows at her.

"Tell me everything," Pepper demanded, throwing Steve's shirt back to him, sitting down at the kitchen island. She watched as they turned to each other, not saying anything but clearly having some sort of conversation. Finally, they turned back to look at her.

"You know that game of truth and dare we played a few weeks ago?"

They then explained everything that had happened during that night, and how things developed from there, Pepper listening quietly the entire time, only occasionally interrupting.

"And that's it," Natasha finished, shrugging slightly as she poured some coffee.

"So you're together? Like properly boyfriend and girlfriend?" Pepper asked, taking the mug and raising her eyebrows as she took a sip. She saw them exchange a glance, having another of their wordless conversations.

"I wouldn't say that necessarily." Natasha said, and Steve nodded along. "Yeah, we're just seeing where it takes us."

"Okay, you're clearly both awful at relationships," Pepper finally commented. After hearing about the way they'd both avoided their feelings for years, and now they were still uncertain despite both admitting their feelings, yeah, they were bad at this.

"You're completely right. So can you please don't tell anyone Pepper. We're not ready for anyone else to know yet," Steve practically begged, and his lip was almost quivering.

"Don't worry. Your secrets safe with me."

"Thank you."

"Just a piece of advice though, you can both tell Jarvis to warn you when someone is coming. Next time you want to be together outside your rooms just do that. It'll save a lot of awkward conversations that you're clearly not ready to have," Pepper said, leaving the room with a small smile.

"She is brilliant," Steve laughed once she was gone, wrapping Natasha in his arms and kissing her lightly. She smiled against his lips, pulling back slightly before her eyes widened.

"Shit, the pasta!"

* * *

"I can't believe we managed to burn pasta."

"It's pretty incredible really," Steve commented, pulling out the sausages they'd put in the oven earlier and tossing it onto the counter. "What is?"

"Burning something to the point that it's snapable, without actually causing a fire." He picked up a sausage, breaking it in half to make his point before throwing it back onto the tray.

"Yeah, I don't think we can redeem this," she laughed, her voice tinkling lightly and he couldn't resist pulling her into his arms and kissing her firmly. She stood on her tiptoes as she reached around his neck, her fingers playing lightly with his hair. "D'you want to just order in?"

"Yeah, Chinese?" She asked. Truthfully, he just wanted a greasy New York pizza, but he couldn't resist the way she inflated her eyes ever so slightly, looking at him hopefully. In fact, he had a feeling that this was going to one of many occasions where he just couldn't say no to her. Not that he minded, he loved seeing her happy.

"Sure, Chinese is good."

* * *

20 minutes later they were sat on the couch with Chinese from their favourite takeout place. She'd also reluctantly gotten changed into her own clothes in case they saw Tony or Pepper again.

"So, cats or dogs?" She asked. She had laid her legs out over his lap, some sort of documentary on in the background.

"Dogs," he answered easily, stabbing a piece of chicken with a chopstick after failing to pick it up properly.

"Dogs?" She raised her eyebrows at his answer whilst she silently held his hands in hers, adjusting his grip on the chopsticks. "Why? Are you a cat person?"

"I definitely prefer cats."

"Right, that's it. It's over. I can't date a cat person." He pushed her legs off him playfully, causing her to throw a noodle at his face as she fell back against the cushions.

"Hey!" He wiped the noodle off his face as he crawled on top of her, grasping her in a bear hug and practically squishing her as she squirmed around.

"Get off me old man," she joked, punching his arm lightly as he sat up, keeping his arm around her as they settled into a more upright position. He pecked her lips quickly before they went back to their food, eating in comfortable silence and mindlessly watching the tv.

"You have some sauce on your chin," he pointed out gently when he turned to look at her, pointing to his own chin to show her where. She used her thumb to wipe it off, missing it slightly.

"Here, let me," he shuffled closer to her, wiping it off her face, gently brushing her lip with his thumb. He traced the outline of her jaw, tilting her chin up to kiss her gently. She smiled into his mouth, kissing him back softly.

"Captain Rogers, Agent Romanoff, you wished for me to inform you that Mr Stark is currently entering the room." Jarvis' voice rang out, causing them to pull away from each other as Natasha buried her head in his neck.

"Every single time. Why can't we just spend time together like normal people," Natasha complained, groaning against his skin as he softly pushed her off of him.

"I'm afraid you might be in the wrong business Agent," he smirked, thinking back to that moment that seemed so long ago now. She smirked straight back, rolling her eyes lightly. "Look at you, using my own words against me. I'll make a spy out of you yet Rogers."

"I learnt from the best."

They reluctantly distanced themselves from each other, waiting for Tony to enter the room.

"D'you think he's actually coming or- oh okay," Natasha started to say before Tony jumped over the back of the couch, settling between them and throwing his arms around their shoulders.

"So what are we having?" Tony asked, eyeing up the food on the coffee table.

"Chinese, and you're not invited," she said, glaring at him and shoving the arm around her shoulder off.

"Aww, come on. I'm hungry," he complained, pouting at her. She took pity on him, shoving a box into his hands as she rolled her eyes. Truthfully, if they hadn't gotten way more food than they needed, she would've kicked him off the couch. "Fine."

"What you watching?" He asked, furrowing his eyebrows at the screen, clearly confused at their choice in programme.

"A shark documentary." It was true, although they weren't really watching it, more caught up in each other than listening to an old guy talk about sharks for 40 minutes. Which really begged the question of how they'd even chosen to put that on in the first place.

"That's so boring. Jarvis, put on a good movie," Tony moaned, and honestly, it wasn't that bad an idea, especially if they couldn't do more _interesting _things.

"Anthony Edward Stark!" The crystal clear voice of Pepper Potts rang out through the room, causing Tony to sink down into the cushions, trying to hide himself.

"If she asks, I'm not here," he whispered, making it so he couldn't be seen from behind the couch.

"Where is he?" Pepper asked them, and they both silently pointed to the space between them, stifling their laughter as Pepper walked around the couch to see Tony.

"You are supposed to be at a meeting," she scolded, and Tony just winced. "It was just so boring."

"Come on," she grabbed his arm, pulling him out the room, giving the couple a subtle wink as the dragged the billionaire kicking and screaming out the room.

"I think I just fell in love with Pepper Potts," Natasha laughed, snuggling into his side as he wrapped his arm around her, pressing a kiss to her forehead.

"Yeah, me too," he said mindlessly, because he was too caught up in the way her eyes crinkled as she laughed, the way her smile reached her cheeks, the way she stuck out her tongue ever so slightly as she grinned.

"Watcha thinking about?" She asked, looking up at him, eyebrows furrowing slightly

"Oh nothing." He absentmindedly kissed her hair. He definitely wasn't thinking about her small but adorable frown she made when she was confused, or her trademark smirk she made when flirting, or teasing, or doing anything really. And he definitely wasn't thinking about the fact that he was in love with her. Because goddammit he was in love with Natasha Romanoff.


	6. What Are We?

**AN: Yes, this is inspired my How I Met Your Mother. Sorry, but I felt it was apt with their relationship. Also, I know nothing about Thailand, it was the first country that came to mind, please don't take offence if you happen to be from there and you're like 'she's so incredibly wrong about this it's laughable'. Anyway, hope you enjoy!**

* * *

"Look, I know you hate being set up, but I met this girl the other day on a jog and she would be perfect for you." Sam said one evening. Steve and Natasha had spent the day training at the compound, and were catching up with Sam over drinks.

"Look Sam, I just don't think that-" Steve started trying to explain the fact he did not want to go on a date but Sam cut him off. "Hear me out for a minute. She's cute, intelligent, and she's really perceptive to people's feelings."

"Sounds like you should date her." Steve raised his eyebrows at him, trying to divert Sam off the topic. "Nah, it just wouldn't be right. But you'd be great together," Sam tried to convince him. Natasha was trying her hardest not to laugh at Steve trying to avoid going on a date. But she was giving him no other hints as to what she was thinking. And suddenly Steve wished they'd actually sat down and talked about what exactly they were.

"Sam, I appreciate your help but I really don't need you to set me up." That much was true, he certainly didn't need help with his love life, Natasha was making certain of that. Although she wasn't proving to be very much help right now.

"Just go on a date with her," he pressed, and he really didn't know how to respond anymore. He didn't want to go on a date, not if it wasn't with Natasha. "I really don't think-"

"Look, do you have a girlfriend?" Sam asked directly. Steve chanced a look at Natasha who was trying her hardest to look indifferent. They'd never talked about it, but he knew they weren't dating as such. They were a thing, but they weren't a _thing._ Were they? They were keeping things casual, sort of. "Well, umm, it's not like…I guess I'm not…" he stuttered over his words, unsure of what to say. Natasha wasn't saying anything to him, in fact she was pretty clearly avoiding making eye contact with him. Maybe he'd gotten things all wrong with her. Maybe she thought things were a lot more casual than he did.

"Good, here's her number. Call her and take her out for a coffee or something. What's the worst that could happen?" Sam handed him a piece of paper whilst he took a sip of beer, raising his eyebrows at Steve. "I…fine, okay. Give it here. One date," Steve grumbled, taking the paper and walking out the room. He needed to clear his head away from the both of them.

"I swear that boy doesn't know what's good for him." Sam commented, causing her to laugh uneasily. The whole interaction had made her doubt everything about her relationship with Steve. If you could call it that. She had thought things were starting to get serious between them, and that was saying a lot coming from her. But she'd clearly gotten things wrong. "Yeah, what are we gonna do with him?"

* * *

"What's got you in a grump?" Pepper asked as Natasha was sat on the couch painting her nails. She sat down next to the assassin, careful not to knock the bottle that was balancing precarious on Natasha's knee. "What makes you think I'm grumpy?"

"Because you only ever paint your nails when you don't want to think about something." Pepper told her, and she looked up in surprise. How was it that everyone else seemed to know her better than she knew herself. "How d'you figure that?"

"You have incredibly shaky hands when you're focusing on them. It's why you and Clint work so well on missions because you both multitask constantly, much to the disdain of your handlers," Pepper pointed out, and yeah, all that was true. Although how Pepper had even noticed all that, let alone how she knew was a mystery to her. "How do you know all this? Actually don't answer that, I don't think I want to know." She finished on her nails, putting the bottle on the coffee table before looking at Pepper, waiting for her to talk.

"So what's up?" Pepper finally asked, and Natasha just sighed. She'd learnt a long time ago that not answering Pepper's questions just led to even more questions, and she was not in the mood to deal with that right now. "Steve's on a date."

Pepper looked taken aback by that, and whilst Natasha was glad there was something in the world that Pepper didn't know, that didn't make her feel any better about the situation. "But aren't you two…?" She trailed off, unsure of what exactly to say, especially when Natasha just sighed in resignation. "We don't know what we are, we haven't talked about it."

"Do you not want to be together?" Pepper asked, and Natasha knew she was trying to get in her head. And it was working as well.

"Maybe, I don't know. I haven't been in a relationship for years, at least not a proper one, and that didn't exactly go to plan," she admitted, shrugging like it didn't matter. And it didn't, not really, not anymore. "What happened?"

Natasha couldn't blame Pepper for being curious, she would be too, but she wasn't sure how much she wanted to tell her right now. Pepper was one of the most trustworthy people on the planet, along with Steve, but she couldn't talk to him about this. Not now, not at the point they were at right now. So maybe Pepper wasn't a bad option.

"We met through the red room, a long time ago now. We got married, but he was killed a year later, probably by the KGB. Except I found out a few years ago that he didn't die like I'd been told. It was just another one of their lies." It felt good to talk about this. To admit that her life was once something very different.

Even Clint didn't know anything about this part of her life, and there wasn't much she hadn't told Clint about her past. But this had always felt different, more personal, something she wanted to keep private. So why she was telling Pepper she had no clue. She just had one of those faces.

"Nat…I'm sorry. How long ago was this?" She asked curiously, cocking her head to the side slightly.

"I have no clue. I think it was sometime in the 50's, maybe. I don't even know how old I am."

"How?" Pepper gestured with her hands, flapping them around wildly as she struggled to understand. She'd accidentally seen part of Natasha's file, having been around when Tony was snooping on her, so she'd always thought that Natasha was born in 1984, despite having never been told.

"I was put into cryo by the Red Room for months and years at a time. Combined with my serum that slows down aging, I have no idea how long I've actually been alive, and how much of that time I've actually lived."

"Does Steve know all this?" Pepper questioned, and she shook her head.

"Not really. He knows that I'm not that age it says in my file, but other than that? He doesn't know I was married, and you're not going to tell him." She wasn't threatening her exactly, but at the same time, she didn't want Steve finding out before she was ready. Maybe even ever.

"I wouldn't dream of it," Pepper smiled briefly before she turned serious again. "So what are you going to do? Because you're clearly smitten with the guy."

"I don't know what to do, like what if he only sees me as someone he sleeps with? I really like him, like _really _like him, but what if he doesn't like me the same way, cause I don't think I can go through that again." Natasha didn't usually go off like that. Especially over a guy. Even if that guy was Steve Rogers.

"I've seen the way he looks at you. He looks like you're the center of the entire universe. And I know you don't believe me, so I'm gonna have to show you." Pepper had a mischievous look on her face, one she'd never seen before, and Natasha wasn't sure whether she should be curious or terrified.

"How?"

"Have you picked out your dress for tomorrow evening yet?"

* * *

"Where are the girls?" Steve asked, looking around for them as they waited in the lobby.

"Apparently, it's tradition in Thai culture for the men to arrive before the women, as a sign of respect," Bruce told them, shrugging slightly as he adjusted his bowtie unconsciously.

"Right then boys, let's roll," Tony swept into the room, walking straight past them and out the doors, into the limo that was waiting for them. Steve couldn't help but chuckle to himself as they followed, he was always so dramatic.

On the way to the event, Bruce explained that it was a charity gala, where all the profits go to the victims of war around the world and that they were there as special guests due to their help in multiple conflicts, but also to attract attention to the cause. Which meant they weren't allowed to spend the entire night complaining because it was for a good cause.

There was a red carpet, like there so often was at the event, and whilst Tony and Thor relished in the attention, Steve, Bruce and Clint had never found being in the spotlight being particularly comforting. But eventually, they were allowed in the building, away from the hounding paparazzi and were greeted by the host. Who just so happened to be the Prince of Thailand.

"Ah, Dr Banner, Captain Rogers, Mr Stark, Mr Barton, Thor, thank you for coming. Your help with this event is greatly appreciated. Feel free to drink and mingle with the other guests, oh, and Dr Banner, I would love to talk to you later about your humanitarian work overseas."

"It would be my pleasure," Bruce complimented back, giving as good a fake smile as he could as the Prince walked away.

"Bar?" Clint asked, waggling his eyebrows.

"Bar." They all agreed. As they got their drinks the hall quietened. They all turned their attention to the entrance, where the focus of the men had gathered. As it turned out, their attention was on Natasha.

She swept into the room, wearing a floor length black gown with a low back and a deep v neck. It hugged her curves, perfectly accentuating all her features. He hair was pulled back into a loose bun, strands of hair perfectly framing her face. All the men in the room couldn't keep their eyes off her, their eyes often drifting below the neckline. Steve couldn't help the pang of jealously he felt as all the men stared at her. She strutted her way over to them, commanding the attention of the bartender immediately.

"Vodka Martini. Extra olives." Natasha batted her eyelashes at him, her lips quirking ever so slightly, causing him to go red before turning away, busying himself with her drink.

"You boys should really shut your mouths, you'll catch flies," she laughed, her voice tinkling as she teased them. They all snapped out of their trance apart from Steve, who was still struggling to form any comprehensive thoughts other than _holy shit_.

"You look amazing Tash," Clint said, kissing her on each cheek in greeting, as the archer and the spy always did at these events.

"Thanks Barton. You don't look to shabby yourself," She joked, cocking her head to the side and exposing her neck. Her beautiful, flawless neck that Steve wanted to kiss, and bite, and mark as his own. And fuck, he had it bad.

"Your bowtie's wonky Tony," Pepper suddenly said, appearing out of nowhere and immediately fixing it. Tony smiled softly at her, kissing her softly, his hand settling on her waist. "You look gorgeous Pepper."

"As we should, we spent all afternoon getting ready," Natasha smirking, a small smile on her face as she took a sip of her martini.

"You okay Steve? You look like you're having an aneurism," Pepper said, glancing a look at Natasha, who's eyes were tinkling in satisfaction.

"Uhhh, yeah, I'm good," he replied, tearing his eyes away from her to look down at his drink, trying to distract himself.

"Look, whilst this very awkward conversation has been thrilling, I'm going to talk to some of the other guests," Natasha said, turning on her heel and walking off almost as quick as she joined them. Her and Pepper's whole plan had been to make Steve jealous, and she wasn't done yet. She'd barely started.

"What just happened?" Bruce asked, all of them shocked at her behaviour, their eyes wide as they tried to figure out what was happening.

"I have no idea," Clint replied, and considering he usually understood what she was thinking, it said a lot to how unusual her behaviour was.

"Well, I think Cap liked what he saw," Tony commented, waggling his eyebrows at him. Steve coughed on his drinking, taking the time it took to swallow to think. He wasn't about to burn all the time and effort they'd spent keeping their relationship secret, and he certainly wasn't going to admit he had a small crush on her. Because then he'd get teased for that, and it defeated the whole point of keeping things private.

"It wasn't that Tony. Back in my day any girl that showed that much skin would be labelled as…a word I don't want to use." Pepper shot him a look, raising her eyebrows at him, clearly not believing him. But she didn't call him out on it, instead turning to Tony. "We should go introduce ourselves to Liam Harvey, he's a very successful businessman and if we could get his investment in Stark it would really benefit our stock value."

Tony trailed behind Pepper as they walked off, him miming for them to kill him and Pepper took his arm and forced him away.

"And then there were four," Clint joked, signalling the bartender for another drink.

"Ah, Dr Banner, I was hoping I could talk to you about your work, specifically what you've done in Fiji." The Prince approached them again, zeroing in on Bruce. "Of course, I've actually been curious about your work in the current affairs in the state of…." The two chatted away happily, walking away from the group.

"And then there were three."

"Bartender, another round!"

* * *

He couldn't stop staring at Natasha. She was with a man, who she was clearly and obviously flirting with, much to his disdain. He thought, well, he wasn't sure what he thought but clearly she didn't feel the same. He was mentally kicking himself for thinking that she might have feelings for him, of course she didn't, she was Natasha Romanoff.

"You jealous Rogers?" Clint teased, causing him to tear his eyes away from Natasha to face him.

"Course not, I'm just making sure he isn't dangerous." He wasn't lying. He was concerned that he might be dangerous, but it was mainly just jealousy, plain and simple. But if he could recognise that, was it really jealousy?

"Sure, whatever you say," Clint rolled his eyes, shaking his head in disbelief. The man was so obviously infatuated with her, how Natasha was so oblivious to his feelings he had no idea.

"Friend Steven, do you have feelings for Lady Natasha?"

"Of course not, it's Natasha. That would be weird," he lied again. He couldn't bear the thought of being her being with someone else. He stole Clint's whiskey, drinking what was left before setting it back down on the bar.

"Right, I'm off boys," he said as casually as he could muster. He wasn't quite sure what he was going to do yet, he just knew he wanted Natasha away from that man and with him.

He made his way over to her, dodging and weaving through the crowd, politely declining every offer to dance and every offer of conversation. All too soon he was coming up behind Natasha, and he didn't know what he was going to say. "Natasha, may I have a word?"

The man's hand was resting on her waist, and he wasn't jealous. He wasn't. In order to be jealous, that would require them to be in a relationship. But fuck, he didn't want to see anyone else touch her like that.

"Actually Steve, I was just having a delightful conversation with James here that I would love to continue," she said, lightly pressing her hand against James' chest flirtatiously. Steve could feel his blood boiling looking at the way she interacted with him. And the fact his name was James, well that just made the whole thing worse.

"Good to meet you James," he said sarcastically before turning to her, his head ducked ever so slightly as he gripped her forearm tightly. "Natasha, now."

"Alright. It was lovely to meet you James, hopefully I can see you later?" She asked, batting her eyelashes and quirking her lips up into a smile. Steve just gritted his teeth, trying his hardest not to pull her into a searing kiss right there, showing James, and everyone else that she was his. Although she'd made it pretty clear that whatever they were, it wasn't a relationship.

"I'm sure that can be arranged," James laughed, taking her hand and giving it a kiss. Steve couldn't take it anymore, pulling her roughly away from James, although he was careful not to bruise her. He had no idea where he was going, but he led her up some stairs and into a secluded corridor.

"What the hell are you doing?" He whispered angrily, pushing her into a wall.

"What I am doing? What are you doing? Going out on dates with other girls? It's okay Steve, I get it, but don't stand in the way of my life just because I'm a good fuck," she hissed back. He looked taken aback at her comment, like she'd actually offended him. Like he wasn't the one going on dates with other girls.

"I only went out with her because I knew Sam wouldn't stop bugging me then I would have to tell him about us. Besides, as soon as I met the girl I apologised and said I was already seeing someone," he explained, and now she looked like the dick. "Look Natasha. I don't know where things went wrong between us, but I thought we were-"

She scoffed before cutting him off. "Dating? Together? Think again Rogers. You messed up any chance of that." She forced herself to laugh slightly to cover up the hurt she was feeling. Because she genuinely liked him, she'd made herself vulnerable and it had blown up in her face.

"Actually yeah, I was going to say that, because I thought we were, and yes I made a mistake, and yes, I'm sorry, but if you clearly can't be bothered to put in any effort then I don't really see the point," he argued back, his voice starting to raise slightly. He didn't understand why she was doing this, why she was hurting him so much. But the worst thing was that he didn't know if she was doing it on purpose or not.

"Oh, I can't be bothered to be put in any effort? I know so many things about you, and I bet you know barely anything about me," she challenged him and he laughed, he actually laughed. "That's because I know that you wouldn't tell me if I asked. You're so closed off, I never know what you're thinking, and god forbid I know anything about your past. For all I know you could still be working for the Red Room."

It was a low blow, he knew that, and he regretted saying it. He'd just wanted to hurt her the way she was hurting him. And clearly it worked, because she narrowed her eyes at him, standing up on her tiptoes to try and seem taller. "Well I'm sorry if I've had to fight to survive from the day I was born that I don't want to relive it."

"There you go again, making excuses again. This is such a classic Natasha move, pushing everyone away that you ever get close to, and for what reason? To prolong your misery?"

"I don't want to hurt you Steve, that's why!" She shouted, finally losing control. She took a deep breath, lowering her voice before continuing. "Everyone I get close to ends up dead, and I don't think I could cope if I lost you too. I'm not pushing you away Steve, I'm protecting you."

"Bullshit." He didn't need protecting, not from her. The thought of being apart from her hurt enough that he didn't care if he was in danger. He had his own enemies that would put her in danger, and whilst it terrified him that it might be his fault that she got hurt, he didn't care. He needed her.

"Because you're so perfect all the goddamn time Rogers. You pretend to be perfect all the time, the precious Captain America," she retorted, her voice venomous, and if there was ever a point when he was going to be scared of her, it would be now.

"Says you. You think being vulnerable is a weakness, and it might be, because you always end up hurting everybody."

They were both yelling now, at each other's throats, despite the fact that under their insults, they both just wanted to keep the other safe. The irony that both of them wanted to protect each other, but in doing that, they were hurting each other wasn't lost on him.

"Well you act like it's okay to be the way you are because of the ice. Well news flash Rogers, it's been years now, you can't keep making that excuse." She almost screamed, her breath ragged as she looked up at him, her eyes so full of rage. He knew his mirrored hers, and their argument seemed to halt, the tension reaching a high.

She couldn't tell who moved first, but they suddenly launched themselves on each other, kissing the other with a fiery passion. His hands wandered to her hips gripping her hard enough to bruise her. She tugged and pulled at his hair, desperate to find a new angle to kiss him at. Their tongues battled for power, almost continuing their previous argument, except this was so much better.

"Natasha," he mumbled into her mouth, almost trying to push her away. She temporarily took her mouth off his, yanking his hair sharply to get his attention.

"Steve, for once in your life, shut up," she moaned, pressing her lips back against his. She groaned into him, rotating her hips against his as best she could at the awkward angle. He pulled his mouth away, continuing his kisses along her jawline before settling on the neck, kissing and biting her, probably move aggressive than usual. She moaned in pleasure, almost whimpering into him as his lips worked against her skin.

"Natasha." He abruptly stopped, still crowding her body with his, but his hands weren't gripping his waist as tightly, his lips absent from her skin.

"Steve…" she warned, shoving his jacket off his shoulders and letting it fall to the floor.

"Wait, there's someone nearby," he told her, catching her hands as they worked down to his belt. He pulled her into a corner of the hallway, hiding her behind him as they waited for the person to pass. They didn't come past them, turning into an adjacent room and causing them to breathe out a sigh of relief.

"Steve," she mumbled, her voice suddenly serious as she pulled away from him. She tried to sneak under his arm to get away from him, but he caught her, cupping her face with his hands and forcing her to look at him.

"I'm sorry Nat. I shouldn't have said those things, they were cheap shots because I was angry," he apologised, trying his hardest to convey just how sorry he was. He'd brought up the Red Room, and he knew he'd hurt her, he'd been able to see it in her eyes.

She brought one hand up to cup his neck, shushing him softly. "It's okay Steve. Besides, I'm the one who should be sorry."

"Nat," he warned lowly, but she shook her head to silence him. "No, I'm the one who started this. I got jealous, so I decided to make you jealous because I thought it would hurt less. I just don't want to lose you."

He sighed, moving so he could press a kiss to the palm of her hand against his cheek as he brought his own hands away from her cheeks to grip her hips lightly. "I don't want to lose you either Tash, but we can't keep doing this."

"Doing what?" She genuinely looked confused, her brows furrowed in such an adorable way that he couldn't resist pressing a kiss to her forehead.

"This back and forth, not knowing what we are, it's driving both of us crazy," he said, trying to keep his voice steady. He knew she wasn't one for relationships, had never been. But he couldn't help but be worried that forcing her into a relationship would just cause him to lose her. But he couldn't do this anymore.

"Okay, so what do we do?" She asked quietly, almost nervously.

"Well, we could break up," he suggested, but even just saying that made him want to hurl. Because the last thing he wanted was to be apart from her. And from the look on her face, she didn't exactly find that an acceptable solution. "Or?"

"You could be my girl," he glanced around, avoiding her gaze nervously. He'd said it now, and he couldn't help the intense fear running through him as he waited for her to react. And her laughing in his face didn't exactly help calm his nerves.

"I'm not anyone's girl," she chuckled nervously, and from the way his face immediately fell she knew it was the wrong thing to do. She wasn't a girlfriend, she didn't know how to be a girlfriend, and she would only hurt him in the long run.

"So we breakup?" And no. That was way worse than being his girlfriend. Even though she wasn't entirely sure they could break up seeing as they weren't exactly together.

"Well, I suppose you could be my boyfriend," she grumbled quietly, somewhat reluctant to admit it. As soon as she said the words though, his face was widening into a smile and she knew she'd made the right decision. She was terrified, but the way he was grinning at her, joyous and somehow soft at the same time melted her heart just a little bit.

"I guess it wouldn't kill me if you were my girlfriend, I mean, it would be a sacrifice, but I guess I could do it," he smirked, and she couldn't help but let her lips turn up into a smile.

"Shut up," she mumbled, pulling him down to her to kiss him firmly. They were silent, moving their lips together in perfect harmony as they relished in being together. Steve wrapped his arms around her properly, letting his hands trace the bare skin on her back, his fingers dipping just below her dress, ghosting up her sides.

She squirmed under his touch, pulling her lips away from him and letting out a gust of air, her lips curled up into a smile. He grinned as she wriggled in his grip, letting out a small laugh as he tickled her.

"Did you just giggle?"

"I think you've had enough to drink," she laughed, rolling her eyes and punching his shoulder lightly.

"The only thing I'm drunk on is you sweetheart," he teased, kissing her softly. She shook her head in disbelief. "You're so corny."

"Don't you know it baby," he grinned as he kissed her again. She sighed contently against his lips as she pulled away, resting their foreheads together as best she could with their height difference.

"So, can we promise each other to not be jealous of the other? Because I don't think jealousy is a good look on either of us," he half joked, despite his serious undertone.

"I think I can promise that."

"I think I can promise that too. Girlfriend," he mocked, nudging her side slightly. She blanched, her eyebrows furrowing. "Don't call me that. It's so corny, can we just agree that we're in dating in an exclusive relationship?"

"That kinda means you're my girlfriend," he laughed at her, and she just pouted in response. "Fine. We should probably get back to the party."

"Agreed," he kissed her forehead before taking her hand and leading her back down the hall.

"Uh, Steve? You might want to get the lipstick off your face," she laughed, taking out her phone from a pocket he didn't even realise she had and showing him his reflection.

He wiped at his face, missing the stains slightly causing her to cup his chin, turning his gaze to her. She pulled out a tissue, again, he didn't know where from, and cleaned the lipstick off his face. And then, just to tease him, she pressed a kiss to his collarbone, leaving a bright red stain that was just hidden by his shirt.

"Fuck Nat."

He pulled her into his arms, reaching behind her head to undo the pins that were holding her hair in place, letting it cascade over her shoulders.

"Wait are you doing?" She asked, trying to bat his hand away.

"I'm trying to hide this," he said, kissing the sensitive spot on her neck that was already starting to bruise. She moaned at the contact, pushing into his touch, getting more desperate as he riled her up.

"Steve," she complained. He smoothed over her hair, hiding her neck from view and pressing a kiss to the crown of her head. "Perfect."

"I really am sorry Steve."

"So am I Tash."


	7. Never Have I Ever

**AN: Another fun and stupid chapter that's just me indulging myself and pretending the last 4 years in the MCU basically didn't happen. But I added in a bit of angst at the end, because I was in a bad mood when I was finishing this chapter. Oh well. Sorry if any characters seem OOC, I kinda write a phrase I come up with them decide who hasn't spoken in a while. Anyway, hope you Enjoy!**

* * *

"It's game night!" Tony exclaimed

"Oh no" everyone in the room groaned

"Not again" Clint groaned

"I've learned not to argue" Bruce said

"Ok, what game are we playing tonight?" Steve asked

"I was thinking Strip Poker or Never Have I Ever" Tony told them, to which followed another collective groan.

"Never Have I Ever. I am not playing strip poker ever again after last time" Bruce said

"Me too. You guys all gang up on us girls" Wanda agreed

"You have Natasha and May. They can beat us all without trying" Tony pointed out

"He's right" Natasha laughed "Besides, Fury banned us from playing strip poker

"Bruce, you go first"

"Alright, never have I ever been in hospital for more than 1 week" Surprisingly, only Tony, Wanda, Sam, Simmons and Skye drank a shot, raising more questions than answers

"How have you guys never been in hospital for more than a week?" Tony asked, causing Steve, Clint, Natasha, Coulson and May to exchange a glance

"Nothing's ever been that serious?" Clint tried, knowing it was pointless

"Come on, tell the truth"

"Ok, we break each other out" she revealed

"How come I didn't get to do that?" Skye complained

"Because you were shot twice in the gut" May told her

"Yeah and then I was injected with a miracle drug that healed me" Skye pointed out to her

"You were shot twice in the gut?" Wanda asked

"Yeah, I though you guys knew" Skye said, looking slightly guilty

"Wait, what about dead guy walking? How were you not in hospital for more than a week when you died" Tony asked, pointing at Coulson

"Technically, it wasn't a hospital to start with and I spent just under a week there before I went home" Coulson explained.

"I still don't forgive you for dying" Natasha muttered under her breath

"Okay, Never have I ever wanted to sleep with someone in this room" Rhodey said, causing everyone but him to take a shot

"Alright, moving on" Sam said

"Nope, let's stay on this for a while. All of you?" Rhodey asked

"Yep. Now let's move on. My turn" Bruce said

"Not yet Brucie, I've got a follow up question" Tony interrupted.

"Go for it"

"Never have I ever slept with someone in this room". Tony took his own shot, followed by everyone else in the room apart from Clint and Rhodey

"Seriously?" they asked at the same time

"Never have I ever farted and blamed it on someone else in this room" Bruce interrupted before anyone could ask any questions. Shamefully, Tony and Clint drank a shot

"Who did you blame it on?" Vision asked

"Nat" they both said, causing her to splutter on the beer she'd stolen from Steve

"When?" she asked

"You know the first meeting we had with Fury and a bunch of high level agents?" Clint said sheepishly

"You piece of shit!" she shouted at him

"Woah there Nat" Steve said, trying to calm her down.

"Fury was pissed at me for weeks and I'm fairly sure those agents haven't talked to me since" she explained

"Okay, moving on. Never have I ever taken a pregnancy test" Natasha said, causing all the girls and Tony take a shot.

"Before anyone can say anything I was really drunk" Tony said

"What's new?" Clint laughed

"Touché"

"Never have I ever been in love" Wanda said. She smiled slightly, noticing how many people raised their glasses to their lips as she drank her own. Natasha wasn't sure what to do, she was in two minds about the whole thing. She looked over to Steve, who confidently drank a swig of beer. Of course she knew that regardless of her he would drink, she knew how he felt about Peggy, and she was fine with that. She knew that was in the past. But was she in love with Steve? She wasn't sure. She had strong feelings, potentially love, but who could say for sure. She tentatively brought her glass to her lips, taking a small sip. She glanced over to Steve, who smiled at her softly. It wasn't a 'thank god you're so in love with me' smile, or a 'I love you' smile. It was just supportive, and she mentally kicked herself for being unsure that she loved him. Because goddammit she wanted to love him so badly, and maybe she did. But how was she supposed to know what love felt like if she'd never felt it before?

"Never have I ever joined the mile high club" Sam brought her out of her reverie by asking the next question. She smirked at Steve as they both drank, joined by Tony, Pepper, and basically everyone on Coulson's team

"Jesus Christ"

"I have a private jet" Tony said in explanation

"I have a rich boyfriend" Pepper laughed

"We used to live on a plane" Skye added

"What about you two?" Rhodey asked Steve and Natasha

"Oh, no explanation necessary" she smirked, taking a swig from Steve's beer.

"Good on you girl" Sam laughed

"Never have I ever kissed a Russian" Tony said, giggling slightly and looking at her.

"That's low Stark" she said, raising her glass to her mouth. With her, everyone else in the room apart from FitzSimmons took a shot

"All of you? Really? Okay, follow up question. Never have I ever kissed Natasha" Tony said, shocked. Everyone in the room once again had a shot apart from Coulson and FitzSimmons, causing Tony to splutter on his beer.

"When have all of you kissed Nat?" Clint asked "I know Steve, Mels, Sam and I have on missions but the rest of you?"

"We were trying to figure out ways to tame the hulk and we thought increasing emotions that weren't anger would help" Bruce explained.

"It didn't really work" she told them afterwards

"We kissed during a game once, I'm not surprised you don't remember though. You were pretty drunk" Pepper added.

"What's new?" Steve muttered, causing Natasha to laugh.

"It's very complicated but we needed to distract some bad guys" Skye tried to explain, causing a few confused looks

"Same" Wanda added, only adding to the gang's confusion.

"Public displays of affection make people very uncomfortable" Coulson, May, Steve, Clint and Natasha recited

"Do they teach you that at Shield?" Sam asked

"Yeah, In how to distract bad buys 101" Natasha joked back

"What about Vis?" Wanda asked

"That is a very long story" Vision said, exchanging a glance with Natasha

"And one I'm not drunk enough for" she added, toasting to Vision before taking a swig of beer

"Never have I ever been arrested" Simmons interrupted, to which the majority of the people in the room drank

"You could've called that one Jem" Fitz laughed

"Okay, my turn. Never have I ever been married" Bruce said. Both Clint and Natasha raised another shot glass to their lips.

"You've been married Tasha?" Clint asked, slightly hurt that she never told him.

"It was a long time ago in Russia. He was killed by the KGB" she explained, trying not to make a big deal out of it.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Clint asked, raising his voice slightly

"I don't want to relive that part of my life"

"We tell each other everything Tash"

"Not everything"

"I trusted you with my biggest secret and you don't even bother telling me you were married"

"It's hardly a big deal, I never loved him"

"Doesn't mean you shouldn't tell me!"

"SO WHAT THAT I DIDN'T TELL YOU THIS ONE THING! I DON'T ALWAYS TELL YOU EVERYTHING! I'M NOT SOME HELPLESS LITTLE GIRL YOU NEED TO FIX CLINT! NOT ANYMORE! SO STOP TRYING TO FIX ME! BECAUSE I DON'T NEED IT" she screamed at him, storming out the room. An uncomfortable silence fell over the room, before Tony had the nerve to speak up

"What was that all about? I don't think I've ever heard Natasha actually yell at someone" Tony joked, causing Clint to storm out the room in the opposite direction to Natasha.

"Dammit Stark. You had to make it worse didn't you" Steve said whilst giving Tony a glare

"I'm sorry. I didn't think it would do any harm" Tony said defensively, putting his hands up in the air in surrender

"Wow. An actual Tony Stark apology. Never would've thought that would happen in my lifetime" Steve quipped

"Well you have lived for 90 years. It was bound to happen sometime" Tony answered back

"I didn't ask to be frozen in ice for 70 years" Steve replied, starting to raise his voice slightly.

"BOTH OF YOU SHUT UP!" Pepper yelled

"I'm going to talk to Nat, one of you should check on Clint. The rest of you, make sure that Stark doesn't do anything stupid" Steve told them.

* * *

He followed Natasha down to the gym where he found her hitting one of the punching bags violently.

"Go away Steve. I can't deal with this right now" she told him, continuing to punch the bag.

"You can talk to me Nat. I won't judge you" he assured her

"But you will. Once you find out everything you will judge me and I can't take that" she tried to explain, turning around to face him

"You don't need to tell me anything you don't want to Nat. But I'm here of you want to talk" he assured her

"Thanks for the offer, but I'm not really sure what I would even say" she admitted

"Well, if all you want to do is beat the living crap out of something, I'm right here" he told her, throwing out his arms dramatically leaving his front open. She weakly punched him the stomach, causing him to laugh

"Language" she muttered, managing to smile slightly

"Come on. You can hit better than that. What would Fury say?" he joked

"Fine, but you have to fight back" she told him. The sparred for about an hour, both evenly matched the entire time until they both ended up on the floor

"You tired out yet?" he asked her, panting to get his breath back

"Just a little" she laughed, playfully hitting him on the shoulder from where she was lying next to him

"Feeling any better?"

"Not really. I guess hitting someone repeatedly really doesn't help that much"

"I could've told you that"

"Shut up"

"So, do you feel like sharing why you yelled at Clint earlier?"

"Don't you care that I've been married before?"

"Of course I do, but I know you'll open up about it when you're ready, I'm not going to force you to tell me."

"But I never loved him"

"Do you think you did?"

"I honestly don't know"

"Would you ever want to get married again?" he asked, sitting up slightly

"Are you asking?" she joked. He raised an eyebrow at her question causing her to groan slightly

"Maybe, possibly, I don't know. I know you want to but I'm just not sure" she admitted

"We don't need to have this conversation now" she smiled at his comment, wrapping her arms around his neck and kissing him softly

"Thank you" she mumbled between kisses. She pulled her gently so she was sitting on his lap, wrapped in his embrace

"But I do want to know what caused you to go off at Clint" he said, pulling away from her. She sighed, preparing herself for her explanation

"When I first met Clint, I was a spy for the KGB. He brought me into Shield and convinced Fury to let me stay. He could tell that I'd had a bad past, I think he saw a bit of himself in me." Steve let her talk, knowing better than to interrupt when she was opening up. "We became partners, and quickly became best friends after that. I eventually told him about some of the things about my past, and he told me about his family. That's how I became Auntie Nat. There are still things he doesn't know, things that I just never mentioned. But I've told him more secrets than most people have at all. I've never lied to Clint, and I guess I just feel bad that he doesn't know about us" she explained, trying not to go into too much detail about anything

"Tell him" he said suddenly before she could carry on talking

"What?" she asked shocked

"Tell him. He's your best friend. He told you about his family, you should tell him about us. He's really helped you with everything, he deserves to know. I know I'd want to tell Bucky if…" e trailed off, not knowing how to finish

"I'm sorry. I know how hard it must be for you" she said, talking about Bucky

"It's fine. I can tell how much keeping this a secret is eating you up. Tell him"

"Thank you Steve. Really, thank you" she said, kissing him softly on the lips

"No problem" he replied, kissing her back

"You guys should really be more careful" Pepper's voice rang out from the doorway

"How is it that it's always you who sees us?" he asked to no one in particular

"Tony wanted to apologise but he didn't want to butt in and make anything worse. I told him I'd come check on you."

"Wait, what did Tony do?" she asked confused

"He did what Tony does, makes things worse" Pepper explained

"I probably shouldn't have yelled at him" Steve admitted

"He deserved it. You okay Tash?" Pepper asked

"Yeah, I told him everything" she explained

"Everything?"

"Yeah, well, I mean not _everything_. I'm Russian, I have more secrets than you've had hot meals" Pepper chuckled at her statement, causing the corners of Natasha's mouth to curl up slightly.

"Alright. I'll leave you two to it"

"Thanks Pep"

"Don't have sex on that mat. It's incredibly gross" Pepper called back as she walked out

"I'm not making any promises!" Natasha called back

"Are we actually going to-?"

"No"

* * *

**AN: If you have any ideas that you desperately, or not so desperately want incorporated into this story, please let me know and I'll try to write them in. I hope you enjoyed, please follow, favourite and review. Constructive criticism is always welcome and appreciated**


	8. An Admission of Truth

**AN: So I've reached a bit of a dilemma. I figured out how exactly I want everyone to find out about Steve and Natasha's relationship, but the idea takes place at Christmas time. So would you guys be okay with a bunch of really Christmasy and festive chapter in the middle of summer? Or would you rather that I change the idea? I'm okay with either but some suggestions on how to expose their relationship otherwise would be useful. Your feedback would be extremely useful, but anyway, I hope you enjoy the chapter!**

* * *

She kicked a guy in the stomach, flinging him backward. Another 'goon' as Clint would say grabbed her from behind, bringing his arm around her in a headlock. She struggled against his grip, trying to worm out of his arms. She bit down on his forearm, fresh blood swirling in her mouth as she pierced his skin. She elbowed him in the solar plexus, causing him to release his grip on her as he pulled back trying to catch his breath. She spun around quickly, shooting blindly, hitting a man in the shoulder with one bullet, grazing another person's thigh with a second bullet. She pulled the trigger once again, bracing herself for the recoil as nothing happened. She could taste the gunpowder in the air as she threw her gun across the room, accidentally hitting someone in the chest. She took out her widow bites, throwing them at the feet of the last guards. She looked around at the empty room littered with bodies.

"All clear on the roof" Clint said through the comms.

"All clear on the ground floor" she told him back.

"You move up, I'll go meet you on the third floor" Clint told her

"Copy that"

"What's been going on with you recently?" Clint asked

"What do you mean?" she replied, shooting 3 guys in the stomach.

"Well you seem happier than usual" he started, she could hear him draw his bow in the background.

"Do I?" she said, trying to not lie to him.

"Yeah, you and Steve have been a lot closer recently" he noted, busting open the door from the stairwell.

"Are you implying something?" she asked, almost laughing. 4 men ran around the corner, aiming their guns at her. She activated her widow bites, sliding them across the floor, instantly taking out two of the men. She dodged the bullets being fired at her, sweeping her leg under one man, causing him to fall into the other. She saw an object roll across the floor of the room out the corner of her eye

"BOMB!" she yelled, trying to get as far away from the bomb as she could. It was only a small explosion, but she could feel the heat on her skin.

"You okay Tash?" Clint asked frantically

"Tash?" he asked again after a minutes silence

"Yeah, all good" she replied eventually

"Oh thank god. I couldn't have you dying before you tell me all your dirty little secrets" he laughed, breathing out a sigh of relief

"What makes you think I'm ever gonna tell you all my secrets?" she joked, brushing off the dust from her suit

"I have my methods"

"Oh yeah? Like what?"

"Ahhhh, now that would be telling"

"All clear on this floor, I'm moving up" she said, her tone of voice changing slightly

"Moving down, meet you in the office" he replied

"Careful, there's some people around the corner from the stairs"

"Thanks, but seriously, you and Steve have been hanging out together a lot lately"

"Well you've been MIA recently so I had to get a new bestie" she joked

"You joke but I know somethings different about you"

"Like what?"

"I don't know. You could tell me though" he pointed out

"Where's the fun in that" she laughed, shooting another in the leg

"Don't make me guess" he pleaded slightly

"Why not?" she laughed, knowing she was winding Clint up

"Cause, I'll do … something which I haven't thought yet" Clint trailed off

"Guess away Katniss" she mocked

"You have been spending way too much time with Tony" he mumbled. She heard a loud thump before seeing a body roll down the staircase in front of her, closely followed by Clint

"What did you do?" she asked as he pulled out an arrow and shot someone at the top of the stairs

"Not important. We can only fight these guys off for so long, we have to get the information then blow this place up" Clint told her

"Copy that" she moved through the hallways, navigating through the dark until she found an office. She pulled out the hard drive and plugged it into the computer, focusing on transferring the data while Clint shot everyone who came through the door

"What was it you were gonna tell me then?" Clint asked her as he tried to fight off the increasing number of soldiers

"Oh, I'm dating Steve" she said bluntly. He stopped what he was doing, turning to face her in shock. She shot over his head, killing the man walking through.

"We can talk about this later. Think we can get back through there?" she asked

"No chance. Our only option is the window" he told her

"Done" she said, taking out the drive and putting it in her pocket.

"You break the window, I'll hold these guys back" he told her, firing another arrow. She ran at the window, jumping and covering her hands with her face as she broke the window. She fell through the air, closely followed by Clint as they landed on the ground. Bullets rained down on them, and she barely registered the metal and glass slicing through her leg as Clint fired an explosive arrows at the building as they ran back to the quinjet, causing it to go up in flames.

* * *

"So you and Steve huh?" he asked as he pulled the last bullet out her leg

"Yeah" she winced

"Do you love him?" he asked, bandaging her leg

"Yes" she responded without hesitation, surprising herself

"Have you told him that?"

"No"

"You should"

"What if he doesn't feel the same?" she whispered as Clint finished on her leg

"Oh god, you've got it bad" he joked, getting an unimpressed look off her.

"What do I do?"

"Steve loves you Nat, there is no doubt in my mind about that" he tried to tell her

"Then why hasn't he told me?"

"You're useless" he muttered "He's waiting till he knows you feel the same. You'd run for the hills if he told you and you didn't feel the same, or to be honest, even if you did. He knows you, more than you'd probably like"

"He wants kids Clint, and I can't…I don't know if I even…" she trailed off, unable to finish

"I know" he empathised, wrapping an arm around her shoulder

"I can't tell him, I don't want to lose what we have"

"Baby steps Nat. You don't have to tell him about all that yet. Just start by telling him you love him"

"How the hell is that a baby step?" she asked, staring at him

"Okay then, if you can't do that, tell him what you can. Because I promise you he feels the same" They sat in silence for a while before he spoke up again

"You do realise I'm gonna grill him right"

"Please don't give him the big brother talk" she pleaded knowing it was pointless

"It's my duty. I would be doing you a disservice"

"You're going to scare him off"

"Please, if Fury didn't scare him off I'm certainly not going to" Clint scoffed

"Fury doesn't know"

"You should tell him. Fraternisation is strictly forbidden between agents"

"Well I really like Steve so if he has a problem I'll just quit"

"And you think that's going to work?"

"Sure, if he doesn't want to lose the best damn spy in the business"

"Well alright then. But I think you made a mistake earlier"

"What now?" she grumbled, narrowing her eyes at him

"You don't just like him, you _loooove _him" Clint teased as he walked away to land the plane

"I hate you"

"No you don't"

* * *

She clutched onto Clint as they walked out the plane, determined to walk on her own, despite the pain flaring through her body. She couldn't help the slight smile that crept onto her face as she saw Steve standing in front of them.

"Clint called, what happened?" he asked her

"You called Steve? What the hell Clint?!" she whispered angrily, punching him in the arm.

"You got shot, twice, not to mention the amount of glass I had to fish out of you. Oh, and not to mention the burns" he pointed out

"You got shot?" Steve asked, concern etched on his face

"Relax, I'm fine" she told him

"Really?" he asked, raising an eyebrow

"Yeah"

"Let go of Clint then" he challenged

"Fine, no problem" she let go of Clint, managing to stay upright despite her legs shaking underneath her.

"Come over here" Steve said gently, holding out his hand to her. She knew what he was doing, he was proving his point, but she wasn't about to give up that easily. She limped over to him as she bridged the gap between the men. She fell to the floor as her legs gave out, crumpling into a heap. Steve caught her just before she hit the ground, supporting her as she stood up again.

"You were saying?" he joked, causing her to glare at him

"What are her injuries?" Steve asked Clint

"She is standing right here" Natasha complained

"Barely" Clint's comment induced a death stare on her face, still formidable despite her current state

"Well, aside from the aforementioned bullets and glass, some second, maybe third degree burns, probably a broken wrist, sprained ankle, bruises on the neck from a chokehold and minor blood loss" Clint explained

"It's fine. I'm fine guys" she butted in

"Did the bullets hit anything major?" Steve asked, ignoring her

"Relax would you? I'm fine" Natasha protested

"Nothing too bad, just her upper thigh and shoulder" Clint said, ignoring her protests

"Right, come on" he told her, wrapping an arm around her waist properly

"Where are we going?" she asked

"Medical, and don't complain" Clint told her, opening the door for them. She said nothing, knowing it was pointless to argue.

"You okay man?" Steve asked Clint

"Yeah, just a few bruises here and there. Tash took the grunt of the attack"

"Clearly"

* * *

They sat outside her room whilst she was being stitched up, having been kicked out for causing a fuss.

"Look mate. I'm gonna tell you something now, not as your friend but as Nat's big brother" Clint said.

"Oh no, she warned me" he moaned, sitting up and facing Clint.

"You are the kindest man I have ever met, and I know you would never intentionally hurt Tasha. But just know I have an arrow with your name on it that I will not hesitate to use. Do you understand me?" Clint threatened

"Yes Sir" Steve said, mock saluting him

"That being said, I'm glad she has someone else she can talk to. I'm not always around and I know how bad things get for her sometimes"

"I know, thanks for always looking after her before I came along"

"I love her, and she may be an assassin, but she will always be my baby sister. But don't tell her I said that" he added at the end, scared of Natasha's wrath.

"Your secrets safe with me" Steve promised

"Do you love her?" Clint asked him

"More than I can put into words" he said with ease

"What are you boys talking about?" Natasha said, limping into the room they were waiting in and casually leaning against the wall

"Nothing. They let you out?" Steve asked, helping her stand properly

"Not exactly" she confessed. Steve glanced a look in the hospital room to see a nurse cowering on the floor in terror

"What are we going to do with you?"

* * *

**AN: So this was a bit shorter than usual but completely necessary. If you have any ideas that you desperately, or not so desperately want incorporated into this story, please let me know and I'll try to write them in. I hope you enjoyed, please follow, favourite and review. Constructive criticism is always welcome and appreciated.**


	9. Under The Weather

**AN: So it's been a while. The last few weeks have been crazy hectic that I haven't really had a chance to write and I kept struggling on how to end this chapter. But this is fluff. Pure fluff. I'm not even sorry. Well, I am a bit, but I needed some sweetness after the last few weeks, especially as there's some serious angst coming up in the next few chapters. Call it the calm before the storm. Hope you enjoy!**

* * *

"Uggghhhhhhhhhh. I hate this" Natasha complained from the couch. Since the previous attack, she had been allowed to leave medical after threatening the staff, but was told that she was to minimise her movement as little as possible, something she was not enjoying.

"Maybe this will teach you not to jump through a window on the third floor" Steve told her.

"This isn't even that bad, I've had much worse"

"Would you quit complaining? You should be happy that Fury didn't force you to stay in Medical" he said, kissing her forehead gently

"I would have preferred that over this. I feel like I'm on house arrest" she complained again.

"We're just worried about you. It doesn't help that you decided this would be the perfect time to catch the flu"

"I don't have the flu Steve. I'm perfectly fibe"

"I'm sorry, what did you say?"

"I'm fibe Stebe"

"Okay, sure. Whatever you say Nat" he laughed, handing her a cup of tea before sitting down next to her. She lay her feet on his lap once he was settled, kicking around so her feet were under her blanket.

"Do you know what we never did?" Steve asked after a while

"No, what?" she furrowed her eyebrows, thinking deeply before giving up

"We never did the obligatory first date chat where we talk about stupid things that we don't really need to know about but is used to avoid an awkward silence"

"We never did have a proper first date, did we?" she laughed

"I guess not. So what do you want to know?"

"I don't know, what's your favourite colour?"

"Probably a blue, but more navy I think. You?"

"In clothes, definitely black and dark colours but I really like a pale yellow. Don't tell Tony though, I'd never hear the end of it" she admitted, blushing slightly

"I wouldn't dream of it. Birthday?"

"23rd November"

"4th July"

"Seriously? I mean I read your file and everything, but your birthday is actually Independence Day"

"Yep, 4th July 1918" Steve confirmed, even throwing in a mock salute just to make her laugh.

"God you're so old" she teased

"Says you"

"Hey, I'm a good ten years younger than you. 1928 I think"

"You think?"

"It's an estimate. I didn't exactly have a birth certificate"

"Moving on from your depressing childhood. What's your favourite physical feature about yourself?"

"Probably my hair, I always get really annoyed when I have to dye it for a mission. What's yours?"

"I really love your eyes"

"Oh shut up"

"I know it sounds vain, but I really love my body. I'm just so glad that I don't have to worry about my health or being beat up in an alley anymore because I can't fight back" he looked down at the floor shyly

"I'm glad that about that too, I'm glad you can hold your own in a fight. And for the record, my favourite thing about you is your nose. It's just so perfectly you"

"You're weird you know that Nat?"

"Yeah, it's why you like me" she laughed slightly, wincing at the movement

"Okay, I need to change your bandages" he said, lifting up her feet and getting up, getting the first aid kit from the bathroom

"I'm fine Steve, honestly. There's no point wasting your time doing that" she tried to argue

"I might sedate you whilst I'm at it"

"Hey!" she moaned as he tried to take her blanket, only causing her to burrow under it even more, holding onto it with a steel grip

"Oh will you stop acting like such a baby" he snapped finally, having had enough of her antics. She narrowed her eyes at him, frowning as she peeked her head out from under the blankets.

"I'm sorry" he apologised. In response she let go of her blanket, letting him shove it over the back of the couch.

"Shirt" she gave him a pitiful stare at his question, quivering her lip slightly so she didn't have to move

"You will be the death of me Natasha Romanoff" He lifted her torso off the couch for her, pulling her t-shirt over her head revealing the bandage around her midsection.

"Only if you die first"

"Way to bring down the mood" he said, although grinned slightly at her statement. He carefully unwrapped her bandage, frowning slightly as he saw blood on the lower layers

"Natasha" he narrowed his eyes at her, finally getting to her stomach where she had very clearly pulled a stitch

"Yes Steven?" she asked innocently, not wavering under his stare

"Were you going to tell me you pulled a stitch?"

"I could've sworn I told you. Did I not tell you?" she winced at her terrible lie, her voice getting higher at the end of her sentence

"What am I going to do with you?" he rolled his eyes at her antics, carefully cleaning the cut before grabbing the fresh bandages.

"Sorry, I just didn't want you to worry" she genuinely was sorry as well. Although she liked to view it as bending the truth to keep Steve sane, she knew he got worried easily and she didn't want to be the cause of that.

"You know I always worry about you"

"You don't have to, you know, worry about me" she told him, deadly serious

"I love you Nat, of course I'm going to worry about you" he said without thinking, eyes widening as he realised the reality of what he just said.

"Did you just?"

"Uhhh, yeah. I guess I did, but I meant it Nat. I love you"

"Steve"

"You don't have to say it back Nat. I promise, but I do love you"

"It's not that I don't want to say it"

"I know"

"Cause I do, I really do, but I just can't" she couldn't really explain herself properly. She wanted to say it back, she really did. She'd admitted it to Clint, she did love him, but there was something stopping her, and she couldn't figure out what it was.

"I understand Nat. You don't have to make excuses. You're not ready, and I appreciate that. But I'm not going to lie to you and say that I don't feel that way, because I do. And you should know"

"Thank you" she smiled, letting him lean in to kiss her, tangling her fingers in his hair. She hummed in content, eyes fluttering closed. She felt a sneeze bubbling inside her as she tried to pull away quickly, but she wasn't fast enough.

"Achooooo!" she sneezed right in his face, spraying him with snot

"Oh god Nat"

"I'm so sorry" she cringed, wiping the snot off his face with her sleeve

"It's fine. I put myself in harms way"

"Still, I'm really sorry" his phone buzzed next to them, indicating he'd gotten a text.

"Fury wants me at Shield. Will you be okay?"

"I'll be fine Steve. I promise"

"You sure?"

"Yeah, I'm fine"

* * *

She needed to get off this couch. With Steve gone she had no distractions and she was going stir crazy. She crawled off the couch and stood up, clutching at her head as dizziness clouded her vision. She went into the bathroom and lent against the sink, splashing cold water onto her face. Nausea was curling through her stomach, and she could feel it slowly rise through her system. She gagged, trying to push it back down, trying to delay the inevitable. She threw herself over the toilet, throwing up into the bowl, heaving until her stomach was empty and even after that, just coughing and spluttering over the rim of the toilet. She lay her head of the edge of the toilet, closing her eyes in exhaustion.

Steve returned an hour later, having been caught up at Shield for much longer than he would've wanted. He'd texted Natasha at some point to check she was okay, to which she responded a thumbs up emoji so he assumed she was doing just fine without him. She was gone when he got back though, the couch deserted and the blankets shoved to the floor. She was nowhere to been seen until he heard small noises coming from the bathroom. He knocked on the door, and after hearing a weak grunt in response he opened the door to find a sight that made his heart break. Natasha was sprawled out across the floor, head leaning on the rim of the toilet facing away from him. She moved her head, tilting it to look at him before obviously regretting it as she buried her head in the bowl, throwing up. He rushed over to her side, pulling her hair out of her face with one hand, rubbing soothing circles on her back with the other. They sat like this until she was finished, which is when she turned to face him. She was deathly pale, with beads of sweat rolling down her forehead. It was at times like this when he truly appreciated just how beautiful Natasha was. She smiled weakly at him, and he grinned back, before wrapping her into a hug. He pulled her onto his lap, gently shushing her as silent tears rolled off her face and down his back. He could feel the heat radiating off her body, even though she was shivering in his arms.  
"Nat" he whispered "Can you get up?"  
He could feel her shake her head into his shoulder. He knew if he didn't move her, they would never leave the bathroom so he slid his arms under her legs and scooped her up, cradling her against his chest. She clutched at his shirt, messing with the fabric between her fingers as she snuggled closer to him and rested her head on his chest. She was reluctant to let go of him as he set her down on the bed, gripping onto him as tightly as she could. She was too weak to fight against him though as he pulled the duvet up to her waist and sat down on the edge of the bed.

"I'm gonna get you some more medicine" he told her, kissing her forehead and getting up off the bed.

"No! I mean, please just stay here with me" she grabbed his hand weakly, and god she sounded pathetic. But really, all she wanted to do was curl up in Steve's arms and go to sleep.

"Give me one second baby. I promise I'll be right back" she mewled into the pillow, but reluctantly let him go. He grabbed her some medicine from the cabinet before wetting a washcloth with cold water, ringing it out. He refilled her glass of water before joining her back on the bed, helping her sit up so she could take the pills.

"Thanks" she mumbled before slumping back down, burying her face in the mattress.

"D'you want me to lie with you?" he asked, to which she nodded meekly.

"Okay, shove over" when she made no attempt to move, he lifted her up slightly, rolling her over before getting in next to her. She cuddled up next to him, wrapping her arms around his torso.

"It hurts so bad Steve" she complained

"I know baby. Just try and go to sleep now" he wrapped his arm around her, though he pushed off all but one of the blankets she'd bundled herself in, concerned about her temperature

"Steve" she whined, trying to get her blankets back

"It's me or the blankets babe. You're really hot"

"Yeah I am" she mumbled, although she couldn't keep the smirk off her face. He chuckled, dropping a kiss in her hair whilst gently combing his fingers though it. His touch seemed to calm her, and eventually she was drifting off into sleep, though it was fitful. Every few hours she would wake, whimpering in pain as she cuddled closer to him. Dinner came and went, and despite his growling stomach he didn't want to leave her alone.

"Hey Steve" Natasha was awake again, though she still was still half asleep.

"Yeah?"

"Your face is really nice" So she'd gone past complaining straight into delirium. Just what he needed. Steve decided to humor her,

"Yours is too" he chuckled slightly, smiling as she pressed the tip of his nose gently. He brought his hand to her forehead, recoiling almost instantly as it burned to the touch. She pouted at him, exhaling sharply as she fell back onto the pillows.

"Alright, medicine time" he told her, extracting his arm from behind her. She moaned, grabbing his wrist and not letting go.

"At least let me check your temperature" Natasha pouted, but she released her grip on him, letting him get up. He grabbed the thermometer from the pile of supplies he'd dumped on the couch earlier.

"Open" he commanded, slipping easily into Captain America mode. She frowned but did as she was told, letting him place the thermometer under her tongue before closing her mouth to keep it in place. He sat down next to her, stroking her hair as they waited patiently. He frowned when he took it out her mouth.

"What is it?" she asked, trying to steal it off him. She frowned over his shoulder at it, her vision blurry and struggling to make out the numbers.

"103. You'll survive"

"Doesn't feel like it" she tried to quip back, but was cut off by a coughing fit that soon led to her with her head back in the bin Steve had placed by the side of the bed.

"Make it stop hurting" she whimpered

"I'm trying baby" he stroked her hair out of her face, reaching around to put the bin back on the ground. He helped her sit up, handing her some pills and water before she curled herself back up over his body. Taking the still damp washcloth off the table, he gently wiped her brow, smiling as he saw the brief but instant relief flood over her face.

"Thanks" her eyelids fluttered open to meet his momentarily before closing again, the medication starting to take effect.

"Don't worry Nat. I got you, just relax now. Go to sleep"

* * *

**AN: So I went to see Endgame again, which fyi was so much worse the second time round, but that's why the final line was kinda similar to Pepper's last lines to Tony. As always, prompts are always welcome and appreciated. Seriously, I'm starting to resort to tropes that have been written ten thousand times already, new ideas are welcome.**


	10. Fourth of July

**AN: So I'm not going to spoil it if you haven't seen it, but I went to see Spiderman and it's so good! But anyway, here's another chapter and this one's fourth of July themed, even though I'm English and means nothing to me. So I'm just guessing with this one and projecting what I wish my life was like onto other characters. Enjoy!**

* * *

Natasha couldn't cook. It was one of the only things Natasha really couldn't do. To say she was hopeless wouldn't even be an understatement. And her baking was even worse, which is why when Steve Rogers came home, his first thought was that she'd been replaced by a robot. Which wo be fair, in his line of work, wouldn't be completely ridiculous. Natasha was fairly clean, however the kitchen was covered in flour, the island coated in batter and there was a slight burning smell coming from the open.

"Natasha?" he tentatively came into the kitchen, seeing her humming along to some music, icing a cake.

"Hey" she smiled up at him, setting down her spatula and offering him the cake

"What is this?" he viewed the offending item with suspicion

"It's a birthday cake" she said, like it was obvious,

"Did you make this?" The kitchen was a pretty big tip off, but he had to check. Natasha didn't cook. Ever.

"It's crap, I know. You don't have to eat it" she looked deflated as he sat down at the counter.

"I love it Nat. Thank you" he kissed her gently. He dipped his finger into the frosting, licking it off quickly

"How is it?" she asked quickly, hands wringing together in nervousness.

"It's ummm…well, it's really good" he lied. It was one of the worst things he'd ever tasted, but she put so much effort into it that he didn't want to hurt her. He struggled to swallow, but managed to force it down his throat

"It's really bad isn't it?"

"No, it's delicious" he lied again, trying to sound convincing

"It can't be that bad" she said, licking the remaining frosting off his finger. She grimaced, her face contorting as she tried to swallow.

"Oh god. That's awful" she spit out the cake into a tissue, desperately drinking some water

"It's not great" he grimaced, looking over to her.

"I can't believe you ate that to save my feelings" she smiled slightly, though it was hard to tell through her wiping her mouth on a paper towel

"I'd be a pretty bad boyfriend if I didn't at least try" he chuckled

"Thank you" Natasha said genuinely, and seriously. It was the little things like that which really made her appreciate Steve.

"No problem"

"Come on, I have it on pretty good authority that there's a rocking party going on right now" she told him, sitting on his lap

"Oh god" he groaned, burying his face in her shoulder

"Oh relax, it's just friends. Pepper helped organise it" she rolled her eyes fondly at him

"Please don't tell me it's a pool party" he begged

"Sorry Cap. But it's your 100th birthday, you should feel lucky that Tony didn't insist on a giant event the entirety of New York was invited to"

"Alright, I'll go. If you let me do one thing"

"Oh yeah?" she raised her eyebrows, smirking at him. She leaned in close to him, wrapping her arms around his neck

"Yeah, let me throw this cake out"

"Fine. You gonna get changed?" she asked

"I would, but you're kinda sitting on me" he laughed, gesturing to her.

"Now that is a predicament" she grinned, kissing him gently

"Am I going to have to forcibly remove you?" he said, raising his eyebrow at her as she diverted her attention to his neck, kissing softly at the skin

"I'd like to see you try"

"Oh really?"

"Nope" she hopped off him, causing him to frown

"C'mon Nat. It's my birthday"

"Sorry soldier, it'll have to wait until later"

"We can be late to my own birthday party" he tried to convince her

"Anticipation is half the fun Steven. I have to get changed, I'll see you up there?" she asked, already leaving the apartment

"I hate you" he muttered

"No you don't"

* * *

He walked out onto the rooftop, smiling as he noticed how relaxed it was. Clint and Sam were barbequing enough meat to last a year, Tony, Thor, Rhodey and Vision wear chatting at the bar, Jane, Darcy, Pepper and Wanda were relaxing in the hot tub and Natasha was talking to Bruce, their feet dangling in the pool. He sat down next to them, enjoying the cool water on his feet.

"Hey"

"Happy Birthday man" Bruce said, reaching behind Natasha to pat him on the back

"Thanks. I guess I'm officially an old man now"

"Oh shit. Tony's trying to get Thor to arm wrestle" Bruce got up, leaving the couple alone

"You're wearing a bikini" he noticed. He remembered their conversation from a few years ago, 'bye bye bikini's' and all that

"Ah, it's high waisted Rogers" as if to prove it, she pushed down the fabric slightly to show him the scare before pulling it back up

"What about all your other scars?"

"I can go change if you'd like" she joked, pushing herself off the edge of the pool slightly as if she was getting up

"Nope, I think you look beautiful. But I did think you probably wouldn't think so" he was blunt, because he knew her, and he knew how she thought, despite her best efforts

"I just…I don't think I care anymore. Look around, I have all these friends who couldn't care less about what I look like. And I have you"

"Oh really?"

"Yeah, you really make me feel special Rogers"

"Okay, you can stop being nice now. It's weirding me out"

"It's your birthday, thought I'd cut you some slack old man"

"That's better" he laughed, splashing some water at her

"FOOD! Come and get it before Thor gets here first!" Clint yelled. Steve hauled himself off the edge of the pool, offering a hand up to Natasha.

"Why thank you"

"Anything for you my darling"

* * *

"So, what's new with you?" Sam asked once they had eaten. The sun was beginning to set, casting an orange glow over the city.

"Not much really" Steve replied, tossing him a new beer.

"Good, because I've been chatting to this girl and I think you'd really get along"

"Sam, stop. I have a girlfriend"

"What? You didn't think to tell me? Who is it?" Sam asked rapid fire questions

"It's Natasha" Sam whipped around, looking at Natasha, who despite sitting across the roof in a different conversation, still smirked at him.

"Seriously? Natasha Romanoff? The Black Widow?" Sam asked in disbelief

"The very same" he laughed

"Your girlfriend?"

"Yup"

"How? Like no offense man, but she is way out of your league"

"Trust me, I know" Steve laughed, smiling over at her

"Why am I always the last to know anything?" Sam almost yelled, drawing the groups attention to them.

"Not true, you know about Rhodey's new girlfriend" Clint butted in

"You have a girlfriend?" Sam turned to Rhodey, directly asking him. He simply shrugged in response.

"Right, anyone else have a secret relationship I ought to know about?" Sam asked, clearly frustrated

"It's not a secret" Rhodey commented

"Does someone else have a secret relationship?" Bruce asked

"Nope" Steve replied quickly, causing Natasha to glare at him.

"Wait, does Capsicle have a girlfriend?" Tony almost mocked, though he was serious in his question

"I don't have a girlfriend" Steve tried to argue

"Oh really?"

"We're keeping things casual" he said, causing Natasha to snort, spluttering on her beer.

"Something funny?"

"Just the thought of Steve being in a casual relationship" Steve glared at her, causing her to smirk back at him.

"Come on, I reckon the old man has moves"

"Show us your moves Cap"

"Alright. Which of you wants the Captain America charm?" Steve joked, getting up

"Lay it on me Cap. Just know I'm married" Clint joked, throwing out his arms.

"Not for long"

"I see we've already started then"

"Oh, we've barely begun Clinton"

"Natasha's taught you well"

"Forget about her, it's just you and me right now"

"Oh really?"

"You and me, all alone. God, the things I would do to you"

"He's still got it" Clint joked, taking a swig of beer as Steve walked away

"Never lost it"

"Please, I doubt you ever had it" Natasha laughed

"You don't give me nearly enough credit Natasha"

"You're forgetting I was the one in charge of your training. I taught you everything you know Soldier"

"Stop flirting you two. The man has a girlfriend"

"She's not my…I give up"

"Aha!"

"Arghhhhh" Tony screamed, jumping into Thor's arms as fireworks went off in the distance.

"You're pathetic" Wanda muttered

"It just caught me by surprise. Anyway, those are lame fireworks"

"Here we go"

"This year, I've designed my own set of fireworks that I think may just break New York"

"Figuratively or literally"

"Hopefully a bit of both"

"Tony" Pepper warned

"Figuratively, definitely figuratively" Tony corrected, though winked at them when Pepper's back was turned.

"Alright everyone, call your secret girlfriends, find a spot and get ready for the greatest show in the galaxy" Tony bigged up

"Definitely exaggerating"

"Definitely not"

* * *

Natasha had found them an isolated spot out of sight of the others, setting up a blanket and snuggling into Steve's side as they waited for Tony's ultra mega awesome fireworks.

"So how bad are these going to be?"

"I don't know. He's either gonna blow up New York or make a fireworks display that will never be forgotten"

"I'll cheers to that" Steve laughed, clinking his glass with hers. Fireworks started shooting out from the other side of the roof

"Happy Birthday"

"Happy fourth of July"

"I'm Russian. I don't celebrate today"

"Well then, happy 'day that it's acceptable to get really drunk' day"

"Much better" she kissed him gently, tucking her head into the crook of his neck and looking back up at the sky.

"They're beautiful"

"Yeah, they really are"

"I love you Nat"

"I know" she didn't say it back, but he was fine with that. He knew how she felt about him, he didn't need her to say it, despite the fact he wished she would. He pressed a kiss into her hair, wrapping his arm around her.

"Come on Soldier. It's about time I gave you your birthday present" she dropped her tone, whispering in his ear seductively.

"You didn't have to get me anything" he didn't seem to pick up on her tone, so instead she stood up, offering him her hand

"Who said it's for you?" she teased as she took his hand and led him off the roof, swaying her hips ever so slightly.

"You are naughty Agent Romanoff"

"Then punish me Captain"

* * *

**AN: I didn't really check this so if there are any spelling mistakes or sentences that don't make sense, please let me know. If you have any ideas that you desperately, or not so desperately want incorporated into this story, please let me know and I'll try to write them in. I hope you enjoyed, please follow, favourite and review. Constructive criticism is always welcome and appreciated.**


	11. The End of the Road

**AN: I'm so sorry for this chapter. Like really sorry. I don't know where the idea came from or why, but I just had to write it. Don't worry, everything will sort itself out in the end, I think. I haven't quite decided, but I hope you enjoy anyway.**

It happened in slow motion. She watched as he tripped, the food flying off the plates as they slid out his hands, smashing on the floor. Steve had lovingly made them dinner, dinner that was scattered all over the floor.

"Oh shit. You okay?" she sat up, leaning on the back of the couch to look at him

"Yeah, no thanks to you and your stupid shoes" he grumbled. She looked down, noticing her shoes lying on the floor where she had thrown them earlier

"I'm so sorry. I didn't realise I'd left them there" she apologised "I'll help you clean up"

"No, you'll cut yourself, you're not wearing anything on your feet" he pushed her back onto the couch when she went to get up.

"Pass me my shoes" she said when she couldn't reach them from where she was sitting

"If it wasn't for your damn shoes we wouldn't be in this position in the first place. If you just put them away every now and then" he complained, grabbing a towel to clean up the floor

"At least I throw away the empty milk cartons" this was the third time they'd fought this week. Once about the milk, another about the laundry and now one about her shoes.

"Don't turn this around on me. Put your damn shoes away" he growled at her. She seemed taken aback by his tone, but he couldn't seem to bring himself to care.

"And what if I don't want to?" she asked, batting her eyelashes at him

"We are not having sex right now Natasha" Steve threw his hands in the air in exasperation

"I know that"

"We can't have sex every time we have an argument. We have to talk about things like adults" he groaned in exasperation

"I never suggested that we were going to have sex" she argued back

"God, you're unbelievable" he sighed, giving up any hope of cleaning up the mess

"Oh I'm unbelievable? What about you?" she bit back

"What about me?" he asked in shock, narrowing his eyes at her

"I'm not about to do this right now" she sighed, sitting down on the sofa, her head in her hands

"Well we have to do it sometime. We can't keep putting off this conversation" he retaliated. They kept having the same conversations over and over, and quite frankly he was done with her attitude.

"Well maybe I don't want to have this conversation" she snapped

"Fine"

"Fine"

"Good"

"Good" They lulled into an uncomfortable silence, Steve bouncing his knee nervously.

"Can you stop?" she snapped, glaring at him before folding her hands back in her lap.

"Look, I'm gonna go" she got up off the couch, unable to take the silence anymore

"Natasha" he looked up at her, pain in his eyes.

"It's fine Steve, really. We're good, I'll see you later" They both knew that it wasn't fine, and that they couldn't keep ignoring their problems, but fighting was getting them nowhere. Time to cool off was what they both needed. Probably. Hopefully.

* * *

Missions. Sometimes they went well, other times they did not. Sometimes it was a combination of the two. This was one of those times.

"Rogers, what's your status?" she asked over the comms

"All civilians are clear, moving in on the compound now"

"Copy that, you need backup?"

"I've got the east side, send reinforcements for the west and south. You and Barton move in on the north"

"Copy that Captain" They closed in on the building, sneaking through the shadows. The north side of the building was sparsely guarded, so they were able to get in without being seen.

"This is too easy" Clint said

"Cap, you experiencing any resistance on your side?" she asked through the comms

"Nothing"

"Same" Lewis said. He was the current leader of the strike team. He was a good guy, though when on missions with half the Avengers, he often got nervous.

"What are our orders?"

"Continue with caution. We're probably walking into a trap"

"We're definitely walking into a trap"

"Thank you Natasha. We're walking into a trap, continue as planned. Romanoff, Barton, get the information and get back out. Strike, take out as many of these soldiers as possible, remember they may be powered, but we need that information. That's the priority here"

"Yes sir" They infiltrated the building, tracking down what looked like a computer lab. She immediately rushed over to a computer, plugging in the hard drive and downloading any information she could get.

"We have a problem" Clint's worried voice rang out

"What is it?" Steve asked

"The building's rigged to blow. Everyone evacuate now, timers on 3 minutes and counting" there was scrambling over the comms, everyone shouting orders at their men

"You got everything Tash?" Clint asked. She pulled the hard drive out of the computer

"Yep, all done. Let's get out of here" they got out the building with time to spare and were waiting at a safe distance for Steve and one of the strike teams.

"Rogers, you've got 30 seconds" the other strike team had returned, but Steve was yet to surface.

"I know. I'll be out" he reassured them

"What the hell are you doing Rogers?" Natasha asked, a mixture of concern and anger in her voice

"Relax would you, I'm here" Steve skidded up besides them, holding a ginger tabby cat.

"A cat? You went back in for a fucking cat?" she hissed at him

"Can we not do this now?" he asked sharply, turning back to the team

"Whatever" she waved him off, letting him give out orders, though she wasn't listening. It took Clint nudging her to bring her back to the present.

"Just breathe Tash. Keep your calm until we get back, then go off at him. You don't need to fight in front of the other agents" She stewed in silence for the entirety of the flight back, starring daggers at the back of Steve's head.

* * *

"ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME RIGHT NOW?" she yelled at him. They'd landed, debriefed and made it all the way back to the tower before she lost her cool. She was fuming, and as soon as she could she dragged him into the nearest room, which just happened to be a meeting room.

"NO, I'M NOT, 'FUCKING KIDDING YOU RIGHT NOW NATASHA'" he mocked her. He'd so badly wanted to keep calm and have this conversation like normal people, but clearly Natasha had decided that wasn't the best course of action.

"YOU MADE A STUPID DECISION THAT COULD'VE KILLED YOU" she screamed at him.

"WELL I'M STILL ALIVE SO CLEARLY I SHOULD'VE TRIED HARDER" he quipped, yelling back just as loud.

"YOU ARE SO FUCKING PREDICTABLE ROGERS. YOU AND YOUR STUPID SAVIOUR COMPLEX. IT WAS A FUCKING CAT" Why couldn't he understand why she was so angry at him?

"IT WASN'T JUST A CAT. IT WAS ABOUT DOING THE RIGHT THING"

"A CAT IS NOT A PERSON STEVE. IT'S A PRETTY LARGE JUMP FROM CAT TO HUMAN"

"WELL I'M SO SORRY YOU'RE SO OBSESSED WITH SAVING PEOPLE TO MAKE UP YOUR PAST"

"THAT'S DIFFERENT" she defended

"HOW? HOW IS THAT ANY FUCKING DIFFERENT?"

"BECAUSE IT IS AND YOU KNOW IT"

"AT LEAST I DON'T PRETEND I'M NOT INJURED WHEN I AM. I'D RATHER DIE IN THE FIELD OVER AN INFECTION THREE DAYS LATER"

"GOOD FOR YOU! NOT ALL OF US CAN BE CAPTAIN FUCKING AMERICA" She threw a lamp at him in rage, missing and smashing the glass wall behind him. They both knew she missed on purpose, if she had wanted to hit him, she would've.

"That's a little extreme don't you think?" Steve commented, causing her to flare her nostrils at him, a fire burning in her eyes

"That's a little rich coming from you don't you think? After that stunt you pulled earlier" she mocked

"Pity there's no shoes lying around for you to throw at me"

"YOU LITTLE FUCKING-" she cut herself off as she threw a punch at him violently, though he ducked before she could make contact. He threw the first thing his hands found on the table, which happened to be a large folder, hitting her squarely in the chest and knocking her back. Neither of them actually wanted to hurt the other, but they both needed to get out their frustrations, and this was normal for them. Well, they usually sparred in a much more controlled environment, but this was fine too. She promptly had him on the floor in seconds, pinning his arms above his head. Normally when they ended up like this whilst sparring, they would kiss or flirt with one another, but this fight was pure rage from both of them. They fought hard and long, neither pulling their punches until the meeting room was well and truly destroyed. They sat next to each other on the floor, broken glass and furniture surrounding them.

"This is ridiculous" Natasha almost laughed, assessing the state of the room.

"I know, we shouldn't fight like this" Steve replied, looking at her

"No, I mean us. I care about you so much, but I can't keep doing this if you keep acting like you don't give a shit about yourself" It was harsh, but she had to accept that if they never talked, nothing would ever change

"Well I can't keep doing this if you can't accept that sometimes I have to put myself in the line of fire to save others" he retaliated quickly, instantly regretting his tone and sending a small smile over to her.

"I can't do that Steve" she confessed, frowning slightly

"Well neither can I" he replied softly

"Do you think maybe we rushed into this whole thing?" she asked quietly, almost afraid to say the words.

"Maybe. I think we need some time apart right now. To think everything over, see if we actually want this"

"I think that would be for the best" They drifted into silence, not awkward but not comfortable either, both trying to delay the inevitable

"I really don't want to lose you" she admitted, looking into his eyes

"Me either, but this isn't working, and I think we both have to accept that whatever we may feel for each other, maybe isn't the most practical"

"Maybe the idea is better than the reality"

"Yeah" Steve said, getting up from where he was sitting, offering her a hand up. She took it, hauling herself off the floor before coming face to face with him

"Goodbye Steve"

"Bye Nat" they both left the room, going in separate directions. To most people it probably seemed cold and heartless, but to them it was the job. Get it done quickly and efficiently, no room for sentimentality. But that didn't mean that as soon as she was out of sight she didn't collapse onto the floor, head in hands, trying to stop the flow of tears and failing miserably. She tried to calm herself down, concentrate on her breathing, but she couldn't overcome the blinding pain in her chest.

"Natasha?" she heard the tentative voice of Tony from the other end of the hallway. She quickly wiped her tears away, looking up at him with a stoic face

"Hey Stark. Ummm, sorry about the meeting room, there was a bit of an accident and it's kinda wrecked" she apologised quickly, keeping all emotion out of her voice

"I don't care. Is everything okay?" he asked gently. It seemed weird, him being kind without any ulterior motive, and it took her by surprise.

"Yeah, everything's fine" she was a master of deception, she could keep her cool in front of Tony Stark for more than ten seconds.

"You sure?" Goddammit Stark. She could control herself, Tony was not getting the satisfaction of seeing her cry.

"Yeah, all good" she felt a tear roll down her face despite her best efforts. She frantically wiped them away, pushing her head down desperate for him not to see.

"Fuck" she finally gave in, reduced to a quivering mess in the middle of a hallway. She expected Tony to leave, she wouldn't blame him. They weren't exactly the most open with each other at the best of times, let alone now, so when he sat next to her and wrapped his arm around her shoulder she was surprised to say the least.

"If you tell anyone about this-" she threatened, though unable to look at him

"You'll kill me?" he laughed, causing her lips to turn up slightly

"I was actually gonna say cut off your balls but yeah"

"Don't worry, your secrets safe with me Red"

* * *

**AN: If you have any ideas that you desperately, or not so desperately want incorporated into this story, please let me know and I'll try to write them in. I hope you enjoyed, please follow, favourite and review. Constructive criticism is always welcome and appreciated.**


	12. Hulking Out

A month had passed. A long hard month of stony silences and awkward small talk. The rest of the tower's residents had quickly realised that something was wrong, but since none of them knew they were dating in the first place, it had been easy to keep everything under wraps. Although, she didn't really know what had been going on in the tower as of late, as she had being living at her old apartment. She hadn't sold any of her old places, none of them had even after they moved into the tower, just in case they needed them. Granted, this wasn't quite how she expected to need it, hiding out from her ex-boyfriend and all her other friends, but she needed it all the same. She just didn't think she could face anyone, let alone risk a run in with Steve unprovoked.

Currently, she was out buying more vodka. And ice cream. She'd never actually broken up with someone before, but all the movies seemed to point towards ice cream as a solution, and it seemed to work. Or at least it helped her fill the constant pit in her stomach. She missed him, she wasn't too proud to admit that, but she knew they couldn't go back there. They were a disaster together.

"I've seen you round here a lot lately." The lady on the cashier mentioned as she was trying to pay. This is what she got for forgetting her card and having to go to a register. "I recently moved back to the area." The lady took a look at what she was buying, a few pints of ice cream, chocolate, tissues and a lot of vodka, all the breakup essentials, according to the movies. Although she found the vodka a lot more useful than any of the other items.

"Rough breakup?" She assumed, and Natasha couldn't help but chuckle slightly, though it was strained. "Yeah, that's one way of putting it."

"Well cheer up hon, he clearly wasn't worth it." The woman smiled at her kindly, scanning her items. "Yeah, thanks." She quickly paid for her items and left. The lady was wrong though, Steve was worth it, always had been, always would be. God she wished it could've worked, but it was for the best. They weren't practical, and anyway, she wasn't good for him. She couldn't give him the life he deserved, the life that he wanted, the life Captain America wanted. It was easier this way, let him figure out that he was better off without her. At the moment, her current plan was to hide out for a few more weeks before going into to shield and distracting herself with missions and fieldwork, hopefully where she could avoid Steve for even longer. In the meantime, she would eat ice cream and watch crappy movies and wallow in her own self-pity. And drink. That was healthy right?

* * *

There was a knock at the door. Clint was the only person who knew where her apartment was, so she had no reservations about opening the door in her pyjamas, taking a swig of vodka. She couldn't hide her surprise then when Tony was on the other side of the door, leaning casually against the hallway wall. "What the fuck are you doing here?"

Tony ignored her brashness, instead gesturing to her door. "Mind if I come in?" She moved to let him in, shutting the door behind him as he sat on her couch, crinkling his nose up slightly at the smell. She hadn't exactly done the best job at keeping her apartment cared for, but she had thrown most of the empty takeout containers in the trash.

"How did you find this place?" She asked, still standing by the door, slightly shell shocked. There wasn't a trail linking her to this apartment. She rented it using a fake id, that she'd used a fake id to get. "Barton told me. He's on a mission, but he's worried about you, we all are." He admitted, throwing a used tissue in the bin and scrunching up his face in disgust. She finally sat down on the arm of her couch, taking another swig of vodka. "All of you?" She asked, eyebrows raised. She had no idea what Steve was doing, she'd fled the tower before she could find out, but she was sure he wasn't concerned. Just because she still cared about him, didn't mean he felt the same about her.

"Yes, all of us. Look, I don't know what happened, and I don't need to know, that's your business, but I know the tower isn't the same without you, or Rogers." She actually raised her eyebrows at that. "What d'you mean?" She asked in confusion. As far as she knew, Steve was still living in the tower.

"The tower's quiet without you, and with Clint on a mission or at his home-" Tony tried to clarify but she cut him off before he could continue. "No, I meant about Steve." She clarified, trying to look as unaffected as possible. She'd moved out purely so she wouldn't have to see him, and he wouldn't have to see her. It seemed that he'd had much the same idea.

"Oh, he disappeared, much like you did. At least he's come round a few times to let us know he's still alive." Tony explained, flicking on the tv distractedly and taking the tub of ice cream off her coffee table and digging the spoon in. "What flavour is this?"

"Cookie dough. Steve's not at the tower?" She furrowed her eyebrows as she asked the question. "No, he's at his apartment in Brooklyn." He said, scrolling through the channels until he finally landed on a random film from the 40's.

"Typical." She sighed, sliding down so she was sitting on the couch. By now, the vodka bottle was half empty, and she genuinely wasn't sure when she'd started it. All she knew was that she hadn't drunk enough to stop her heart hurting. She should've told him she loved him before it was too late, regardless of if it would've changed things, he deserved to know that she had loved him. That she did love him, she loved him so much.

"Whatever happened Natasha, you and Cap need to make up." Tony turned to face her, one leg crossed over the other and a serious look on his face.

"We don't need to make up, there's nothing wrong between us." She deflected, even though she knew he was right. They couldn't avoid each other forever, and she knew that, but the thought of seeing him right now, all those emotions that she'd barely had time to deal with coming back to the surface, it would just hurt.

"My meeting room begs to differ, and so does Steve's bedroom window, Oh, and the garage. Not to mention your breakdown." He counted on his hands, and she had a feeling he'd missed a lot of things off his list. She had a pretty good idea of what happened to Steve's window, but she couldn't begin to imagine what happened to the garage.

"It wasn't a breakdown." She argued, and he just raised an eyebrow at her. She hated herself for letting anyone, especially Tony see that side of her. She didn't need people constantly worried about her mental state.

"Yes it was, and don't worry, I haven't told anyone, but the fact you both moved out a few hours later says that something happened between you." Tony had clearly thought about the situation, and had clearly come to his own solutions. Solutions that happened to be right but she wasn't about to tell him that.

"This is an argument between friends. We weren't dating Stark." Blatant lie. But it seemed wrong to tell everyone that they were together now that they weren't. The whole reason they didn't tell everyone in the first place was so they could figure out their relationship without everyone meddling in it.

"I never said that. Besides, you couldn't keep it from me if you were, but Clint told me how mad you were at him after your last mission." That damn man couldn't keep anything to himself. "Yeah? Well he was reckless and stupid." She couldn't keep the bite out of her voice. Despite the constant, and quite frankly pitiful sadness she seemed to always feel, that anger, that hurt of potentially losing him, of him dying always came back to her. And she was thankful for it. It was the only thing, well, only thing apart from her pride that stop her crawling back to him.

"That may be, but that's who he is. You can't blame him." She knew that, and she knew he would never change, but that was the problem. She loved him, but she needed him to be alive in order to do that. "It's not quite that simple Tony."

"It can be." He posed. She considered his words for a second. Maybe it really could be that easy, but then she remembered the long list of reasons why they broke up in the first place and everything seemed much more complicated again.

"What did you come here for? Because whilst I'm really appreciating this heart to heart, you don't do things without an ulterior motive." She changed the subject. She didn't want to talk about her emotions anymore, she barely wanted to talk about them in the first place, and she feared any more talking and she'd cry again.

"I did come here on behalf of Barton, but you're right. We need you." Tony admitted. "I'm sure Steve can do it." She scoffed slightly, grabbing her ice cream from him, not particularly caring about the fact he'd been eating off of the spoon.

"The lullaby's not working anymore Natasha. Not properly, Bruce wants to find a new way to calm the Hulk down, and you're the only person the Hulk trusts enough to not kill." He told her, and she looked at him thoughtfully as she ate her ice cream. "I'm flattered"

She considered what Tony had said. She couldn't stop her life just because she didn't want to run into Steve, and he wasn't even living at the tower, the chances of bumping into him were low. And Bruce was right, the lullaby wasn't working anymore, it hadn't for a while, and they needed to fix it. They couldn't risk civilians getting killed when they needed a code green.

"I'll be there tomorrow." She told him, and he clasped his hands together just under his chin, looking at her gratefully. "Thank you."

"No problem." She shrugged. Tony looked at her curiously, and she knew he was itching to say something as his eyes roamed her body. He'd never done that before, at least not as Natasha. As Natalie Rushman, yeah, but he'd never even looked her way once he'd found out her identity.

"When was the last time you ate something that wasn't ice cream? Or were sober?" The drinking was obvious, but he wasn't an idiot, he picked up on small little things most people didn't. Like the fact her clothes that were usually tight were falling off her just a little bit more than usual.

"I'm fine Tony." She insisted, and he just raised an eyebrow at her, calling her out on her bullshit. "Yeah, I'm gonna order you some food."

* * *

The Hulk had always had a soft spot for Natasha, something which baffled them all, but ever since the incident on the Helicarrier, the Hulk had never tried to hurt her, much unlike the other Avengers, who had come into the Hulk's line of fire many times. That was why her and Bruce were currently stood in a forest just outside New York City, alone with minimal contact with Tony.

"You don't have to do this if you don't want to Bruce." She told him, leaning against a tree. She wasn't afraid of the Hulk, at least not as much as she should be. "Yes we do. Are you clear on what you have to do?" He asked. He felt awful about putting her in harms way like this. The lullaby had been a fluke, this was purposefully putting her in a situation where she could get seriously hurt.

She seemed to read his mind, reaching out to give his hand a soft squeeze. "Yep. I trust you Bruce." He nodded in answer, before turning away, contorting in pain as he Hulked up. He let out a loud roar, causing her to back away slightly.

"Hey big guy." He quietened at her words, looking at her curiously, his head cocking to the side. If he hadn't been a massive rage monster, it would've been funny. "Sun's getting real low."

A large roar emanated from his mouth, and she fought to keep her features relaxed and calm. "Good to know, don't say that again." He started moving towards her, not gently or softly, but big thudding steps that scared her a tiny bit. She didn't scare easily, but she figured that this was a forgivable time to absolutely terrified.

"Hulk, calm down buddy. We're alone, no one's going to hurt you here." Speaking softly, she stood her ground. Moving away from him never did any good, although she was starting to think that not moving wasn't going to do her any good.

"It's just me, Natasha. I'm not going to put you or Bruce in danger." Something she had learnt early on is that the Hulk was scared for Bruce. He just wanted to protect Bruce, so when he thought there was danger, he would come out. Similarly, if there was already danger, he didn't like to go back if he thought there was a risk to Bruce. He stopped at her words, and she thought she had finally cracked the key to taming the Hulk.

"ASHA?" He roared, and she sighed in relief, letting her guard down ever so slightly. "Yeah, it's me big guy. Look at me, I'm okay, I'm safe, so are you, it's okay." Maybe she had finally figured out the Hulk, or maybe she hadn't she mused as he picked her up and threw her across the forest. Her vision blurred as she passed out when she landed. The Hulk roared as she hit the ground hard, rolling quickly as she hit a tree. Bruce managed to regained control for long enough to calm down, twisting painfully as he returned. He quickly ran over to Natasha, rolling her over and checking her pulse. She still had one thank god. She wasn't bleeding save for a few scrapes, she was quite lucky when he thought about it. He took her phone out her pocket, dialling Tony. It seemed to ring for eternity before he picked up.

"Everything okay?" Tony asked. He had no visuals on them, so had no idea what was going on. "Uhhh Tony, I think the big guy did something bad."

"What did you do?" Tony asked, concern already seeping into his voice. If Bruce was back and it wasn't Natasha calling him, then it could only mean one of a few things. "I knocked out Natasha."

* * *

"I think we learnt how to tame the Hulk though." Tony commented, giving her an ice pack for her head, before throwing one to Bruce who gingerly placed it over her ribs as she lay down on the couch.

"I'm not getting knocked out every time we want Bruce back." She countered, groaning as she shifted slightly. Her head was pounding, Bruce had already concluded that she had a concussion, and that she'd broken at least one of her ribs.

"And I'm not knocking her out every time we want the Hulk gone." Bruce added, sitting down in the armchair and sighing into his hands.

"Alright, it was just an observation." Tony defended, putting his hands in the air in surrender. Bruce looked up, an idea forming on his face. "Although, it might not be a bad idea." Bruce started before Natasha cut him off.

"Absolutely not. Look, I love you Bruce, but a concussion and broken ribs are not worth it." She told him, tilting her head to look at him and instantly regretting it as she felt her brain roll around in her skull. At least that was what it felt like.

"Agreed, but when you got hurt, the Hulk lost control, almost like he felt bad." Bruce tried to explain, but he couldn't figure out the words to describe the feeling. "So what? We make Hulk feel?"

"Maybe, if we make the Hulk think that we're injured, maybe he'll feel bad enough that Bruce can regain control." Tony suggested, and it wasn't a terrible idea, but the idea of being thrown into a tree again didn't exactly comfort her. "Well count me out. At least I'll get some medical leave so I can-"

"Avoid Cap?" Tony interrupted, and she glared at him. She didn't appreciate being told that, besides, she wasn't avoiding him. Just making sure she didn't run into him. There was a difference. "That wasn't what I was going to say." She argued, though her head was pounding too loud to actually form any sort of argument.

"Speak of the devil." Bruce said, turning around to face Steve who just walked in the room. She rolled her eyes, she knew Tony had something to do with this.

"How'd it go?" Steve asked. She shrunk into the couch, although she knew he couldn't see her anyway. But if he couldn't see her, then it was like she wasn't there right?

She glared at Tony, and he just shrugged. "I'm gonna kill you." Tony may not have known the whole situation between them, but he was meddling and she didn't appreciate it.

"Not great." Bruce told Steve, unaware of the death threats she was hissing Tony's way. "Well you're back to Bruce so it can't have gone that badly." Steve said, and Bruce let out a small chuckle. Her broken ribs would disagree that it 'can't have gone that bad'.

"Yeah, well turns out the Hulk doesn't like Natasha anymore." Bruce said, glancing over to her. She really needed to eat something so she could take some sort of painkillers, but the just the thought of moving hurt.

"Nat's here?" She couldn't figure what he was thinking, and she didn't like it. She used to know everything about him, and now she couldn't even figure out surprise from shock from anger.

"Hey." She waved her hand over the top of the couch awkwardly, making her presence known, although didn't bother moving the rest of her body. It hurt too much. He walked round the side of the couch looking at her. God this was weird. When she imagined seeing Steve for the first time, she didn't imagine it with broken ribs and a migraine that just wouldn't quit.

"What happened?" His voice changed as he looked at her, so small on the giant couch. It was gentler, and full of care, just like it would've been before…before they broke up.

"Bruce threw me into a tree." She quipped dryly, and a low throaty chuckle escaped his lips. "My bad."

Tony not very subtly elbowed Bruce in the ribs, gesturing for them to leave the room. Not that Natasha or Steve noticed. They were too busy avoiding looking at each other to pay attention to either of them as they snuck out.

"You okay?" He asked gently, although he didn't sit down. Part of her wished he would, that they could go back to normal, but that was wishful thinking, and it would never happen. This was just their new normal now.

"Yeah, it just hurts." The ice pack resting on her ribs shifted and fell to the floor as she spoke, causing her to wince as she tried to bend over to pick it back up. "Here." He stopped her, picking it up for her and placing it over the blanket, applying gentle pressure to her stomach, finally sitting down next to her.

"Uhhh, thanks." They sat in silence for a while, the only noises were her slight wincing as she adjusted her position every now and then.

"So it didn't go well then?" He said slightly awkwardly, and she chuckled, wincing at the flash of pain it sent through her. "You could say that."

"Did you learn something at least?" He asked, cocking his head to the side slightly as he peered at her curiously. "We think we have an idea of what could work." She didn't try to explain it, she knew Bruce and Tony would fill him in later. Besides, her brain was pretty fuzzy and she was fairly sure she'd miss out bits of important information.

"You're not trying again until you know it's going to work." Steve ordered her, his voice in Captain America mode. That riled her slightly, he wasn't her boyfriend anymore, he didn't get to tell her what she could and couldn't do. "Steve, you can't stop me from doing what I want to." She bit back at him. She hated talking to him like that, but it was the only way it didn't hurt to see him.

"I'm not saying that as your ex Natasha. I'm saying it as the person in charge of this team, we can't lose you as an asset." His words stung, but at least she knew he was moving on from her. It was better that way, that's what she was telling herself anyway.

"I should go home, get some rest. You should stay, have a drink with Tony and Bruce, I think they need it, especially Bruce. I'll see you later." She shrugged the blanket off her, grunting as she sat up, holding her head in her hands as it lolled about in her skull.

"You haven't been eating." He noted, looking at her frame. It wasn't exactly subtle, she'd lost the small layer of fat that most people wouldn't even know existed in the first place, and her muscles were less defined than before. "Yeah, well I've been drinking instead." She almost laughed, and he frowned at her. He knew she had the tendency to let go of herself, he knew that and he should've been checking on her. Regardless of their lack of relationship, he should've have been making sure she was okay, or at least sent someone else to check on her.

"I'm gonna go home." She said more firmly, pulling herself off the couch, only semi grateful for Steve's hand finding her back and helping her up. She pulled away from him quickly though, and she told herself that the only reason she accepted his help in the first place was because of the amount of pain she was in. Not the fact she just wanted to touch him because she missed him.

"Yeah, I'll ummm… I'll see you soon though. I miss hanging out with you." He shoved his hands in his pockets awkwardly, looking down at his feet. She didn't know what to think about that, she missed him too, of course, she missed him more than anything. But she needed to get away, she needed to escape him, escape the thoughts that were slowly pushing back into her head that she'd fought so hard to get rid of over the past month.

"Me too." Instead of saying everything she wanted to say, she settled on those lame words before making her exit, sighing as she got in the elevator. She was an emotional balloon, and she felt like she was about to blow up, and it wasn't just because of her headache. Seeing Steve again had her emotionally raw, and she wasn't sure how to process everything. She thought she'd gotten over him, but she was realising now that maybe she wasn't coping well. And he was right, she hadn't been eating, not properly, and quite frankly, she couldn't remember the last time she worked out. She finally gave into her instincts all week, pulling out her phone and dialling quickly

"Clint?" She asked nervously, glancing around the elevator as if someone else was there even though she knew she was alone.

"Natasha? Thank god. Are you okay?" He immediately picked up on her tone, concern evident in her voice and she just couldn't hold it in anymore. "No." Her voice sounded weak and broken as she admitted it, and she hated it. She hated sounding as broken as she actually was, even with Clint.

"What's going on?" He asked her gently, trying to be as calming as possible. "Can you get back to New York? I think I need to talk."

* * *

**AN: If you have any ideas that you desperately, or not so desperately want incorporated into this story, please let me know and I'll try to write them in. I hope you enjoyed, please follow, favourite and review. Constructive criticism is always welcome and appreciated.**


	13. Much Needed Advice

**AN: So some people are going to talk some much needed sense into Steve and Natasha. Some of this doesn't read entirely right to me but I hope you enjoy anyway!**

* * *

Clint had told her to meet him at the farm, which she appreciated. It was nice to get out of the city for a while, and she wondered why she didn't do it more often. It was so much easier to think without all the distractions and the noise that was constant in New York, and getting to see her favourite people in the world was just a bonus. She'd been reluctant at first, she knew she was in a fragile state, and she didn't want the kids or even Laura to see her that way. She pulled up to the farmhouse, shutting off the engine. She pressed the heels of her hands into her eyes, sighing before getting out. She grabbed her bag from the passenger seat before slamming the door shut, wincing slightly as it reverberated through the open surroundings. She walked up to the door, gravel crunching underneath her feet. Laura opened the door as she approached, immediately smiling at her. She couldn't bring herself to smile back at her, and Laura's smile faded, eyebrows furrowed as she tried to gauge the mood.

"Oh honey, come here" Laura opened her arms to her, and suddenly she just couldn't keep it all in anymore. She practically fell into her arms, crying into her shoulder, actual proper tears as she completely lost control. Laura led her inside, sitting her down on the couch and making her a cup of tea.

"We broke up" Natasha finally said three cups of tea later, having stopped sobbing.

"What happened? Last Clint said the pair of you were happy" Laura didn't need to be told they'd broken up, Natasha was sure Clint had already told her everything he knew, but she appreciated the effort.

"We're not compatible" she said simply, wiping her eyes with her sleeve

"Bull" Laura scoffed, handing her another cup of tea and sitting down next to her.

"We just can't agree on anything. It wasn't going to work out" she deflected, hugging a pillow to her stomach.

"Explain" she demanded, setting down her mug on the table

"I leave my shoes everywhere, he always puts empty milk cartons back in the fridge. We're constantly arguing, it's exhausting" she knew it was a weak argument, but how could she possibly actually voice what was wrong when she didn't even know it herself?

"Every couple argues about that sort of stuff. Believe it or not, that's normal. You're out of the honeymoon phase, welcome to the real world. Not everything can be perfect all the time Nat. Relationships are about compromises, you do something for him, he does something for you"

"That's not it though. He doesn't understand that his life is worth more than others sometimes. He'll risk his life even if it means only saving one person. And I respect that. But it's unnecessary half the time. And he'll never stop doing that"

"Okay, that's not normal couple stuff, but have you thought about what he feels?" Laura posed, taking Natasha's now empty mug and putting in on the table.

"He doesn't-" she started before Laura cut her off

"Are you seriously telling me you've never put yourself in danger unnecessarily?" she asked, raising her eyebrows at her

"Well no, but-"

"Then he could feel the exact same"

"Yeah but I don't think-" she tried to say, but Laura cut her off again before she could continue.

"Natasha" she warned, halting Natasha's fast flowing words.

"Alright. Fine. Maybe it might be potentially possible that Steve feels the same. But that's not the point" Natasha conceded, sighing loudly.

"Then what is Tash?" she asked gently

"I don't know…it's just…I don't know what all these emotions are, and I don't want to hurt him. So this is just easier" she could feel tears start to form in her eyes as she spoke, and she rubbed her eyes frantically with her jumper to stop them.

"I'm gonna give you a hard truth here Nat. You've pushed people away your entire life, because you had to. You've lived through some tough shit and you had to do it to survive. But you don't anymore, and pushing the people who care about you away is just going to hurt you, and them. I've never seen you happier than you've been recently, don't throw that all away because you're afraid Nat" she hugged Natasha softly, rubbing her arm though she kept her gaze hard.

"I'm not afraid…just scared" she admitted quietly, and if Laura wasn't so close, she probably wouldn't have heard.

"The two are synonymous" Laura pointing out, a small smile on her face.

"I just don't know what to do Laura" The tears were threatening to spill out now, and she couldn't seem to stop them.

"Why don't you talk to him?" Laura asked kindly

"And admit I was wrong. No chance in hell" she laughed, diverting her gaze away from Laura.

"So you dumped him?" she asked in clarification.

"I didn't dump him" Natasha defended

"He dumped you?" Laura asked in shock, unconvinced he would do that.

"It was mutual, sorta. I just don't know what I should do. Or if I should even do something" Laura had never seen Natasha this uncertain or wound up about anything before. She'd known from what Clint said they had something special, but she hadn't realised until now quite how special it was.

"Do you see a future with him?" she asked, looking deeply into Natasha's eyes to find an answer

"I'm sorry?" Natasha was taken aback by the question. Regardless, she thought seriously about the question. Did she see a future with Steve? She honestly didn't know.

"Do you see a future with him?" Laura repeated

"It doesn't matter what I want" she said, curling her legs up to her chest, looking down at her feet. It was an obvious tell, and she couldn't figure out if she was doing it on purpose or not.

"Natasha" Laura admonished, clearly unhappy with her answer. She saw a tear fall down Natasha's cheek, wiping it away gently but not mentioning it.

"I just don't want to hurt him, and I will if I let our relationship continue" she tried to explain, but even she couldn't properly understand her own thinking.

"I think it's too late for that Tash" Laura joked, smiling at her. She hoped Natasha would at least crack a small smile, but nothing.

"Isn't it better for him to hurt now than for me to lead him on only to hurt him more?" Natasha asked, hiccuping slightly as she tried to hold back heavy sobs.

"That depends"

"On what?" she asked, clueless.

"Were you leading him on?" Laura didn't believe she was, but it didn't matter what she thought. It only mattered what Natasha thought about everything.

"No" she said almost defensively

"So he's hurting, you're hurting. Why? Don't you want to be happy?"

"Of course I do. Just...just not with Steve"

"I'm sorry?"

"He's so good, and kind, and I'm so...not. I don't deserve him, and he doesn't deserve me. He wants a nice, normal life with a wife, two and a half kids and a dog. And I can't give that to him, let alone decide if I even want it"

"And how do you know all this?" Laura asked, almost rolling her eyes at her.

"I...I just do. He's Captain fucking America for gods sake" Natasha buried her face in her hands in frustration.

"So you ended things with him because you think, emphasis on think, that he wants a normal life. Maybe he doesn't want that" she posed. For a spy, she really could be thick sometimes.

"I know he does"

"Have you asked him?" Laura asked

"Well no, but-"

"Once upon a time, all that was probably true, but things might've changed for him" Laura said, getting up from the couch and grabbing the mugs.

"I doubt it" she scoffed

"You won't know unless you ask" she called back from the kitchen. They lulled into a comfortable silence, Natasha slurping her tea quietly.

"So where are the kids?" she finally asked

"It's 11am on a Thursday Nat, they're at school" Laura laughed

"Huh, I forgot school was a thing"

* * *

"So, what happened?" Pepper finally managed to corner Steve in her office. She'd been trying to find either Steve or Natasha for the last month, with very little success. So she viewed this as a personal victory, the pair were hard enough to find when they weren't hiding, let alone when they were.

"I have no clue what you're talking about" Steve played dumb, sitting casually on the couch.

"Cut the crap Steve. D'you really expect me to believe that both you and Natasha move out of the tower and are both unseen for a month. So you either moved in with each other outside the tower, or you broke up. I'm willing to bet the latter" she lent against her desk, folding her arms and narrowing her eyes at him.

"It's really complicated Pepper. You really don't want to know" he deflected

"I really do, now spill" she moved across the room, sitting down in the armchair and crossing her legs.

"We broke up" he said bluntly, having resigned himself to the conversation

"I figured that on out. Why?" Pepper almost laughed as she asked the question. Did they really think she was stupid enough not to realise?

"I don't know" he said simply, drumming his fingers against the leather of the sofa.

"You don't know?" she repeated, raising her eyebrows at him.

"Yes, I don't know. One day we were fine, and then we started arguing and then we broke up" That was a lie. He did have some idea why they broke up, but everything happened so quickly it was a blur to him, a blur he didn't particularly like dwelling on.

"You know Tony and I broke up once, well twice" she told him, sitting down opposite him.

"Really? I had no idea" Steve was shocked to say the least. He knew Tony and Pepper weren't without their issues, but he never realised it had ever gotten that bad before.

"Well the first time was before we met any of you. We were building this very tower and we started arguing. We couldn't see eye to eye and decide to end things before it got messy"

"I thought you were together when we met" he said, furrowing his eyebrows as he tried to remember back that far.

"We were, Tony's very good at apologising to me" Pepper laughed, seemingly looking back at the time.

"What did he say?" Steve asked, suddenly very curious about Pepper and Tony's relationship.

"That's irrelevant. What works on me won't work on Natasha, assuming you want her back" Pepper said, asking the real question. If he didn't even want Natasha back, then there was no point in even having this conversation.

"I don't even know if I do. We wouldn't work in the long term, it's just easier to cut our losses" he said coldly. In his head, he knew it wasn't true, but it was easier to think of it that way.

"A relationship isn't a tactical decision Steve. You can't weigh up the pros and cons of it. If you do, it's never going to work. Love is a feeling, and you can't make sense of it. If you could, it would defeat the point of it existing in the first place" Pepper got up, pouring a glass of scotch for each of them.

"You said you broke up twice, when was the second time?" he asked, bending over and taking the offered drink.

"Before Ultron. I got hurt and Tony promised he would give up Iron Man, but he couldn't. We figured things out, and we're stronger than ever, but for him to balance his two lives was difficult"

"So he compromised?" he clarified. It's not that he didn't think that little of Tony, but he never would've thought he'd be willing to give up Iron Man. Maybe Pepper had a point.

"Yes, but I did too. I told him I'd spend more time with him, that's why we have a weekly date night. We needed a way to talk to each other without getting caught up in work, or superheroes. Relationships are all about compromise Steve, it doesn't matter how much you give up, if Natasha can't do the same it's never going to work. But you have to meet in the middle" Pepper gave him the hard truth, and whilst he knew it was true, he wasn't sure if him and Natasha could do that.

"And what if we can't?" he voiced his thoughts

"Then I'd say you break up, but you've already done that" she smirked slightly

"That's really useful advice. Thanks so much Pepper" he said dryly, cocking his head to one side

"You've really been spending too much time with Natasha" Pepper laughed, though Steve didn't seem amused

"Well we saw how well that went" he quipped back, though he had a sad look in his eyes

"Look, do you want my advice or not?" she asked bluntly.

"Technically you came to me" he pointed out. Pepper arched an eyebrow at him, challenging his statement

"Okay, I might need some help. I just don't think Natasha wants to hear it"

"And why do you think that?"

"You're like a teacher" he commented, sounding snarkier than he meant to.

"Well this teacher will give you detention if you don't answer her question" she indulged him in the joke, not taking offence. That's what he loved about Pepper, things just rolled off her back like that.

"Every time anything went wrong, it's like she was constantly looking for a fight"

"Maybe she was"

"What d'you mean?"

"Look, you're terrible at relationships, we've already covered that, but has it ever occurred to you that Natasha knows ever less than you do? I mean for gods sake, she was kidnapped as a child and raised into an assassin. She was taught that love is a weakness, she's probably terrified"

"I don't get what this has to do with me"

"You're useless. She's scared of hurting you Steve, so she pushed you away and you let her. And there are probably some deep, _deep, _underlying problems that you need to sort out because from what I can tell, your relationship wasn't healthy, but they're not the end of the world. If you really want to, you can fix things between the two of you, but it cant be one sided. You cant force her into anything she doesn't want, and equally she cant force you into anything, because you'll both end up miserable"

"Thanks Pepper"

"Anytime. That's what I'm here for. Sort out the Avengers social problems and occasionally run a business" she joked, getting up from the chair.

"I'll let you get on with that then" he chuckled, mirroring her actions.

"I mean it Steve, anytime you want" Pepper pulled him into a hug, unexpected but good. He flashed her a smile before leaving, stewing over her words. Could he actually fix things between them, or was it pointless to try and get Natasha back? Was she actually worth all the pain and anger? Yes, of course the answer was yes. Natasha would always be worth it, but he wasn't sure he was able to face the heartbreak of her fully rejecting him. Maybe it was easier to move on. But then again, it was Natasha.

* * *

**AN: If you have any ideas that you desperately, or not so desperately want incorporated into this story, please let me know and I'll try to write them in. I hope you enjoyed, please follow, favourite and review. Constructive criticism is always welcome and appreciated.**


	14. Rising out of the Ashes

**AN: The chapter we've all been waiting for, at least I have so I hope you have too. I hope you enjoy, after all, this chapter is the reason I decided to break them up in the first place.**

* * *

Things were still tense between the two of them since their breakup, as was expected, but they were still partners professionally. They both asked Fury for a reassignment, but he refused, leaving them in an awkward middle ground. They got the job done as always, quickly and effectively, but travelling to and from locations was rough. They were civil enough, but they weren't exactly great company. They had gotten back to the tower, getting in the elevator in silence as they travelled up to the kitchen. She leant against the wall, crossing her arms as the elevator shuddered and stopped.

"What the…"

"I think we're stuck"

"You think?" she said sarcastically

"Well I don't know, call Stark" he quipped back. They'd been in each other's company non-stop for the last 48 hours, and they were well past being sick of each other.

"Alright, calm down" she didn't mean for her voice to sound as condescending as it came out, and she could tell Steve took some offence.

"I'll do it then shall I?" he asked, raising his eyebrow

"Sorry, sorry. I'll do, it'll take you five years to find his contact" she said, not being able to stop making fun of him despite herself

"Oh you are something" he muttered as she dialled Tony

"Блядь" she swore, hanging up the phone

"No answer?" Steve asked

"Nope" she said, pocketing the phone and sitting down

"What are you doing?" he questioned

"I'm sitting down. I'm sore and we're probably going to be here a while before Stark gets his shit together" she explained. He paused, before sitting down on the other side of the elevator, letting the silence fall over them once more.

* * *

Tony was in the middle of fixing the fridge after Clint had broken by slamming the door shut after finding out there was no bacon.

"Clint, pop down to by lab and get my spanner would you? It's on the worktop next to my computer" Tony asked

"Sure" Clint headed to the elevator waiting for it to come. After five minutes of waiting, he started aggressively hitting the down button.

"What's got your knickers in a twist this time?" Tony called

"The elevator won't come"

"Have you tried calling it?" Tony asked condescendingly

"Yes I've tried calling it. I know how to use technology, I'm not Steve" Clint snarked

"Then what's wrong?" he asked, pushing himself out from underneath the fridge.

"I don't know. You're the tech genius, you look" Tony came over to look at the doors, before getting his screwdriver and removing the panel behind the buttons.

"Yeah, it's stuck" Tony confirmed, setting down his tools on the counter.

"No shit Sherlock"

"I can't even use the emergency call to see if anyone's in it" Tony commented, fiddling with the wires

"Have you seen anyone in the past hour?" Clint told him

"No, but this place is usually pretty quiet during the day. Who's even home?" Tony asked.

"Pepper's at a meeting, Thor's on Asgard, Natasha and Steve are on a mission, and I think Bruce is helping Shield develop its information on radiation" Clint said, listing people off his fingers

"So no one's stuck in it, that's good but we should probably fix it soon as. I may have accidently blown up the stairs last week and I haven't gotten around to fixing it yet" he looked away guiltily. He was planning on calling the buildings today to fix them, but he'd gotten rather distracted when Clint broke the fridge.

"Seriously?" he asked with disbelief. "How long is it going to take to fix?"

"At least a couple of hours, I reckon 4 minimum"

"And Maximum? Because I promised Laura I'd be back before the kids go to bed" he asked, glancing at the clock.

"It could be over twelve, I'm sorry mate, you're not getting out of here anytime soon" Tony at least looked apologetic as he looked at Clint.

"Why did Steve and Tash have to take the jet?" Clint complained resting his head in his hands in defeat.

* * *

"How long do you reckon we'll be here?" he said, finally breaking the silence.

"No clue. I cant even find any wiring to try and get some communication with Tony"

"We've already been here for an hour, how long could it possibly take to fix an elevator?" he posed, pacing around as much as the small box would let him.

"Knowing Tony, this isn't just a broken elevator. He probably put all kinds of advanced tech in here. We could be in here for a long time yet" she said calmly, resting her head against the wall.

"Great" he groaned sarcastically, closing his eyes.

"Oh stop complaining, it's not that bad"

"How are you so clear headed? You didn't sleep at all on the plane home" he asked, cracking an eye open to look at her.

"It's my job to be level headed Steve, regardless of external factors" she laughed slightly, sleepily closing her eyes

"This is stupid" he finally said after a lapse in conversation.

"What is?" she asked, looking at him confused.

"Us fighting, not being together. I miss you Nat" he admitted, staring deep into her eyes.

"Steve, we can't go there again" she deflected. She wasn't sure she could take the heartbreak again if they did.

"I know, we don't work practically. We never agree on anything"

"I wish we could make us work, we're just too different"

"This is awful"

"Huh?" she didn't quite understand what he was trying to say

"I can't live with you and I can't live without you" he almost chuckled

"Maybe we could try and make it work" she posed, afraid to look at him.

"We've been there Nat. We were a time bomb, just waiting to blow up. We were miserable"

"I'm more miserable now. I need you Steve, I can't sleep, I can't concentrate, I can't do anything" she admitted, turning her head to look at him nervously.

"If we go down this road, we can never come back. If this doesn't work, I'm not sure I won't lose you forever. I don't want to risk never seeing you again" he said, his eyes watering as he thought about it.

"I do" she couldn't believe she was saying it, but she couldn't give up on him.

"Nat" he started

"If we're not meant to be Steve, we're not meant to be. It wouldn't be surprising, a soldier and a spy together, it's doomed from the start. But there's something about you Steven Grant Rogers, and I don't think I'll ever get over you"

"I can't lose you" A rouge tear escaped his eye as he said it.

"I'm afraid that risk comes with the job soldier" she joked, causing him to chuckle

"We'll have to compromise" he repeated the words Pepper had said to him previously, finally believing her words.

"No more putting yourself in danger when it's not necessary" she stated, raising her eyebrow at him.

"I'll work on it. No more overreacting when I do though"

"I can't do that Steve. I always worry about you, the thought of losing you is so awful that I can't even consider it"

"Natasha, please, at least try"

"I'll tone it down"

"Thank you, and no more pretending you're not injured"

"I'll try. No more leaving your sweaty clothes on the couch"

"Done, as long as you put your shoes away"

"I can handle that"

"This'll be a tough one, but can you please get rid of the weapons in my bed? Everywhere else in my apartment is fine but I draw the line at sleeping with knives"

"Technically there aren't any knives in your bed, only a few guns and a spear"

"A spear? Where the hell did you get a spear from?" he asked in surprise, although things like that really shouldn't shock him anymore.

"I'll get rid of the weapons, but only the ones in your bed. I'm not getting myself killed because there wasn't a weapon on hand when I needed one" she said, expertly avoiding his question about the spear.

"And no more hogging the duvet" he laughed

"I'm afraid that's not possible Rogers, however you will stop making all those pancakes. It's bad for my health" she quipped back, smiling at him.

"You Natasha Romanoff are bad for my health. You're like a disease, no matter how hard I try I just can't get rid of you" he shuffled closer to her, nudging her arm with his.

"I don't think I want you to" she couldn't resist any longer, kissing him gently on the lips before pulling back.

"I love you Natasha"

"Steve-" she started to speak before he cut her off

"No, before you say anything, I don't expect you to say it back"

"Steve, listen to me"

"It's fine Natasha, I don't want you to feel any pressure" he rambled

"Would you shut up for one second" she snapped, causing him to quieten. She took a deep breath before continuing

"I love you too Steve. And I'm sorry I couldn't say it sooner, if I had, well maybe these last few weeks would've been different, but I just couldn't lie to you, and I'm sorry" A tear escaped her eye, and he swiped her cheek gently to get rid of it. She'd finally said the words she was so afraid to say, and it felt like a weight was lifted off her shoulders.

"You have nothing to be sorry for. I know how hard it is for you to trust people, and I'm so glad that you do trust me. I love you Nat"

"If I had just figured everything out earlier than none of this would've happened, and everything would be fine" Steve could tell she blamed herself for their breakup, and he hated it.

"You never needed to say it Natasha. I always knew. You may be a spy but you've always been an open book to me. And I made a mistake"

"You did nothing wrong Steve"

"I let you push me away, you wanted me to fight for us and instead I let you go. I shouldn't have done that" he apologised

"I shouldn't have tested you like that" she said guiltily.

"You weren't doing it on purpose, you were doing exactly what you've always been told to do, and I should've paid more attention to what you were actually saying"

"I was being childish, and for that I am sorry"

"I'm really tired of being sorry" he let out a sigh of air.

"Me too. Can we draw a line under this? Cause I really miss you"

"We'll have to work hard at this"

"Agreed, I'm never letting you go again"

"At least that's something we can agree on" he laughed before being jolted by the elevator starting to move.

"Perfect timing, because no offense Steve but you stink" she laughed, pushing him away playfully.

"Speak for yourself" he joked, kissing her lightly.

"I love you Steve"

"I love you too Nat"

* * *

AN: If you have any ideas that you desperately, or not so desperately want incorporated into this story, please let me know and I'll try to write them in. I hope you enjoyed, please follow, favourite and review. Constructive criticism is always welcome and appreciated.


	15. Team Bonding

**AN: So our first chapter back with them together. Yay! But you can definitely assume there's been a time gap between the last chapter and this one. But have some fluff because you all deserve it.**

* * *

"Coulson, what the hell are we doing here?" Tony moaned as they stepped out the bus into a clearing in the forest.

"Well, after Natasha shot you three times last week, Fury thought it would be good to do some team bonding" Coulson explained, staring at Natasha, who simply shrugged and looked at her nails.

"That doesn't explain why we're in the middle of the woods" Skye said, staring at her surroundings.

"Well I wanted to go to a fancy hotel but there were some budget cuts" May explained, staring daggers at Coulson.

"So, we're going camping" There was a collective groan from everyone, even Steve who actually enjoyed going outside.

"Everyone grab a bag and follow me" Coulson yelled over them, walking away from the plane. They shuffled around before running to catch up with Coulson and May.

"AC, do we really need all this stuff? There's a giant coat in this bag and it must be at least 90 degrees out here" Skye complained, peering into her duffel bag.

"Because, it can get really cold at night, despite the temperature during the day" Coulson explained

"But-" Skye started

"Oh stop moaning, at least you got a light bag" Sam complained, struggling with his own bag. They eventually came to a clearing where they dumped their stuff on the ground.

"It's two to a tent so everyone grab someone and start setting up"

"Bagsy Rhodey" Tony yelled immediately

"Aww man" Rhodey complained as Tony dragged him away to try and figure out the tent. They all split up, deciding on who would go where. Steve and Natasha wandered away from the group, finding a spot to pitch their tent.

"So, should I be offended that no one else wanted to camp with me?" Steve joked, unpacking the tent from the bag.

"Nah, I think they planned it, and by 'they' I mean Clint and Tony"

"Why?"

"Haven't you noticed all the suspected couples are together, even Skye and Sam are together. Clint and Tony put themselves with Bruce and Rhodey" she pointed out, turning him to look at the other groups around them.

"Oh yeah. Good deduction Sherlock" he said genuinely, and she couldn't help the small snort that escaped her as she laughed at his obliviousness.

"Well, I wasn't hired by two secret government agencies because of my pretty face" she grinned

"You do have a very pretty face though" he complimented, smiling sweetly at her

"You do know how to make a girl feel special" she quipped, smirking at him whilst getting the poles out the bag.

"It's one of my many talents" he joked as she quickly kissed him on the cheek.

"Don't suppose one of your many talents is putting up a tent?" she asked, trying to figure out the tent poles she'd just gotten out.

"As a matter of fact, I can actually put up a tent, which I think is more than can be said for you" he laughed, taking the poles off her and easily connecting them.

"I'll have you know that I can put up a tent Steven. I'm the Black Widow" she told him, taking the poles back off him, trying to figure out where they went. She pouted as she felt herself unsure of what to do, trying to jam the pole into a non existent hole.

"Alright, I suppose you won't be wanting my help then, Madame Widow" he mocked, feeding the pole she was holding through the correct hole.

"Nope, I got this. Help set up the fire or something" she said, determined to prove her point, snatching the poles away from him as she rifled through the bag for instructions.

"Ohh, I think I'm good right here" he said, sitting down on a log next to the tent.

_1 hour later….._

"Steve?" a voice from under the tent fabric called. The tent was still in a heap on the ground, and as far as he could tell, Natasha hadn't made any progress

"Yes Natasha?" he asked sweetly, pulling up the fabric to see her face, covered in dirt

"So, my intensive training never prepared me for this. You know, it's not really my skillset, given I'm a seductive assassin. Not a… person who camps" she started rambling

"Natasha, are you asking me for help?" he tried his best not to laugh, though her dirty face did nothing to stop the humour of the situation.

"Maybe" she hid her head back under the fabric to hide her embarrassment.

"I love you" he grinned, quickly pecking her on the lips before giving her a hand out of the mess she'd made.

"I'm sorry Steve, I really thought I could do this" she apologised as he moved around the tent

"I know you did, and I know how you want to prove yourself to everyone, prove that you're not just some girl who got everywhere on your looks, which by the way no one thinks. But you never have to prove yourself to me, because I don't care whether you're a mess or not, cause you're my mess, and I will always be there to help you" Steve told her, grabbing her hand gently

"Steve…" she had no words, sometimes, she truly didn't deserve that man

"Okay, so you see that rope by your left foot? You're going to put one of those giant nails through the loop on the end and hammer it into the ground right where I put it" he told her before she could say anything more. She busied herself with the task as he fed the poles into the tent to give it some shape

"Okay, what do I do now?" she asked

"Repeat that with all the ropes"

Eventually, they got the tent up and their sleeping bags in the tent before joining everyone else who was trying to light a fire.

"Finally, we thought you guys got lost" Coulson joked, prodding the sticks on the fire.

"Nah, we just had a bit of trouble with the tent"

"Awww, can Natashalie and Capsicle not put up a tent?" Tony mocked. She thought it was rich coming from him as Rhodey put up their tent, but he decided not to mention it.

"Actually-" Natasha started before Steve cut her off

"Actually, we just didn't want to help with the fire, but you guys clearly don't know what you're doing" Steve interrupted, to which she flashed him a smile

"You're getting better at lying" she whispered into his ear when everyone else was looking away.

"These logs are wet" Steve told them after inspecting the fire.

"No, they're not" Clint argued, touching the logs "See?"

"The logs on the bottom are wet, someone needs to go get more, and some kindling" Steve informed them, rolling his eyes at the apparent lack of survival skills within the group.

"WHERE'S THE ALCOHOL?" Tony yelled from across the clearing

"It's in the cooler" May answered easily

"WHERE'S THE COOLER?" Tony yelled again, almost hysterical. He was running around frantically searching all the bags

"With all the other stuff" Rhodey told him

"IT'S NOT HERE" Tony started sobbing dramatically on the floor. So much so that they couldn't be sure he was joking.

"Alright, calm down Tony, I'm sure it's here somewhere" Natasha said, walking over to the pile off stuff. After searching around for a while, she turned to face the rest of the group

"So?" Clint asked

"It's not here"

"NOOOOOOOO!" Tony screamed, curling into a ball

"He has a problem" Vision whispered to Wanda

"You're telling me" she laughed

"Look Tony, it's okay, some of us will go back to the bus and get it"

"And the others will go out and get some dry wood for the fire" Steve added

"Romanoff, Rogers, you go back to the bus, Barton, May, Wilson, go find some dry wood. Everyone else will set up the supplies here" Coulson said

"And break"

* * *

"Isn't this lovely, a nice stroll through the woods to get our alcoholic friend a drink" Steve laughed

"Admit it Steve, most of us are alcoholics" she joked

"Yes, but most of us can go a day without having a drink" he pointed out. She thought about it for a moment before replying.

"Speak for yourself" Steve snorted at her.

"Race you back to the plane" she laughed, running off before he had even registered her words

"No fair" he complained, taking off after her.

They were both panting by the time they got back to the plane. It was much further than they had remembered, especially as they kept getting lost.

"Oh god, I need to get in shape" she complained, hunching over in exhaustion.

"If you need to get in shape then god help me" he panted, wiping a bead of sweat off his forehead.

"What are you on about? You're a specimen" she admired, looking at his abs rippling under his t-shirt.

"I found the cooler" he said, drawing her attention away from his gorgeously perfect abs. God, just looking at him got her all flustered.

"We should probably get back" she shook her head, bringing herself back to reality.

"Yeah, we should" he was looking at her with that look again. His eyes were full of lust, much like she imagined her own to be.

"Or, maybe we couldn't find the cooler" she counted, raising her eyebrows

"Yeah, we searched all over" he laughed, pulling her over to him

"Yeah" He smashed his lips against her, passionately kissing her. She jumped into his arms, wrapping her legs around his waist. He pushed her against the wall, kissing her neck. He pulled her vest top off, throwing it away from them.

"Steve" she moaned, pulling his shirt over his head. She pulled his lips back to hers, gently biting his bottom lip. He swiftly unbuckled her bra, throwing it with the increasing pile of other clothes. He returned his attention to her neck, kissing and sucking on the skin, making her moan in pleasure.

"Please Steve" she groaned, unbuckling his belt

"OH MY GOD. Oh my god oh my god oh my god!" They heard an exclamation from the front of the plane

"Every. Single. Time" Natasha groaned, burying her bare chest into his, trying to keep her modesty

"This is why we shouldn't have sex in public places Nat" he laughed, wrapping her half naked body in his arms, making sure she was covered.

"I can't believe it! Captain America and the Black Widow! Dating!" Skye exclaimed, pacing about frantically.

"Skye, whilst I would love to talk about this, don't suppose you could pass me that top, could you?" Natasha asked nicely considering she was currently half naked and pressed into her boyfriends chest.

"I just can't believe it. I can't believe no one told me" Skye was muttering

"Skye" Natasha said, giving her one of her classic Widow stares.

"Sorry, no problem" Skye almost quivered under her stare, throwing her the first piece of clothing she found, which happened to be Steve's shirt. She simply shrugged and put it on. She unwrapped her legs around him but frowned when she didn't move anyway, he feet dangling uselessly just above the floor

"Um Steve? Wanna put me down now?" Natasha asked, looking down at where his arms were wrapped around her waist.

"Not really" he said, putting her down regardless. They looked over to Skye, who was pacing around, stilling freaking out about her latest revelation.

"Hey, Skye, what exactly are you doing here?" Steve asked calmly, having seemingly recovered.

"Oh, May told me to get marshmallows, apparently Coulson forgot them" she explained. Natasha looked around before spotting the offending items.

"Here you go" she said, tossing Skye the bag full of Marshmallows

"Thanks. You guys ready to go?" Skye asked, still in shock.

"Yeah, we'll be right behind you" Steve told her.

"Are you guys gonna finish?" Skye asked, wiggling her eyebrows.

"Go Skye" Natasha ordered, sending her scuttling out of the plane

"So are we gonna finish?"

"Come on" Natasha laughed, picking up the cooler and shoving it into his hands before pulling him out the plane.

* * *

By the time they had managed to set up the fire, the sun had already set and a chill was in the air. They all sat around it on logs Steve had dragged from somewhere, and were all wrapped in blankets. Her and Clint were sharing a blanket wrapped around their shoulders, roasting marshmallows on the fire.

"So things are better with you two then?" Clint asked quietly, looking over to Steve

"Yeah, we worked things out" she sighed. Things still weren't perfect between them, but now they knew that it never would be.

"Good. You look good together. If you could have kids they'd be very attractive" he told her, only partially joking.

"Are you hitting on my unborn, hypothetical child?" she raised her eyebrows at him, causing him to laugh further.

"I'm just saying they'd inherit some pretty good genes" he defended, shrugging his shoulders slightly.

"I'm leaving now" she laughed, shrugging off the blanket and getting off the log.

"You know I'm right" he called back at her. She flipped him off in response, sitting down in the empty space next to Steve.

"Hey" he said, offering her some of the blanket around his shoulders.

"Hey" she smiled gently, taking the blanket, wrapping it around herself. Between the blanket and the darkness of the air, Steve felt comfortable enough to curl his arm around her waist, pulling her close to his body. She looked up at him in curiosity, gaining only a shrug in response.

"Marshmallow?" he asked, giving her his stick and getting a new one from the pile next to him.

"Thanks" she watched him methodically stab his marshmallow with the stick, not focusing on her own. As she glanced back, she saw it on fire, charred to a crisp as she pulled it out and blew it out.

"Oops" Steve laughed at her, causing a smile to brought to her lips at his laughter.

"Vis!" Wanda moaned from across the fire as Vision hit her in the head with a melting marshmallow, the sticky substance already congealing in her hair.

"Sorry Wanda" he apologised, already moving to help her out. Steve looked at Natasha, raising his eyebrows as his gaze flicked to the marshmallow on the end of his stick.

"You bring that anywhere near me Rogers and I cant be held accountable for my actions" she warned teasingly, though she was serious. She didn't want marshmallow in her hair.

"That sounds like a dare Romanoff" he smirked.

"Oh, you're on" From there, it became a war, with everyone trying cover everyone else in marshmallow. They continued into the night, laughing at Tony's ridiculous stories and getting ridiculously drunk. When they were tucked up in their sleeping bags much later, with Natasha curled into Steve for warmth, amongst other things, she smiled happily. God she loved her family.

* * *

**AN: If you have any ideas that you desperately, or not so desperately want incorporated into this story, please let me know and I'll try to write them in. I hope you enjoyed, please follow, favourite and review. Constructive criticism is always welcome and appreciated.**


	16. Chained To You

**AN: I apologise for the slightly inconsistent updates, both in time and quality of them, but I officially have loads of time to work on each chapter now, so hopefully you'll notice. Or maybe I'm just generally pretty bad at his, but I really hope not. Anyway, I hope you enjoy!**

* * *

"Move in with me" Steve said suddenly as they were lying in bed one night. Natasha was snuggled into his chest, dozing softly, though still hearing his every word.

"What?" she bolted upright, hitting her head on the back board of the bed, any tiredness leaving her immediately.

"Move down here" he repeated as she rubbed the sore spot at the back of her head.

"What?" she asked again, slack-jawed as she stared at him in shock. It wasn't that she didn't want to live with him, but the suddenness of the question took her by surprise.

"Just hear me out. You already spend most of your time down here, most of your stuff is here already and you only ever go to your room if someone else is with you" he explained. He could see her weighing up the options in her head, so he waited until she was finish thinking.

"I understand the reasons, but what if someone goes to my room and finds it completely empty? And what if something bad happens again? It'll be so much harder to go our own ways if our stuff is all jumbled" she asked him, concerned about what this would mean for them.

"Well, for starters, we're not going to break up again so that won't be an issue, and we'll keep your floor locked and come up with a creative lie if someone asks. I've heard you're pretty good at that" he reassured her, taking her hands gently.

"You'd know" she teased

"What's that supposed to mean?" he asked innocently, batting his eyelashes at her. She punched his arm playfully at his mockery, and he tickled her stomach as she let her guard down, causing her to writhe about on the bed.

"Fine. Yes" she exclaimed through fits of giggles.

"Yes?"

"Yes" he relented his attack, kissing her gently on the lips before pulling her into his arms, letting her rest her head on his chest. He stared at her face, so peaceful and serene when he noticed something out of the corner of his eye.

"Did you have a cat at some point?" it was an offhand comment, and he didn't mean much by it, only trying to make conversation.

"No, why?" she furrowed her eyebrows as she looked over to where is gaze was aimed. Her breath hitched, the scratches clear on the post.

"Your bed post is all scratched up" he commented. It was dark but he could see the look of panic that darted across her face when he mentioned it.

"Oh that. I was playing with a knife Clint had stolen for me and I just got overexcited, started scratching at the wood to see how good it was" It was a bad lie, and she knew he didn't buy it, but he didn't press it anymore, simply kissing her forehead gently, wrapping his other arm round her waist.

"Night Nat" he mumbled

"Night roomie"

* * *

"Nat!" he yelled, unsure of her whereabouts in the room and too lazy to try finding her.

"In here" she yelled back from the bathroom where she was putting away some of her things

"I've been called in for a mission, should be back in a few days. Think you'll be okay without me?" he asked, wrapping his arms around her from behind

"I've lasted all this time without you, I think I can last a night" she smirked, turning her head to kiss him lightly.

"You're amazing, you know that?" he smiled gently, letting a soft chuckle escape his lips.

"I have been told occasionally. Don't die" she smirked, although the seriousness of her last words was not lost on him.

"Not planning on it" he laughed, kissing her gently before picking up his bag and leaving the apartment.

18 hours later he was on his back to the tower, the mission having gone off without a hitch thanks to a junior agent's observation, something which Steve was quick to praise. He always loved it when a low ranked agent would be confident and say something which they'd noticed, something that happened painfully rarely. Probably because they were scared of the 'big guns'. But it had been a long day and all he could think about was getting into a nice warm bed with Natasha and getting a few hours sleep before having to wake up in the morning, but all hopes of that were squashed when he walked into their bedroom. The lights were off, but his enhanced vision allowed him to see that one of Natasha's hands was handcuffed to the bedframe. A million questions raced through his head. Had someone done this to her? Who was it? Did she do this to herself? Did she know? Was this just another one of Tony's pranks? Whatever it was, he briefly considered letting her sleep and sorting it out in the morning, he knew she hadn't been sleeping well lately. She was going through a phase of having vivid nightmares almost every night, but he knew he couldn't leave it. If someone had done this to her then it needed to be sorted out asap, and if she had done this to herself, well, he didn't want to think about that.

"Nat, Natasha, wake up" he said gently, shaking her shoulder

"Стив" she mumbled sleepily, slipping into her mother tongue as she often did when she as tired.

"Hey, wake up" he said, trying to coax her out of sleep

"Steve? What time is it?" she asked wearily, her head buried in the pillow

"Four" he answered, glancing at the clock on the nightstand.

"PM?" she frowned, turning her head but refusing to open her eyes

"No AM you silly goose" he said fondly, temporarily forgetting about the handcuffs

"Silly goose? What umm... what are you doing back?" Steve could hear to confusion in her voice at the nickname, though her words were muffled by the pillow slightly

"Oh, you know. Ummm, are you aware you're handcuffed to the bed?" he asked bluntly. Her eyes snapped open and he could see the panic in her eyes. She glanced at her hand quickly, doing her best to avoid eye contact with him.

"Someone must have come in whilst I was asleep. I can't believe I didn't even wake up" she tried to sound shocked, lying through her teeth, and if she had been more awake, she might've have come up with something better. As it was, she couldn't figure out a way out of this without telling Steve the whole truth. And the thought of that alone terrified her more than anything.

"Where's the key?" he asked gently, looking over the nightstand in hopes of finding it.

"In the drawer" she said simply. She knew there was no point lying to him, so had resigned herself to sitting up against the headboard as he unlocked the handcuffs, taking them off her wrists slowly and placing them on the table. He sat down next to her, blue eyes staring at her green ones intently. Though it was stern, the kindness in his eyes was impossible to resist.

"Talk to me Nat. What's going on?" he took her hands, gently rubbing the indents where the cuffs had been.

"It's not what it looks like Steve" she tried to say, but they both knew it was a lie. It was exactly what it looked like.

"I want to believe that Nat, I really do" And he did. More than anything, he wanted it to be a big misunderstanding so they could both just go back to sleep. But he knew that wasn't going to happen, and so did she.

"It helps me sleep" she admitted, unable to look at him and staring down at her hands in her lap.

"How? How does handcuffing yourself to a bed help you sleep?" In any other circumstances his words would've been harsh and bitter, but instead they were full of care and love.

"It's pathetic, really, it is. You don't want to hear about it" she tried to deflect, though she knew it was pointless. This just wasn't how she ever wanted to admit this, though she doubted she ever would've if Steve hadn't caught her. But how could she admit to something to something like this? Something as crazy and fucked up as this?

"I want to know Nat. I won't judge you, or get mad, I just want to know so I can help" he briefly let go of her hands to tip her chin up so she was looking at him, and she could see the pain in his eyes.

"The ummm…. The red room would handcuff us to our beds. I couldn't tell you why exactly, it gave them control over us" she said meekly, looking down at where her hands were folded in her lap, Steve's gently caressing them.

"Why do you still do it Nat?" he had never noticed before, maybe he was a bad boyfriend, but he could see the faint scars on her wrists as he rubbed them gently, pressing small kisses to them.

"I don't, at least not all the time. It makes me feel safe, I don't know. It's a habit I never truly kicked" she scoffed slightly at her own words, the stupidity of them taking over her mind.

"You've never done this before" he asked the silent question. Why now?

"When you're here, I know that I'm safe, and that you'll protect me. But when you go on missions, I go back there, and I need it to know everything's okay" Steve could understand what she was saying, he understood what she meant, but he could wrap his mind around the idea.

"This isn't okay Nat. You're letting them control you, even after all this time. You don't need those to feel safe, okay?" he said. He felt fully unequipped for this conversation, and he was too tired to fully comprehend the workings of Natasha's mind, but he had to try, because seeing her like this broke his heart.

"You don't understand Steve" she tried to argue, and she really wasn't sure why she even tried. She wanted help, she didn't want to do this to herself anymore, but even with Steve sitting so close, and being so supportive, it was just so _fucking_ hard.

"You're right, I have no clue how you feel, but you are never alone Nat. Never"

"You can't always be here Steve, it's part of our jobs"

"Natasha, whenever you need me, I'm always one phone call away. If I'm on a mission, I promise you I will try my hardest to talk to you if you need me" he knew he couldn't promise that, she was right. Their jobs didn't make being there for each other easy, but he was going to try his hardest to be the person she needed, the person she deserved. Because it was Natasha, and she was more important than anything he could be doing, ever.

"Steve"

"I promise you Natasha. You don't need to do this, and I hate that you feel like you have to"

"I know, I know. It's just a difficult habit to kick" she admitted, and she looked so small, so broken as she spoke, that he couldn't help but wrap her in a hug.

"But it's something we'll do together, okay?" he reassured her. She sighed into him, accepting the hug, her muscles relaxing as he held her tightly.

"Yeah" They stayed in that position for a while before he pulled back, reaching for his dog tags from under his suit.

"What are you doing?" she asked in confusion, her eyes tracking the movements of his hands as he pulled the tags over his head.

"Take them" he offered her the tags, but she pushed his hand away.

"Steve, I can't. They're yours, I can't...they..." she tried to vocalise how she was feeling, but the words wouldn't come to her. She couldn't take his tags, they meant everything to him. It was a part of him, his history, his old life. They were so important to him, she couldn't take responsibility for them.

"You can and you will" he pried open her hands, forcing the tags into her palms

"I can't take these Steve, they're your most prized possession"

"You're my most prized possession" his statement made her pause. She knew he loved her, but the utter love and devotion in his words truly took her by surprise.

"Steve, I can't"

"Yes you can. You're right, I can't always be there for you, but you'll always have these. When you're not feeling great and I'm not there, use them, remember I'm always coming back to you" he promised, and whilst he knew

"Don't make promises you can't keep" it had become a phrase they repeated to each other often, and he knew there was so much more meaning behind the words than just the situation at hand.

"I'm not planning on breaking it. They're yours now Nat, because I love you. And I never want you to feel unsafe, because that just breaks my heart a little bit" the truth to his words struck her, and she didn't know how to respond. She hated that she ever made him feel like that, and the only thing she could think of to say was "I'm sorry"

"Nothing to be sorry for. I love you, I will always love you, and I will always be there for you Nat. No matter what" he brought her hand up to his lips, grazing her knuckles softly as he kissed it, his dog tags tightly encased in her fist.

"Thanks" she whispered. He slipped into bed beside her, his arm snaking around her waist when she pushed him off.

"No way. You stink Rogers. Go shower" she ordered, rolling over so her face was buried in the pillow again, sleep already taking over.

"Yes ma'am"

* * *

"This is the last one" he told her, putting down the box on the table. She was putting away her clothes in the wardrobe, dancing around like a lunatic to the music playing over the speakers as she did so. Progress had been slow, he was constantly distracted by her, and leaving the room to get her boxes seemed like the hardest thing he'd ever done.

"I guess this is official now" she said, closing the wardrobe doors dramatically and throwing the empty box across the room. He let out a snort as the music changed to a much slower song.

"Dance with me" He took her hand, leading her to the centre of the room and twirling her around. A tinkling laugh escaped her lips, causing his own to curl upward. He drew her into a waltz, leading her as they travelled around the room. He spun and dipped her, expertly avoiding the furniture and boxes as she followed his lead. He picked her up, spinning around with her in his arms. Her hands clasped around his neck, standing on her tiptoes once he set her down. She nestled her head in his neck, resting it on his shoulder as they swayed.

"Since when did you know how to dance?" she asked, tilting her head up to look at him

"Pepper forced me to take lessons ages ago. Said I'd never get a girlfriend if I kept 'awkwardly bumbling about'" he laughed, brushing a stray curl behind her ear as he held her.

"She's not wrong" she gave him a shit eating grin, and he could help but nestle a kiss in her hair.

"I got you didn't I?" he quipped back

"You're ridiculous" she laughed, pressing a soft kiss to his neck lazily, his skin hiding the bright smile on her face.

"So I've heard"

"я люблю тебя" she whispered into his shoulder without even registering the words

"I love you too" he said into her hair. She removed her head from his shoulder, kissing him gently on the lips.

"When did you learn Russian?" she asked, resting their foreheads together

"I don't. I learnt a few phrases I thought would be important. I wanted to say I love you in Russian the first time I told you, but that clearly didn't happen" he admitted, a blush rising in his cheeks

"That is the most romantic thing anyone has ever done for me" she confessed. He only kissed her forehead in response

"I can't help how awesome I am" he joked, and she slapped the back of his head playfully.

"You're right though, you are pretty awesome"

* * *

**AN: If you have any ideas that you desperately, or not so desperately want incorporated into this story, please let me know and I'll try to write them in. I hope you enjoyed, please follow, favourite and review. Constructive criticism is always welcome and appreciated.**


	17. Pizza, Pop Tarts and Parties

**AN: So this chapter is what happens when I get a stupid thoughts whilst I'm trying to get to sleep, and then I imagine a character saying said stupid thought and then things tumble out of control, and then this chapter exists. So this is just a silly chapter filled with all my silly thoughts.**

* * *

"This is torture" Natasha commented. Tony had thrown a party, well, it was more of a gala, where he'd invited all the most prestigious, self-entitled businessmen and politicians he could possibly find. And as the Avengers, they all had to attend and play nice with the politicians. Which is why they were standing in a corner, all dressed up and avoiding everyone like the plague.

"Come on, it's not that bad" Steve tried to mediate, although he was tired of the boring conversations with the people who thought they were god's gift to earth.

"Sorry Cap, I'm with Nat on this one" Clint said, chugging back his glass of champagne before grabbing a fresh one from a waiter.

"I'm just glad it's an open bar" Bruce added. It wasn't acceptable to get smashed at this sort of event, but that didn't mean they weren't pushing the limit. And boy were they.

"Alright, this is a bit of a drag" Steve admitted, causing Clint to gasp and fall off his chair in dramatics.

"Who are you and what have you done with Steve Rogers?" Natasha teased, nudging him softly in the side.

"Can't we just get out of here?" Sam asked "This isn't what I signed up for when I agreed to be an Avenger"

"Agreed" Rhodey said "Oh shit. Tones, stop it" Rhodey ran off to stop whatever idiotic thing Tony was doing this time.

"Pepper would actually kill us if we left" Sam said, burying his head in his hands in despair

"And she'd get away with it" Clint grumbled

"I'm going to track down some food. I'm starving" Steve told them, setting down his drink on the table.

"I'll come with you, plus another drink couldn't hurt" Natasha said, throwing back what was left of her drink before placing it next to Steve's empty glass.

"Alright Miss Romanoff" Steve offered her his arm, which she linked her arm through, letting him guide them through the crowd. Clint rolled his eyes at them fondly as they walked away, causing her to flip him off as she turned her head and stuck out her tongue at him.

"D'you think they realise they're in love with each other?" Bruce asked, tilting his head as he watched the pair walk away

"I genuinely have no idea" Sam laughed

"Ah, Captain Rogers. Mind if I could have a moment of your time?" a man approached the soldier and the spy. Natasha rolled her eyes subtly at Steve whilst she tried to recognise his face, but she hadn't bothered to find out exactly who was invited to this party, she didn't care enough.

"I would love to, however I promised this lovely lady a drink. Would you mind terribly if I get back to you later?" Steve declined his offered politely, and she smiled seeing how far his social skills had come from the bumbling mess he once was.

"Of course. I understand. You wouldn't want to leave your woman hanging, my wife would kill me if I did it to her" the man laughed, causing her to smile uncomfortably. If only this man knew she could kill him with a cocktail stick.

"Oh, she's not mine. Just a friend" Steve deflected easily, giving the man his winning smile

"My apologises. I'll find you later Captain" the man, she now placed as Senator Williams, stepped back slightly, allowing them to pass.

"Thank you" Steve placed a hand on her back, guiding her away. Once they were out of sight, he relaxed, bringing his hand down to hold hers.

"Nicely done Rogers" she complimented,

"Why thank you" They continued their search for food, only finding small canapés that did nothing to stop the growling of their stomachs. They eventually made it to a much quieter spot in the corner of the room, leaning against the wall after avoiding way to many 'important business men' who either wanted to talk to Steve, or make a derogatory dig at Natasha. Or both at the same time.

"Are you okay? You look tired" Steve asked, noticing her slightly lethargic nature. Although it really was small, the odd yawn here and there, it still worried him.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Just sleepy" she yawned as she said it, causing him to chuckle slightly.

"You sure?" he asked again, because he always asked again. He could never tell whether she was lying or not, and when she was, whether to leave it or not.

"Yeah, don't worry about me. I'm good" she gave him a soft smile, resting her head on his arm

"Okay, well I'm still hungry" he said, and she laughed at the sudden change in topic.

"Well I can't see any food. Want to order a pizza?" she asked, pulling out her phone and waving it in his face.

"We're in the middle of a very classy party Natasha. We can't order a pizza"

"We definitely can. Besides, I don't know about you, but I want to get out of here" she gave him her best puppy dog eyes, quivering her lips slightly. He huffed out a breath "Alright. Pizza it is"

* * *

Somehow, they ended up on the roof, their feet dangling off the edge as they ate.

"This is so much better than that stupid party" she laughed, picking the pepperoni off her pizza and eating it.

"Agreed" he smirked, throwing his crust in the box before getting a new piece

"That security guy probably hates us now" she leant her head against Steve's shoulder, chuckling at the memory of just how angry the guy had looked.

"Now? I'm pretty sure he hated us before we even moved in" he laughed, and she couldn't blame the guy. The amount of food they got delivered at every hour of the day was probably enough to make any man consider early retirement, not to mention the amount of dirt they tracked through the lobby on a daily basis.

"I can't believe you're having a pizza party without me" Clint voice called out, feigning hurt as he walked over to the pair. Behind him was Wanda, Vision, Bruce and Sam, who all sat down next to them, feet dangling over the edge of the roof.

"You know we didn't order enough for all of us" Natasha told them, and they raised their eyebrows at her, clearly seeing the three boxes stacked on each other "Only enough for one super soldier"

"Well then, it's a good job we found these" Wanda held up a large bag of pop tarts with a mischievous look in her eye.

"Thor will kill us if we eat them" Steve said, though Natasha had already taken the bag and started rifling through it.

"What he doesn't know won't hurt him. We'll buy him some new ones" Clint said, already shoving one in his mouth.

"Besides, I robbed the bar" Rhodey said, putting down the bag he was holding. Steve peered inside, seeing countless bottles of whiskey, vodka and beer.

"Well, I guess if you're gonna bring us alcohol then you can stay" Natasha laughed, rolling her eyes and smiling fondly.

"Damn right we can"

* * *

"Come on Sam, you can't expect us to believe that" Rhodey said incredulously

"What's so unbelievable?" Sam feigned shock, taking a swig of beer.

"You claim you managed to drink a gallon of milk in 30 seconds, even Steve can't do that" Clint said, shoving Sam on the arm.

"You wound me Clinton" Sam said in dramatics, pretending to wipe away a tear.

"I could totally do that" Steve argued, taking a large drink from a bottle of whiskey as if to prove his point.

"Oh yeah? Weren't you the person who once asked if it was possible for the Hulk to drown in milk?" Natasha teased, causing Steve to blush a bright red and splutter on the whiskey.

"In my defence, I was very drunk" he defended, smiling brightly

"Please, you've never been very drunk in your life" Sam laughed

"You forget I wasn't always like this. Believe it or not, I had a life once"

"Sure" Wanda rolled her eyes

"I did, Bucky once forced me to go out with this one girl…"

* * *

"I'm serious, I'm a professionally trained ballerina. I could go audition right now and get the lead role in Swan Lake" Natasha said to the shocked stares of her friends.

"You're good at…well pretty much everything, but there's no way that's true" Sam shook his head in disbelief.

"Really, I remember the lessons very clearly. 'A fight is just a dance with knives'" she recited the words like she'd done throughout her childhood. She used to hate dancing, but as she got older, she found herself coming back to it.

"That is concerning" Vision commented, and she shrugged her shoulders in response "Seriously, the only reason I don't still do it is because I like all my toes to be normal"

"Your toes?" Rhodey asked, furrowing his eyebrow in confusion.

"Yeah, I've broken every bone in my toes multiple times, you barely even notice it after a while. The bruising though, genuinely the worst pain I've ever felt" she declared, wincing at the memory of the pain.

"Haven't you been shot?" Wanda asked

"Yeah, but I'm calling it. Walking on bruised bloody feet is worse than a gunshot"

"There's no way that can be true" Steve said, looking down at her feet as though he'd see something odd, causing her to kick him lightly.

"I'm telling you. Worst pain ever"

* * *

"What's the best day of your life?" Steve asked after a lull in conversation

"The day my kids were born, and don't ask me to pick which one" Clint answered immediately, smiling at the memory.

"When Wanda agreed to go on a date with me" Vision admitted, causing Wanda to blush profusely and bury her head in his shoulder.

"Wanda?" Rhodey asked, looking over at her "The day Pietro died"

"You realise Steve said best day right?" Sam asked, giving her a confused look.

"I know, and it was the worst day of my life, but it was also the best. All of you, especially you Clint, you made me realise I can be anything, and that I shouldn't be scared of who I am. So that's my best day" Her words made them all pause, and she quickly tried to take the focus off herself "Steve?"

"It's definitely between the day I got my powers, and when we fought the Chitari. Obviously, without my powers, I'd be half the person I am today, literally, but during that fight…I knew that I belonged here. I mean, I didn't understand anything, but I knew this was where I was meant to be, and that you guys were who I was meant to be with" he said sappily, causing Natasha to grin slyly at his side.

"You gotta pick man. That's cheating" Sam complained, rolling his eyes.

"I can't. Genuinely, it's like how Clint couldn't pick a kid" Steve argued

"That's completely different" Clint defended, munching happily on a pop tart

"Yeah, besides everyone knows that Nate's his favourite" Natasha teased, poking him in the side with her foot.

"I don't have a favourite" he argued, putting his hands up in surrender

"But if you did?" Wanda pressed, smirking happily at him

"It would be Nate" Clint said begrudgingly "Sam, what about you?"

"The first day I started at the VA" Sam said simply "It was good to finally know I wasn't all alone, and that I could help people who'd been through similar experiences to me" he looked over to Rhodey, raising his eyebrows to forward on the question.

"The day Tony let me keep the suit. It's like I finally figured out my purpose"

"Just you left Nat"

"The day Clint brought me in. If he'd never of made that decision, I wouldn't be the person I am today, actually, I probably wouldn't still be here at all"

"You're very welcome" Clint did a half bow, waving his hand poshly.

"Can we talk about something less depressing now?"

* * *

"I've never eaten pie" Wanda admitted, looking down at her feet as she expected the barrage of questions.

"Hold up, I must've heard wrong. Did you just say you've never eaten pie?" Steve asked, looking like he'd seen a ghost. Wand had been living in America for years and she'd never eaten pie.

"Uh yeah. I mean I've eaten shepherd's pie, but that doesn't really count" she shrugged, thinking nothing of the comment. She was clearly wrong, and Natasha felt bad for the girl as the boys hounded her with questions.

"What the hell is shepherd's pie?" Clint asked, racking his brain for clues and coming up short.

"How do you not know what shepherd's pie is?" Wanda asked, confusion masking her features

"Come on Clint, it's minced lamb with onions in a gravy topped with mashed potato" Natasha stepped in, looking at Wanda who was smiling at her gratefully.

"Thank you" Wanda pointed at her as if to further her point  
"That is not pie" Sam said

"No it is. It's really nice, but fruit pies just aren't a thing where I grew up"

"Fruit's not really a thing in places like Russia and Sokovia. Just bland meat and potato" Natasha added, causing Clint to fake blanch.

"You're really not selling us on this whole meat pie thing"

"It's so good, the onions and the carrots and the peas give the gravy this unique flavour. My mum used to save up to buy the ingredients as a treat" Steve told them

"That sounds disgusting"

"Well we definitely need to educate Wanda on the magic that is actual pie" Rhodey said, throwing his pizza crust in the box.

"And I think we need to educate you guys on the magic that is meat pie"

"No way am I eating that" Clint declared, frowning at the thought

"I'll pay you ten bucks" Natasha offered, raising her eyebrows at him.

"Deal"

* * *

"Can someone please explain to me why I just got a delivery guy at the door with pie?" Tony walked onto the roof, holding a bag full of pie, with a fuming look on his face

"Uhhh, Wanda's never had it before" Sam suggested tentatively, wincing slightly.

"You've never had pie before?" Tony turned to face Wanda directly

"Nope" she shrugged her shoulder casing Tony to gasp in shock

"Well I'm staying for this" he said sitting down on the concrete next to them and crossing him legs.

"You can stay, but on one condition" Natasha offered, the cogs turning in her head as she devised a plan.

"Seriously red?" Tony groaned, burying his head in his hands.

"You have to eat the other pie we ordered"

"Please tell me you didn't custom make a pie with the balls of your victims" Tony quipped, although looked faintly green at the idea.

"Nope, just shepherd's pie"

"Shepherd's pie? That's the thing on Friends right?" Tony asked, furrowing his eyebrows. "Yeah, close enough"

"So why have you ordered a meat pie?" Tony still looked confused, and Clint took it upon himself to explain "Nat said she'd pay us"

"I'm in" Tony clapped his hands, getting the boxes of pie out the bag.

"Oh no. I'm not paying you, think of your payment as us not telling Pepper your whereabouts" Natasha smirked, knowing she'd gotten him.

"Fine. Let's try this monstrosity"

* * *

"Oh god, that's disgusting" Clint spat out his mouthful of pie

"I don't think it's that bad" Rhodey butted in, taking another bite. Tony whacked him on the arm

"No way, that's awful. Like that's foul" Sam complained, wiping his tongue on a tissue.

"Just because you don't have a sophisticated palette Samuel" Natasha teased

"At least I can cook" Sam shot back

"I can cook" she defended before Steve butted in "Ramen doesn't count"

"I can do spaghetti as well"

"Anthony Edward Stark!" Pepper yelled across the roof. Tony visibly gulped, shrinking into the ground as he tried to stay out of view. "Uh oh"

"You're on your own mate" Sam laughed, patting him on the shoulder.

"All of you, stop messing about up here and come back downstairs. Especially you Tony" Pepper snapped, frustration clear in her voice.

"Yes Pepper" "Sorry Pepper" they all grumbled, getting up off the floor.

"You two, clean up this mess" Pepper ordered, pointing at Steve and Natasha "Yes ma'am"

The rest of the group filed off the roof as they started to clean up. "So how long d'you think it'll take us to clean this up?"

"I don't know. I reckon it could take a while" she smirked, causing him to grip her hand and pull her to him tightly, stealing the breath out her lungs as he kissed her fiercely. She giggled, kissing him back and raking her hands through his hair.

"Pepper will kill us if she finds out" he whispered breathless between kisses.

"Then she better not find out"

* * *

**AN: If you have any ideas that you desperately, or not so desperately want incorporated into this story, please let me know and I'll try to write them in. I hope you enjoyed, please follow, favourite and review. Constructive criticism is always welcome and appreciated.**


	18. Dripping Red

**AN: I'm starting to consider renaming this story to 'tropes that everyone's tired of but I write anyway'. But anyway, fun fact, this chapter is one of the first things I ever wrote and when I came back to check it through, I realised that it was complete horse-shit. So I basically re wrote the whole thing, so hopefully it's better now.**

* * *

_She fought weakly against their steel grip, kicking at them as the dragged her down the hallway. They shoved her onto a bed, restraining her hands and feet as she tried to get away from them._

_"Now now Natalia. You know better than to fight against us" Alexi said, walking out from the shadows. She gulped down her fear. She couldn't be afraid, being afraid was to be weak, and being weak meant punishment. _

_"You're a monster" she spat at him, her voice laced with poison. She pulled on her restraints, grunting as they cut into her skin and held her down._

_"No my dear, you're the monster" he said, picking up a large needle, the tip slightly rusty. He flicked the vial connected to it, his eyes glimmering with evil. "No one will ever love you"_

_"You're wrong" she hissed, desperately thrashing to get away as his hands pushed down on her shoulders._

_"Stop struggling my princess, it's pointless. There's no one to run to, you will poison anything that ever matters to you" he snarled, pressing a kiss to her forehead. At one point it would've been comforting, but now it just made bile rise in her throat "No I won't"_

_"Ah but you will my dear. Now you know it's in our best interests to stay quiet. I can make this so much worse for you" he threatened, stabbing the needle into her arm. Her limbs felt heavy, she couldn't move them as nurses crowded around her, armed with large knives._

_"You…you're wrong" she practically whispered, her resolve slowly weakening as she felt her grip on reality fading. _

_"I'm not though. Your precious Captain doesn't love you. How could a man so good love a killer like you?"_

_"I…I love him" she stuttered over her words. She meant it, she loved him, didn't she? She thought she did, but how could she be sure?_

_"Love is for children. Pity you'll never have any of your own, and why is that __my darling?"_

_"Because you're heartless"_

_"Oh Natalia" he said as she felt knives slice through her stomach "You never learn" She looked away from the nurses, averting her eyes to the side, biting down on her tongue to stop herself from screaming. She couldn't show her pain, pain was weakness and she couldn't afford to be weak_

_"You're right" she almost whispered. She couldn't hold on any longer, her walls had fallen and she was defenceless. _

_"I'm sorry, what was that Natalia?" Alexi teased her, cupping his hand against his ear giving her a shit eating grin. He'd won and he knew it. "You're right. I don't deserve him"_

_"Oh no my precious child. You'll destroy him. Everything you do will slowly break him, until he finally gives up" she couldn't believe his words, they weren't true. She wasn't that person anymore. "He…he wouldn't"_

_"And you'll come running back to me young Natalia. Do you know why?" she stayed silent, unwilling to answer._

_"Because you will realise I was right. You destroy, you kill, you burn everything you touch. How could you possibly bring joy into this world?"_

_"Stop, please, stop" she begged, tears streaming down her face._

_"How could you possibly feel worthy enough to carry Captain America's children? He is pure and honourable, you are poison"_

_"No, please"_

_"Admit it Natalia" she turned her head away from him, concentrating on the pain to avoid his words._

_"Answer me Natalia" he grabbed her face roughly, gripping her jaw tightly._

_"Natalia"_

_"Natalia"_

_"Natasha" his voice started to change, his face fading from her view. Blood was pouring out of her stomach, her entire body screaming in pain._

_"Natasha"_

_"Nat"_

_"Wake up Nat"_

* * *

She jolted awake, pushing the covers off her clammy body. She felt a hand on her shoulder that she ignored as she pulled up her tank top, searching for blood. She scrambled at her stomach, relaxing as she realised there was no blood. She shrank back into the bed, curling into a ball facing the wall, trying to control her shaking body.

"Nat?" Steve asked gently as she traced her finger over a faint scar on her stomach. The scar that brought her so much pain throughout her life, a constant reminder of all the things she could never be. She didn't respond to Steve, only curling into herself more as images flashed through her mind, torturing her as she tried to desperately think of anything else.

"Talk to me Nat" he pleaded, his voice laced with concern as he tenderly placed a hand on her shoulder. She jerked away from his touch, instantly grabbing the knife she hid under the mattress and jumping on top of him, holding the knife to his throat.

"Natasha" he tried not to sound scared, but he was terrified. His girlfriend was holding a knife to his throat, but he was still more concerned that she would do something to hurt herself.

"Don't talk" she begged, her hand shaking as the pressure increased. He could almost feel the metal slice into his skin as it wobbled, her grip weak.

"Natasha, it's me Steve. You don't want to hurt me" he said gently, and she whimpered in response, her hand stilling slightly.

"I do" she insisted, pressing further into his neck. He brought his hands up slowly so they were behind his head in an attempt to look non-threatening "No you don't. I'm not going to hurt you, and you're not going to hurt me"

Recognition flashed in her eyes, and as quickly as she was on him, she was leaping off him and getting out of bed, the knife still teetering in her grip. She backed herself against the wall, all her training going out the window, because she was broken. She didn't deserve the life she had, she killed and she murdered innocent people. How could she even pretend like she deserved to be happy when all she did was take?

"Don't touch me. I'll only end up hurting you like I hurt everyone else" she sobbed, holding the knife weakly in front of her. He knew he had to be careful, he knew how destructive she could get, and he didn't want her to hurt him, or herself. She'd come close enough as it was, he didn't want to push her over the edge. He moved closer to her, not getting off the bed. He'd never seen her like this before, so consumed in whatever horrors she saw, so wrapped up in her own mind that he was genuinely scared.

"I'm not scared of you Nat. You're not going to hurt me" he said gently, swinging his legs over the side of the bed but not standing. He held up his hands, trying to show her that he was safe, and that he trusted her.

"I'm a parasite Steve. I worm my way into people's lives and then kill any hope or happiness they have. I'm a killer, I'm a monster. You should be scared of me" she half yelled, trying not to break down. He didn't know what to say or do, he was so completely out of his league, he didn't want to say the wrong thing and push her even further into her own head.

"You're not a monster Nat" he tried convincing her, even though he knew it wouldn't do anything. She was too far gone to listen to reason, but he needed to at least try.

"I am" she argued weakly, her hand shaking as she tried to defend herself.

"Give me the knife Natasha" he told her, trying to stay calm as she started to break down.

"I…I…ca-can't" she stuttered, letting the knife clatter to the floor as she sank down against the wall. He carefully approached her, picking up the knife and placing it on a shelf, one where she couldn't reach it.

"Can I sit next to you?" he asked gently, keeping his distance as tears rolled down her face. She nodded meekly, bringing her knees up to her chest. He sat down, careful to keep some distance between them so he wouldn't startle her.

"I'm sorry" she murmured, shuffling slightly so their shoulders were touching.

"You have nothing to be sorry for" At his gentle words he felt her final wall collapse as she broke down, burying her face in his shoulder. Unsure of what to do he tenderly placed an arm around her waist, which she thankfully responded well to, clinging to the fabric of his shirt. He pulled her onto his lap, letting her cry into his shoulder. Her sobs were big, and ugly, but he was glad. He could help a crying Natasha, even if he had no idea what was happening in her head. He wormed his arms under her legs, slowly standing up and placing her back on the bed. He tried to let go of her, but she clung tightly to him, like she was afraid to let go. Clambering onto the bed with her still in his arms, he wrapped a blanket around her shoulders, pressing a kiss to her forehead as she curled up in his arms, trying to be as small as possible.

"What's going on? Jarvis told me she had a knife" Clint shouted, running into their room, taking in the sight of the pair of them.

"Clint? What are you… never mind. She had a nightmare" Steve explained, gesturing to the shaking girl in his arms. He couldn't tell if she was registering Clint's presence or not, crying into his chest.

"Can you handle this?" Clint asked quietly. He had experienced Natasha's nightmares first-hand, and knew that anything could happen in the aftermath, although he'd never seen her like this before.

"Yeah, I got this" he said, pulling her closer to him. She seemed to respond to the movement, gripping his t-shirt tightly as she rocked in his arms.

"Steve" she choked out, tears still streaming down her face as she broke away from him slightly, looking at his face.

"I'm here" he tightened his hold on her shaking figure as he saw the pain in her eyes "You're safe now. Nothing can hurt you here"

"Do you want me to get some bandages?" Clint asked, nodding towards the cut on her leg. Steve hadn't even noticed that she was bleeding, too concerned about her mental well-being over her physical one.

"Yeah, there's some in the bathroom cabinet" Clint scurried off into the adjacent bathroom, rummaging through the cupboards. He returned a few minutes later with a first aid kit. Steve tried to remove his arms from her iron grip, but the more he moved the tighter she clung onto him.

"Can you?" he asked, watching as Clint sat next to them on the bed, opening the box, taking out some bandages. Clint gently pulled her leg away from her body so he could see what he was doing. Despite the boiling temperature, she was shaking and shivering in Steve's arms.

"What happened?" Clint asked, applying pressure to her leg with a clean bandage to stop the bleeding.

"She had a knife, she must've cut herself when she dropped it on the floor" he said, stroking her hair and pressing kisses to her forehead "I didn't even notice"

"I don't blame you, I probably wouldn't either" Clint let out a small chuckle looking over to Natasha.

"Is this normal?" Steve had never seen her this affected by a nightmare before, but he knew he wasn't an expert in all things Natasha, at least not as much as Clint was.

"No, this is new. Hold her still" Clint told him. He used a wipe to disinfect her cut, causing her to whimper into Steve's chest in pain. "It's okay, you're good. I've got you"

"Is everything okay?" Tony walked through the doors to her bedroom. He raised an eyebrow slightly at Steve holding Natasha so closely, but said nothing, clearly reading the mood of the room.

"Tony?" Clint asked, finishing bandaged her leg. As soon as he was done, she jerked it back towards her body, curling into herself even more.

"Jarvis automatically tells me when a resident of the tower is in danger. Are you okay man?" Tony asked Steve before looking at Natasha "Actually, scrap that. Is she okay?"

"Yeah, Steve's got this" Clint replied "You got this right?"

"Yeah, we'll be fine" he assured them. Tony still had a sceptical look on his face, but Steve really couldn't bring himself to care. All he wanted to do was make sure Natasha was okay.

"Love you Tash" Clint said, dropping a kiss to her hair before leaving the room

"Take care of her" Tony added, joining Clint as they walked out

She slowly started to calm, her cries become small whimpers. "I'm a monster" she whispered after a while. Steve felt his heart fracture into tiny pieces at the words.

"You're not a monster" he told her, but knew better than to argue with her anymore. He held her in his arms as she muttered incoherent words, as he pulled her close to his body. He stroked her hair as her breathing steadied as she calmed down.

"Do you wanna talk about it?" he asked gently as she stopped shaking.

"I can't" she mumbled as she pulled away from him

"Well if you want to talk about it, I'm always here" he told her, kissing her forehead gently

"I know" she pulled herself from his embrace, leaning against the headboard and wrapping her blanket tight around her shoulders.

"Do you want to go back to sleep" he asked, moving to sit next to her before pulling her body closer to his. He knew she'd try to retreat away from him, and he couldn't let her do that to herself. He couldn't let her think she was all alone.

"I don't think I can Steve" she admitted, leaning her head against his shoulder

"That's fine. Do you wanna get up?" he said gently, stroking her hair gently in an effort to provide some comfort.

"Can we watch a movie?" she asked tentatively like she was scared of the response. He sighed, kissing her forehead gently "Anything you want" JARVIS put a movie on the TV at the end of the bed. She snuggled further into his side, sniffling slightly. He wiped the tears that had stained the cheeks of her face, kissing the top of her head. She clung onto him, whimpering as her breathing steadied.

"Am I a good person?" she asked, looking up at him, her brow furrowed. "Of course you are"

"How? I killed so many people. I've done so much bad" she told him, her eyes fresh with tears. She looked away from him, concentrating on her grip around his waist.

"You've done so much good as well. It's one of the many reasons why I admire you so much" he tried to convince her, brushing the pad of his thumb gently over her cheek.

"How? How can you think that? I'm not...I don't...I can't…" her voice cracked, stopping her from finishing.

"Nat, look at me" he placed his finger under her chin, lifting it up gently to make her eyes meet his. "You are a good person. What that place made you do isn't your fault, you can't keep blaming yourself for their problems" "But-" she interrupted, before her cut her off by placing a tender kiss on her lips. He rested his forehead on hers, holding her close to him.

"You have saved the world more times than I can count. You have done more than enough to make up for what you've done. You are a good person Nat, one of the best I've ever met, and I've been around a long time" he knew she could never resist an old man joke, and her lips curled up slightly, but she didn't laugh. Nevertheless, he took it as a win as he pressed a kiss into her hair.

"You're wrong" she corrected him "All that red-"

"The red isn't blood Natasha, it's love. Because you are loved. You are capable of loving, and capable of being loved. So trust me when I say that you're a good person, because I love you. I love you so goddamn much and I know it's hard for you to believe that, but it's true"

"I can't be the person you want me to be" she choked out, finally voicing the thoughts she was so afraid to say. She was afraid to be right, she was afraid that he's realise who she was, he'd realise all the bad she'd done and decide he was done.

"You already are Nat. You're everything I could ever want and so much more"

"I'm not. I'm…I'm a…"

"Trust me Nat, you are a good person. You are an awesome, amazing, strong, good person" he told her. She said nothing else on the matter, snuggling into his side and watching the movie on the screen.

"I…I have to tell you something" she mumbled. He never got to hear what she was going to say as he felt her breathing even out, signalling to him that she had fallen asleep. He turned off the movie, lowering them down so they were lying down. He watched her sleep, her face finally looking peaceful despite the tears. Steve knew that whatever she wanted to tell him, she'd do it eventually when she was ready, and he was happy to wait. He held her tightly, falling into a light sleep next to her, as he thought of ways to make her feel better the next day.

* * *

**AN: If you have any ideas that you desperately, or not so desperately want incorporated into this story, please let me know and I'll try to write them in. I hope you enjoyed, please follow, favourite and review. Constructive criticism is always welcome and appreciated.**


	19. Memory's a Fickle Thing

**AN: I apologise in advance for the length of this chapter, it's pretty short but it was necessary to set up for the next one, because I've actually attempted something that could be misconstrued as a plot. To make up for it, the next chapter's much longer than usual. Anyway, I hope you enjoy!**

* * *

"We really need to stop drinking so much" Coulson said at breakfast after another night of drinking. They were all sprawled throughout the room, most of them dozing on whatever surface they could find. For Natasha, her head was buried in her arms, leaning against the cool counter of the island. Her head was throbbing and she just wanted everyone to just _be quiet_. But Steve was cooking bacon and that heavenly smell was all she could think about. She wanted bacon, and eggs. God she wanted eggs. And peanut butter, she could really go for some peanut butter.

"Sir, you have an urgent call from Director Fury" JARVIS cut through her thoughts like a siren sawing through her brain. Why was he always so loud? Didn't he have a scrap of human decency?

"Guys, let Steve handle this. He's the only one who isn't slightly hungover" May mumbled, though she looked considerably better than the rest of them. Which granted, wasn't exactly hard. She tilted her head slightly to see what was happening, though immediately regretted it as her head started pounding against her skull. Everyone else seemed to have sat up, but she couldn't bring herself to pretend to not be hungover. Fury would know anyway and the thought of not moving was the most amazing thought in the world right now. Well, that and bacon.

"Put him through" Tony grumbled, causing Fury to pop up on the TV mounted to the wall.

"Hey Fury. What's up?" Steve asked nervously, trying to seem casual. Natasha let out a soft chuckle at his attempts to seem normal. God she needed to tell her man how to lie. No, not her man, Steve didn't belong to her. Well, he sort of did, but she didn't control him, he wasn't hers. God, it was too early to think about that sort of stuff.

"You're hungover" Fury said bluntly, rolling his eyes at their efforts to pretend otherwise.

"How'd you know?" Clint asked as everyone relaxed in their chairs. She still hadn't made the effort to lift up her head. Couldn't Steve just be finished with that bacon yet? What was taking him so long?

"None of you have ever sat up that straight in your lives" Natasha lifted her head up just enough to look at Fury, and she couldn't tell if he was pissed off or slightly amused.

"Really? I know you're a spy and all but…"

"Well, that and Romanoff looks like she's been run over by a bus. And the last time she looked like that was when she was run over by a bus" Fury explained, causing them all to face her with concern. She waved them off, pulling the hood of her jacket over her head and curling into a ball on the chair "What? I'm fine now. No lasting damage"

"Debatable" Tony joked though it fell short on her. Her head hurt too much to deal with him today "I swear to you if Fury wasn't here right now" as they started to argue, the rest of the room started to talk, the noise level steadily rising. She was so pissed at Tony, she was done with him. Why couldn't he just be sensitive for once in his life?

"AGENTS!" Fury yelled, causing everyone to stop talking and look at him sheepishly "If there was an alien invasion right now the world would be defenceless because the 'worlds mightiest heroes' are bickering like school children"

"We weren't-" Tony interrupted

"You were. I need all of you on the bus and on your way to Indonesia ASAP"

"What's going on?" Steve asked, the only person capable of actually paying attention. Natasha groaned, the more he talked, the longer it would take to get bacon. And she wanted bacon.

"Some old Shield tech's been stolen. I'll brief you on the mission in a few hours when you're not hungover, or drowning in your own drool like Barton" they looked over to Clint who was passed out on the table, snoring quietly. Fury disappeared, leaving them to groan in discomfort.

"You finish that bacon yet Rogers?"

* * *

She slowly came to, groaning as she opened her eyes. She was tied to a chair in a cell, her head pounding as she squinted to get a better look at her surroundings. The air was stale as she tried to breathe, trying to find the oxygen that her lungs were begging her for. She could hear the slight whistle of air coming through a vent, but she couldn't make out where it was coming from. Her head was pounding as she desperately tried to make sense of what was happening. A woman was tied in a chair to her right, a man on her left. They were both awake and looking at her as she tried to remember how they got there. She knew she was in danger, her mind screaming at her to get out of wherever she was, but the people she was with seemed to calm her, like she trusted them.

"Nat?" the woman asked quietly as she came around. Her face swam in and out of focus as she tried to concentrate on her features. The world eventually stopped spinning as she scrunched up her eyes and tried to place the woman. She knew she trusted her, but she didn't know why, and the fact she couldn't bring a name to her mind scared her.

"What happened?" she croaked out. She licked her lips trying to get any moisture onto them, her throat was burning and dry as she tried to think. She could remember herself, she could remember her training. She recognised the urge to fight, to save herself from wherever she was

"Cognitive recalibration" the man said. She raised her eyebrow at the words, trying to figure out where she'd heard them before because they were oh so familiar. Like she'd said them herself once. A vision flashed through her mind

_"I don't understand. Have you ever had someone take your brain out and play? Pull you out and send something else in? Do you know what it's like to be unmade?"_

_"You know I do"_

_"Why am I back? How did you get him out?"_

_"Cognitive recalibration. I hit you really hard in the head"_

The thoughts didn't seem her own, they weren't her memories, but she trusted this man. He'd gone through something similar? She couldn't remember, and it infuriated her. "I was hit really hard on the head" she finally said, different memories attacking her brain as she racked her mind for hints.

"Yep" the man chuckled, and she desperately reached for a name. She knew it, she knew she did but is was evading her. Different faces flooded her vision, each one as meaningless as the last. She lingered on some more than others, a pale skinned man with long dark hair, flashes of metal surrounding him. A man with an eye patch, his eyes unreadable. A man with a chiselled jaw, blonde hair and blue eyes. Just seeing him set off a feeling in her, one she didn't know, one she couldn't understand. It made her feel…happy?

"Where are we?" she should be able to rely on her instincts, but right now her instincts were screaming that she was safe, and that she could trust them. And she trusted her instincts, so she followed them. She didn't like relying on others, not when she could do the job herself, it wasn't in her nature. There was something important she needed to remember, something really important, and it infuriated her that she _just couldn't._

"You don't remember?" the woman furrowed her eyebrows at her. She was bleeding from her forehead, and she vaguely wondered if she'd done it. She felt guilty thinking it, but that didn't make any sense. Why would she feel bad about hurting someone? Black Widows didn't feel, they killed, but somewhere in the back of her mind someone was screaming at her. This wasn't right. She wasn't right. There was something wrong with her.

"Nope, I don't think I remember anything"

* * *

**AN: If you have any ideas that you desperately, or not so desperately want incorporated into this story, please let me know and I'll try to write them in. I hope you enjoyed, please follow, favourite and review. Constructive criticism is always welcome and appreciated.**


	20. Something Seriously Wrong

**AN: This chapter was painful for me to write, because I just couldn't figure out where I wanted to go with it. But it's finished and I'm never going to do anything that constitutes a plot ever again. Probably. Maybe. But anyway, I'm sorry for the wait and I hope you enjoy the chapter!**

* * *

_This wasn't right. She wasn't right. There was something wrong with her._

_"I don't think I remember anything"_

* * *

_4 hours earlier_

"We received some intel that an ex shield agent has been dealing weapon designs from an old government facility in rural Indonesia. These weapons could blow up entire continents, so these designs cannot leave the building" Fury explained on the screen in the control room, building schematics coming up a screen beside him "Romanoff and May will go in first through a service hatch 2 miles from the base. That will take you right under the entrance, where you will enter and take down anyone in the room. When they reach the room Stark will fly in Barton and drop him on the roof, providing backup as they work their way up the building. When the bottom floor is secure, Skye, Rogers and Morse will enter through the back entrance and work their way up through the back stairwell whilst May and Romanoff will go up the front stairwell. Whatever is going on is happening on the sixth floor of the building based on energy readings. You will secure the target and bring him in alive, blowing up the base after the weapons are secure. Fitzsimmons will be on standby in case of any technological complications. Hunter will be their backup. Coulson and Banner will oversee the mission from the plane. The Hulk is only to enter the field if sudden radio silence is to occur."

"Yes Sir" Coulson said, swiping through the different files they'd been sent.

"Dismissed" Fury disappeared off the screen. Steve took a file off of Coulson

"Suit up and sit down, wheels down in 20" May told them, going to the cockpit. They all dispersed to various different parts of the plane and Natasha was just about to leave when Steve caught her hand. He looked around, noticing that they were alone before pulling her closer to him.

"Stay safe" he squeezed her hand lightly, and she smiled brightly at him.

"You too" she kissed him on the cheek, lingering longer than usual. "I have a bad feeling about this mission"

"Me too. But I trust you to kick some ass" Steve joked, his lips quirking up into a smile.

"Never doubt it" she smirked up at him, punching his shoulder playfully before landing a kiss on his lips and sauntering away. Steve felt all the air leave his lungs, his gaze lingering on her ass for just a little too long. "Jesus fucking Christ"

* * *

"Status?"

"Under the entrance now. Send in Hawkeye and Stark" May said through the comms. She opened the air vent and the climbed out, deftly landing behind some crates. Natasha followed her, swinging the vent shut as she did so.

"I'm reading ten heat signatures, four guarding the front door, two guarding the back and four patrolling" Bruce told them, and Natasha peeked her head over the crates to confirm. She nodded to May, pointing towards the front entrance.

"May, you take the guards on the doors, I'll take those on the ground" Natasha ordered, pulling out her guns and flashing a smile at May. She methodically checked her ammo, clicking the safety off as she swung the gun around her finger.

"Copy that boss" May joked, pulling out her own gun

"Thought you didn't need a weapon?" Natasha smirked at her, raising her eyebrows

"I thought the situation called for it" May shrugged her shoulders, tilting her head slightly before saying "I saw you and Cap kiss earlier"

"Oh yeah?" Natasha cocked an eyebrow. Steve was going to kill her when he found out another person knew about their relationship. She was beginning to think that more people knew than didn't at this point.

"Yeah, congrats" May said casually, and just like that the conversation was over. "On three?"

"Barton, you in position?" Natasha asked first, holding her hand up to her ear.

"Yep. Let's teach this motherfucker who's boss" Clint said. They slipped out from behind the boxes, Natasha swiftly taking out the guards patrolling as May headed towards the door. They could hear Clint shooting arrows rapidly over the comms, but he was quickly drowned out over the firing of their own guns. Natasha gracefully made her way across the floor, sweeping her leg under an unsuspecting guard, sending him to the floor. She shot over him as he fell, striking another directly in the gut. It wouldn't kill him, they were all wearing armour, but it would take him out for the time being. A man caught her off guard from behind, wrapping his arm around her neck as she struggled out of his grip. She bit down on his arm, shocking him just enough to elbow him in the stomach, sliding out of his grip before sending him to the ground with a swift kick to the head. She looked over to May quickly, before hearing the whiz of a bullet strike past her ear and directly into another guards chest. Natasha nodded her thanks at her before looking around. All the men were either whimpering in pain or unconscious.

"I think that might be a new record" Clint commented, clearly having finished with his guards.

"Nope, Budapest" Natasha reminded him

"Okay, what the hell happened in Bud-" Tony started saying, before being cut off by the crackling of static

"What was that?" May asked, fiddling with the comm in her ear.

"No idea. Clint?" she asked, tapping her ear aggressively as she got no reply. "Guess the comms are broken"

"Great" May responded, rolling her eyes. They were too distracted to notice the figure lurking in the dark before it was too late.

* * *

"Fitz, what just happened?" Coulson demanded. The comms had gone dead, and they had no visual on the building.

"Massive energy spike over the compound" Fitz said, frantically trying to patch into Tony's suit

"Looks like an EMP similar to the one you designed a few years back" Simmons commented, looking at the readings from the buildings "Practically identical actually"

"So this is definitely SHIELD tech we're looking at?" Bruce asked

"Almost. It's definitely modified from my original design, but I won't be able to tell until I can actually see it" Fitz said "Which I can't do if we have no visuals or access to the building"

"What do we do?" Hunter asked, and they could hear the faint noise of an engine revving in the background.

"Wait till Stark comes back online. He'll be able to reboot within the next five minutes" Bruce said.

"Coulson?" Steve asked over the comms, referring back to the man for the final word.

"We wait for 10 minutes. If he doesn't come back online, we send in Fitz's drones to do another scan before sending in Rogers, Morse and Skye" Coulson ordered.

"Copy that." Approximately 7 minutes and 39 seconds later Tony's voice came though the comms, not that any of them were counting or anything like that.

"Hey guys, what'd I miss?" Tony's snarky voice came through the comms

"What happened?" Coulson asked, pulling up the visuals from the Iron Man suit.

"An EMP was set off somewhere in the building. All I saw was a bunch of guys coming onto the roof and fighting Barton before I started falling" Tony explained. They could hear whirring, and soon found out the cause as they got a new heat signature reading on the building.  
"You okay?" Steve asked, slight concern seeping into his voice.

"Yeah, the backup generator kicked in before I hit the ground. But it looks like there was some gas released in the building" he said, sending them updated scans of the building.

"Any idea what it was?" Coulon asked, getting no sign from the scans.

"My best guess, a knockout gas" they could practically hear Tony shrug his shoulders

"Makes sense if this guy is ex Shield. Probably knew who we'd send after him, knew he couldn't beat us in a fight" Steve commented, keeping his voice steady. He wouldn't let it show, but he was concerned about Natasha, and Clint and May, but mostly Natasha. He knew she could handle herself, but if she was unconscious, well, he pushed that thought out of his head as soon as it arrived. There was nothing he could do for the moment to help her, and he had to trust that Natasha could get out of any situation she found herself in.

"What's the worst-case scenario?" Coulson asked. He was doing a significantly better job at staying calm than Steve was, or at least pretending he was.

"Some kind of Poison" Bruce replied, having looked briefly over Tony's intel.

"Shit"

"Fitz, send in the drones. Trace the air for chemicals, see what this gas is. Stark, rendezvous with Rogers, Morse and Skye and make sure you're not followed"

"Copy that"

* * *

"Well well ladies. It's been a long time" Natasha spun around on her heel, facing the man who came out of the shadows, her gun immediately raised. Through the corner of her eye she saw May do the same, moving around to circle him.

"Where's the tech?" Natasha asked. She couldn't figure this guy out. He walked with the confidence of someone who knew he was going to win, but he didn't have any weapons on him. He had a plan, but she couldn't work out what it was.

"The tech's irrelevant. You see, I made an interesting discovery whilst looking through it, and I'm much more intrigued to see what it can do" he said ominously. She eyed him up, glancing over to May, who subtly shrugged her shoulders, indicating she had no idea what he was talking about.

"What is it?" May asked, raising her gun higher threateningly. It seemed to have no effect on him, only further increasing their confusion.

"Gas" they immediately brought their hands up to their faces, covering their mouths and noses, forgetting about their weapons.

"Relax, I'm not going to gas you. At least not yet" he let out a small chuckle, fanning out his hands dramatically.

"What are you going to do?" Natasha narrowed her eyes at him, cocking her head to the side.

"I know what you're doing, I've read your file. You're stalling, for what I'm not sure. We've already got your arrow buddy detained, and there's nothing coming within miles of this base"

"If you know I'm stalling, then why are you still talking?" she questioned, because he was right. She was stalling, stalling for a plan that hadn't quite come to her or for backup that probably wasn't coming. She assessed her options, she could shoot him, he wasn't armed, he had no security, but she knew they needed him alive, at least for now.

"Because I want to see you face when you realise what's happening. A lot of the tech I took were made for hydra. Very lethal stuff. But what makes it so amazing is that Hydra has so many links to the KGB. Of course you already knew that" he looked so smug, and all Natasha wanted to do was swipe that smile off his face, but she couldn't, not yet. They needed to know his plan first, they needed to know what they were facing.

"What's your play here?"

"Now I'm not sure if you remember" he paused, seeming to chuckle at his own joke that they didn't get "but the KGB had their own ways of making sure agents stayed loyal. Now it won't affect dear agent May here, but you on the other hand" Natasha's eyes widened in realisation, and he chuckled at her "You finally understand"

"Get out of here May" she warned, facing the woman as the gears turned in her head. She wouldn't let him get his way, she wouldn't forget, she couldn't forget.

"What's going on?" May asked panicked. She could see the conflict behind Natasha's eyes,

"The gas, they used it to wipe our memories of missions" she explained, putting as much distance between them as possible. She threw her gun across the floor, along with her knives and batons, the less weapons she had the better. She didn't know what was about to happen but she knew it was bad.

"It's ironic really, that you can't remember what happened when you were gassed. Let's just say I have no need for my soldiers" They could hear the hissing of air from the vents, and on instinct they brought their hands up to their mouths, but they knew it would be useless. They were trapped. The man pulled a gas mask over his head, laughing to himself as he walked away.

"What's going to happen Nat?" May cocked her head at her

"I don't know. Shockingly, I can't remember" she almost rolled her eyes, but it wasn't funny. There was nothing about this situation that was funny.

Natasha saw red. All she saw was red. She lunged at May, ducking under May's outstretched gun arm as she made a jab at her side. May was quick though, and she dodged the oncoming attack, immediately going on the offensive.

"Natasha, talk to me" May said, grabbing her hand and flipping her onto the floor. Natasha swept her leg under hers, bringing May down to the ground as she flipped back up.

"My name's Natalia" she argued, dodging the bullet May sent her way. It was off target, maybe she was a bad shot, or maybe she wasn't actually trying to hurt her.

"No it's not. Your name is Natasha Romanoff. You're an agent of Shield" she insisted, and Natasha wondered idly if that was supposed to mean something to her. If this woman was supposed to mean something to her. Her moment of hesitation cost her dearly, a strike to her back sending her flying to the floor. She grunted, twisting around and deftly getting to her feet just in time to dodge an oncoming back. She responded with her own, her arms and legs flying in a perfectly deadly dance as she landed strike after strike. "I am nothing more than what they made me"

"No you're not" May said, finally ducking under her leg, causing Natasha to lose her balance slightly, giving her enough time to send her back down to the floor "I'm your friend, you don't need to hurt me"

Natasha let out a chuckle, didn't she understand? The was all she needed to do. She needed to hurt and kill like it was an addiction, that's all that's important. She blocked a fist flying at her face, grabbing onto May's arm and flinging herself off the ground. She kicked May into the wall, her head hitting it with a thud as she fell to the floor unconscious. Natasha smirked to herself before she felt her energy lagging, the adrenaline once coursing through her veins stopping. Her head was pounding and memories flooded her head, each one making no more sense than the last. Her world went dark as she collapsed to the floor, having just enough sense to throw out her arms before passing out.

* * *

"I've not seen anything like it before, but it looks like a mild poison. It's diffused out the room now so it should be safe to enter" Fitz said finally. Steve had been pacing anxiously for the last few minutes whilst they gathered information, much to the chagrin of his teammates. He couldn't help but be nervous. They were about to walk into a trap with absolutely no information on any of the team inside.

"What does that mean for Nat and May?" Steve asked, stilling his movements as he messed with the strap on his shield.

"They should be okay. Seems powerful enough to knock them out for a few hours but no lasting damage" Bruce replied, sending a copy of his scan to Steve's phone. He looked at it briefly before realising he had no clue what any of it meant and showed it to Bobbi.

"Any sign of Barton?" Skye questioned, checking over the guns in her hands.

"He's not on the roof anymore, although there's a lot of guards everywhere now" Tony said with a sigh, his thrusters whirring as he kept his distance from the building.

"What are our orders?"

"Enter the building through the front, any element of surprise we may have had is gone. Skye, take point and quake them, Cap and Mockingbird behind you. Stark, take out anyone on the roof" Coulson ordered

They infiltrated the building, taking out everyone on the ground floor with ease. There'd been little resistance, and bodies from where Natasha and May had been littered the floor.

"Quake, Mockingbird, look for the weapons plans, bring them back to the bus so Fitzsimmons can analyse them. I'll find Barton, Romanoff and May" Steve ordered. Apart from the bodies, there were no sign of the women or Clint, which was both worrying and comforting. They weren't on the floor with the other bodies, so that was good. But it meant they were someone else, and potentially in a lot of danger.

"Copy that"

Steve cautiously snuck down the stairs to the basement, on guard in case of others. The corridor was dark and he stuck to the shadows, a light flickering every now and then.

"-remember us?" Steve heard crackling over the radio. He couldn't hear enough to figure out who it was, but he desperately hoped it was Clint.

"You're Clint, you didn't kill me" he heard Natasha's voice, instantly bringing a smile to his face

"Guys?" he whispered hesitantly, still careful that this could be a trap. He hadn't seen anyone at all, which meant there wasn't anybody left, or the guards were all upstairs. But that didn't make any sense, why would you send your guards away from your prisoners. The more time he spent here, the less it made sense.  
"Steve. Thank God, we have a small problem" Clint said, and he could hear the relief in his voice though it was masked by another emotion, one he couldn't figure out.

"I'm just glad you're alive" Steve commented, and Clint butted in before he could ask anything "Yeah, we do have an issue though"

"Don't worry, I'm coming" Steve told them, hurrying to find them. He found a small jail cell with a small window in the door. He looked through the window, finding his 3 teammates tied to chairs. He bashed the lock with his shield, opening the door. There was no one around, only confusing him further but he couldn't help the relief that flooded him seeing his teammates unharmed and alone.

"Ladies, I believe you called for backup" Steve said, shoving the shield on his back as he went to untie them.

"Smooth Rogers, real smooth" May rolled her eyes at him as Steve untied her wrists.

"I'm here too you know" Clint complained from his chair, trying to jerk his feet out of the ropes.

"I was mainly talking to you" Steve joked, causing a giggle to come out of Natasha. They all turned to her curiously, and Steve raised an eyebrow at her.

"Did Romanoff just giggle? Did anyone else hear the giggle?" Tony asked over the comms in disbelief.

"Oh my god! I just heard the Black Widow giggle!" Skye exclaimed, clearly over excited.

"Skye, we've talked about your fangirling" Coulson told her "Did Coulson just say the word fangirling? What is happening to the world?" Hunter asked

"Who's that?" Natasha asked, nodding towards Steve

"That's Steve Rogers" May told her. Steve on his part, looked confused, which May posed was completely fair. His girlfriend couldn't remember him and had just asked who he was.

"Uhhh, guys, why can't Nat remember me?" Steve asked them, letting his confusion show because what else could he do. He was worried, he didn't know what was going on and something about this mission just screamed wrong.

"She appears to be having some memory issues" Clint informed him. Steve went over to untie her "GET AWAY FROM ME!" Natasha yelled, trying to kick him but just ended up thrashing in the chair she was tied to.

"Natasha it's me Steve. I'm not going to hurt you" he held his hands up, backing away from her in hopes to calm her down.

"How the hell am I supposed to believe you?" she asked. Steve sighed, before turning off his comms, signalling for May and Clint to do the same. He knelt down in front of her, taking one of her hands in his. She squirmed slightly, but she didn't try to kill him so that was a bonus.

"Natasha. I made you a promise that I would never hurt you. I know you can't remember that right now. But I love you, and I would never do anything to hurt you, ever. I promise, and I really need you to trust me right now, because we're in danger, and I don't want you to get hurt" he said gently, looking into her eyes, hoping she would trust him.

"Okay" she nodded quietly. He could tell she didn't entirely trust him, that she was just following her instincts that had inexplicably told her she was safe.

"Thank you Natasha" he gently slid his other hand into hers, giving it a reassuring squeeze before untying her restraints. He moved onto Clint quickly, making quick work of the knots before going back to the door. He was sure after Natasha's screaming that someone would be coming, but it was still deserted.

"What's the plan Cap?" Clint asked, shaking out his hands, turning back on his comms as Steve did the same.

"Skye and Bobbi and getting the plans and any other information they can find. Tony is helping clear a way out for them. We need to get out of here before they blow up the building" he told them, pulling his shield from his back.

"How do we do that?" May asked, pulling out her gun. It was even weirder that they hadn't been stripped of their weapons, especially ones as obvious as guns.

"We go back through the service hatch you guys came through. Hunter's there at the entrance waiting for us to take us back to the bus" Steve explained, taking Natasha's hand before leading the way. She was slightly dazed, although he couldn't blame her. He would probably be worse if significant parts of her memory were missing.

"Let's go"

* * *

**AN: Again, I'm so sorry for the delay on this chapter, especially because of the way I ended the last one. But regardless i****f you have any ideas that you desperately, or not so desperately want incorporated into this story, please let me know and I'll try to write them in. I hope you enjoyed, please follow, favourite and review. Constructive criticism is always welcome and appreciated.**


	21. Back to Basics

**AN: Have another chapter! My life has become really busy at the moment so uploads are probably going to slow down slightly, especially since a lot more of the upcoming chapters are currently only half written. So despite that, I hope you enjoy this chapter!**

* * *

"What's your name?" Bruce asked as he was scanning her head for trauma. They'd returned to the plane quickly, having experienced no resistance, which only added to the mystery of what was happening. Steve knew something had happened in that base, but both Natasha and May were refusing to talk about it.

"Natasha Romanoff" she answered easily, glaring at Bruce for the question. She didn't seem to be appreciating the questions Bruce had been asking for the last few minutes.

"I just need a baseline Natasha" Bruce explained, not withering under her glare. He was used to her behaviour by now. "How old are you?"

"31. Well, technically 77, but that's not really relevant" she shrugged. Bruce looked to Clint for confirmation, so he nodded his head, smiling at Natasha.

"What else do you remember?" Bruce questioned before holding a torch in front of her eyes. She followed it around as he moved it, but not before rolling her eyes at him.

"Wait, you're 77?" Tony interrupted before she could answer Bruce's question

"I remember that's he's a dumbass" she quipped at Tony, although her memory was fuzzy and she didn't entire know who he was. "Hey!"

"Anything else?" Bruce interrupted. He turned to the holotable, looking at the scan of her brain. He frowned when he still couldn't see anything wrong with her.

"I was born in Stalingrad. I work for Shield" she recited, rolling her eyes once again. Couldn't they tell that she was fine and that all this testing was ridiculous. "Good"

"Clint Barton's my best friend, and he has two kids?" Clint frowned at her, shaking his head slightly. "I have three kids Nat"

"Right, Cooper, Lila and Nate" she remembered, looking sad at forgetting her nephew. Clint put an arm around her shoulders, squeezing her arm gently in comfort.

"Where do you live?" Bruce pressed, looking over the ever-increasing list of what might be wrong with Natasha.

"I…I don't know" she tried to rack her brain for any information, but alas, she came up empty handed. She frowned, and Steve felt his heart ache for her. He wanted to help her, he wanted to be there for her, but she couldn't remember who he was and it was all he could do to push away the thoughts that she might not ever remember.

"That's okay. Don't push yourself. You live in New York" Steve said gently, smiling sadly at her, though he tried to hide it.

"In Brooklyn" she smiled slightly, pleased her memory was coming back to her before she noticed the looks on everyone's faces. Clearly she didn't live in Brooklyn, not anymore at least, but she kept drawing a blank as to where she might live. As she looked over the faces in the room she realised she could recognise more of them, but most of them still meant nothing to her. Coulson was there, and looking worried as always, so was Clint and May, but everyone else were just blank faces.

"It's getting better. She's remembering more. She didn't know who I was when we woke up" Clint commented. "It seems like she's remembering things up to a certain point but after that it's blank"

"I don't get this. She doesn't have a concussion, there's no reason she should have amnesia"

"My name's Natasha, not she" Natasha protested, sick of being talked about like she wasn't even in the room. Especially by people she didn't even know yet claimed to know her.

"Uh, something happened in there" May finally said, breaking the tense silence that had fallen over the room at Natasha's previous statement.

"What?" Bruce turned to May, looking at her seriously. The woman knew that Natasha wouldn't want anyone to know what had happened, and that she was about to break her trust, but it had gotten too far.

"The gas they used, apparently they would use it on agents back in the Red Room. The guy knew it would affect Natasha, but not me" May told them, causing the team to look even more confused. "I have no idea how it worked, and why it didn't affect me"

"Well that's odd" Tony commented idly before Steve cut him off. "So what happened?"

"The gas, it made her forget everything. From what I can tell, she could remember her basic programming. Her name, her skills, all the stuff the Red Room would've ingrained in her. But nothing else She also went a little murdery" May explained. Truthfully, her memories of the event were a bit fuzzy, everything happening so quickly that she struggled to remember what happened.

"So what do we do?" Clint asked, looking at her with concern in his eyes.

"I don't know. She seemed to know what was about to happen, at least in regards to her memory"

"I'd assume that given time, her memories will return, but there's no residual of the gas left for me to test properly"

"What's the prescription doc?" Tony asked, smirking slightly at him.

"Rest" Bruce said bluntly, already preparing himself for Natasha's protests. It was honestly the only thing he could think of at this point. Wait and see if her memories came back.

"Rest?" Natasha questioned him, raising her eyebrows. She was expecting some sort of diagnosis, maybe some drugs. Something other than sit and reflect. "I can't do very much for you Natasha. It's the best I've got"

"Great" she snarked, and for the first time they could see their Natasha peek out.

"Clint will take care of you" he told her, not even turning around to look at her when he said the words. He knew she'd be fuming, he didn't need to see it as well.

"I don't need a babysitter" she protested, pouting at Bruce and cocking her head to the side.

"You're on concussion watch. So you do, in fact, need a babysitter" Bruce smarted back at her, to which she rolled her eyes. She got up off the bed, hitting away Clint's hand when he went to take it.

"I can cope just fine on my own thanks" she walked out the room, more annoyed than anything. Hurried footsteps followed her, ones she distinctly knew were Clint's. Her suspicions were confirmed when he fell into step beside her.

"You know where you're going?" he asked casually. She was confused about quite what Clint was to her, especially with Steve's words from when they were tied up fresh in her mind.

"Course" she walked up the staircase to the main area, heading in the opposite direction to the bunks.

"Other way Nat" he silently chuckled to himself as she turned on her heel and immediately started walking in the other direction "Right. I knew that"

He guided her to a bunk, sitting her down on the bed. She rolled her eyes at him, but followed his ordered, stripping out of her catsuit and changing into a pair of sweats he'd thrown her. Again, she didn't have any qualms about undressing in front of Clint, which confused her to no end.

"Clint?" she finally asked, having sat down and folded her legs underneath her.

"Yeah?" he was perched on the small desk in the room, watching her just enough to be unnerving.

"The guy Steve, when we were in that cell, he said he loved me" it wasn't a question, and yet she was unsure of her words.

"He did, didn't he?" he mused, smiling slyly at her. She hated not knowing things, and Steve was a giant enigma that she couldn't figure out. When she though about him, she felt an unfamiliar feeling, like a warmth in her chest that made absolutely no sense.

"Do I love him?" she asked curiously

"Yeah Nat. You do" he told her honestly, and a brief memory flashed through her head. The brush of soft lips against hers, a fingers interlocking perfectly together, a sense of calm and safety she'd never truly felt before.

"Huh"

* * *

Steve got up from where he was laying on the couch and walked towards the bunk he saw Clint leave earlier once he had declared that she didn't have a concussion and could be left alone. He hadn't talked to her since much earlier in the day, and he'd wanted to give her space but he couldn't cope anymore. He needed to see her, even if she didn't remember him, he needed to check for himself that she was okay. He heard footsteps from the other side of the plane, snapping him out of his thoughts as he got into a fighting stance, looking around from anything he could feasibly use as a weapon. He squinted through the darkness when he finally made out a face.

"Simmons?" he asked confused. It was dark enough that he had to squint to see her, but it was definitely her.

"Hey Steve. How are you?" Jemma said, trying to take the focus off of her. Steve could tell she was nervous about something, or maybe it was just his own at being caught trying to sneak into Natasha's bunk. He rubbed his eyes sleepily, "What are you doing" he asked, rubbing his eyes sleepily

"Nothing. I was just going to get a glass of water" she lied quickly. Steve still wasn't great at lying, but spending enough time with Natasha made him better at telling when someone else wasn't truthful. "By walking away from the kitchen?" he smirked at her, and although it may have been lost through the darkness, he could still see her grimace.

"Yeah"

"Seriously, what are you doing" he asked again, although he felt he already knew. But lesson 5,631 was that you should never assume something without solid proof.

"Fitz and I are kinda dating." She mumbled "But it's not official or anything, we're just figuring things out" she admitted, knowing she was too bad a liar to get away with it

"Finally" he muttered, before smiling at her gently. A small part of him hoped that she wouldn't ask him what he was doing out of bed.

"What about you? Where were you going?" Damn. A guy could wish couldn't he? He knew he should just tell her the truth, after all, she just admitted a secret to him. "To see Natasha"

"As a concerned friend or something more?" she asked. Steve knew he didn't really need to answer, she'd clearly already figured it out, but it did bring him a sense of relief. "Something more"

"About time" she let out a small chuckle

"Look, we're not gonna tell anyone about this are we" he asked "No. I think we keep this to ourselves" Simmons confirmed, letting out a small laugh.

"Have a nice night Jemma"

"Night Steve" she said, walking into Fitz's bunk. He smiled at her retreating figure, he was happy for the two scientists.

He walked towards Natasha's bunk, knocking on the door quietly, conscious of Tony and Bruce sleeping on the couches on the other side of the room. The door slid open and before he could register what was happening, Natasha had leapt off the bed and launched herself into his arms, clinging to him tightly.

"Steve" she mumbled into his lips as she kissed him passionately. Steve let out a sigh of relief, he would never admit it to anyone, but the thought of Natasha forgetting him forever shook him to his core and scared him more than he thought possible.

"I see you got your memories back" he laughed as he stepped into the bunk and sliding the door shut with her still in his arms. She pressed kisses to every piece of skin she could find, gripping his face firmly in her hands.

"I love you so much Steve. I'm so sorry I forgot you" she apologised between kisses, finally making her way back to his mouth.

"Don't be sorry. It was out of your control" he pulled himself away from her slightly so he could look her in the eyes, her forehead resting on his.

"I'm sorry I put you through that. I never want to forget you again" she said again, brushing his hair off his forehead and kissing the spot gently "It's okay Nat. You're here, and you remember now. Stop apologising"

"I'm still sorry" she repeated. She closed her eyes, a wave of exhaustion washing over her as soon as she was safe in his arms. She nuzzled into his neck, sighing softly and pressing a small kiss to his skin.

"How's the head?" he asked, sitting down on the bed, her limbs still wrapped around him like a monkey. She brought her head up from its spot on his neck, looking at him.

"Okay, everything's still a little fuzzy, but I'm fairly sure I remember everything" she finally untangled herself from him, letting him lie back and settle in the pillows. She sat still on his lap as if waiting for an invitation to move. Natasha knew it was the faint memories of the red room brought to the surface, but she felt uncertain around him. He didn't seem to have any qualms about her hesitation, just taking her hands and squeezing it lightly.

"Good" he pulled her down to his side, wrapping his arms around her tightly and kissing her forehead. It was a tight squeeze in the bed, but she simply lay so more of herself was draped over him. She closed her eyes, too tired to keep them open.

"So, I ran into Simmons outside" he told her once she'd settled into his embrace. She cracked open an eye to look at him. "And you told her about us" she assumed, giving him a soft smile.

"Sorry?" he offered, wincing slightly as he waited for her to react. She simply shrugged, pressing a kiss to his shoulder.

"It's fine Steve. Besides, I told Mel about us earlier" she admitted, snuggling further into his side and breathing the scent that was so distinctly Steve. "Well I kind of assumed she already knew, besides I did admit my love for you in front of her"

They fell into a comfortable silence, and Steve let his eyes slip shut as he felt Natasha's breathing even out.

"You know, there's not really a logical explanation to keep this secret anymore" she commented idly. Her voice was quiet, muffled by his skin.

"Yeah, I don't think we can use the excuse of figuring this out anymore, can we?" he let out a small chuckle, his hands playing with her hair subconsciously.

"Nah. So d'you think we should tell everyone?" she tilted her head up to look at him, her eyes burning with curiosity.

"I kinda like it" Steve told her, causing her to frown at him, confused at his statement "What?"

"All the sneaking around. Makes me feel like a teenager" he smirked at her, and she grinned back at him.

"Yeah, I get what you mean" she replied, because she completely understood. Neither of them had a typical childhood, Steve had always been too ill to do rebellious teenage activities and then the recession had hit. And her, well she was too busy being a Russian spy to be a teenager.

"It feels like everyone already knows anyway" Steve said, causing Natasha to frown at him once again. She was sure she could usually read him better than she was right now. "So you want to tell them, or you don't? I'm confused"  
"I guess what I'm saying is I don't mind either way" Natasha mulled over his words, thinking to herself. Would it really be so bad if people knew they were together? So much of her reputation, especially within Shield came from her being ruthless and void of emotions, could she really risk all of that? Yes, she immediately thought. Yes she could. She could do anything for Steve.

"How about we don't tell anyone, we just stop hiding the fact things are different between us. If they figure it out, they figure it out" it was her way of saying baby steps. Besides, she didn't think either of them were the type of people to call a team meeting just to update them on their relationship status.

"That sounds good. Anyway, I quite like having you all to myself" he smirked, and she chuckled weakly into his chest, a small puff of air escaping her lips.

"Hush now. I'm sleeping" she silenced him with a small kiss before resting her head on his chest. His heartbeat was steady under her cheek, the repetitive thudding already lulling her into sleep.

"Night Nat"

"Night Steve"

* * *

**AN: If you have any ideas that you desperately, or not so desperately want incorporated into this story, please let me know and I'll try to write them in. I hope you enjoyed, please follow, favourite and review. Constructive criticism is always welcome and appreciated.**


	22. No Sleep for the Wicked

Sleep. It was a fickle thing. Between all the residents of the tower, there would always be someone awake at all time of the day. Whether it was just Tony or Bruce staying up all night working, or someone just avoiding sleep, there was always someone awake. Tonight was Steve's night, as it had been for the last week or so. Every night he would lie next to Natasha, listening to her breathing even out as she fell asleep, and every night he would hope sleep would take him, and sometimes it did. But it was plagued with nightmares and he woke up in a worse state than before. So he had given up and had taken to lying in bed all night and just thinking, or wandering about the tower. By morning though, he always ended up on the couch in their room, watching the sun rise over the city before he would go for a run. Sometimes he would draw the skyline, concentrating on the sun lighting up the building, casting an amber glow across the sky. Today though, he was just watching.

"Steve?" Natasha asked groggily from the bed. He was so engrossed in his own thoughts that he hadn't even heard her stir when she woke.

"Sorry, did I wake you?" He whispered, looking at her and hoping she would just go back to sleep. This was his problem, not hers, and the thought that he interrupted her sleep was not a pleasant one.

"Don't think so." She looked at him curiously, unsure of what was wrong with him. She could barely see him through the dark, but she could tell something was bothering him. And that was irrelevant of the fact that he was just sat on the couch and not lying next to her in bed.

"Go back to sleep." He insisted, shifting his gaze back out the window. He hoped if her ignored her, then she would just fall straight back to sleep. This was his burden to bear.

"Come back to bed. I'm cold." She complained, hoping to coax him back to the warmth of the bed. She mostly just didn't want to have to get up to talk to him about whatever was clearly bothering him, the bed was warm and she could tell by the air hitting her face that it was cold outside her little cocoon of blankets.

"I'll be there in a sec, go back to sleep." Instead of doing as he asked, she got up, wrapping a blanket tightly around her naked body. She walked over to him, sitting down next to him and cupping his cheek gently, forcing him to look at her.

"God Steve, you're freezing." She commented, wrapping her blanket around his shoulders before curling up in his lap and tucking herself under what was left. She gently touched the side of his face, tracing the contours of his face. She paused underneath his eyes, frowning at the bags starting to form. "Have you slept?" She asked gently, continuing her soft movements as she swiped underneath his eyes.

"No." He was honest with her, something that she had always appreciated, and she admired that about him. But that didn't stop her worrying about him in the slightest. "When was the last time you slept?" She prodded, moving her hands so they were raking through his hair in comfort.

"Last night." Not technically a lie. He had slept, for about 20 minutes before a nightmare woke him up. He wasn't sure if he genuinely wanted to be alone, or if he just wanted to know that Natasha could see through his lies and be there for him. God, how fucked up did he have to be to test his girlfriend like that.

"Steve." She chastised, immediately seeing through his lie. She hated seeing him like this, so beat up over something like this.

"I don't know Nat. I can't really remember, last week maybe." He felt his eyes tearing up, and he hated himself for being so weak. "Talk to me Steve. Tell me what's going on." She looked at him, tilting his face slightly so he was looking in her eyes, and all he could see love and concern in them.

"I can't sleep Natasha." She let out a soft chuckle at his statement. "Yeah, I figured that one out."

"Every time I try to sleep, I just get restless. I can't get my thoughts to shut up, and when I finally can sleep, I just get nightmares." He tried to explain, but he didn't even understand what was happening. He was just so tired.

"It's okay Steve. I understand." And she did. She got nightmares just as often, if not more, and they haunted you throughout the days afterwards. She wished Steve could escape from the horrors he saw everyday though his dreams, she wished he didn't have to relive the most painful parts of his life over and over again.

"I'm so tired Nat, I just want to sleep, but I…I can't." He started to tear up, the exhaustion starting to catch up with him. She brushed her thumb over his cheek, wiping away the tears that had started to slide down over them. "Hey baby, you're okay. It's gonna be alright." She reassured him, kissing him gently on the cheek, running her fingers through his hair. He buried his face in her neck, his arms wrapped tightly around her. Natasha's very presence was comforting to him, and he felt calmer just having her in his arms. "Go back to bed Nat." He said, his voice muffled by her skin. He didn't want her to see him like this, and besides, he didn't want to keep her up for what was left of the night.

"Only if you come with me." She said, pressing a kiss into his hair. He made a small whimper of protest, lifting his head off of her and looking at her. "I can't Nat."

"Hey, even if you don't go to sleep, come lay down. I'll stay awake with you, but you need to rest." She insisted, pressing a kiss to his hair. She got up, holding out her hand for him to take, wrapping the blanket back around her with her free hand.

He took her hand, a dubious look on his face as she led him back to bed, getting in and pulling the sheets over them. He lay stiffly next to her, seemingly unsure of what to do with his body. "Relax Steve. You'll never sleep if you're tense all night." He tried to find a more comfortable, wriggling until she couldn't take it anymore. She grabbed his hand lightly, wrapping it around her waist, snuggling close to him. He finally seemed to relax with her in his arms, though not closing his eyes. They lay there for a while, staring at each other, before he seemed to get antsy again. "I can't do this Nat."

"If you keep telling yourself that you'll never get to sleep. Just concentrate on your breathing, in and out." She emphasised her breathing, letting him copy her as he closed his eyes slightly. She ran her fingers through his hair, just as he'd done so many times for her. He seemed content under her touch, humming slightly. He cracked one of his eyes open when he thought she'd fallen back to sleep, only to see her emerald green eyes staring back at him.

"What's going on Steve?" She pressed gently. She'd realised sleep wasn't going to come easily, and she wanted to get to the root of the problem. Seeing him so restless made her heart hurt, all she wanted to do was comfort him.

"I don't know. I want to sleep, I really do." He whined, and he would usually feel self-conscious about it, but he was just so tired. "I know you do baby."

"I'm just so restless. I just get so worked up that I can't stop thinking about the fact that I can't stop thinking." He admitted, and she smoothed her hands over his shoulders, pressing her hands into his muscles gently, giving him a half massage. He was tense, and despite the fact he was lying down in bed, he was staying practically still.

"I have an idea." She said after a while, because he still hadn't relaxed. Every time his eyes would slip shut, within minutes they'd snap back open again. Almost as if he was afraid of what might happen if he did. "Oh?"

"If you can't willingly go to sleep, then I'm gonna have to work you to the point of exhaustion." She told him, shifting so she was sitting against the headboard. His head shifted so it was resting in her lap as she did so, her fingers carding through his hair softly.

"Look Nat, I appreciate it but I'm really not in the mood right now." Se said, and she smiled internally at the interpretation of her words. It made her happy whenever he told her no, because there was a time when he didn't feel comfortable enough to admit he wasn't in the mood, which wasn't often, but still.

"Not like that dummy." She punched his arm gently before getting out of bed. "Come on."

"Where are we going?" He asked, though he followed her without question. A t-shirt was flung at his head, momentarily obscuring his vision. "The gym."

* * *

"You're pulling your punches Steve." She chastised, swinging her fist at his head, which he deftly dodged. All of his attacks were sloppy and uncoordinated, every move screaming just how tired he was.

"I'm tired." He complained, and she momentarily stopped her attack to raise an eyebrow at him. "Tired enough to sleep?"

"No." He looked at her grumpily, though she could tell he wasn't ungrateful for her efforts. "Then stop pulling your punches. You know I can take it Steve." She told him, resuming her attack. Truth be told, she could feel her energy fading, they'd be going at it for hours and she definitely hadn't got enough sleep the night before. She could only hope it was working as well for Steve as it was for her. She continued her assault, kicking and punching at him when she realised he wasn't trying to hit her back. He was just dodging and blocking her swings.

"Fight back Steve." She ordered, and she knew she was being harsh, but a large part of her couldn't bring herself to care. Steve clearly wasn't going to talk about whatever was truly bothering him, and it was affecting every aspect of his life, whether he admitted it or not. She didn't like it, and she wanted to fix it.

"Sorry." He grunted, swinging a poorly aimed fist at her head. She was about to berate him again about the fact they both knew he could do better, when they heard a thump above them followed by a stream of muffled curses. "Goddammit, shit. Fucking hell. Aww shit."

Natasha held up her hand to stop the fight, listening to the babblings. She gave Steve a shit eating grin, which he returned before looking up at the ceiling at the air vent.

"You okay up there Clint?" She could barely contain her laughter, because of course he would get stuck in the vents. The grate popped open, showing Clint's face smiling brightly down at them. "I'm good."

"Great, Nat just yielded, d'you wanna go a few rounds?" Steve asked, smirking at Natasha. They both knew full well that Clint definitely wasn't getting out of that vent without any help, and were looking forward to his excuses. And finally, there was a smile on his face that wasn't forced.

"Uhh, I'm good. I was actually about to go to bed." He lied nervously, and it wasn't for the first time that Steve wondered how he was a spy. Although maybe he just didn't care when he wasn't on a mission.

"At 6 in the morning?" Natasha raised an eyebrow at him, letting the disbelief bleed into her voice. "You know what they say, the early bird gets the worm." Steve looked over to Natasha in confusion, and she shrugged her shoulders in response, because who knew what rubbish he was babbling. Clearly, he hadn't got much sleep the night before either.

"Okay, night then." Natasha waved at him before getting back into her fighting stance. Steve copied, and they continued the spar, fully aware that they had an audience that wasn't going anywhere even if they tried. Natasha took it easier on him this time, but was still ruthless in her approach.

"You just gonna watch Barton?" Natasha eventually said between kicks, shooting a look at where he was still half hanging out of the grate.

"Uhh, so don't laugh at me, but I might be stuck." He admitted quietly, like he knew what was about to happen. Which he probably did, but that didn't make his confession any less reluctant. Steve and Natasha both halted their moves, grinning at each.

"Jarvis, get everyone down here immediately." Natasha laughed with glee, and Steve couldn't help but smile fondly at her. It was so uncommon to hear her genuinely laugh, and it made his heart swell with affection.

"I have relayed your order. I have also been recording from the moment Mr Barton got stuck." Jarvis informed her. Good old Jarvis. She smiled up at Clint, who grumbled and avoided looking at her. "Godammit Jarvis. You're supposed to be on my side."

"What the hell are we doing here at 6 in the morning Romanoff?" Tony moaned, hiding his yawn behind his hand as he stumbled in. Bruce and Thor were close behind him. She said nothing in response, simply pointing up at the ceiling. Clint grinned at them sheepishly, before glaring at Natasha once again.

"No way." Tony let out a laugh, sinking down to the floor as he struggled to stay standing. They'd placed bets years ago about when Clint would get stuck in the vents, and whilst they'd all lost a long time ago, that didn't make this moment any sweeter. "You're stuck?"

"I'm not stuck. I'm just temporarily frozen in place." Clint defended himself, and they couldn't help but break out into laughter.

"You're stuck." Steve repeated Tony's words to Clint, causing the man to frown and sigh resignedly. "Can you just…can you just get the butter?"

* * *

"You feeling tired?" She asked much later in the day. It had taken them hours to get Clint out the vents followed by a hectic day of trying out new tech Tony had made. By now, it was nearing midnight, and she'd been dozing off and on for hours on the couch whilst they watched a movie, whilst Steve looked dreadfully alert.

"No." He sighed, burying his face in his hand and letting his eyes slip shut in exasperation. She sat up properly, wrapping her arm around his shoulders, resting her head on the one closest to her, pressing a soft kiss through the material of his shirt. "Okay, so what we're gonna do is we're gonna go to bed, and you're gonna try to sleep, but if you can't we'll get up and do something else."

"Okay." His voice was small, practically defeated as she got up off the couch, groaning as her muscles protested after having been sat still for so long. She offered him a hand up before leading them into their bedroom, throwing him some sweats. He changed as she disappeared from the room before clambering under the covers. She joined him a few minutes later, her face washed and makeup removed. She scooted so her back was pressed against his stomach, his arm draped over her waist.

"Night Steve." She mumbled, and he could already hear her breathing steady as unconsciousness welcomed her. He'd seen her fading for hours now, only sheer determination keeping her awake.

"Night Nat." He whispered back, willing himself to follow her into sleep. He kept his body relaxed, his arm wrapped snugly around her form as she slept, unwilling to wake her up if he moved. He was sure she hadn't intended to fall asleep, and she certainly wouldn't of, except he had kept her awake and she was exhausted.

He stayed still for maybe an hour or two, not moving for fear of waking Natasha up, but sleep not coming for him. He felt her stir slightly in his arms, and he relaxed as much as he could, slipping his eyes shut to feign sleep. A long sigh escaped from her lips, and he couldn't tell whether she was awake or not.

"Okay. Get up." She huffed, escaping his arms and sitting up in bed and turning on the bedside lamp. He cracked open an eye to look at her guiltily, she needed sleep and he was stopping her from getting it.

"I could've been asleep." He argued weakly and she sent him a withering glare, and he couldn't quite figure out whether she looked scary or just adorable with her messy hair and leftover makeup smudged under her eyes. "I think I know you well enough by now to know when you're not asleep."

"I'll be fine Nat. Go to back to sleep." He insisted, watching as she rubbed sleep out of her eyes, waking herself up.

"You're not fine Steve. I love you, and it's my job to take care of you when you're not fine, so get up." Her voice toed the line between concern and harshness, though she brushed her hand through his hair gently to try and show she was just doing this because she cared about him.

"What are we doing?" He asked, sitting up and letting the sheets fall down to his waist. "We're going out." She informed him, not giving him anymore information than that.

"Out?" He questioned, raising an eyebrow at her. "Out." She confirmed, only furthering his confusion at the situation.

"In the middle of the night?" Disbelief seeped into his voice, and she almost chuckled at him. "You scared Rogers?"

"Just confused." He told her, because he couldn't understand why Natasha would want to go outside, in the middle of the night, in New York. Sure, they were literal superheroes, but going out at night was a crime scene waiting to happen.

"The fresh air will do you good. We'll go to central park, walk around a bit and then we'll come back." She explained. He cocked an eyebrow at her curiously, "And what then?"

"We make breakfast." She said like it was obvious, and in theory it was, but it seemed she was forgetting one very important thing. "And when are you planning on sleeping?" He questioned, but he knew the answer. He hated the answer but he knew it. "When you do."

"Nat…" He tried to protest, even though he knew there was no point. Once Natasha had decided something there was no changing her mind, but he didn't want to drag her down with him.  
"I'm not sleeping until you do. I'm with you, so consider that a guilt trip, cause I'm fucking tired Rogers." She gave him a little half smile, and he couldn't help but let out a little chuckle, though he kept his tone serious. "_Natasha_"

"_Steve._" Her voice was just as serious, the niggling worry seeping through slightly. It was a side of her not many people ever got to see, and he hated that he was worrying her. It's not like he wanted this, he wanted to sleep. He wanted to sleep so much, so much, but his mind was in constant overdrive, and he couldn't cope anymore. "Nat." He could feel his resolve crumbling quickly, the damn behind his eyes starting to break. She pulled him into her arms, rubbing his back lightly as he cried into her shoulder. He hated this, hated this feeling that he couldn't do anything apart from just break apart. He took a shuddering breath, pulling himself out of Natasha's arms. She let him go, tilting her head to look at him, her eyes so filled with concern that it hurt. "Talk to me Steve." She implored, tilting his chin so he was looking at her, gazing straight into his eyes.

"I don't know what to say." He pulled at his hair roughly in exasperation. "I just can't fucking sleep."

She gently placed her hands over his, stilling his movements before releasing them and gently raking her own fingers through his hair in comfort. "Tell me what you're so scared of."

"I'm not scared, I just..." He trailed off, unable to finish his sentence. Because how could he possibly explain to Natasha what was going through his mind when he couldn't even figure it out himself.

"You want my take on this?" She asked gently, seeing him at a loss for words. He nodded silently, looking deep into her eyes and looking more like a lost little boy than Captain America. "I think you're scared Steve. And you know why, but you're even more scared to admit it to yourself, because if you accepted it, or heaven forbid, said the words out loud, it'll come true." She paused for a second to gauge his reaction before carrying on. "And I think you need to let it out Steve, no matter how much it might terrify you, because this isn't healthy. Take it from someone who holds everything in until it's literally bursting out, that's no way to live your life. So talk to me. Please Steve." She practically begged, because she couldn't take this anymore. She couldn't take seeing him hurt like this anymore.

"I'm scared." He muttered as though simply saying the words would cause the earth beneath them to collapse. He hadn't even realised it until she'd said it, but now he couldn't ignore it, that constant weight on his chest. She hummed quietly in response, pressing a kiss to his forehead before continuing to stroke his hair. "I'm scared that if I go to sleep, I won't wake up. But I'm even more terrified that I will. That 70 more years will've passed and I'll have lost you, and I'll have lost everyone, and I'll have to start all over again." He let out a shaky breath, tears welling up in his eyes. She pressed her forehead to his, their noses brushing before taking his hand gently and pressing it to her heart. "You feel that? I'm alive and I'm here and I'm not going anywhere. And I'm not going to let you go anywhere either. I promise that you will wake up tomorrow morning, and the day after that, and the day after that. And I promise that I'm going to be right there beside you, because I am yours and you are mine."

"Promise?" His eyes were blown wide, unshed tears glistening in the low light. "With all my heart." She pressed a soft kiss to the corner of his lips, and his eyes slipped shut in relief. She would never leave him, could never leave him. She needed him just as much as he did, but if he needed to hear it right now, then who was she to argue.

"I think that's the corniest thing you've ever said." He let out a small chuckle, a small smile gracing his lips. Her hand wrapped around the back of his neck, her fingers tangling in his hair as she gave him a soft smile back.

"I'm delirious Steve. Nothing I say can be used against me, I'm not in my right mental state." She joked, although bit her lip when she saw his face. It was awash with guilt, his forehead wrinkled up. "Hey, it's okay Steve. It's not your fault. It was my decision to stay awake with you so don't blame yourself."

"I'm sorry." He still apologised to her, his brow still furrowed, his guilt evident. She smoothed a finger along a wrinkle, causing him to sigh. "Don't be. You're not alone Steve, remember that."

"I know." He pulled her tightly into his arms, pressing a kiss to her hairline. "God, I love you so much."

"I know you do. I love you too." She returned the sentiment easily, but struggled to keep her face straight as she stifled a yawn. Now she was wrapped in his arms, she couldn't help but let the tiredness creep in.

"D'you still wanna go outside? Because I'm really warm and comfy." He seemed to sense that she was tired, and now she was sure he was okay, or at least, he was better, she knew he'd be able to rest. He pulled her under the covers, wrapping his whole body around hers and resting his face in the crook of her neck. He was clinging her tightly to him, but she didn't complain. She'd always felt safe in his arms, and she knew that just being able to touch her calmed him down. She shifting, turning over so she could press a kiss to his lips, a small smile painted on her lips. "Yeah, I'm good right here."

* * *

**AN: If you have any ideas that you desperately, or not so desperately want incorporated into this story, please let me know and I'll try to write them in. I hope you enjoyed, please follow, favourite and review. Constructive criticism is always welcome and appreciated.**


	23. Are you Jealous?

**AN: Another update, Yay! This chapter came from the prompt I received from the wonderful supesfan18. You gave me it so long ago and I only just got around to writing it, but I hope it's close to what you had in mind. If anyone else has any prompts,, don't be shy, I love getting new ideas**

* * *

"With all due respect sir, I don't feel comfortable doing this kind of mission" Steve protested, looking through the files he'd been given. Fury had called him to his office which is where he was currently sat, frowning as he read the information of his latest mission.

"Well, with all due respect, you don't have a choice. Senator George Williams has links to remnants of hydra, and we need to find out what he's up to" Fury wasn't giving him an option. "I just don't understand how seducing his daughter will get us that information, and why I have to be the one to do it"

He could practically hear Fury's sigh before answering "Williams and his daughter are extremely close, and we imagine she's aware or even involved in hydra, and if she's not, she will know some details of what her father is doing"

"But why do I have to do it?" Steve briefly recognised that he sounded whiny, but not only did he hate this kind of mission, he recognised he was not the best person for the job. His acting was subpar at best, despite all the hours Natasha had put in to make him better at undercover work.

"Because Captain, this won't be undercover. The Avengers will be attending this event as guests. The senator doesn't trust people easily, but how could he not trust the esteemed Captain America. Romanoff and Coulson will be your backup if you need it"

"I really don't think I'm the best person to do this. Surely Clint or Tony would be better suited. Or just another agent" Protesting was pointless, and Steve knew that, but it felt wrong to just accept this. Because he would mess it up.

"Hasn't agent Romanoff been teaching you seduction techniques?" Fury asked, raising an eyebrow at him. Steve blushed profusely, averting his eyes away from Fury. They'd told Fury months ago about the change in their relationship, not that they needed to, Steve was sure the man already knew.

"Captain, you are genetically modified to be at the peak of humanity. Literally any and every girl swoons over you every time you walk by. Barton could do this, but this woman needs to falling at your feet. I'd send Romanoff, but this woman is as straight as they come. You're the only person who can do this, and believe it or not, I trust you not to fuck this up"

"Why do you…Why'd you always send Natasha to do this stuff? I get that she's amazing at it, but you have other agents. You know she doesn't like it." He gathered the courage to ask the question he'd been wondering for years, even more so since they started dating. Something flashed in Fury's eyes briefly, some emotion that he couldn't quite place, but Steve could tell he'd surprised the man.

"I wish I didn't have to. I know she hates it, especially now you two…" For the first time in his life, Fury was unable to finish his sentence, not because he found it awkward, but he genuinely didn't know the relationship between the pair. They loved each other, that much was obvious, even before they started dating, and whilst Fury put on the persona that he didn't care, every little glance the soldier and the spy exchanged warmed his heart just a little.

"Then why do you send her on these missions?" Steve pressed curiously, unable to help himself.

"I don't trust easy Rogers, you know that. And I'll kill you if you ever tell her, but I trust Natasha, completely." Steve was taken aback by Fury's words. Honestly, he wasn't really expecting an answer from him, especially not was as truthful as this "It's awful to admit, but I know she'll go further than anyone expects her to. She'll do exactly what she feels comfortable doing, and then a bit more, because that's what she was raised to do."

"Yeah, let's not go down that rabbit hole" Steve didn't know how much Fury actually knew about Natasha's past, hell, the man might know more than him, but they both knew dwelling too long on Natasha's past was…well, it wasn't a good thing.

"As soon as she actually comes to me and says she doesn't want to do those missions anymore, I'm gonna send her on them. Not because I want to, but because she's my best option" Fury's honesty was enlightening to him, and he realised that it didn't matter whether or not he wanted to do this mission. Fury took no joy in these missions, he didn't want to send people on these missions, but he did, because it was for the greater good.

"Tell me what I need to do"

* * *

The day of the mission had arrived, and if Steve was being honest, he was terrified. Natasha had spent the entire week helping and training him on how to effectively and covertly get information out of people, roping in Clint more often than not to give a mans perspective. Hell, Natasha had even gone as far to bring in Pepper to act as his target, giving him actual experience that she herself couldn't give him because, and he quotes 'you're just too damn sexy for me not to be biased'. But still, he felt wildly unprepared when the day came.

Coulson and a handful of agents had set up in a surveillance van a few blocks away from the venue where he was waiting for everyone else to enter the venue before going in himself.

The sounds of heels filled the air, and Coulson reached for his gun instantly, on guard as to who it might be. Steve just laughed at his actions, he'd recognise those footsteps anywhere.

"Relax Coulson, it's just Nat" he assured the man, but Coulson just raised his eyebrows, somewhere between unbelieving and disbelief. Steve didn't need to look around when she came round the corner, Coulson's lips tugging up into a small smirk told him all he needed to know.

"How'd you know?" he asked, cocking his head to the side slightly. Steve felt a small arm slip around his waist, and he smiled as he looked down at the fiery redhead.

"Steve has an uncanny ability to recognise people's footsteps" she smirked at Coulson, before craning her neck to look up at Steve. "Only yours darling" he quipped back, causing her to chuckle slightly.

"You look very handsome tonight Rogers" she complimented, smiling brightly at him and pressing a small kiss to his jaw.

"And you look even more gorgeous than usual." She looked stunning, her floor length gown dazzling in the low light as the sun set. "I'd hope so. This took three hours, and I don't think I can get out of this without help" she smirked seductively at him, looping her arms around his neck.

Steve raised his eyebrows, waggling them slightly as he let his eyes trail down her body. "Oh?"

"No. You two, stop now" Coulson interrupted them, and they turned to face him, smiling sheepishly.

"What?" Natasha had the gall to ask as Steve just rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly.

"This mission can't go wrong. That means no shameless flirting over comms, no suggestive looks. Nothing" Coulson ordered, giving them a glare that would Natasha's a run for her money. Steve felt bad, he knew they could be terrible over comms, but Natasha just smiled easily at Coulson.

"Copy that. See you in there Captain" she couldn't resist the temptation to press a soft kiss to Steve's lips, which he returned before he pulled away, pressing another kiss to her hairline before letting her walk away.

"That was cute" Coulson commented once she'd gone, a sly smile on his face.

"Shut up"

* * *

"Can I buy you a drink?" Steve slid into the seat next to his target, trying his best to act casual when he knew Natasha was staring at him from across the room. He thought it was being a bit obvious as to what they were up to, but she was the expert so what did he know?

"Captain America right?" Her accent reminded him of the women he would meet whilst on tour, sickly sweet to the point where it was almost fake. Although in her case, he thought it probably was. He knew she'd grown up in Kentucky with her mother until she was 17, when she'd moved in with her father in New York.

"Please, call me Steve" he sent her his best smile, and it honestly made him feel like a creep. This woman, this girl was 8 years younger than him, she was barely an adult and here he was trying to seduce her into giving up information about her father. He hated this, especially when his own girlfriend was across the room looking like a knock out and knowing he couldn't so much as look at her without giving the game away.

"Bethany" she greeted back, and Steve almost forgot that he'd said anything to her in the first place, too caught up in his own thoughts. "It's a pleasure to meet you Bethany"

* * *

"How d'you think he's doing?" Natasha asked Clint worriedly, biting on her nail. It was a terrible habit, but one she couldn't seem to kick when it came to being concerned about Steve.

"Relax Nat, I'm sure he's fine. He's probably about to take her to bed right now" Clint joked. She glared at him over the rim of her wine glass, but he only chuckled at her.

"Please don't joke about that" she almost begged, glancing back over to Steve whose hand was resting on the girls knee.

"He's fine Nat. You can hear him over the comms right?" he asked, though he knew she could. But he'd never seen her like this before, he'd never seen her jealous, and he didn't quite know what to do.

"Yeah" she said resignedly. She knew she was being ridiculous, she just couldn't help but worry. "Then you know he's fine. He's doing good"

"I know. I know." Sighing deeply, her facade momentarily morphed so Clint could see what she was actually thinking. He nudged her in the side, sending her a smile. "Loosen up Tash. Have some more wine, eat a canapé"

"I think I'm gonna need something stronger than wine"

* * *

"So, how'd you end up here?" Steve asked casually. At least he hoped. But this was good, he was doing good, he wasn't being suspicious, was he?

"I'm here on behalf of my father. He was unable to make it tonight" she brushed off her comment, like it didn't matter, which to most men it wouldn't. But Steve could play this, maybe he could find out something, anything. "I'm sorry. Is he okay?" he let concern seep into his voice. Natasha had taught him to make her think he cared, he just hoped he could.

"Oh, he's just doing some business in Toronto right now. He's fine." Bingo. He had a location, or at least a start on one. He had something at least.

"I'm glad to hear that." A shy smile was sent her way, the same one which Natasha had told him multiple times was irresistible.

"Can I get you a refill?" She smiled back, gesturing over the bartender. "Be my guest, although I will warn you, if you're trying to get me drunk, it won't work." It felt like the right thing to say, he was unsure why, but it seemed to work because she placed her hand on his chest playfully, leaning in closer to him.

"Relax Steve, I wouldn't even dream of trying to get you drunk" She let out a small laugh, her hands smoothing over the plains of his chest.

"Good, because you don't need to." He smirked at her, sliding his hand further up her leg to rest on her upper thigh. "What are you implying Captain?"

"I guess you'll have to wait and see"

"You're jealous" Bruce commented, having spent the last hour watching her not so subtly watching Steve flirt. To an outside observer, no one would know, but to anybody who knew anything about Natasha, it was blindingly obvious. The way her hands tightened around her glass whenever their bodies got close together, the slight grinding of her teeth.

"I'm not jealous." She defended herself, despite the fact she definitely was, and she wasn't even doing a good job to hide it.

"It's okay Nat. I'm not judging, besides, you two aren't nearly as subtle as you think you are." Natasha had no choice to turn to face him, raising her eyebrows. Bruce had his suspicions that the soldier and the spy's relationship had changed, but he hadn't got any proof until tonight.

"We're not…it's not…" She stuttered out, and it was all the confirmation Bruce needed.

"No, it's sweet. How long?" He smiled softly at her, watching a slight blush creep over her cheeks. "About 7 months"

"Congratulations. You deserve to be happy"

"Yeah, I'm starting to think that too" She looked over to Steve, a frown instantly replacing the smile that had only been there moments beforehand. "You think he's okay?"  
"He's fine Natasha. He's doing good." Bruce reassured her, but he could see the doubt in her mind as she bit her lip unconsciously.

"You know what? I'm gonna go check on him." She released her win glass from her tight grip, shoving herself back from the table and standing up.

"Nat, I really wouldn't" Bruce stood up quickly, placing a hand on her arm which she quickly shook off. "It's fine Bruce, I know what I'm doing." Lie. She had no clue what she was doing, she just needed to get Steve away from that girl. Stalking over to where Steve was sitting, she plastered a sickeningly sweet smile on her face before reaching the pair.

"Steve, would you come with me for a second?" she asked, giving him a dazzling smile that was so obviously fake. She placed a hand on his shoulder, squeezing it slightly.

"I'm really enjoying this young lady's company right now Natasha" he smiled back, though she could see the warning in his eyes. He didn't want to mess this up and he had no idea what angle Natasha was trying to play.

"I'm so sorry to interrupt, but it's an emergency. He'll be back in a moment." With that, she pulled Steve off his stool before he could argue back, tugging him out of the room.

"What the hell's going on Nat?" He hissed as soon as they were outside

"I don't know. God, I've fucked this up now." She threw her hands up in exasperation before turning away from him, pacing around slightly. Steve caught her hand, pulling her into him and pressing a kiss to her forehead.

"Hey, look at me. What's wrong?" He asked softly, letting her pull away from him just enough to look into her eyes.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry Steve" She buried her face in her hands, her head tilting down to the ground. "You're scaring me Nat" Steve couldn't figure out what was going on. Why was his girlfriend so obviously freaking out? Especially since he thought he was actually getting somewhere with Bethany.

"No, it's not, I just…" She groaned, trying to turn away from him again, but he gripped her arms tightly, keeping her in place.

"Talk to me Tash" He pleaded, removing one of his hands from her arm and tilting her chin up so she was looking at him. "I just…I couldn't bear to see her touch you like that, and with you so openly flirting back, I just couldn't do it. And god, I'm sorry, I've messed everything up"

She looked so immensely guilty, her eyes glistening with tears slightly, but he wasn't about to call her out on it.

"You're jealous?" He almost laughed, but he could see how awful she felt about the whole situation. He just couldn't imagine Natasha, _his Natasha_, actually being jealous.

"I'm not-" He sent her a pointed glare, interrupting her protests. "Maybe I'm a little jealous."

"You don't need to be jealous Nat." He told her softly, and she turned away from him again in exasperation. "I know, I just…"

"It's okay Nat. I hate this as much as you do."

"I'm sorry." She apologised, fiddling with the bracelet on her wrist. "I've totally compromised the mission"

"I can salvage this, don't worry." He reassured her. He wasn't quite sure how yet, but he knew he could figure something out. He had to figure something out, not just to save the mission, but to save Natasha. He wasn't sure how she'd cope knowing the she'd messed up a mission out of jealousy.

"Even I couldn't salvage this Steve." She looked on the verge of tears, so he pulled her close and pressed a soft kiss to her lips.

"I've got an idea. It'll be fine"

* * *

"I'm so sorry to have kept you waiting." Steve walked back over to Bethany, sitting down on his previously vacated chair. She immediately stood up, flashing him a smile.

"It's no problem, although I really should be going." She almost sounded remorseful as she made to leave, but Steve caught her hand before she could move.

"Oh no, it's not like that. She's pretty much my best friend, and he just broke up with her boyfriend. I've been trying to convince her to do it for weeks, and she just needed some support." He lied, completely thinking on his feet. He wasn't sure where he was going with this, but he needed a plan yesterday.

"Why would you want her to break up with her boyfriend?" Bethany asked in confusion. That was a great question, Steve thought. Why would he want his friend, _his girlfriend, _(not that anyone knew that), to break up with her boyfriend?

"Ahh, she's gonna kill me for telling you this. You have to promise you won't tell anyone." He was stalling, desperately trying to think of something, anything to say. And then it clicked, he knew exactly what to say, and it might even push her in the right direction to tell him everything.

"Promise." She sat back down, gesturing for him to do the same.

"He's…he's not a good guy. He hurt her pretty bad." He knew she'd understand what he was trying to say, he only hoped it would work out in his favour.

"You mean...?" She questioned, her eyebrows raising slightly as she tried to process the meaning behind his words. He looked away from her, playing with his glass on the bar.

"Yeah, she's a strong girl, y'know, but once she found herself in that situation she couldn't get out of it without a push. I guess it really can happen to anybody" He sighed softly, praying his plan would work. It was a risk, he knew, one that might not play off. She was quiet for a moment, seemingly considering something.

"Your friend, she's the Black Widow right?" She asked, lowering her voice slightly, clearly trying to avoid people overhearing. His heart leapt in fear.

"Yeah?" He masked the dread in his voice. Maybe the lie was too much, he'd probably been made and he glanced slyly over his shoulder to check the exits. They were still clear.

"She knows those Shield guys right?" Steve nodded his head, knowing he couldn't speak for risk of giving the game away. "Look, I may have some information they might be interested in"

"What about?" He was mildly hopeful that everything was going to work out. That he'd actually managed to sell the story, and appeal to her soul at the same time.

"My father. He's…he's not exactly the guy everyone sees. I don't know everything, but I'm willing to tell you what I do know." She admitted, and Steve couldn't help but let his heart soar at her words. It probably wasn't the outcome Fury wanted, but he figured an actual confession was better.

"That would be…thank you." He couldn't convey his gratefulness to her.

"I…if I tell you this, a lot of bad people will be after me." The hesitation in her voice was still evident, so Steve took her hand in an attempt of comfort. "Shield can offer you protection, you won't get hurt." He promised.

"Thank you"

"Let's go somewhere more private where we can talk properly"

* * *

Natasha could hardly believe her eyes. Just 10 minutes ago she'd practically ruined the mission, and now Steve was walking out with the target on his arm.

"You don't think he's…" She asked Clint, her eyes wide with shock. Her mind jumped to the obvious conclusion. He was going to sleep with her, why else would he be leaving so early in the night. Natasha didn't blame him, it was her fault he'd even been put in that position in the first place, but she hated it.

"No way. He wouldn't." It brought her a small comfort that Clint was equally as surprised.

"I swear to god if he's about to-" she cut herself off when she noticed Steve leave the woman alone by the doorway and approaching them. "What are you doing Rogers?"

"Mission complete. Well, almost. I'm taking her back to Shield, she said she'll tell us what she knows" He revealed, and she almost laughed. She was so busy thinking the worst that she hadnt even considered that he'd managed to get her to talk.

"How the hell did you do that?"

"It's complicated, let's just say I'm pretty good at this undercover thing." He smirked.

"I'm so sorry Steve." She apologised again, the guilt clear in her eyes. "It's okay Nat, everything turned out fine."

"You sure?" She bit her lip nervously, so Steve took her hand in an attempt of comfort.

"Yeah. Besides, jealousy's a pretty sexy look on you." He whispered huskily into her ear, his voice just low enough to send a shiver through her body.

"You better not start something you can't finish Rogers." She warned, turning her head so their noses were just inches apart.

"I'm not planning on it. I'll see you tonight." He gave her hand a soft squeeze, unwilling to do anything more when they were in full view. He blew her a kiss as he walked away, causing Clint to fake gag beside her.

"You two disgust me"

* * *

**AN: If you have any ideas that you desperately, or not so desperately want incorporated into this story, please let me know and I'll try to write them in. I hope you enjoyed, please follow, favourite and review. Constructive criticism is always welcome and appreciated.**


	24. Happy Birthday Baby

**AN: This chapter is pretty sad and depressing, and also a day later than I intended, but have some Natasha and Steve feels anyway. Also, I love you if you got where the title to this chapter came from. **

* * *

"Has anyone seen Nat?" Steve asked when Natasha hadn't shown up for the meeting him and Tony had called. They wanted to talk about one of Fury's many, _many,_ new protocols regarding the protection of civilians.

"She's taking a personal day" Clint said, not looking up from his phone. He didn't seem to be particularly concerned about Natasha's whereabouts

"Why?" Steve asked confused. He wasn't entirely sure what a personal day entailed, but Natasha sure didn't have them, not unless she pulled him onto the couch with her to watch movies snuggled under a blanket.

"Fury makes her take at least one a year so she picked today" Clint informed them, finally looking up from his phone. Steve couldn't figure out what, but he knew Clint wasn't telling them everything.

"So where is she?" Steve pressed him for answers, and Clint gave a soft sigh of before answering, seemingly considering his options. He looked at Steve's face, seeing the obvious concern etched onto his features. "Her apartment I think"

"I've already checked." He said, almost rolling his eyes, because obviously he'd already checked there. Hell, he lived in her apartment, of course he'd checked there.

"No, I mean the one in Brooklyn." Clint was trying to tell him something, he could tell. But he couldn't figure out what. He was confused. "Why would she be there?"

"I don't know, she's your g…" Clint's eyes went wide just as he realised what he was saying. "Your what?" Tony asked, suspicion in his eyes.

"My partner, she's my partner. At Shield, we work together" he lied nervously, , trying to keep his voice steady. Clint was a dead man once he found Natasha.

"Why is that relevant?"

"I don't know. Ask Clint." He glared at the man in question before he walked out the room. "I'll go check her apartment"

* * *

He knocked on the door to her old apartment. He hadn't even realised she still owned it, but the landlord had confirmed she was still the resident of it. After getting no response, he jimmied the lock, the door swinging open as he walked in, his footsteps deliberately loud. If she was here, she clearly hadn't answered for a reason, and he didn't want to scare her, or end up with a knife to his throat.

He walked into her old bedroom to see her curled up in a ball on the bed. He carefully slid in beside her, wrapping an arm around her waist and kissing her hair. She tensed at the contact, off in her own world before eventually relaxing into him. He lay next to her as silent tears fell down her cheeks, waiting until she was ready to talk.

"Why are you here?" He asked softly, smoothing her hair. "I didn't want to be found." Her voice was barely above a whisper, hoarse and cracked from disuse.

"I can go." He offered, although not moving, her relaxed his grip on her waist slightly, but she pressed herself closer to him in response.

"No, stay, please." She pleaded, falling back into silence as she let herself be comforted by his heavy embrace.

"It's my Birthday." She said eventually, and he almost didn't hear her. "Ahhh." He hoped by pretending to understand her words, she would explain before he had to ask. He didn't understand the significance of her birthday. Sure, her childhood wasn't exactly happy, but he was honestly surprised that her birthday on file was real.

"You don't understand." She could sense his confusion, and turned over in his arms finally so she was facing him.

"Nope, not a clue." He laughed slightly, causing a small smile to grace her face. His fingers reached up to cradle her cheek, using his thumb to swipe under her eyes gently.

"When I was growing up, getting older wasn't something to celebrate. Getting older meant killing more people, and seducing more people, and hurting people, just because I was told to." Steve could hear the pain in her voice, the years of bad memories surfacing and concentrating on this one day.

"I understand, kind of. In the forties, getting a year older meant you were closing to dying, closer to the war, closer to all the things people dread." He was trying his best to understand what she was thinking, because he wanted to make her feel better, but he couldn't escape that their lives were so different, and nothing he could say would change that.

"I'm sorry." She muttered, and he furrowed his eyebrows in response. Why on earth would she be sorry? "What for?"

"Being all depressing." She mumbled, although there was that hint of humor in her eyes that he loved so much. He let out a soft chuckled, kissing her forehead before reassuring her, "Nonsense, everyone gets to be depressing sometimes."

"It's just this day." Natasha didn't like making excuses for things, she owned all her decisions, mistakes or not, but her birthday was the one dark day she allowed herself.

"What's so bad about it though, really? It's just another day" he asked sincerely. She took a breath before replying, seemingly considering her answer.

"My birthday was something they gave me, gave all of us Black Widows. It was a way of controlling us." She admitted, the next words caught on her tongue. Steve sometimes forgot how little control she'd had over her life before she defected to Shield. "How?" He quizzed, running his fingers through her hair as her gaze shifted away from his face and came to rest at a point just over his shoulder.

"Every year, on my birthday, I would have to kill as many people as the age I was turning." She was ashamed of herself, she was ashamed she'd ever let people control her into doing the things she did. She was ashamed of what she did, that she killed just to give herself the luxury of ageing.

"That's…horrible. How old were you when…when you started…" he trailed off, unable to end the sentence. A large part of him didn't want to know, that ignorance is bliss.

"Seven" Steve did the math in his head, that was over a hundred men by the time she turned sixteen, and that excluding any others during those years. The thought made him sick. "Jesus Christ"

"I really don't want to talk about it Steve." Despite her words, Steve thought that she definitely did want to talk about it, but he wouldn't push her until she was ready, so he offered her an easy out. "Okay, do you want me to make you a cake like you did for me?"

"Can you bake?" She asked, and there was a little more light in her eyes than there was before.

"Yes, unlike you." He smirked, recalling the disaster of a cake she'd made for his birthday. "A cake would be nice. But just because I'm hungry."

"Okay, come on." He got up, offering her a hand which she refused to take. "Can't I just stay here? I really don't want to move." She whined, pouting at him and curling back into herself. Steve sighed, perching on the bed next to her, resting his hand on her arm.

"You've wallowed for long enough. You need to take your mind off it. The more you think, the more you spiral."

"Just let me be sad Steve." She burrowed under the sheets, so only a few strands of red hair were visible.

"No can do Natasha. It's my job to cheer you up when you're sad, and that's what I'm going to do." He pulled back the blankets, but she buried her head in the pillow. "It's one day. Let me wallow." Her voice was muffled, and he knew Natasha was only getting out of bed if he forced her to.

"Alright, come on" he scooped her up, pulling most of the sheets along with her as he moved into the kitchen. Gently, he placed her down on the kitchen island, because he knew she'd end up sat there anyway and he'd stopped fighting it. "Now tell me where you keep the flour."

* * *

Natasha hadn't said another word since they went into the kitchen, silently observing him bake. He was concentrating on getting the measurements right when he felt something brush up against his ankles, and he looked down to see a black cat weaving between his legs. He glanced over to the window, seeing it had been left open and the cat had clearly walked in through the fire escape. He bent down to pick up the cat, yelping as it scratched at his wrists and walked towards the window.

"What the hell are you doing?" Natasha leapt up off the counter, taking the cat from his hands before he could put it outside. She stroked the black ball of fur, though it was squirming to get out of her arms.

"You have a cat?" He questioned as she let it go, letting it walk over and sit on the couch. "I don't have a cat."

Steve raised an eyebrow at her in disbelief. "Well, does this cat happen to have a name?" She looked away from him, hiding her face as she grumbled, "Liho."

"Let me just check, you don't have a cat, but you've named said cat. And it lives in an apartment you don't even live in anymore?" He smirked at her, and she looked slightly ashamed.

"I fed her once okay? She was walking around on the fire escape so I fed her, and then she just kept coming back. She's not really my cat, she just inhabits the apartment." She explained, looking over to the cat which was stretched on the sofa.

"D'you think maybe your not cat would appreciate having a home to live in with people who actually feed her?" He suggested softly, grabbing her hand. "I'm not giving her up Steve." She protested, because she would never admit it, but she loved that damn cat. Liho had been in her life for years now, and she was a royal pain in the ass, but she loved her.

"I'm not saying you should give her up Nat. Maybe it's time for us to add a new member to our family." He said, and she smiled up at him. "We're a family?" Her voice was small and slightly disbelieving at his words. She'd never had a family, not really.

"You're my family Tash. Even if that means I have to adopt a cat." He laughed, but pulled her into his body to give her a hug.

"Thank you."

* * *

"No matter how hard I try to forget, I just can't." Despite her earlier cheer, she'd fallen back into her thoughts as Steve baked. Each negative thought swirled around her head before it started getting too much again.

"You don't have to forget Nat. In fact, you shouldn't forget, it's part of what makes you who you are." He looked over his shoulder, giving Natasha a soft smile. She'd ended up sitting on the counter again, wrapped in a blanket. "I know that, but I just wish I could sometimes. I wish I could forget about everything they did to me, everything they made me do." She was soft spoken, as if afraid to say what she was really feeling. Steve decided a small distraction was in order.

"Taste this." He held the spoon with the cake batter to her mouth. "It's good." She hummed, trying her best to smile at him, but it was weak and forced, and made Steve want to cry a little.

"I can keep that part of me locked up for the entire year, but I guess today just brings me right back to when I was a little girl, when I had no control."

"You have control now Nat, and you have people that love you so much." He pulled her over to the edge of the counter, wrapping his arms around her, letting her collapse into his arms. She was shaking slightly, trying to keep everything in when she needed to let it out.

"Everything just builds up over the year and then it all comes flooding out of me on my birthday, literally." She let out a small chuckle, before it turned into a small sob as she buried her face in his chest, letting him hold her as she broke down. His hands smoothed over her hair, pressing kisses to the crown of her head intermittently. He let her cry until she physically couldn't anymore, holding her and keeping her safe in his arms.

"There's something else." Her whisper was hoarse, but she looked up at him with wide eyes filled with fear and sadness. "What is it?" He could tell whatever she wanted to say was big, and that he needed to listen, because she'd probably never say it again.

"I can't…umm… well, I can't…" She stuttered, pulling away from him to fiddle with her fingers, her eyes downcast.

"Nat, whatever it is you can tell me. I will never leave you. I love you." He reassured her, despite the fact he was terrified. She was retreating back into herself again and there was nothing he could do except listen and be there.

"I know I can tell you, it's just I've only ever told Clint this, and that was by accident" she mumbled. He gently tugged her off the island, sitting her down on the couch before he sat opposite her on the coffee table. "You deserve so much, you're so good and brilliant, and I'm…well, I'm not. I should have told you this ages ago, probably before we started going out but I was selfish. I shouldn't have wasted your time these last 8 months." She was so scared to tell him. She should've told him sooner.

"I'm not going to break up with you, and even if I was, then this, us, wouldn't have been a waste of time." He assured her, taking her hands in his and squeezing them softly.

"Remember that nightmare I had a while back when I tried to kill you?" She asked him, trying to avoid the point. He merely nodded in reply, gesturing for her to continue. "When I was in the red room, there was a graduation ceremony. They…umm…" She started to say, trailing off at the end because this was one of the hardest things she'd ever done. She looked death in the face on a daily basis, _but this_? Telling Steve that she couldn't have kids, _this _was harder.

"Nat, you can tell me." He moved to sit next to her, wrapping his arm around her and she rested her head on his shoulder.

"They…Steve, the people from the red room are heartless." She tried to explain. He let her talk, knowing not to interrupt. "I can't have kids Steve." She said bluntly, not knowing any other way to say it because otherwise she'd go round in circles for hours without saying it.

"Nat." He said softly, pulling her onto his lap and wrapping her in a tight embrace. He didn't know how else to react, he didn't know if he should react.

"They sterilised me. It's efficient, it's the only thing that could ever matter more than a mission." Her voice cracked, tears threatening to spill at any point "It never really bothered me, I never thought I'd have this, what we have. I know you've always wanted kids and I'd tell you eventually, but I realised you deserve so much better than me, you deserve the life you've always wanted. And I can't give that to you." She admitted, her eyes tearing up, waiting for the inevitable.

"Nat. I love you. I will always love you. No matter what. Sure, I've always wanted kids but I would never leave you for that. I'm happier than I've ever been with you, and I'm not about to give up on that, on you." He assured her, wiping away the tears on her cheeks before pressing a kiss to her forehead.

"But Steve-" She tried to object before he cut her off. "No Nat. If you want kids there are other ways to have kids, but even if you don't want kids, I don't care anymore. All I want is you, anything else is just the icing on the cake, but I'm happy with the plain cake, that's all I need, all I will ever need, just as long as I have you." He told her, kissing her softly on the lips and tasting the salty residue of her tears.

"I can't let you give up on something you've always wanted because of me."

"I can't lose you Nat. I've lost so much, I'm not losing you as well."

"Thank you." She rubbed her hands over her eyes to get rid of the tears before he moved her hand with his own, gently swiping them over her cheeks.

"Nat, none of this matters at the moment, we can talk about this when we're ready, and we're not right now." He reassured her, pressing another kiss to her hairline, holding her as close to him as he could.

"You're right, why are you always right?" She let out a small laugh, one less forced than all the ones that had come before.

"Cause I'm awesome. Is that what the scar is? The one you never talk about?" He asked softly, his hand trailing down to her stomach, just brushing where he knew the scar was through her shirt.

"Yeah." She sighed softly, going to push his hand away, but he caught her wrist, effectively stilling her movements. He lifted up her shirt before he could think about it, pressing a soft kiss to the scar.

"What was that for?" She asked, cocking her head to the side in question. Why would he want to kiss the thing that would stop him having the life he wanted?

"That scar isn't something you should be embarrassed about. It's part of what makes you the person who you are. The person who I love. I don't care Nat, and you shouldn't either. Don't let the red room win."

"Steve." She breathed, because that man was far too good for her. Always had been and always will be.

"Come on. Let's go home."

* * *

**AN: If you have any ideas that you desperately, or not so desperately want incorporated into this story, please let me know and I'll try to write them in. I hope you enjoyed, please follow, favourite and review. Constructive criticism is always welcome and appreciated.**


	25. A Dream or a Nightmare?

**AN: I really fought with the end of this chapter, I just couldn't get it to end in the right place, so I hope it's not too jerky or jarring. But I've had a crazy few weeks (of which I wont bore you with all the details), but that's why this chapter took so long. Anyway, I hope you enjoy!**

* * *

"Was there a party or something I wasn't invited to?" Clint asked, walking into the kitchen where they were all sat. They looked pathetic, Bruce was dozing lightly on the counter, Tony was desperately chugging coffee, Steve was mindlessly watching tv on the couch and Natasha was lying on the island, staring at the ceiling. Tony jumped when he turned around to see Clint, dropping his mug and waking up Bruce.

"I didn't get any sleep" Bruce said like it was obvious, which it really was when you looked at him. He had dark bags under his eyes, in fact, most the group did upon further inspection.

"Me either" Natasha added, folding her arms over her head to block out the light. She looked the worst out of the group, wearing sweatpants and a jumper that looked too big to belong to her.

"Yeah, me either." They all gave each other curious looks, having only just noticed how catatonic the rest of the group were.

"Why didn't you sleep?" Clint asked, furrowing his eyebrows, suspicious. It wasn't uncommon that no one would sleep in the tower, but they didn't talk about it. It was an unspoken rule they had.

"You first" They all exchanged glances, no one wanting to say the thing that kept them up. "Nightmares" Steve was the one who had the courage to say it. He already knew both him and Natasha had a nightmare, but they hadn't talked about it, not properly.

"Same" They all said in unison before trading looks of confusion again. "Ok, what the hell?"

"Seriously, I go home for one night and I miss the joint Avengers nightmare?" Clint moaned in fake exasperation, but they could all tell he was thankful for missing whatever hell they were in.

"It probably wasn't the same dream. Just a coincidence." Steve tried to reason, because it wasn't a dream, it was an awful nightmare.

"Probably, I doubt you guys all had the dream that New York would flood." Tony commented idly, thinking nothing of it until they all turned to look at him in surprise.

"There were whales in the streets." Bruce said, his eyes wide. "And they were aliens." Steve added.

"Thor showed up." There were so many other things they could've said, but they all avoided saying the most important thing. They all looked over to Natasha, and she shrunk back against her stares.

"I died"

* * *

"Look, just because we all had the same dream-" Steve started, trying to be rational, despite his stomach churning. Now he knew everyone had the same nightmare, the chance of it happening was so much bigger, and he couldn't lose Natasha. He wouldn't lose Natasha.

"Nightmare." Tony interrupted.

"Yes, nightmare, doesn't mean it's actually going to happen. Natasha's not going to die" Steve looked over to her. She was sitting crossed legged on the island now, and she looked more shaken than she did in the night. He debated for a moment, whether just to deal with Tony's smartass comments so he could comfort her, but the imperceptible shake of her head told him not to.

"We all saw the same thing. That can't mean nothing." Tony said, before Bruce put across his point of view. "Precognition doesn't exist."  
"Just because you've never experienced it doesn't mean it doesn't exist" Tony and Bruce continued their argument as Natasha tuned out, and for once in her life, she really hoped Tony was right. Her phone buzzed on the table next to her, bringing her out of her stupor. "Wanda?"

"Hey Nat. We think we're in trouble." Natasha could clearly hear her accent, something which was only evident anymore when she was scared or concentrating.

"Did you have the dream too?" Natasha kept her voice steady, despite the fear coursing through her veins. The more people who had it, the higher the chance it came true.

"Dream? What dream?" Wanda was confused, and Natasha felt her heart lift slightly. This was entirely unrelated to the pandemonium going on in the tower. "It's nothing. What's going on?"

"All the pipes in the facility burst, like all of them." Maybe not completely unrelated then.

"Shit."

"What is it?" Steve asked, coming over to sit on the stool next to her, having been listening to her side of the conversation. "All the pipes burst at the compound." She told him, letting him see the fear in her eyes. This was happening, it was coming true.

"Shit."

"Language" Tony managed to slip in the middle of his argument with Bruce almost subconsciously.

"Steve, Nat, what's happening?" Sam's voice came over the speaker, his voice somewhere between panic and confusion.

"Stay at the compound. See if you can find a way to stop the water, whatever you do, don't come into the city." Steve ordered, taking control because god knows, Natasha wasn't in the right state of mind to do that right now.

"Copy that Cap" They hung up, looking at each other in concern. She was shaking slightly, so he took her hands, encapsulating them with his own.

"It doesn't mean anything. It's just a coincidence." She said, but she was becoming less and less convinced as time passed.

"Yeah, besides, the pipes here are fine." He gave her hand a reassuring squeeze, bringing them up to his mouth and pressing a kiss to her knuckles whilst no one was watching.

"Mr Parker is calling. Should I put him through?" Jarvis' voice rang through the room, and Tony waved his hand in the ceiling, gesturing for Mr Parker to be put through.

"Is everything okay Pete?" They all looked at Tony, mainly wondering who the hell Pete was.

"Mr Stark, you'll never believe what happened." The voice belonged to an excited teenager, and Steve looked to Natasha, raising an eyebrow in question. Why was a teenager calling Tony Stark?

"Look kid, we're kind of dealing with an emergency here. I really don't have time-" Tony started speaking, before he was cut off. "I think I did something bad Mr Stark."

Tony sighed, pinching his forehead in exasperation, though there was something akin to concern in his eyes. "What did you do?"

"It's so crazy Mr Stark. I had this dream that New York flooded, and then all my pipes just burst in actual real life." At this, Tony's eyebrows shot up, practically reaching his hairline. Another account of pipes burst in New York.

"This isn't you kid. We don't know what's going on, but we all had the same dream." Tony's voice suddenly shifted, the concern clear, his voice almost loving. The rest of the avengers had never seen him like this, not even with Pepper, and it brought on the question of who exactly this kid was.

"Oh good. Wait, who's we? Are you with the other Avengers?" Again, Peter was excited, clearly more so at the prospect of meeting the avengers.

"Yes I'm with the other Avengers and no you can't meet them. Is your aunt home?" Why was Tony asking about this kid's aunt? Surely his parents should be at home or something. "She's at work. Should I come over to the tower?"

"Stay at your apartment kid. Promise me you won't leave."

"But Mr Stark." He protested, clearly trying to say something before Tony cut him off. "No, fix your pipes and don't leave the apartment Peter."

"But I can help." He whined, leaving everyone more confused. How could a teenage boy help? And why did he get the same dream as the rest of them if he was just some kid Tony knew?

"If you leave that apartment, I'll ground you"

"You can't ground me." The kid argued, and Tony raised an eyebrow as if he could see him. "Uhh, yes I can. Don't leave the apartment kid" Tony hung up at that point, massaging his temples.

"Uh Tony, do you have a secret kid you never told us about?" Bruce asked the question they were all thinking, channelling their puzzled looks onto his own.

"It's a long story." Tony let out an almost wistful look, a small smile gracing his features before they immediately snapped back to impassivity.

"Can anyone else hear that?" Steve asked suddenly, whipping his head around, clearly listening to something. They all quietened for a second, trying to hear the same before Clint sighed. "You know not all of us have super hearing Cap."

"Actually, I can hear something." Natasha said, her ears attuning to the soft creaking coming behind the walls. There was a loud clang, followed by more creaking and groaning.

"What is that?" They didn't have to wait long for their answer, the kitchen sink exploding and shooting water across the room. Soon enough, all the other water outlets erupted, sprays of water showering the room until they were completely soaked.

"What the?" Natasha wasn't sure where the voice came from, she was too busy trying to breathe, because this couldn't be happening. It wasn't happening.

"The dream's coming true."

"It's just a coincidence." Natasha insisted, but she'd lost faith. She wasn't an idiot, she knew what this all meant, and it terrified her. She wasn't ready to die. For the first time in her life, she wasn't ready to die, she had something to lose. She looked over to her something, he was pressing his knuckle to his lips in thought, a habit she knew he'd picked up from her. He looked scared, and it was a look so foreign on his face that she didn't know what to do.

"We have three separate account of pipes bursting in New York. I bet you anything it's happening all over the city." Tony said, and Steve let out a long sigh before saying anything. He was considering their options, but they all knew there was only one solution. "Alright, suit up."

* * *

"You're sticking by me." Steve said, shoving his shield onto his back as she fiddled with her widow bites. Her hair was still dripping wet, leaving trails of water on the floor behind her, despite the fact Tony had managed to cut off all the water in the tower.

"Agreed." She didn't even want to argue, she wanted his protection. She wanted him by her side, protecting her from the alien whales. It was completely unlike her, she could hold her own in a fight better than anyone, and usually she would kill Steve for even suggesting she needed his help.

"Alright, what's wrong, y'know, apart from the whole impending death thing?" He took her hand, pulling her to him and caressing her cheek gently with his free hand.

"I don't want to die." She admitted softly. He could see the fear behind her eyes, and it was an emotion she was so unused to seeing in her, that it made him scared as well. But he had to be strong, because otherwise he'd collapse into his own thoughts.

"No one wants to die Tash." He whispered, pressing a kiss to her forehead before wrapping her as tightly as he could in his arms, afraid to let go.

"I always thought when my time came, I'd be ready. But I finally found a reason to care about not dying, and now I'm going to and there's nothing I can do about it." She pressed a kiss just below his collarbone before resting her head in the center of his chest, listening to the beating of his heart.

"Listen to me Natasha. You are not dying today. I promise you."

"Don't make promises you can't keep." Her eyes were glossy with tears as she looked up at him, so he swiped his thumb over her cheeks in an attempt of comfort. Her words broke his heart slightly, because she was ready to die, she was planning on it. And Steve didn't think…no, he knew he couldn't live in a world without Natasha. "I'm not intending on breaking it. And stop being morbid. I can't have a partner who's complaining all the time."

"Fine." She grumbled resignedly, but a smile slipped onto her face momentarily. She stepped away, making to get her guns when he tugged her back into him, gripping her tightly. His hug was also crushing, the desperation radiating off him.

"I love you." His confession was nothing new, but the way he said it, such a melancholy, hopeless whisper broke her heart, and Natasha couldn't help a tear slipping out her eye. She wasn't ready to leave him.

"I love you too. So much. I can't imagine who I'd be without you." She pressed a soft kiss to his shoulder before he tilted her head, capturing her lips with his own. He swiped the pad of his thumb over her cheek, leaving it there and cradling her cheek. "Me either, which is why you're not dying today."

* * *

"What's the plan Cap?" Tony asked, flying down to hover over the water level that was already ankle deep. His suit could withstand water, but he wasn't planning on taking any risks.

"If I remember correctly, we have to find where this all started. Tony, start working with Jarvis to find out where the epicentre is. Until we can figure out how to stop this, our only option is to kill these creatures. Stay on high ground, get civilians up. Our priority here is Natasha. At no point should she ever be alone, there's no point winning this battle if we lose one of our own." Steve had quickly morphed into Captain America mode, putting aside his own fear and letting instinct take over. Natasha wasn't going to die toady, but they all would if he was consumed by his fear and let himself get distracted. He still wasn't going to leave Natasha alone though.

"Copy that. Anyone want a ride?" Clint put up his hand, letting Tony grab him by his jacket and flying up.

"Come on. They're over there." He grabbed her hand in a fleeting touch, pulling her towards where the epicentre seemed to be. Part of him wanted to send Natasha away from here, but he knew he couldn't, and that he'd have to be there to protect her. Because she was strong, but she was only human. They heard thunder crackle overhead, signalling Thor's arrival.

"Sounds like backup." She smirked, stepping back as a beam of light lit up the ground in front of them as Thor appeared in its wake. "Captain, Lady Widow. What's happened?"

"Alien whales, weird dreams." Natasha summarised, causing Steve to roll his eyes at her. There was a reason Natasha didn't fill out mission reports. "Ahhh, they're called Iocanthes." Thor informed them, like it would help in anyway. It did bring them some comfort that Thor at least knew who they were, and with that hopefully the knowledge he knew how to stop them.

"Yeah, I'm gonna stick with alien whales big guy." Tony said, coming over briefly to pat Thor on the back, handing him comms before flying off again.

"How do we stop them?" Steve asked, flinging his shield at one coming right at them. "They are weak, they will outnumber us. They will be coming from somewhere."

"Tony, find it." He ordered, looking up at the sky as if that would help. "Copy that captain."

"Hey guys. I heard there was a battle in the middle of New York. Thought you might need my help. Although you're the Avengers so you seem to be handling it fine." If there was one thing Steve hadn't expected to turn up, it was definitely Spiderman. He swung in between the buildings, webbing up some of the whales Steve was fighting.

"What are you doing here kid? I told you to stay at home." Tony yelled through the comms, his voice obviously angry, although Steve didn't even know when Tony met Spiderman, let alone being angry with him.

"I couldn't stand by and watch innocent people get killed." He argued back, his voice crystal clear in Steve's ear, making him question just how this kid got onto their encrypted line.

"We will talk about this later. Go home" Tony ordered. "Please Mr Stark." Steve could practically hear the boys pout, his voice a low whine.

"God help me. You can stay. But if you get hurt your Aunt is going to kill me." Tony emitted a deep sigh, causing the kid to let out a little squeal before coughing to cover it up. "I won't let you down Mr Stark." Peter grinned under his mask, swinging away from Tony and webbing up the whales trying to go further out into the city.

* * *

Peter saw it in slow motion as he swung across the roof, watching one of the whales Natasha was fighting graze her stomach, biting down and piercing her skin as she fell down. He webbed up all the aliens around them before dropping down onto the roof.

"Oh my god. Are you okay Mrs Widow?" He ran over to her, she was laying on the floor and she didn't look particularly healthy. Her skin was already paling, and the amount of blood that was streaming out her stomach was worrying to say the least.

"Please don't call me that. And what does it look like? I just got bitten by an alien whale." She snapped at him harshly, but Peter took no notice. He'd been around Mr Stark for long enough to know people said things they didn't mean when they were in pain. And she was clearly in a lot of it.

"Are you gonna die?" She seemed to pause at his comment, considering her answer. Peter didn't know if he wanted to know it. "Maybe"

"Oh god. Okay, I can fix this. You're gonna be okay Miss ummmm…" He trailed off, because he wasn't sure what to call her. She seemed to take pity on him, sending him a brief smile before it quickly turned into a hiss of pain.

"Natasha's fine Peter" She grimaced, pressing down on the bites over her stomach. She didn't know for sure that this Spiderman was the Peter they'd talked to earlier, but all the signs pointed to them being the same person. Peter carefully moved her hands, looking at the damage. The bites themselves weren't bad, but it seemed there was some sort of poison present, causing her blood to turn a greyish red.

"Okay. You're gonna be fine Natasha. I've got everything under control." He definitely did not have everything under control. He had no idea how to help whilst also keeping her calm. He just webbed up the bad guys and made snarky comments.

"Uhh guys?" He said over the comms, because she was starting to get paler, all colour leaving her cheeks and he had no idea how to help her other than to stop the bleeding.

"Yes Parker?" Tony snapped slightly, and it was only now that Peter realised how stressed the Avengers were, because clearly Mr Stark had no concern over keeping his identity a secret anymore. "Natasha took a hit."

"Fuck." Peter wasn't entirely sure who said it, but silence fell over the comms quickly, like they all knew something he didn't.

"Where are you?" Captain America's voice came through his suit, his tone terse and harsh. "Rooftop on 72nd."

"I'm on my way." Peter's enhanced hearing immediately picked up the trashing of Steve wading through the water, trying to get to their location.

"What's her condition?" Mr Stark asked, concern lacing his tone. Peter knew anyone getting hurt on a mission was bad, but everyone seemed very concerned. He glanced back at Natasha, gulping nervously. He was sure 'like death' wasn't the right thing to say.

"I'm still alive" Natasha butted in at this point, causing a soft chuckle to come over the comms.

"She doesn't look good, she got bitten by one of the whales." Peter filled in, deciding to omit just how awful she looked. "God, please don't die." He pulled his mask off his head, figuring seeing a face would probably help. He had no clue what he was doing. He really hoped an actual adult would get there soon.

"Not planning on it kid." She managed a weak chuckle, but he was getting more and more concerned, and her grip on consciousness was fading quickly.

"Good, cause then that'd be on me and I really can't have your death on my conscience. I'm only young." He joked, and she raised a quizzical eyebrow but not before her lips quirked into a small smile. "Exactly how old are you?"

"Uhhh…" Luckily he was cut off before he could answer. He didn't think that Tony would appreciate him telling them that he let a 16 year old fight with the Avengers

"I could really do with a lift here." Steve called, and Peter darted away from Natasha's side to see Steve at the bottom of the building. The pressure from the water had stopped all the doors opening, so unless he could fly, there was no way Steve could get up to the roof.

"I'm on it." Peter said, running back to Natasha as he pulled his mask back on. "Please don't die whilst I'm gone. That would really suck"

"I'll try my hardest" With her assertion he left her to swing down the building. The bright blue suit wading through the water was impossible to miss. He shot out a web, encircling the Captain's wrist before flying back up, bringing Captain America with him. They landed on the roof, Peter grinning under his mask as Steve tried to regain some composure. "What the hell?"

"I just gave a ride to Captain America. I'm awesome." He didn't get any response off Steve, who had run over to Natasha and was kneeling by her side. "Hey, you're alive"

"Damn right I am. This hurts like a fucking bitch." She gave him a little smile, sighing as he ran his hands through her hair. "Good. If it hurts it means you can't die."

"I don't think that's true Steve." He simply kissed her forehead in response, tucking her hair out of her face. He grabbed her shaking hands, replacing them with his own, trying to stench the bleeding as much as he could.

"So I should get back to the fight" Peter jerked his hand backwards, scuffing his feet on the floor, feeling uncomfortable in the intimate moment.

"You are not leaving this rooftop kid." Natasha grabbed his leg, pulling him to the floor with her, landing heavily next to her. How she still possessed so much strength he had no idea, but Peter figured he didn't want to cross her. "Uhh, okay."

"Look kid. You're the only unknown variable in this fight. You leave, I die. So you're not leaving." Peter visibly gulped at her words, his hands fidgeting as he figured out what to do. "Do you want me to do something or…?"

"Sure kid, someone's gonna have to put some pressure on these cuts."

"I'm here Nat. It's okay." Steve kissed her forehead softly, and Peter was internally screaming because Captain America and the Black Widow were dating.

"You need to leave Steve." She brought her shaking hands up to cradle his face, her eyes begging with him. "No." He couldn't help but pour his everything into those two letters. He couldn't express how much he needed to be here, with her.

"Steve, you were here, in the dream. You held me as I died. You have to leave."

"I'm not leaving you Natasha." A tear slipped out of his eye, landing on her cheek. "If you leave Steve, I can't die." Her logic was flawed, but she hoped Steve wouldn't call her out on it. She needed the hope. "That's not how it works Tash and you know it. I'm not letting you die alone."

"I won't be alone. I'll have Peter." She insisted, gesturing for Peter to take over for Steve's hands, letting him bring his hands up to her hair, threading his bloody fingers through it. Neither of them seemed to notice or mind.

"Natasha." He pleaded, his voice a breathy whisper as he tried to compose himself. "Please Steve. Besides, the team needs you. If you lose this fight, I will kill you from beyond the grave." She let out a small laugh before the pain got to much, her chuckles becoming coughs.

"I can't leave you Nat." Tears were freely flowing down his face, the prospect of actually losing Natasha, his Natasha was breaking his heart.

"Trust me?" Her question was redundant, they both trusted each other more than anyone else, but she needed to hear it. "Always and forever."

"I'm gonna be fine Steve, but you need to go." Peter had never seen two people look so…so emotionally broken. Two of the strongest Avengers, crying and cradling each other because the thought of losing each other was too much to bear.

"You are not leaving this world without knowing you're loved Nat. Because I love you so goddamn much." He kissed her lips softly, his hands continuously running through her hair. "I know Steve. But I'm not leaving if I can help it." It wasn't a promise, far from it, but it was something they both needed to hear. She was here and she wanted to stay. "I love you too Steve. Now please, go." Another kiss was pressed to her lips, and her temple and cheeks and every single bit of her face before he finally left.

* * *

Peter was terrified. In an ideal world, he would've gotten Natasha off this roof and to the nearest hospital, but that clearly wasn't an option. But he had to do something. He couldn't sit here and watch her die, he couldn't do that again, he wouldn't do that again. An idea crossed his mind, he had no idea if it was even going to work, but he had to try.

"Go for it kid. I'm gonna die anyway." Huh, he hadn't realised he was talking out loud. How long had he been doing that? "Please don't say that. It's really freaking me out." Peter begged, fiddling with the controls on his web shooters.

"Doesn't make it any less true Peter. And I refuse to believe anything you do could make this much worse." How she was still holding a coherent conversation was beyond him, and a large part of him didn't want to know how she was doing it. He'd read a little bit of the information that had leaked about her a few years ago, but he found it all very unsettling and refused to read any more.

"Okay, I promise this wont hurt, well, at least I hope it won't."

"Can't hurt more than it already does kid." Peter couldn't blame her for being so morbid, but it was incredibly disconcerting, so he tuned her out, changing his web fluid to his new protype. His incredibly new prototype that he'd only done a few tests on and definitely shouldn't be testing on a human being. But he figured this was an emergency.

"This is gonna be cold. I think." He warned her before shooting his web at her stomach, the web spreading out over the gash and effectively sealing it. The bleeding slowed considerably, but it was the venom he was more concerned about. He'd laced the fluid with antibiotics and painkillers, but he hadn't figured out the formula properly. He could only guess how everything was going to react.

"You stopped the bleeding kid." She commented, her eyes fluttering shut as she grew tired. "No no no, stay with me Natasha. You can't go to sleep." He tapped her cheek gently, watching as her eyes open and shut lethargically.

"But I'm so tired."

"Stay awake for me Natasha." He begged, he little taps becoming closer to slaps as he tried in vain to keep her awake.

"Thank you маленький паук" She whispered before she finally fell into blackness.

* * *

"Good news kid, she's not dead. In fact, I'm fairly sure you saved her life." Tony approached him in the lab. He'd been tinkering with his new webs, todays experience had shown him he needed to be more prepared, and this was distracting him from thinking about Natasha. "Great. That's good right?" Peter asked in question, but he couldn't help but think about what could've happened on that roof. He couldn't watch someone die again.

"Of course it's good. But you also doped her up, a lot." Tony chuckled to himself slightly and Peter winced. Clearly he needed to alter the formula. "How bad is it?"

"She's currently trying to make out with Steve. She's pretty high." Peter hadn't realised that Steve and Natasha weren't exactly public knowledge, and he couldn't help but grin. "Yeah, that's pretty weird."

* * *

**AN: If you have any ideas that you desperately, or not so desperately want incorporated into this story, please let me know and I'll try to write them in. I hope you enjoyed, please follow, favourite and review. Constructive criticism is always welcome and appreciated.**


	26. Driving Home for Christmas

"Time to exchange Secret Santa gifts!" Tony yelled, skipping into the living area where everyone was relaxing. "Why are we exchanging them now? It's Christmas Eve." Sam asked, handing Natasha and Steve a beer before flopping into an armchair.

"Because some people wanted to open presents now and some wanted to open presents tomorrow. So we'll do main presents tomorrow and these now." Tony explained. They'd decided a few months ago that there were just too many of them for everyone to get everyone else a present. So they'd decided on Secret Santa and they'd decide between themselves who was getting personal presents.

"Who would want to do it today?"

"The orphanage didn't believe in Christmas, so we would always celebrate whatever we could on Christmas Eve." Clint explained, and Skye nodded along.

"Right let's get started" Natasha said, getting up to hand out the presents, grinning at Steve as he helped her. Eventually, they had handed everything out, sitting back down. Natasha tucked her feet under Steve's thighs, warming up her cold toes as everyone started opening their presents.

"Who got Nat? She hasn't got anything" Tony asked, noticing her lack of present. She was surprised he noticed, but then again, she had been watching him carefully for his reaction of her gift. "That was me, I gave it to her earlier in private." Coulson said, sending her a smile.

"That's spoiling the fun Coulson."

"Alright Stark" Coulson waved him off. It was true, Coulson had given Natasha her gift the night before…

**_36 Hours Ago_**

"Fury." Natasha said sharply into her phone. She was pissed at him. Extremely pissed.

"Romanoff?" Fury knew exactly why she was calling, and yet he still answered like he had no idea, only stoking the fire inside her. "Where's Steve?" She snapped.

"He's on a mission." He said, and she knew that. But he was supposed to be back by now. He was supposed to be back by Christmas. "A mission that would only take 5 days. It's been 9."

"There were unexpected complications. You should understand that, terrorists don't take holidays." She understood the situation, but that didn't change how she felt about it. She wanted Steve home, she wanted to be with him on Christmas. And she wanted Fury to know how annoyed she was. "I understand that sir, however it's Christmas in two days."

"Didn't take you for the sentimental type Romanoff." She could practically hear his smirk. Yes, maybe she was more sentimental than usual, but he didn't need to know that.

"You know I'm not. But Steve is. He should be at home with his family, not in Tunisia." She defended herself, and she could practically hear Fury's smirk at the word family. At one point in her life she would have laughed at her behaviour, but Steve was her family, and no one should spend Christmas without their family.

"How do you know he's in-actually don't answer that. I don't want to know. There's nothing I can do. We can't extract him, all flights in and out of Tunisia are grounded. Not even Shield can get in. The storm's too dangerous." Fury almost sounded apologetic, and if she wasn't so angry about the whole situation, she would've appreciated the gesture.

"I understand." And she did. She'd been watching the news carefully, the storm was only growing and the death toll was starting to rise. She knew Steve would be fine, but he was stuck. She knew that before she'd even made the phone call, but she couldn't help but hope that Fury had something had something up his sleeve.

"Sorry Natasha, if there was something I could do, I would. Merry Christmas."

"Merry fucking Christmas Nick." She hung up on him. She let a silent tear roll down her face, partly in anger, but mostly just acceptance of the whole situation. She hadn't realised how much she wanted to spend Christmas with him until it seemed that he wasn't going to make it. Little did she know Skye had been eavesdropping on her conversation the entire time. She felt bad for Natasha, no one should have to spend the holidays without their loved ones, that's when the idea struck her.

"Coulson! I think I figured out what you should get for Natasha for Secret Santa!" She raced into the meeting room where he was working, panting to regain her breath.

"Ever heard of knocking Skye?" Coulson asked, looking up from the table and raising his eyebrows at her. "Nope, but I know what Natasha wants for Christmas." Skye grinned proudly.

"How did you know I got Nat?" He asked, looking down at his phone to try and finish an email.

"You left your laptop open with the search 'what to get a Russian spy for Christmas'. I'm assuming it wasn't useful." She raised an eyebrow at him, and he couldn't help but chuckle. Besides, he had known it was a pointless search. "You could say that again."

"So you're stuck." Skye stated, and Coulson just sighed, locking his phone and giving her his full attention. "What do you get for the deadliest woman on earth?"

"Her boyfriend" Coulson was shocked at her words, but tried to play it cool. He couldn't believe that Skye knew about Steve ad Natasha, in fact, he wouldn't have put it past Tony to send Skye to find out if they were dating. "Natasha doesn't have a boyfriend."

"Come on Coulson, I know you know about her and Steve. You're not an idiot, and neither is May. And don't think I don't know about you two either, you're not as subtle as you think you are." He did a slight double take, but he wasn't surprised. Him and May weren't trying very hard to keep their relationship a secret, unlike Steve and Natasha, even though he was fairly sure pretty much everyone knew about them at this point.

"You were saying?" He gestured for her to continue, and she sat down on a chair, crossing her legs underneath her.

"I overheard her talking to Fury, apparently Steve's not going to be back for Christmas. She seemed pretty upset." Skye's heart sank just thinking about Natasha's conversation. "And you've met Natasha, she never gets upset about anything, ever. She cried Coulson. Like an actual tear."

"I don't see how I can help." He knew Skye had a point. He'd known Natasha for a very long time, and not once had he ever seen her cry. But if Fury couldn't help, there wasn't anything he could do.

"Fury loves you, you must be able to do something." Coulson wasn't convinced, but he let out a resigned sigh, giving in to whatever Skye had planned. "Find his mission details."

"Already done" She said, passing him a tablet with all the relevant information on. He read through it, frowning. "They can't get an extraction into Tunisia. There's a storm and all flight paths are blocked. All planes in and out of Tunisia are grounded. Shield couldn't even get a plane in if they wanted to.

"So what do we do?" She asked, resting her hand on her hands, peering at him curiously.

"There's not much we can do Skye. We'd need to get his location and find a way into the country, neither of which is going to happen." He'd reviewed the information multiple times, and as much as it hurt him to admit, there was nothing anyone could do but wait the weather out.

"Finding his location is easy, and the god of thunder is literally sitting downstairs." Skye pointed out, and he couldn't help but laugh at her determination.

"You're really want to get him home don't you?"

"No one should be alone on Christmas." Her tone briefly changed, and now he understood why she was so passionate about this. She'd been alone for so much of her life, and she knew Natasha had too, she didn't want that to continue if she could help it.

"We're gonna need a pilot." He conceded, and her face broke out into a grin. "What's this about needing a pilot?" Clint asked, walking into the room. Skye sent a smug smirk in Coulson's direction.

"Alright. Let's do this"

* * *

6 hours later the three of them and Thor were on a quinjet and near Tunisia. "Skye, you got a location yet?" Coulson asked as he looked through all the files they had compounded about his mission.

"Uh yeah. Mission files says he's located in the capital." Skye tossed him a file, letting him read through the information. It was as vague as you could get, even in Shield, where their specialty were vague files.

"And you can't be more specific?" Coulson almost snapped at her, because the capital was a large place, but she was doing her best. They couldn't find out much from social media either because the storm had knocked out all communication lines throughout most of North Africa. "Someone tweeted out 4 days ago that they thought they saw Captain America. Tagged near Belvedere Park."

"Natasha has a safehouse near there. It's probably where he's hiding out." Clint threw his own information into the mix, pointing where Natasha's safe house was on the map.

"Great. Clint, keep the plane in the air as long as you can, avoiding having to land if possible. Skye and I will go get the Captain. Thor, keep the skies clear." Coulson ordered, and Clint mock saluted him, his face split into a grin.

"Copy that Coulson. Coming into land now" He hovered a few feet above the ground, letting Skye and Coulson jump out the plane before he raised the cargo ramp again, leaving Skye and Coulson outside.

"God it's cold." Skye complained, wrapping her arms around her to try and keep warm.

"Come on, this way." Coulson took off, moving through the muddy grass. She jogged to catch up with him, falling into step beside him. "So you know where this safehouse is right?" She asked, looking over to him. "Right?" She asked again after getting no answer.

"Vaguely."

"Great." She moaned, pulling her coat tighter around herself. "Quit complaining. This was your idea."

"Ma'am you need to get inside." They heard Steve's voice over the wind and rain across the park, helping out a young woman get to shelter.

"Rogers!" Skye yelled, drawing his attention as he jogged over to them.

"Skye? Coulson? What are you doing here? It's not safe." He had so many questions, he knew nothing was coming in or out of Tunisia, so how were they here? And why were they even here? He'd completed the mission, but Fury had called saying they couldn't get in any extraction. That was 5 days ago and the storm had only gotten worse.

"We came to get you. It's Christmas, we should all be together." Coulson explained, having to shout over the wind. "Plus, a certain Russian spy was pretty upset you weren't going to be back in time."

Steve's heart broke slightly, he missed Natasha and he wanted nothing more than to spend the holiday with her, but hearing that she wanted that just as much made him miss her even more. "How'd you even get in here? It's a pretty bad storm, no planes could possibly get in." Steve finally asked his main question. They started walking back to where the plane was hovering above the ground. "We have the best pilot in the world and a god. We managed"

"Thank you." He said sincerely. They made it back to the jet and immediately he was crushed in a hug from Thor.

"Brother, I have missed you." Thor's booming voice was audible over the wind even as the ramp closed behind them. He chuckled, wriggling his way out of his tight grip and sitting down on one of the benches. "I missed you too Thor."

"Lady Natasha has missed you more I think." Steve let out a small laugh seeing Thor's sincere face. He wasn't sure how much he actually knew about their relationship, but this seemed to be his way of saying he approved of it.

"Quit chatting boys, let's get this bird in the air."

* * *

She was sat on the floor in front of the Christmas tree, staring at the lights flash and twinkle. Her eyes were puffy from crying, but she had long run out of tears. She had some files on the floor around her, desperately trying to keep her mind off Steve, but she'd given up with them a long time ago. She played with the bottle of scotch, taking a swig from it, her glass long forgotten.

"Drinking at 4 in the morning. Either you've had a long night, or you're starting very early." Steve's voice rang out from behind her.

"Long night." She said on auto pilot, not even thinking about the fact it was Steve, and that he was home. "Well don't let me stop you." He laughed. She twisted around, eyes widening as she looked at him, her face morphing into an ear-splitting grin.

"Steve!" She laughed, stumbling off the floor and jumping into his waiting arms, wrapping her legs tightly around him. She clung onto him tightly, afraid to let go as she buried her face in his neck.

"D'you miss me?" He laughed, kissing her gently. She pulled her head away from him slightly, looking into his eyes deeply. "I thought you weren't going to make it home for Christmas." She choked up somewhat, land only then did he realise how much this had affected her.

"Me? Never. I wouldn't dare miss Christmas." He smirked, pressing kisses to every inch of her face, holding her tight in his arms. She let out a small chuckle, burying her face in his neck to hide the tear slipping out of her eye. "How'd you get back. Fury said-"

"Coulson, Clint, Skye and Thor came and got me." He explained, brushing her hair with his nose, prompting her to look at him. "Really?" She looked so young as he brought one hand up to brush away her tears.

"Actually, I forgot about this." He pulled out a Santa hat and loosely placed it on his head, still holding her in his arms before handing her a card.  
"What is this?" She raised an eyebrow at him questioningly, dropping out of his arms to open the card. A smile graced her features as she read it.

"Coulson gave it to me. Merry Christmas Tash."

* * *

"You're seriously not going to tell us what you got?" Tony bugged her, sighing in exasperation when he got nothing in return. "It's none of your business."

"Was it a weird sex thing? I bet it was a weird sex thing."

"It wasn't a weird sex thing." Tony continued asking questions, but she tuned him out, instead looking at her phone, noticing that it was getting close to midnight. "We need to go." She whispered into Steve's ear, showing him the time. It was only 11, but it would take them at least half an hour to get to Brooklyn. Steve wanted to go to a midnight mass like he had as a kid, and whilst she had no interest in religion, she had an interest in Steve, so she agreed to go with him.

"I'll meet you downstairs in 10 minutes." He left the room unnoticed by anyone as they argued about something she wasn't paying attention to.

"Where'd he go?" Clint asked quietly, scooting into the space Steve had left behind. "Midnight mass. Cover for us?" She looked at him with pleading eyes to which he rolled his in return.

"What would you do without me?" He smirked, hitting her on the arm and taking her beer. "Thank you."

She got up, escaping without drawing any attention to herself before meeting Steve downstairs in the lobby. He handed her a coat, pressing a soft kiss onto her lips before they headed to his bike. "There's no way I'm gonna get you to wear a helmet is there?"

"Nope."

* * *

"Thank you for coming with me." He said, slipping his hand into hers as they walked around Brooklyn. He knew she'd felt awkward during the mass, but he was so grateful that she came with him.

"There's nowhere else I'd rather be." She flashed him a smile, adjusting the beanie on her head, covering her bright red hair. "I know that's not true Nat. You're not exactly religious."

"Not in that way, but religion is just believing in something, and having faith that everything is happening for a reason. I have that." She blushed slightly, but being around Steve made her be annoyingly honest.

"Yeah?" He wrapped his arm around her shoulders, letting her slip her arm around her waist. "I have you. You're my reason." She smiled at him before burying her face in his side out of embarrassment.

"I love you." He chuckled, placing a kiss on her head. "я тоже тебя люблю." Her voice was muffled by his side before he titled her head to give her a proper kiss. As he did, he noticed a snowflake land on her nose, and he looked up to the sky to see them starting to fall.

"It's snowing." He commented, sticking out his tongue to catch a snowflake. Natasha couldn't help but laugh at the childlike joy on his face. He stuck his tongue back in, looking down at her. "It's pretty romantic, snowing on Christmas Eve."  
"Technically, it's Christmas Day." She smirked at him, causing him to roll his eyes and kiss her fondly.

"In the movies, this is about the time the guy asks the girl to marry her." She'd forced him to watch enough romantic Christmas films in the past month to know this, and frankly, he hated that he knew this now.

"Are you asking?" Her face was somewhere between taken aback and amused. She couldn't entirely tell if he was being serious or not, and that terrified her. "Only if you want me to." He said genuinely, seeing the look on her face.

"I don't think we're ready for that." She said nervously, trying to gauge his reaction. He breathed out a sigh of relief, and she let out a laugh. "Thank god, me either."

"You ready to go back home?" She asked, pressing a kiss to his cheek before relaxing back into his side.

"Can we just walk around for a while?"

"Anything you want."

* * *

**AN: If you have any ideas that you desperately, or not so desperately want incorporated into this story, please let me know and I'll try to write them in. I hope you enjoyed, please follow, favourite and review. Constructive criticism is always welcome and appreciated.**


	27. Merry Christmas

**AN: This chapter is late, and I apologise seeing as it's now after Christmas, but I haven't been at home to upload and I completely forgot to do it before I left. But this chapter is extremely corny and I'm very sorry, but it's Christmas so I hope you can forgive me. So make room for some tooth rottingly sweet fluff.**

* * *

"Morning beautiful." Steve's soft voice roused her from sleep, pressing a kiss to her temple. His arms were wrapped loosely around her, and she snuggled further into her side, letting out a low groan.

"Why do you have to be so corny?" She mumbled, barely coherent as she woke up.

"My code name is literally Captain America." She couldn't see, because she refused to open her eyes, but she knew he was grinning as he pressed another kiss to her hair. She made a soft noise of content, burrowing herself under the covers and pressing herself further into his arms.

He went quiet for a while, and she'd almost managed to go back to sleep when he spoke again. "Nat?"

"Yeah?" She sighed, the words barely escaping her mouth. She didn't appreciate being woken up, even if it was by Steve. It was way too early.

"Merry Christmas." He was way too excited. She didn't blame him, but she was too tired to be excited about Christmas. "Merry Christmas." She mumbled back, her eyes still closed, unwilling to open them as she begged for the warm embrace of sleep.

"Natasha."

"Yes?" Her eyes snapped open to find his face grinning at her with excitement. She wanted to be mad at him for waking her up, but how could she when he had his boyish grin lighting up his entire face.

"Do you wanna get up?" He asked, pressing kisses to her neck in a play to get her more awake. "Five more minutes." Her eyes slipped closed again, not pushing him away but she desperately wanted more sleep.

"But Nat…" He whined, sucking on her pulse point and trailing kisses along her shoulder and neck.

"Five minutes Steve." She buried her face in the pillow, sighing when he moved away letting her get her much needed sleep. She loved him, but she loved sleep more.

"I made coffee." He said, offering a cup of the offending liquid.

"Why didn't you open with that?" She chuckled slightly, finally sitting up and taking the cup. She took a sip before pressing a kiss to his lips. He could taste the coffee on her lips, pulling her back to him when she pulled away. He couldn't resist capturing her lips again, biting her lower one slightly as she moaned into his mouth, deepening the kiss. "What time is it?" She asked between kisses causing him to pull back and rest their foreheads together.

"It's almost seven." He grinned at her sheepishly as she pulled away groaning. "Steve, it's too early."

"But it's Christmas." He made a compelling point, and she couldn't help but grin at him, snuggling into his side and resting her head on his shoulder. "You're lucky you're cute."

"Can we open our presents now?" He asked, unable to contain his excitement whilst pressing a kiss to her hair.

"I don't think I have a choice, do I?" She rolled her eyes fondly, shifting away form him to relax back on the pillows and drink her coffee.

"Nope." He laughed getting up off the bed and opening his underwear draw, rifling through it.

"Rogers, I swear if you're trying to find a ring…"

"I'm not giving you a ring Nat, don't worry, I don't have a death wish." He smirked at her, finally finding her gift. It was a small box that looked suspiciously ring sized, but his assurance that it wasn't a ring calmed him down. Still, she couldn't help but tease him about his words.

"So marrying me would be like dying?" She asked, raising an eyebrow teasingly.

"I…you're impossible." He laughed, looking at the grin on her face. "Besides, if I were to get you a ring, I wouldn't be stupid enough to hide it in my sock drawer."

She gave him a wide smile, mainly because she knew he was that stupid, and he knew it too.

"I put your present under the tree. Can you get it for me?" She gave him her best puppy dog eyes, causing him to sigh. "The things I'll do for a beautiful woman." He muttered, grabbing the box from under the tree with his name on.

"Awww, you think I'm beautiful? I'm such a lucky girl." She laughed as he joined her back under the covers, giving her a quick peck on the lips.

"I think you're perfect." He murmured, resting his forehead against hers, their lips touching slightly.

"And I think you're way to happy to be awake this early." Her eyes fluttered shut, a relaxed bliss clouding over her. "Now, open my present first." She said happily, having woken up from her coffee and pulling away from him. He opened the wrapping carefully, trying to keep it in all one piece.

"Oh come on old man. It's like you're asking for all the age jokes." She laughed, trying not to tear the wrapping paper off for him. It wasn't her fault he was going at a snail's pace.

"Patience is a virtue Natasha." He chastised lightly

"And I'm not very patient. You know that." She pulled his face gently, bringing their lips together again. He finally finished unwrapping it when they pulled away from each other, frowning slightly when he saw it.

"You don't like it?" She thought she'd actually found him a present he'd want, but she was clearly wrong. No doubt, he'd gotten her something perfect and she'd messed up her present to him.

"I love it Natasha. I just…how d'you find it?" He asked, looking at her sincerely. She glanced down at the old book in his hands. She'd managed to track down where some of his belongings had gone after the war, most were just in a storage locker and had been returned to him as soon as he came out the ice, but she remembered him talking about his mother's cook book and how he wished he had a copy of it. Needless to say, she'd spent the last three months following any leads she could to find it. "Oh, I talked to the guy where all your other stuff was. Said he took it cause the recipes were so good but he happily gave it back to me." She lied. Steve didn't need to know how much effort she'd gone to. He didn't need to know how much time she'd spent trying to make him happy.

"Thank you." He said genuinely. He wasn't about to call her out on her lie, he knew how much trouble she'd gone through to find it, and he was eternally grateful for it. She blushed slightly as he pressed a soft kiss to her cheek, smiling fondly at him.

He passed her his gift, watching as she tore off the wrapping paper. "This better not be a ring." She threatened lightly once again, enjoying teasing him.

"I promise, it's not. Now open it." She obeyed, slowing opening the lid to the velvet box. She saw a charm bracelet with three charms on, causing her to gasp slightly. "Steve, it's beautiful." She said, admiring it in the box. There was a small dainty spider, a small silver version of Steve's shield and a N. It was breathtakingly beautiful…No, it was more than that, it was perfect.

"Only the best for my girl." She rolled her eyes at him fondly, kissing him gently. "I love it. Thank you."

Her lips were soft as he captured them once again and his hand came up to cradle her face, each caress loving as his thumb swiped over her cheekbone. "I was gonna get an S as well, but I wasn't sure if that was a bit egotistical."

"I would've loved having an S." She pressed another kiss to his lips, smiling into his mouth. "I love you so much."

"I love you more."

* * *

Later that morning they'd peeled themselves out of bed to join the others grouped together on the couches in the common area. Natasha had curled herself into an armchair with Clint resting on the arm, letting her rest her head on his leg. None of them had bothered to get dressed, all of them in some sort of Christmas pyjamas that Tony had brought for them all. The man in question was currently giving out all the presents under the tree, giving Natasha a small box and a bag before moving onto someone else. She already knew they were off Clint and Sam seeing as she hadn't talked to anyone else about exchanging presents.

"Which one's yours?" She asked Clint, lifting her head up and pointing to the objects in her lap. He pointed to the small box, shifting so he slid down into the armchair with her, and though they were squished, it was large enough for the both of them.

"Merry Christmas Tash" Clint smiled at her as she unwrapped it. She slowly opened it to see a small charm. It was two crossed arrows in a dainty silver similar to the ones on the necklace he'd gotten her years ago.

"How did you know?" She asked Clint, looking down at her bracelet, the charm identical in style to those already there.

"I have my methods Tash."

_A few weeks previously_

"Clint I need help" Steve said, pulling him out the kitchen. "What do I get Nat for Christmas?" He panicked. The date was looming and he was stuck for ideas, hence why he was asking Clint. This was a last resort, he wanted to get her something that he'd thought of out of the bottom of his heart, but he'd spent weeks trying to rack his brain for anything she'd ever said to give him a hint.

"Why are you asking me? You're the one dating her." He complained. "I was going to ask you the same thing. I ran out of ideas two years ago, I've been running on fumes."

"You've known her longer." Steve argued.

"You've seen her naked" Clint argued back. Steve let out a small chuckle before quipping back, "So have you."

"Not on purpose." Clint defended, which was true. But having been partners for over ten years, they'd found themselves in many small and cramped rooms where the bathroom door didn't even lock.

"So you don't have any ideas?" Steve asked him, to which Clint only shook his head. "The woman is unbuyable for unless you get her weapons. And she has enough of those."

"And I refuse to buy her weapons. D'you know long it took me to convince her we didn't need a gun kept in the back of the toilet?" Steve laughed at the memory. They'd spent hours upon hours going through the apartment with him asking if it was really necessary to hide a knife in a ketchup bottle.

Clint perked up, seemingly remembering something. "She mentioned something a few years ago, it was probably a passing comment. Hell, she probably didn't even think I was listening, but it might be a start."

"Lead the way."

* * *

They were stood outside a jewellery shop, looking at a collection of flashy rings and necklaces. Steve didn't think any of it exactly suited Natasha's style, but when Clint pointed at a piece tucked in the corner he knew it was perfect. A small silver charm bracelet that was overshadowed by all the glittering jewels, and looked like it had been forgotten. In fact, the more he thought about it, it probably had been if it was still there after all these years.

"It's perfect Clint." Steve told him, awed at the simplicity that was perfect for Natasha. "Come on, let's go in."

"Are there any other charms available?" He asked the lady helping them. There were a lot of charms available in the store, but none of them were right, and he wanted her gift to be perfect.

"It's getting close to Christmas, so it may be more expensive to insure they arrive before then, but we can do custom charms. But you'd have to order them today."

"You got some ideas Cap?" Clint asked, to which he smirked, thinking of a perfect couple of charms.

"Yeah, a few. And I think I figured out what you can get her for Christmas."

* * *

"Steve saw that charm in the shop and he said I should get it for you." Clint's entire confession had been whispered into her ear, but she had noticed Steve and Sam migrate over to them to listen in.

"Thank you. Both of you." She looked over to Steve, smiling at both him and Clint, attaching the charm to her bracelet that was hidden under her jumper.

"There's another chapter to this story." Steve told her, grinning at Sam who had sat on the opposite arm of the chair to Steve. They were all squished up, but none of them really cared.

"Oh?" She raised her eyebrows at them, sending them all a small smirk.

"Open my present." Sam said, picking up his present and forcing it into her hands. She did as she was told, and when she found an identical box to Clint's in the bag a small chuckle escaped her lips.

"You guys really collaborated on my present huh?" She couldn't hide her entertainment, which caused all the boys to smile.

"You really have no idea how difficult you are to buy for." Sam laughed, nudging her arm slightly. "Just get me a new knife or something." Clint raised his eyebrows at Steve, clearly sharing a joke that neither Natasha nor Sam understood. "Open the damn box Nat."

She clicked it open, seeing a pair of wings, presumably based of a falcon. "Thank you. These are all perfect."

They let a comfortable silence reign over them, only interrupted when Skye cut through everyone's conversations.

"Wait, there's one more present" She crawled out from underneath the tree as Sam and Steve got off the arms of the chair and sat on the floor. "Who's it for?" Steve asked, and everyone nodded along.

"Uhh, it doesn't say. Probably why it was left there."

"Perhaps I can clear things up." Tony declared, getting up and taking the box off Skye. He tossed it around in his hands before sitting back down next to Pepper. He seemed nervous, and it immediately became obvious why when he slid off, kneeling on one knee and facing Pepper.

"Pepper Potts, you are the most amazing person I have ever met. You put up with me, which can't be said for most people and I'm so lucky that I have you. I can't imagine living my life without you, mainly because I'd probably destroy the earth without you to stop me, but regardless. Marry me Pep."

Pepper didn't say anything for a tortuous few seconds in which everyone waited with bated breath. They could barely imagine how it felt for Tony.

"Yes." She breathed out, and Tony's face lit up in a massive grin, taking her hand and sliding the ring on before kissing her passionately.

"Did you know about this?" Steve asked Natasha quietly. "No, why?"

"You've made so many proposal jokes recently, maybe because it was on your mind." He shrugged, making an impassive face.

"It's always on my mind Steve." She admitted softly, and he smiled at her. "In a good way?"

"Yeah, I think so."

* * *

**AN: If you have any ideas that you desperately, or not so desperately want incorporated into this story, please let me know and I'll try to write them in. I hope you enjoyed, please follow, favourite and review. Constructive criticism is always welcome and appreciated.**


	28. New Year's Secrets

**AN: Happy New Year everyone! Just a short and sweet chapter that I hope you all enjoy.**

* * *

"5, 4, 3, 2, 1, HAPPY NEW YEAR!"

Natasha pulled Steve close to her, pressing their lips together as they shared a kiss. "Happy New Year Steve." She whispered between kisses, tasting the alcohol on both of their lips and letting his tongue slide into her mouth. Natasha let her eyes slip closed, treasuring the feeling of him being close as her fingers raked through his hair. "Happy New Year Nat." He whispered in return when he pulled back slightly. They both grinned at each other, perfectly content in each other's arms as they let the new year wash over them. She wanted to spend the first moment of her year safe in his arms, the rest of the world temporarily forgotten.

"Woah, what the hell just happened?" Tony yelled, pointing towards them and gaining their attention. Steve furrowed his eyebrows at her, confused, before his eyes widened, remembering that Tony was still unaware of their relationship.

"We're not getting out of this one, are we?" She asked him quietly as she rested her forehead on his, stealing another kiss quickly.

"Even you're not that good a liar Tash." He laughed, pressing another kiss to her lips before turning and straightening to face the group, his arm wrapped around her waist as she leant into his side.

"I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU DIDN'T TELL ME YOU'RE DATING!" Clint shouted, trying to act shocked, causing Natasha to let out a snort. He wasn't exactly acting subtle about the fact he already knew.

"Oh my god, you knew!" Tony said, actually shocked. Steve was starting to feel bad that they hadn't properly told everyone sooner, but they valued their privacy, and honestly, they were just to busy.

"Of course he knew. He's my best friend." Natasha defended Clint as Tony sat down on the sofa, trying to process his shock. She was surprised, she hadn't expected him to be quite as shocked as he seemed to be.

"Alright everyone, pay up." Coulson said, holding out his hand which May put a five into. Bobbi gave Mack a ten, Hunter and Bruce each gave Skye a five, Simmons gave Fitz a ten, Thor and Jane gave Darcy a five each and Tony gave Pepper 2 twenties.

"You guys bet on us?" Steve asked, to which Natasha only laughed at him. "C'mon Steve, like you didn't already know."

"Wait so how long has this been going on? Cause we all placed our bets last Christmas" Bobbi asked causing Natasha to exchange a glance with Steve. She gestured for him to explain, mainly because she'd done it last time so it was his turn.

"Well, you know about 8 months ago when you came over and we played truth or dare?" Steve asked them, to which he received various responses. Some looks on confusion, some of recognition, but most those of people who barely remember the night at all.

"Wait, when you two kissed on a dare?"

"Yeah, it was that night. And that kiss." Natasha told them, looking up at Steve and smiling at the memory. He smiled back, squeezing her waist gently and pressing a kiss into her hair. He felt so much relief being able to just hold her when everyone else was around.

"Wait, so you've been dating for 8 months?"

"Wait, so you two have been doing it for 8 months?" Bruce and Tony asked at the same time.

"Yes, we've been dating for 8 months" Steve said to Bruce, ignoring Tony's question.

"And no, we haven't been 'doing it' for 8 months." She told Tony, sending him a pointed stare telling him to drop the subject.

"You've been doing it for more than 8 months? I knew when you started going on missions together you changed." Tony exclaimed, either not getting the message or electing to ignore it. And knowing Tony, it was probably the second.

"Yes Tony, we've been dating since SHIELD fell." She said sarcastically, rolling her eyes causing Steve to chuckle into her hair.

"I called it." Sam exclaimed. "You guys were eye fucking the entire time."

"We were not eye fucking." She defended, and Sam only raised his eyebrows at her. "Totally eye fucking."

"We haven't been sleeping together since SHIELD fell. We just waited a while before we actually did the deed. Although none of that is really your business so I don't know why I'm still talking." Steve trailed off, frowning slightly. "Babe? Be quiet." Natasha whispered, pressing a kiss to his cheek.

"Well I think it's great. We've been waiting long enough" Pepper effectively ended the sex conversation, pulling the pair in for a hug. Steve accepted it easily whilst Natasha floundered somewhat, still unused to affection unless it was coming from him or Clint.

"You've known the entire time Pepper." She laughed as Pepper pulled back. "Yeah I know but I never really got to congratulate you." Pepper explained, causing Tony to make himself known again by sucking in a breath dramatically. He morphed his face into a look of fake hurt. "Wait, you knew as well?"

"I caught them a long time ago, like before they broke up and they couldn't get out of kissing each other." Pepper explained to Tony, causing Coulson to furrow his eyebrows. "You broke up?"

"I mean, I really thought the cat was out of the bag when that happened. You were all seriously oblivious." Natasha laughed. Her and Steve had a whole conversation after they got back together about how Tony probably knew about them after he visited her apartment. Clearly, they were wrong, or at least he never realised they got back together.

"When did this happen?" Bruce asked. They could see on his face, on all of their faces that they were trying to figure out their entire relationship, and when they could've broken up without any of them knowing.  
"We both moved out of the tower for a month, and then the Hulk threw me into a tree. I mean, Tony, you came to my apartment to see me literally downing Vodka like I had nothing to lose." She shrugged casually, slipping out of Steve's grasp to sit down on the sofa, propping her feet up on the coffee table. Bruce winced at the reminder of the tree throwing incident

"Ohhh, that makes sense now." Tony seemed happy with the explanation, but Coulson looked at them curiously.

"I understand now." He said, and now they were confused. Natasha exchanged a glance with Steve to see if he understood what Coulson was saying, but he just shrugged and sat down next to Nat. "What?"

"Fury called me. Said the pair of you were exhibiting strange behaviour. You both asked for a reassignment and when he refused, you took a months unpaid leave whilst Steve went on back to back missions for a month." Coulson explained, only raising more questions. "Why did he tell you that?"

"Wanted me to find out what was going on. But I had literally no idea where either of you lived. Of course he figured it out when you two made up and told him about your relationship though."

"And you knew?"

"After you told him he wanted me to keep an eye on you. Make sure that nothing like that happened again." Part of Natasha felt betrayed that Fury told Coulson when they'd specifically told him that they weren't telling people. Of course, she found it almost sweet that Fury cared, although she was sure it was more to do with the fact they weren't acting very professional during their break.

"So you knew before May told you?" Steve confirmed, and Coulson nodded his head in confirmation. "Uh huh."

"May knew as well?" Tony asked, and they could tell he was started to get annoyed. Steve would admit that they hadn't meant to keep their relationship a secret for so long, and that it was cruel that they hadn't even told Tony when everyone else started finding out. "Most of you already knew." He admitted sheepishly, waiting for Tony's reaction.

"WAIT WHAT?" Tony yelled again on cue, causing Clint to laugh. "For spies, they're not that great at keeping a secret." He wasn't wrong.

"So how many of you knew?" Tony asked. Out of the 19 people in the room, excluding Steve and Natasha, 11 put up their hands. Natasha frowned slightly, she didn't realise that many people actually knew about them.

"I caught them in the middle of sex." Skye told them.

"Same." Said Pepper. Both Skye and Pepper exchanged a look and smiled, causing Steve to blush and bury his head in Natasha's hair.

"Wait, how did you two find out?" Steve asked Wanda and Vision once he'd recovered. They hadn't told them, yet they put their hands up.

"Wanda told me." Vision said, looking to the girl in question who looked incredibly guilty. She looked away, avoiding Natasha's gaze.

"Wanda?" Natasha asked almost threateningly, raising her eyebrows. Wanda finally looked at her, worrying her lower lip slightly.

"I didn't mean to, I swear. It's just when emotions are heightened I struggle to tune them out." Her words rushed out, trying to explain herself.

"You read our minds?" Steve asked, looking at her sternly. "We've talked about this Wanda."

"Not intentionally. But you never stop thinking about each other, It's exhausting." Wanda justified her actions, and Steve couldn't be mad at her anymore, instead turning his gaze to Natasha to smile softly at her.

"That's almost sweet." Rhodey said. Natasha only grinned in response to Wanda's comment, kissing Steve lightly.  
"Stop it. Just because we all know about you now, doesn't mean you can be all disgusting in front of us." Tony complained, pretending to gag as she laid her head on his shoulder. It was freeing, being able to just relax and be comfortable with Steve when everyone else was around.

"I need some Vodka." Nat said, grabbing the bottle off the table and having a swig.

"Me too." Steve laughed, grabbing the bottle out her hands.

"Me three." Tony joked, reaching out to steal the bottle. She jerked it out of Steve's hand and held it away from Tony, laughing joyfully.

"Ah, come on."

* * *

By 4am, everyone had crashed out on the floor as were all snoring loudly.

"I'm actually really glad everyone knows." Natasha said as he held her in his arms. They were the only ones left awake and had somehow ended up behind the sofa, half on the fluffy rug, half on the hardwood floors. It wasn't comfortable, well, she assumed it wasn't. She wouldn't know as he was taking up residence on Steve's chest.

"Same, although I'm not looking forwards to Tony's constant jibes." He chuckled softly into her hair, her head resting in the crook of his neck. She shifted slightly so she was looking up at him and pressed a kiss to his jawline.

"Me either, but it does mean I can do this." She said, kissing him gently on the lips. Their mouths explored each other's lazily before Steve cut them off with a little sigh.

"I love you Tash, but this is really uncomfortable for me." She winced in apology, rolling off him and tucking herself into his side. He rolled them over so she was on the rug and he was on the harder floor.

"Steve." She warned him, but he just smiled at her warmly. "Let me take care of you Nat."

She let him do as he wanted, instead getting comfortable and resting her head on his arm, using it as a pillow.

"You know what else I can do now?" He asked softly, tracing shapes on her stomach lightly. "What?"

"I can actually hold your hand in public." He smiled at her, and she lightly held his hand, weaving their fingers together.

"Happy New Year Steve."

"Happy New Year Nat."

* * *

**AN: If you have any ideas that you desperately, or not so desperately want incorporated into this story, please let me know and I'll try to write them in. I hope you enjoyed, please follow, favourite and review. Constructive criticism is always welcome and appreciated.**


	29. Home From Russia

**AN: Sorry it's been so long since the last update, but life has really been kicking my ass lately. But I'm back, and I promise the next chapter will come quicker than this one, although I'm not promising how quick. Anyway, I hope you enjoy this chapter!**

* * *

"Where's Romanoff?" Fury asked, sweeping into the common room rather dramatically. Especially seeing as all they were doing was watching a movie.

"You really should be calling her Rogers now." Tony quipped, because he was still slightly annoyed that he hadn't been told about their relationship, and was taking every chance to tease them about it, even if the pair weren't in the room.

"I'll do that if Rogers ever asks." Fury said, his words completely deadpan and casual. "Was that a joke? I can never tell. Your words are funny, but your face is always so angry." Tony questioned, looking up from the tv to try and judge Fury's face.

"What can we do for you director?" Bruce effectively shut Tony up, turning down the volume slightly causing Clint to moan, muttering something about how he was racist to those who couldn't hear.

"I need Romanoff. Where is she?"

"He's making a house call, this must be serious." Clint laughed, although they all knew it was true. Fury didn't just come by for no reason. "She's needed on a mission, the details of which are private and confidential." Fury's tone made it clear that he wasn't going to tell them anything about the mission, and that he simply wanted an answer on Natasha's whereabouts.

"Well, I think her and Cap are having sexy time right now but feel free to interrupt them. I'm sure they'll appreciate it." Tony joked. Fury walked into the elevator, pressing Tony's new button for the soldier and the spy's floor. He briefly let out a small smile at seeing the hourglass instead of the star in Steve's Shield. The doors opened, letting him walk out into the small entrance that led into the kitchen.

"Romanoff!" He called, because even though Tony was joking, he'd decided he really didn't want to risk seeing that. "In here." She called back. He walked into the living room to see a sight, that in all his years he never thought he would see that made him smile ever so slightly. Natasha was lying on top of Steve, curled up in a blanket reading the same book as each other, soft music playing over the speakers.

"What can we do for you Director?" Steve asked, closing the book and putting it on the coffee table as Natasha waved her hand at the ceiling to turn off the music. "I need Romanoff for a mission, very classified, very urgent." He told them, morphing his face back into a neutral expression as they turned their heads to look at him.

"Alright, I'll meet you at the helipad in 10 minutes." She said, causing him to leave the room. She climbed over Steve to get off the sofa, before heading into their room to pack her stuff. She quickly slipped into her widow suit, throwing her phone in her bag before picking it up. She perched on the seat of the couch next to Steve, leaning over and kissing him gently.

"I'll see you soon." She whispered, running her fingers through his hair.

"Promise me you'll be careful. If Fury came here, it's gonna be dangerous." He warned her, holding her hand and bringing them up to cup her cheek. "I know. I promise." She responded, fully intent on keeping her promise. She would try her hardest to stay safe and be careful, but he already knew that.

"I love you Tash." He murmured, pressing a soft kiss to her lips. "I love you too."

She got up from the couch, leaving a last kiss on his forehead before she grabbed her stuff and made her way to the roof. She was there a minute later to see Fury with a much more serious expression than the one she'd seen before. She raised her eyebrows at him, asking the silent question of why they were here.

"We think we found a lead on the Winter Soldier." He told her bluntly, and if she hadn't spent her entire life working on her poker face, she would've looked surprised. That wasn't what she was expecting.

"Then with all due respect sir, shouldn't Steve be on this mission?" She asked, taking the file off him as they walked onto the plane. If anything, it should've been Steve on this mission instead of her. She was usually just his backup, so why he wasn't called was beyond her.

"It's nothing concrete and I don't want to get his hopes up. I haven't seen him this happy in a long time. Besides, despite the subject, this is really more your area of expertise." Fury managed to explain his reasoning without actually explaining anything. Just like always. "Sir, I really don't feel comfortable with keeping a mission like this secret."

"Agent Romanoff, when you and Agent Rogers came to me 6 months ago, you promised you wouldn't let your relationship get in the way of your job." Fury said. It was true, but this was different. This wasn't to do with the fact they were dating, this was Bucky. "I stand by what I said. But this is personal for Steve. You know the Winter Soldier is personal to Steve."

"I'm asking you to do your job right now Romanoff, or I can find someone else who doesn't know him like you do and lose your last chance at getting him back." His look was stern at his threat, although they both knew what she would do. There was no way she was letting Bucky go again.

"Okay. Where am I headed?" If they weren't going to bring Steve in on this, then she needed all the information they had.

"Russia."

"And you can't be anymore specific?" She snarked, rolling her eyes at him. He knew just as well as she did that Russia was a large place, and incredibly easy to hide in.

"Volgograd." Fury wasn't one to mince his words, but his tone made her worry. His simple answers meant something more was going on. Something he didn't want to say. "What aren't you telling me?" She paired her question with a hard stare. He didn't back down, but did reach over to open a new file on the tablet.

"We've tracked him to a few miles radius of your house."

"Fury, I have about ten houses in Volgograd, you'll have to be more specific." He didn't need to be more specific, she knew which house he meant, but she needed to hear it. She needed to hear Fury say the words she knew he was going to say.

"Your parents' house. The one you grew up in." Natasha scoffed at his words, because to say she grew up there is gross misstatement. "You mean the one I didn't grow up in because the KGB burnt it down?" She snapped before she could control herself. Her past, her broken, messy past was something was something that, no matter how hard she tried, she just couldn't forget. She took in a deep breath through her nose, desperate to keep calm, because she refused to let Fury see that. "It was never rebuilt, it's just a charred mess."

"A perfect hideout if you want to be found." Fury countered, and she couldn't argue with that. She didn't even know how Bucky would've found it, but if he was hiding out there, he wanted to be found. More specifically, he wanted to be found by her.

"And if I do find him? What d'you want me to do?"

"I trust you to make the appropriate call with whatever situation you find. He doesn't seem to be hostile, but we have no idea what you're walking into." She knew what Fury meant. If he was a danger to himself or others, she'd have to bring him into Shield. If not, she could let him go or bring him back here. It was her call.

"Copy that director."

* * *

"James?" She called through the burnt mess of a house. Her house. She'd been back here before, when she finally found where it was, but she hadn't been able to set foot in it, scared of what she would find. But now she was walking through her home, the one where her parents had died, and she was terrified, because she knew exactly what she'd find.

"Natalia?" A voice called nervously from another room. A voice that definitely didn't belong to the Winter Solider. Bucky maybe, but not the Winter Solider. She could just see the faint glow of light come from underneath a door as she approached it carefully, pulling her knife out of her waistband and holding it loosely in her hand. A sudden burst of memories rushed through her as she pushed open the door and looked around. A pair of soft arms holding her, another pair tossing her into the air, a fluffy bear in her arms. It was her bedroom, she was sure, even though it was barely distinguishable as a room. The only thing in there was a dark shadow against the wall.

"Natalia." It was him, no doubt. And he seemed in control of himself, or at least he wasn't immediately trying to kill her. "Are you…you?" She asked tentatively, relaxing slightly as she saw no threat, but she kept her knife ready. She briefly wished she'd brought her gun with her, but she knew that in close quarters like this, it would be useless, and more dangerous to herself than anything.

"I'm not the Winter Soldier."

"Prove it." She couldn't help but be nervous. They had spent so much time and resources trying to find him that it all seemed to easy. He was just sat there, almost catatonically as they spoke. She knew this could be a trap, he may not even know it, but she could be playing right back into Russia's hands.

"My name is James Buchanan Barnes. My friends call me Bucky. Steve's my best friend."

"You could read that in a museum. Tell me something only Bucky Barnes knows." She snapped, because she needed to know. She wanted to bring him home, or at least make sure he was safe, but she couldn't do that if he didn't know who he was. "We used to know each other. I was your trainer, or partner, friend maybe. I can't remember. I know you have a scar on your hip from when you were seventeen and tried to escape the red room. This is your parents' house, it was burnt down by the people who took you. And I know that you didn't want to kill all those people in 1997."

"I…okay. You're normal." She let out a small sigh, tucking her knife back into her waistband. He wasn't a danger to her, now all she needed to do was convince him to come with her. It wasn't gonna be easy, she hadn't made it easy for Clint all those years ago, it wasn't going to be easy now. If anything, it was going to be harder, because she was running from her past when she came to Shield, Bucky would be running straight back into it.

"Are you going to kill me?" He asked, something akin to fear in his voice. Enough that she was sure that he had no interest in hurting her.

"No. That's not what's happening here." Her reassurance meant very little to him, and they both knew that, but he did stand up, his posture more relaxed that it had been when he was sitting down. "Then what do you want Natalia?" He asked, leaning against the wall. His eyes were narrowed with suspicion, but she could see the apprehension in them, so she copied his stance, leaning on the doorframe. It was something Steve did when he wanted her to feel comfortable, he'd copy her cues and wait for her to feel relaxed enough to talk. Talking to people really was more his area of expertise.

"I want you to come home." She said bluntly, and she knew that if he wasn't trained not to show his emotions, his eyebrows would've shot up. "I don't have a home."

"Home isn't about the place, it's about the people." She almost laughed at her words, because it was so unlike her to say something like that. But the more she thought about it, the more she realised it was true. Her home wasn't New York, it was wherever Steve was. She would follow him across the globe if he asked her to, but she supposed that's why she was here. She was trying to get Bucky back for Steve.

"I don't think it's that simple." He said slightly solemnly. She could understand why he felt that way, it had been a long time since he'd had anything remotely to a family. She knew that she was the last person he'd trusted, or even cared about. She only hoped that was still true.

"You need your family."

"I don't have a family." He was argumentative, and she wasn't entirely sure how to play the situation. If she didn't say the right thing, he might flee, and then she'd have to be the one to tell Steve they lost him again. As she thought about it, she realised that he was her play. She knew how much Bucky meant to Steve, and she'd bet anything that he meant the same to Bucky. "That's not true. You have Steve, he's never given up on you."

Her words were true, if there was one thing Steve had never done, it was give up on her or Bucky. "Why isn't he here then?" His words were harsh and biting, and she understood. She thought he should be here, no matter what Fury said. "We didn't want to get his hopes up. It would crush him to know that we almost found you but didn't."

"And by we you mean Shield." It sounded like it should've been a question, but it was a statement. "Yes."

"I can't be a Shield agent."

"That's not what I'm asking. I'm asking you to let us protect you." She thought of the words Clint had said to her all those years ago. He'd promised her protection, and she hadn't believed him at the time, but now she understood what he'd meant. Yeah, Shield could protect her from her enemies, but he'd meant protect her from her own demons. Give her that protection in the form of a family.

"I don't need protection." She let out a soft chuckle, because she'd said the exact same thing to Clint. She'd been so incredibly wrong. "Everyone needs protection. You just don't know it yet."

"This isn't a good idea Natalia. I can't be trusted." He could be trusted, and she knew that. But he couldn't trust himself, and that was the problem. She knew the feeling too well, it had taken years for her to trust herself, she still didn't entirely, but she was getting there, and she knew he'd get there too eventually. She just had to convince him of that. "I felt the same when they brought me in. But I got something I never thought I would have. I got a family."

"I don't need a family." God he was a stubborn son of a bitch. The James she had known wasn't like this, he'd never been so sure of himself. Even if she wished he'd be just a little less argumentative, she could see the Bucky that Steve knew trying to get to the surface. That was the James she wanted to bring home, not the shell of a man she'd once known. "I used to think that was true as well. But you've had a family. You had a mother, you had a father, you had sisters, you had Steve. Let me, let us give you that again."

"The way you talk about Steve, that fondness in your voice, I've never heard that from you before." His change of subject was admirable, and if she hadn't learnt it from the same people, she wouldn't have even realised it. She still smiled at his words though, because she couldn't help but smile every time she heard Steve's name. God, she was a sap.

"I love him, more than anything. And I know he misses you, so much. He needs you, and you need him. Let us be your family James." She practically begged him, and the resolve in his eyes was slowly crumbling.

"Okay." His words were soft, and his entire body lifted as he said them. In that moment, he was already more comfortable not just in her presence, but in his own skin. "Yeah?" She smiled gently at him, cocking her head to the side slightly. His lips turned upwards briefly, but it was quickly replaced with another much more intense look.

"One condition. If I start showing signs of being controlled, or if I get captured or if something bad happens. You have to kill me." He was dead serious, but she couldn't agree to it. She couldn't kill him, he didn't deserve to die, regardless of whatever mistakes he made. They wouldn't be his fault. "James, you know I can't do that."

"You have to. I don't want to hurt you, or Steve, or anyone else again." She could understand where he was coming from, she wouldn't want to be to blame for hurting anyone she loved. But she just couldn't do that for him. She couldn't be the one to do that to Steve. "Steve will never agree to it."  
"That's why I'm asking you. Talia, please, I need to trust you to do this." Maybe it was the use of her name, her real name that changed her mind. Of her nickname. The only person who'd ever used it was him, and it sent a pang of nostalgia through her. Or maybe it was the word trust. He wanted to trust her, he did trust her, but she needed to promise him that she would do this if the time came. And despite the fact she hated to, she realised she would. Especially if it meant keeping Steve safe. "You can trust me."

He paused for a moment, digesting her words, her promise. Her promise that if things ever got bad, she would do what was needed to be done, regardless of her own or anyone's feelings. It would be one of the hardest things she'd ever had to do, if she had to do it, but they both knew she would. "So, where is home Natalia?" He finally said, and she finally, actually smiled at him.

"New York, Manhattan. And call me Natasha James, I'm not Natalia anymore, I haven't been for a long time."

"I guess if we're changing names, I guess you can call me Bucky." He gave her a half lipped smile, and she knew it was the best she was gonna get at the moment. "Okay Bucky."

"I think it's time for me to go home Natasha."

* * *

She had called Steve on the flight back to New York to meet them on the roof, leaving out the part about Bucky. For once in her life she wanted to surprise him, and not a 'I got shot' surprise, which happened too often for her liking. They landed on the helipad roughly, probably because she was too distracted about what Steve would say.

"You ready Bucky?" She asked softly, getting up from the pilot's seat to stand next to him. He'd been staring at the exit of the ramp, obviously thinking hard. He looked over to her, his face pulling into a smirk. "Let's give the old man a heart attack."

"You're older than him." She pointed out, and he only laughed. "Nah, he's been an old man since birth."

He took a deep breath before signalling for her to open the ramp. As it lowered, Steve face appeared, giving her a soft smile when he saw her, and she reciprocated it, unable to help it. His eyes glanced over to her companion, widening and he took a sharp intake of breath.

"Buck?" His voice was breathy, the word barely escaping his lips. He eyes flicked back over to Natasha in disbelief, and she just smile at him and gave Bucky a small push out the plane.

"Hey Stevie." Bucky seemed awkward, his real fingers messing with the cuff of his jacket.

"Are you…you?" Steve's question was redundant, they all knew Natasha wouldn't have brought him to the tower if he was a danger to himself or anyone else. But he needed to check, just like she had over and over again.

"Yeah, it's me." Steve ran into the plane, hugging Bucky tightly. She thought she saw a tear in his eye as they hugged, but she wasn't going to mention it. "You're back."

"You can thank your girlfriend for that one." Steve let go of Bucky, turning to face her. He pulled her into him, landing a soft kiss on her lips. "Thank you." He couldn't convey how much it meant to him, that she'd gotten him back, that she'd brought him back to her.

"My pleasure." Despite his joy at seeing Bucky again, he noticed that she seemed off, that something was wrong. "You okay?" He whispered into her ear, low enough that if Bucky heard, he knew that it wasn't for him. She pulled out of the hug, walking away to grab her bag off a seat.

"Fine. I need to get Bucky to Shield, I just thought you should see each other first." She diverted the topic away from herself so easily, so much so that he knew something was wrong, but she clearly didn't want to talk about it, especially with Bucky there. She'd turned away from them, not letting them see the slight quiver of her lip. She wouldn't talk about it. She couldn't talk about it. Not here, not now.

"I need to get all that Hydra shit out my head." Bucky explained to Steve, drawing the man's eyes away from Natasha. "I'll see you soon man."

"See ya Buck."

* * *

"Tash?" He asked softly, running his fingers through her hair idly. It was dark in their room, only cracks of moonlight coming through the curtains.

"Hmmmm?" She hummed, snuggling further into him, pressing her back against his chest. She was comfortable with one of his arms resting across her stomach lightly, tracing lazy circles on her hip.

"Do I need to be jealous of Bucky?" He felt her soft movements stop instantly, his question clearly catching her off guard. As soon as she stilled, she let out a breath, relaxing back into him.

"James and I were special to each other once. It was a long time ago, all my memories of that time are pretty fuzzy, and I know his are too." It was the truth, but it wasn't all of it. She couldn't possibly sum up her entire relationship with Bucky in just one sentence.

"So?" He asked the question whilst nuzzling into her hair, his confusion at her lack of answer evident. "You have nothing to worry about Steve. Whatever happened between us is in the past. You're the only person I care about like that. The only person I will ever care about like that again."

"Is that what was bothering you?" He questioned, tucking some of her hair behind her ear so it wasn't dangling in front of her face. "Bucky was hiding out at my house. The one I grew up in before it was burnt to a crisp." She whispered, refusing to turn around so she could look at him. She didn't want to look at him, not right now. She didn't want the pity, or the look on his face that wasn't disappointment or anger or sadness, but somehow all three at the same time.

"Nat…" He pressed a soft kiss to her shoulder, unsure of what to say. She'd never talked about her past before the Red Room, and she was so young when she was taken that he assumed she had no real memories of it.

"It's okay, I'm okay. It just brought back some old memories. I think they were memories. I'm not sure." She was uncertain, because she didn't know if they were even her memories. They were sweet, innocent, exactly how a childhood should look. Nothing made sense, and she couldn't even begin to talk, to explain to herself, let alone Steve what she was thinking.

"I'm here." He said softly, brushing his fingers through her hair. "I know."

"If you ever want to talk about it…" He didn't finish his sentence, because she already knew. She brought her hand down from where it was buried beneath the pillow and placed it on top of his, giving it a soft squeeze. It had always been her way of saying she loved him without saying a word. "I love you too Tash."

* * *

**AN: If you have any ideas that you desperately, or not so desperately want incorporated into this story, please let me know and I'll try to write them in. I hope you enjoyed, please follow, favourite and review. Constructive criticism is always welcome and appreciated.**


	30. My Head Hurts

"Where the hell is Cap?" Tony asked exasperatedly. They'd been waiting for him for five minutes, which in normal time didn't seem that bad, but when the assemble alarm went off, it was an age. Truth be told, Natasha was worried by his lack of presence. He didn't just go awol with no reason. "I haven't seen him since this morning." She told them, because it was true. He was still asleep when she'd gotten up, which wasn't the strangest thing to happen. It was rare, but it happened, and she knew he'd worked hard the day before.

"Nat, can you go get him?" Clint asked, fiddling with his arrows, not really concentrating on the conversation.

"Sure. You guys go ahead, we'll catch you up." She told them, and the rest of the team took off through the doors and headed downtown. She sighed, jogging to the elevator, hitting the button for their floor. Steve didn't just ignore the Avengers alarm, which meant regardless of what was going on, it wasn't good.

The apartment was dark, and she would've assumed no one was home apart from the niggling sensation in the back of her brain telling her something was wrong. She opened the door to their bedroom, having ascertained that he wasn't anywhere else.

"Steve?" She asked, having to shout slightly over the blaring off the alarm. A pained whine came from the sheets, his form curling further into himself. A pillow was pressed over his head, presumably trying to block out the noise.

"Jarvis, turn the alarm off." She ordered, and the sound clicked off. She could instantly see Steve relax slightly as she sat on the bed next to him. Pulling the pillow off his head, she smoothed her hand over his hair. Her hand brushed over his skin, and she could feel a slight warmth radiating off him. Not enough to be overly concerned, but still slightly worrying.

"What's wrong?" She asked gently, frowning as he simultaneously tried to burrow into her touch and push himself away.

"M'graine." He slurred, lolling his head to the side to look at her, though she could tell the amount of pain it brought him. Natasha could see tears rolling down his face, and she wondered how long he was planning on struggling by himself.

"Hey, I'm here okay." She whispered, trying to be as quiet as possible now she knew what was wrong. She got up to get him a glass of water, knowing he'd hate her for it, but he needed to drink. "Honey, sit up for me." She said softly, sliding her hand behind his back to help him.

"N'tasha." He groaned, his body a dead weight as she tried to get him slightly upright. She gently forced his body into a half sitting position, rubbing her hand on his back.

"I know, I know. You need to drink something, it'll make you feel better." She told him, letting him settle before handing him the glass. He took a small sip before handing it back to her. "Honey, I know it hurts. I'm really sorry, but the more you drink, the better you'll get."

She tipped the glass to his lips, letting him sip slowly until he'd drank half the glass. As soon as she pulled away he flopped back down, burying his face in his pillow and letting a fresh tear escape his eye.

"I'll be back in a minute honey." She pressed a small kiss to his shoulder before going into the bathroom and looking in the medicine cabinet. She was hoping they had something in there that Steve could actually take without burning through it instantly, but they had nothing. She sighed, wetting a washcloth and wringing it out and returning to the bedroom. Steve had rolled over into the middle of the bed, hugging her pillow to his chest. She smiled, she knew that when she wasn't around he'd sleep on her side of the bed, he said he found it comforting, she imagined that's what was happening now. She sat crossed legged on the bed, stroking her hand along his arm softly to make sure he knew she was back. She dabbed the washcloth on his forehead, causing a small whine to escape him, but one she recognised as relief. She glanced at her phone to look at the time, seeing a message from Tony asking where the hell they were.

"Steve, I'm sorry. I have to go." She apologised, laying the cloth on his forehead and running her hand through his hair softly. "I love you so much and I'll be back as soon as I can."

Steve just made a small hum in acknowledgement, digging the heels of his palms into eyes to block out the light. She pressed a soft kiss to his wrist before grabbing her gun off the dresser and shutting the door quietly. "Jarvis? Tell me if anything changes with Steve."

"I am patched into your comms Agent Romanoff and will update you if Captain Rogers condition worsens." Jarvis said as she headed down to the garage, whilst simultaneously tracking the fight.

"Thank you."

* * *

"Widow? You and Cap gonna get here anytime soon?" Tony asked as soon as she patched in her comm, dodging and weaving her way through the traffic. "Yeah, we're getting out asses kicked out here." Clint added.

"Speak for yourself Barton." Tony snarked, and she could help but let out a loud laugh. "Sorry boys. Just me today. Our dear old Captain is feeling under the weather."

"Joy. I'm gonna call in spidey."

"I'm surprised he's not already there." Clint mused, and she was wondering the same thing. They were in the middle of Queens, Spiderman's stomping ground, and he wasn't here yet. "He had a date." Tony muttered, clearly reluctant to tell them. Presumably, Peter had sworn him to secrecy.

"A date?" Even though they couldn't see her, she raised her eyebrows. She knew he was interested in someone, but she hadn't realised he'd worked up the courage to ask her out. That didn't seem like the Peter Parker she knew.

"Don't tell him I told you." Tony said quickly, and she could tell he wished he could take it back. They all knew Peter would be pissed at him for telling them, but he'd forgive him. Hopefully.

"We would never." Clint said, and she could practically see him rolling his eyes.

"Back me up on this Nat." Tony begged. She saw him soar through the sky above her, and she whipped her head around as he fired a shot behind her. She hadn't even noticed that she'd gotten to the centre of the battle, but she pulled out her guns, firing them with accuracy and clearing the path in front of her. She smirked over the comms, bracing herself as she rolled off her bike. "Don't tease him about it Clint. I'll do it for you."

"Tasha!"

* * *

"Hey." Natasha's soft lilt echoed around in his brain, not enough to hurt, but enough that it was uncomfortable. But any noise was uncomfortable, and he figured he'd rather her gentle tone over anyone else's.

"You win?" He mumbled, feeling her weight dip down on the bed next to him.

"Course we did." She let out a soft chuckle, and he knew she was smirking, but just the thought of opening his eyes made him feel queasy. "You feeling any better?"

"No." One of his hands was curled in his hair, gripping the strands tightly as the other pressed into his forehead, his eyes buried in the crook of his elbow. Her hand came to rest on top of the one in his hair, gently prying his fingers so they relaxed.

His head was pounding so hard that he could barely concentrate on her actions or her words. The constant throbbing that was so relentless and never ending, he thought he heard Natasha say shower, but he had no idea whether she meant herself or him. Even trying to figure out which she meant made him feel even worse.

"Tasha." He groaned, tilting his head just enough so she could see his face. It had paled, a slight greenish tint to his skin. She knew what was about to happen, and she would prefer if it wasn't all over the bedroom. "Okay, come on. Up you get." She supported him as she pulled him out of bed, his eyes screwed shut, his balance completely off centre as she half dragged him into the bathroom. He was supporting his own weight, but he wasn't moving without any prompting, resulting in her having to pull him the short distance to the bathroom, trying to gently ease him to the ground in front of the toilet. She rubbed his back with one hand as he threw up, sending Bruce a text asking for some medicine, because seeing Steve like this hurt her. "You're okay honey." She cooed softly, letting him fall into her when he was done, his head buried in her neck. His whimpers were quiet, but she knew how much pain he was in, and as much as she wanted to get off the floor of the bathroom, she knew she wouldn't be able to get him back up.

"Hey Nat." Bruce's whisper came from the door to the bathroom, and she turned her head slightly, giving him a smile. "Hey."

"Need a hand?" He asked, kneeling down on the floor next to them. Steve had barely registered that Bruce had appeared, still moaning into her shoulder. She let out an audible sigh, giving Bruce a grateful smile.

"Steve, honey, we're gonna get you back into bed." She said softly, placing her hand on his back and gesturing for Bruce to help get him up. With a great deal of effort, they got him off the floor and back into their bed, and as they placed him onto the bed gently, he curled up into as small a ball as his massive frame would allow. "I know honey. I know." She sat next to him, brushing her hand over his shoulder. She looked over to Bruce, and he handed her a small pill.

"It'll help him. I promise." He smiled softly, giving her shoulder a squeeze before making his exit, leaving them alone.

"Steve, I need you to sit up." She kept her voice quiet, trying to coax him upright. He whined in response, curling into himself further. "I promise sweetheart, you can go to sleep after this."

He stretched his legs out slightly, giving her the indication that he was willing to move, so she manoeuvred him up, ignoring his little whines and groans. He looked at her through hooded lids as she got the glass of water off the nightstand. She handed him the pill, placing it into his hand and watching as he tossed it into his mouth, letting her tip the glass to his lips. He curled back into a ball when he was done, and she smiled softly at him.

"Go to sleep now Steve. I'm gonna have a shower." She pressed a kiss to his forehead before, getting up, fully intent on leaving him be for a while.

"Stay." His mumble was barely audible, but she heard it anyway. Letting out a soft chuckle, she sat back down on the bed and laid her hand over his. "I stink Steve."

"Tash." He moaned, and she couldn't refuse his sad little groan, so she walked around to the other side of the bed, crawling in and wrapping him in her arms. He buried his head into her chest, so she threaded her fingers through his hair, trying to lull him to sleep. His small little whimpers broke her heart as she held him close to her. "Sleep now Steve. I'll be here when you wake up."

* * *

**AN: If you have any ideas that you desperately, or not so desperately want incorporated into this story, please let me know and I'll try to write them in. I hope you enjoyed, please follow, favourite and review. Constructive criticism is always welcome and appreciated.**


	31. What about a Wedding?

**AN: Quarantine is killing me, but it's actually given me a load of time to write, so have a chapter. I have the next few completely written so updates should be pretty fast. Anyway, this chapter is kina short, but it's completely necessary for the plot.**

* * *

"NATASHA!" Pepper yelled, knocking loudly on their hotel room door. It shocked both her and Steve out of sleep, darting upright instantly, with Steve smacking her in the face as his arms flung out to the side. She fell back onto the pillows, bringing her hand up to cradle her nose.

"Fucking hell Steve." She winced as she touched it. "Shit Nat. Here, let me look." He brushed her hand aside, gently poking and prodding at her nose. Frowning slightly, he pressed a kiss to the tip of her nose. "It's not broken. I'm so sorry Tash."

He genuinely looked awful about the situation, so she smiled at him, ignoring the little flare of pain as she scrunched her nose up. "It's okay. No harm done." Pressing a chaste kiss to her lips, she snuggled back into her side, forgetting about their rude awakening.

"NATASHA!" Pepper's insistent voice rang out again, and Natasha was certain she'd woken up the entire floor. "I'M COMING! Alright, I'm coming." She yelled back, shoving the covers off her and sighing. "I'll see you later." She said, kissing him on the lips again before pulling on her dressing gown. She grabbed her dress and shoes from where they were hanging on the closet before kneeling back on the bed to give him one final kiss.

"Love you." He smiled, brushing his hand through her hair softly. "Love you too."

* * *

"Pepper Potts, I love you more than I can put into words. The amount you have to put up with on a daily basis, even before we were together, and you never complain. Ever. I'm so lucky to have someone like you, someone who I can share everything with. I think I've always loved you Pep, from that very first moment I met you, but that's nothing compared to how I feel about you now. You are my everything. We've already started our lives together, but I'm so ready to start this new chapter. I love you so much." Tony looked deeply in his fiancés eyes, his own so completely full of love and glistening slightly with tears. Pepper let out a soft laugh, dabbing under her eyes gently. "How am I supposed to follow that?"

"Okay, here goes. Tony, I know I don't have to stand up here and tell you how much I love you, because you already know. You are the craziest man I've ever met, and I wouldn't change you for anything. You make me complete in a way I didn't even know was possible before I met you. You're my everything too, and I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with you. Because my life without you in it just isn't worth living. I love you Tones."

Natasha tuned out of the rest of the ceremony, catching Steve's eyes and giving him a soft smile. He returned with a bright grin, and she had to stop herself from laughing. She wiped away a stray tear when Tony and Pepper kissed, because whilst the ceremony was beautiful, she couldn't escape the vision of herself standing up there with Steve, saying their own vows. She caught his eye once more, and he cocked his head in questioning, but she waved him off, giving him a small smirk. Besides, she was ready to party.

* * *

"So Pete. You got a girlfriend yet?" Steve asked, giving Peter a shit eating grin and handing him a beer. Yeah, he was underage, but this was a party on a private property and both May and Tony had said it was fine.

"Yeah, how's that girl? Uhhh, M something?" Natasha asked, even though they all knew she knew her name. She took her glass of wine from Steve as he settled back on his chair, laying his arm across the back of her chair.

"MJ." Peter mumbled, trying to make himself as small as possible. He was clearly allergic to awkward conversations. Natasha paid no notice to his change of posture, keeping him talking. "That's the one. How is she?"

"Not interested." He said sadly, taking a swig of beer to distract himself. Steve felt bad for him, because he was clearly infatuated with this girl.

"Awww, come on. You're Spiderman. Of course she's interested." He tried to reassure Peter, but he only chuckled slightly. "She doesn't know that. It would kinda defeat the point of a secret identity." He cocked his head to the side, looking exactly like Tony in that moment. Steve looked across to Natasha, and by the grin on her face, he knew she'd seen it to.

"You could go public." Natasha offered him a solution, but he only grinned at them, seemingly having overcome his brief sadness. "Nah, Mr Stark would kill me. Besides, it's kinda fun having two lives." Natasha smirked at Steve, fondly remembering the days of sneaking around at night trying to hide their relationship. He couldn't resist pressing a brief kiss to her temple, taking refuge in the fact that he could just do that now without worrying.

"You're an awesome kid Peter. You're smart and cool, she'd be lucky to have you." Peter scoffed at Steve's words. Clearly, he didn't agree. "Uh no. I'm nerdy and unpopular. She's lucky not to be dating me."

"Believe it or not I thought the same thing." Natasha said casually, causing Peter to cough slightly and look at her with wide eyes. "I mean, you didn't have to say it." He complained, his face that of a kicked puppy. She laughed at him, whacking him gently on the side of his head.

"Idiot. I meant with Steve. I'm a Russian assassin turned spy. Why would Captain America want to date me?" She raised her eyebrow at Peter, and he only frowned in confusion. "You're a freaking badass Natasha. Why wouldn't Captain America want to date you?"

"Exactly." In that moment Peter realised he'd fallen into her trap. "I hate you guys."

"Hey Pete, Pepper says you owe her a dance." Tony came over to them, clasping Peter's shoulder. Peter let out a relieved sigh, getting up and quickly moving over to the dancefloor.

"This conversation's not over kid!" Natasha shouted as he skipped away. "Yes it is!" He grinned back at her, sticking out his tongue.

"What did you do to my kid?" Tony said in mock anger, though his constant smile made it hard to take him seriously as he sat down in Peter's vacated chair.

"Nothing. We just gave him some relationship advice." Steve grinned at Tony, who rolled his eyes at them. "You two are in no place to be giving out relationship advice."

"We are in a perfectly healthy relationship thank you." Natasha defended. She knew Tony wasn't insulting their relationship, but she couldn't blame him for doubting it. They still weren't particularly open about it, they just weren't those types of people.

"Yeah, one you decided to hide from all your friends for almost a year. Just saying." He raised his eyebrows at them, causing Steve to shrug his shoulders. "That's fair."

"Why did you keep it secret for so long?" Tony asked, causing them to exchange a look. They'd never really explained it to Tony, not really. "It wasn't intentional to keep it form you guys for so long. We didn't know who we were to each other, what we wanted to be, and it was just easier to do that without anyone knowing." She tried her best to explain their relationship, when in reality it was so uncomplicatedly simple. They just were. "We just never got around to telling everyone. It was never personal."

"I get you guys aren't used to having people who care about you, especially you Nat, but you know you can trust us. You don't need to keep things like that a secret." He smiled softly at them, and the couple couldn't help but smile back. It was nice to know just how much Tony cared, even though he never said it.

"We know, and in the future we won't. We're just both very private people." Steve explained, although he pressed a kiss to Natasha's forehead, trying to show that they didn't care about being open in front of their friends. Tony raised his eyebrows slightly, and was clearly trying to decide whether he should ask his next question. "So if you two were to get engaged, you would tell us?"

"We're not engaged Tony." Natasha laughed, shaking her head fondly. "But if we were, we would tell you."

"Now you've got an absolutely gorgeous wife and you're sat here with us instead of dancing with her." Natasha said, looking over to the dance floor as Jane and Thor whizzed around laughing at each other whilst Peter spun Pepper around excessively. "I better go save her from the spiderling."

Natasha pouted at Steve as Tony got up, gesturing to her empty glass. "Same as last time?" He asked, picking up the glass from the table. She nodded, smiling softly at him as he got up. Tony just looked amused at the whole situation.

"You're whipped man."

"Yeah, I know."

* * *

"Marriage looks good on him." Steve commented, letting his arm dangle over Natasha's shoulder as they watched Tony and Pepper laughing happily. The sun had started to set, leaving a soft glow over the garden where the copious amount of fairy lights had begun to light up.

"Reckon it'd look good on us?" Natasha asked quietly, resting her head on his shoulder. She didn't meet his gaze, not letting herself doubt her question.

"I think it would." He replied softly, pressing a kiss to her hair. She tilted her head to look at him, a small smile on her face. "Yeah?"

"Yeah." Despite all their conversations in the past, this was everything Steve needed to hear. The fact that she was the one who brought up marriage, because it hadn't escaped him that any time it had been brought up previously, he'd been the one to bring it up. He knew it was her way of saying that she was ready to seriously consider it as a possibility for their relationship. "I reckon we'd be a pretty fantastic married couple."

"We already argue like it." She joked, although a serious look quickly crossed her face. "D'you think it's too soon? To be thinking about this sort of stuff? I mean, Tony and Pepper have been dating for a long time and they only just got married."

"What works for them won't necessarily work for us. Besides, I don't think it matters how long we've been together. Because I'm fairly sure I loved you long before we even kissed." He didn't mean it to come out as soppy as it did, and he was temporarily worried she would run away, but her arm wrapping around his neck and pulling him into her, her lips touching his with a fiery passion. It took him a second to respond, shocked at the sudden movement.

"What was that for?" He asked when she pulled back, his voice slightly breathy. "I love you Steve." Was her only response, pressing another small kiss to the corner of his mouth. Her lips were quirked up into a smile when she pulled away, resting her head back on his shoulder.

"Come on. You promised me a dance."

* * *

**AN: If you have any ideas that you desperately, or not so desperately want incorporated into this story, please let me know and I'll try to write them in. I hope you enjoyed, please follow, favourite and review. Constructive criticism is always welcome and appreciated.**


	32. Demon Hot Dogs

**AN: Hey guys. I hope you're all doing okay and that you're washing your hands. Here's some whump to get you through the day.**

* * *

"Stark! I need your help." Natasha yelled, walking into the lab and sitting on an almost empty desk. "What is it Natashalie?" Tony asked, swivelling around in his chair and taking off his glasses. She wasn't completely sure whether the glasses were a fashion statement or because he genuinely needed them, and she didn't think she wanted to know.

"I promised Steve I would book somewhere for our anniversary, and I kind of left it to the last minute and everywhere is full." She rushed out her sentence, panic finally setting in. She hadn't forgotten about their anniversary, the date had just snuck up on her and she wanted it to be special.

"Don't worry, I've got this. When's your anniversary?" Tony asked, already pulling out his phone. She ducked her head, trying to avoid his gaze. "Today."

"Today? Jesus Nat. When you said you left it last minute, I didn't think you meant tonight." He shook his head, pulling up a computer screen. "Whatever Stark. Can you help me or not?" She asked, impatiently tapping her foot. She wasn't in the mood to deal with his snarky comments today. She felt bad enough as it was without him telling her how bad a girlfriend she was.

"I'm Tony Stark, I can get in anywhere. I'll book you in for 7." Tony boasted, and she immediately calmed down. "Thanks Tony." She said, walking out the room. Now all she had to do was figure out what to wear.

* * *

"Why do I feel like we're the youngest people in here by 40 years?" Natasha asked, looking around the room. Everyone was at least 60 years old, most of them older though, and they were definitely bringing down the average age by a lot, assuming you used the age they looked like.

"Let's get out of here." Steve suggested, and she grinned back at him. "Agreed." She said, getting up and pulling on her jacket. Steve threw down some cash on the table for their drinks before practically running from the restaurant.

"Why can we never have normal dates?" She laughed as they slowed down to a walk outside the restaurant. "Because we're us. Anything normal would be abnormal." Steve said, kissing her before wrapping his arm around her shoulders, her own arm slipping around his waist in response.

"I'm still hungry though." She complained as they walked down the street. Despite the late hour, the streets were still crowded, letting them go unnoticed apart from the occasional disbelieving stare. They were in no rush to announce their relationship to the public.

"Well, what do you suggest?" He asked. She looked around the street, noticing a hotdog cart on the street corner. "Hotdogs?"

"I don't know. It seems pretty dodgy." Steve had a small frown on his face, clearly not on board with the idea. She waved off his concerns, pulling them towards the cart. "It'll be fine, besides, remember we have good immune systems."

"If you say so." He knew he'd be fine, it was her he was worried about. He'd eaten some pretty dodgy stuff in New York over the years, some of it enough to make his stomach turn, but he wasn't about to argue with her. He handed over some money, taking the hotdogs from the man and giving one to Natasha. She smiled at him gratefully, lacing their fingers together.

"We should go on dates more often." He said once they'd finished their hotdogs, having weaved their way to central park.

"We go on dates all the time." She defended, although she was trying to rack her brain of times they'd actually been out of the tower together. "Ordering takeout and watching tv doesn't count Nat." He said, as though reading her mind. She disagreed, she thought it did, but that wasn't really the point he was making.

"Have you ever been on a proper date?" He asked, his voice verging on amused although he couldn't help but be curious. They really hadn't been out on many _proper_ dates.

"Of course I have. We've been out loads, and I was married remember." She countered, and he faltered slightly, clearly having forgotten that, yes, she had actually been married.

"And what did you do with your husband?" He raised an eyebrow at her, as if sensing her answer before she'd even said it. "Murder, mainly. He took me to dinner one time though." She neglected to mention the fact the dinner only took place to find out information about a target, someone they later killed.

"How romantic." He teased, causing her to slap his arm lightly before she tucked herself into his side. "Oh shut up."

"Right, I'm installing a monthly date night." He told her, and she looked up at him in surprise.

"Really?" Natasha wasn't the romantic type, just being in a committed relationship was strange enough for her, and he was honestly surprised she hadn't shut him down immediately.

"Yes, and don't kill me, but I think we should go out properly. Spend time together in the real world, away from Shield and the Avengers. Like normal people. I think it'd be nice."

"Okay." She shrugged her shoulders, smiling at him in the way she always did when he was passionate about something. Though, this was very different to the things he was usually passionate about.

"Really?" He hadn't been expecting her to say yes, she despised doing corny things. In fact, he had been shocked that she had suggested going out for their anniversary in the first place. Her favourite place in the world was their couch, usually using him as a human pillow. But she smiled at him again, "Yeah. I think I'd quite like to pretend to be normal every now and then."

"Cool." He grinned, kissing her softly before grabbing her hand and pulling her across the road, back to where he'd parked his bike. Luckily they hadn't wandered very far.

"Where are we going?" She asked, a little frown of confusion gracing her features. "Brooklyn."

"Brooklyn?" She knew the importance of Brooklyn to Steve. It was where he grew up, it was where he turned into Captain America. Needless to say, the fact he was bringing her to such a special place meant a lot.

"We've been dating for an entire year and I've never taken you there. I figured it was finally time to show you where I grew up. Just because you can't doesn't mean I shouldn't." He pecked her lips before climbing on the bike and letting her get on behind him. She wrapped her arms around his waist, snuggling into his back. He laughed at how comfortably she arranged herself before driving off.

"So where are we going first?" She asked when he'd parked and taken her hand once more, leading her through the streets. "Dunno, I just figured we'd walk around for a while. I'd show you some of my favourite places. Or what were my favourite places."

"Sounds amazing." She kissed him lightly before pulling his arm around her shoulder. She was glad he was finally showing her this aspect of her past. She knew Brooklyn made him think of all the 'what ifs', and it wasn't always pleasant for him to be back here. They walked a bit further coming across an apartment complex when he stopped suddenly.

"Is this where you grew up?" She assumed, looking at the building they were stood in front of. It had clearly been renovated since the 40's, but it was the only thing of any note around them.

"Nah, I grew up over there." He pointed to an old walk-up to the left of them, and she turned to look at it before briefly. "What I wanted to show you is this." He turned her to face a small alleyway, and she could only raise her eyebrows in response. "An alley?"

"I used to get beat up in this alley." He said, walking into it and running his hand over the bricks. "That's…depressing."

"Nah, it made me the person I am today." She took his hand again, squeezing it softly and giving him a warm look. He returned it with a small smile, though it didn't reach his eyes. "Made me the person I needed to be to meet you."

She rolled her eyes fondly, "You're infuriatingly romantic."

"It's one of my best qualities." He smirked, pressing a chaste kiss on her lips. She shivered as he pulled away, wrapping her arms around herself. "For example." He pulled off his suit jacket, draping it over her shoulders. It swamped her, but she pulled it around her, cherishing his leftover heat.

"Thank you." She kissed him softly as he wrapped his arm around her again, pulling her in close to him. Snuggling into his side, she couldn't help but smile, "Love you."

"Love you too Tash."

* * *

"Steve?" She asked groggily, trying to find his body next to her. She woke up properly when she realised he wasn't next to her, and the mattress was starting to get cold. "Steve?" She asked again, looking around the room. She saw light coming from the bathroom so she got up, knocking on the door softly.

"Steve?" She kept her voice gentle, opening the door when she received no reply to find him slumped on the floor vomiting into the toilet. "Hey, it's okay." She immediately jumped into action, kneeling on the ground next to him and rubbing his back gently. She stayed by his side until he finally seemed to be finished just as the sun was starting to rise over the city.

"Thanks." He whispered as she used a washcloth to wipe his mouth gently. "So clearly the hotdogs were a bad idea." She tried to joke, mainly because it made her feel better about the fact they were sitting on the floor of the bathroom.

"Yeah" He mumbled, closing his eyes weakly and resting his head against the toilet seat. She sighed, running her fingers through his hair softly. "Come on, let's get you back to bed." She helped him off the floor supporting him as he hobbled over to their bed. Before getting into bed next to him, she took the bin from the corner of the room and placed it on the floor next to him. He whimpered as she sat down, burying his face in the pillow.

"I'm sorry baby." She whispered, kissing his head gently and letting him pull her into him so she was curled into his side. "Are you okay?" He asked, though his voice was hoarse and rough. As always, he was concerned about her, even when he wasn't well himself.

She pressed another kiss to his cheek. "I'm fine. Don't worry about me." She knew she'd get ill soon, if Steve got ill, then she was certainly going to, but she was glad it wasn't yet. Steve always took care of her whenever she was injured or ill, and it was her turn to repay the favour.

"Okay." He fell asleep quickly, face still buried in the pillow and snoring lightly. She didn't want to go back to bed, it was 7am and it was time to start the day, so she got up, placing a glass of water on his nightstand before getting some breakfast. Her current outlook was that she was going to enjoy her last few hours before she ended up in bed, and that involved eating breakfast.

* * *

_6 hours later_

She had managed to get Steve out of bed and onto the couch downstairs. Their bed was gross and sweaty and she didn't feel like changing the sheets, so the couch it was. She was just starting to think that Steve's illness may not have anything to do with the hotdogs, as she still hadn't gotten ill.

"What's wrong with Cap?" Clint asked, walking into the room. She was sat on the floor, working at the coffee table whilst he lay on the couch, whimpering in his sleep. She couldn't bear to leave him alone, despite the fact she wasn't comfortable where she was.

"Uhh, food poisoning I think." Clint sat down in the armchair she was leaning against, letting his legs dangle over the arm.

"You think?" He sounded confused, and honestly, she was as well. She should've gotten sick by now, and she was starting to get worried there was something seriously wrong with him. "Well we ate some dodgy food last night but I'm fine so who knows."

"So let's hope there's not a world threatening crisis today." Clint joked, causing her to slap his leg where it had started to dangle over her shoulder.

"Yeah." Steve mumbled from the couch. She reached out and ran her finger through his hair, smiling when he leaned into her touch.

"He speaks!" Clint exclaimed, causing her to jump and Steve to whimper softly. She slapped him again, watching as Steve buried his face into the couch cushion.

"Why is Capsicle dead?" Tony asked loudly, walking into the room and thudding down on the sofa next to Steve.

"Food poisoning." She answered simply. Her stomach had started to turn and she knew what was going to happen next, she was just hoping to delay it as long as possible. Hopefully her silence would buy her time, because she really didn't want to blow chunks in front of her friends.

"I thought he couldn't get ill." Bruce commented, having walked into the room and pressed his hand to Steve's forehead lightly.

"The food must've been real dodgy." Clint replied idly, but he was looking at Natasha intently. She tried to swallow down a rising wave of nausea, and Clint hand came down to rest on her shoulder in a small attempt of comfort. "Was this from the restaurant? Because that is a five star place."

"No." She only managed to get out the one syllable word in response to Tony, she wasn't sure saying anything more was a good idea. "Tash?"

She grabbed the bin from Steve's arms. Luckily she had emptied it after the last bout of sick, so she didn't have to face a bucket full of old vomit. She started retching into it, couching and spluttering, each heave painful as she brought up what little food she'd actually eaten so far today.

"Oh boy." Clint said. He looked at Steve, but he was dead to the world and would be no help so it was up to him to deal with her. He pulled her hair back, stroking her back gently. "Get it all out Tash."

"Uh guys, Cap's looking queasy." Tony said, looking increasingly uncomfortable where he was sat. Bruce rolled his eyes, grabbing a bin from the other side of the room "I got this."

"Be an Avenger they said. It'll be fun they said." Clint mocked, looking at Steve who now had the bin in his grasp, his face buried in it. Natasha was still heaving up her guts below him, making a rather unpleasant smell.

"Stop complaining Barton. Fury wants you all at Shield." Hill walked out the elevator, looking at a tablet in her hands, clearly having not noticed the two vomiting avengers.

"Yeah, I don't think that's going to be possible." Tony told her, looking at their teammates, his face contorted in a look of sympathy and disgust. He'd moved up from the couch, hovering above Steve's head uneasily.

"I don't care." She still hadn't looked up and taken in the scene around her, and she was giving off an air of annoyance. Clearly, she didn't like being Fury's messenger. "No Hill, I really don't think we're gonna be able to make it" Bruce said, and she finally looked up from her tablet to look at them.

"What's going on?" Steve was sprawled out over the couch, his head buried in the couch once more whilst Natasha was still heaving her guts up. Maria could clearly see what was going on, but the why? was eluding her entirely.

"Oh god." Steve muttered, reaching for the bin he had only just put down, his hands shaking with the effort of moving. She wasn't one to judge, but she could only think of one explanation. "How drunk did you guys get last night?"

"Hey, don't blame us for this. Nat thinks it's food poisoning."

"How did they get food poisoning?" Hill didn't know what to think. How did two genetically enhanced individuals get food poisoning, especially Captain America. The man who was immune to everything.

"I think they went on a date, she's mumbled something about hotdogs at some point." Clint informed her, his hand still smoothing over Natasha's hair as she whimpered.

"Cliiinnnnt." She moaned, wrapping her hands around her stomach and pushing away the bin. "Can I have some water?" She mumbled, looking up at him with her slightly blown pupils. He looked down at her in sympathy, bending down to kiss her on the forehead.

"Would you mind?" He asked Hill, who had abandoned any hope of getting them to Shield. She simply shrugged, "Sure."

"Tony, go get some medicine from my lab." Bruce ordered, having come over to feel Natasha's temperature and frowning. It was way warmer than he'd like, although he wasn't hopeful she'd actually be able to keep something down.

"On it." Tony was all too happy to escape the room along with Hill, although not before a trash can was shoved in his arms to dispose of the contents. Maria couldn't help but chuckle to herself as he held it at arms length before busying herself getting some water. Then her phone rang, and boy was Fury not going to be happy.

"Hill. Where are my Avengers?" The man had an uncanny sense for when things weren't going as planned, because even if Steve and Natasha weren't chucking their guts up, there was no way he'd know they weren't on their way back to base.

"Sir, I don't think they'll be able to make it." She winced slightly, waiting for his inevitable response. She could practically hear his eyebrows raise as he responded. "They're unable to make it?"

"Romanoff and Rogers have food poisoning. And it's bad. Like, if there was a world threatening event we'd be dead by the end of the day, bad." She figured it was probably true, but she knew how mad it would make him. "Great. Just what I needed." His voice was laced in sarcasm, which was entirely unlike him. He was definitely annoyed then. He hung up before she could say anything else, causing her to sigh before grabbing a water bottle and leaving the kitchen.

"Oh god it smells in here." She screwed up her nose in disgust, handing the bottle to Natasha, who promptly took a swig before spitting it back into the bin.

"Why d'you think I dragged him out of our room?" Natasha told her, taking a sip of water, grimacing as she swallowed.

"Lovely."

"What the fuck is that smell?" Bucky walked into the room, bringing down his plate from breakfast. He was staying in a guest room when he wasn't at Shield, but he still wasn't entirely comfortable eating in front of everyone else.

"Ask your best friend." Clint complained, pulling Natasha's hair back from her face again as she started throwing up once more. Bucky looked over to Steve, who had fallen back asleep, a trail of drool hanging from his mouth.

"They've got food poisoning." Bruce filled him in as he sat on the arm of the couch Steve was laying on. He scrunched up his nose slightly in disgust before patting his shoulder gently.

"Right, Barnes, Stark, with me." Hill ordered, gesturing for them to follow her as soon as Tony came back into the room. Tony let out a deep sigh, and she braced herself for the inevitable complaining.

"Why do I have to go?" He whined, giving Bruce the medicine before sitting back down on the couch in protest.

"Don't even pretend that the first chance you get you're not gonna sneak off into your lab and not come out until the entire tower's been decontaminated." Hill pinched his ear before pulling him off the couch, gesturing for Bucky to follow them again. "Ow, owww, owwwww. Jesus Hill. You could just ask."

* * *

"We are never going on a date again." Steve groaned a day later when he'd finally stopped throwing up. Natasha hadn't quite finished purging her system though, so he was sat on the couch next to her and holding her hair back when required.

"Agreed." She let out a small chuckle before leaning her head on his shoulder, letting her eyes slip closed.

"Seconded." Clint interrupted, flopping down in the arm chair and turning to the tv.

"Thirded." Tony said, kicking his legs up on the coffee table. "You doing better Red?"

"So much better."

* * *

**AN: If you have any ideas that you desperately, or not so desperately want incorporated into this story, please let me know and I'll try to write them in. I hope you enjoyed, please follow, favourite and review. Constructive criticism is always welcome and appreciated.**


	33. I Hate The Desert

**AN: Hey, how y'all doin? (So sorry, TikTok has ruined me). Anyway, I have a very important question for everyone reading this. In quite a few chapters, I have completely written a chapter where Natasha has a miscarriage. I know what a sensitive topic this is, and I don't want to include it if a lot of people are uncomfortable about it. And if I do decide not to include it in this story, I will still upload it, but I'll do it as a separate story. So I want to ask whether you'd even be interested in reading that, and whether or not you'd want it in this story. But yeah, hope you enjoy this chapter anyway, it's some more whump. I seem to be writing a lot of that lately.**

* * *

"When you asked me to go on this mission with you, I didn't think you meant this" Natasha complained as she strained against the ropes tying her hands to a post. They were sat on the floor with their legs out on front of them, their hands tied behind their backs.  
"To be fair, this isn't my fault" Steve defended, although they both knew this was entirely his fault. "No, of course, you're right. It wasn't your idea to track down the mafia through the desert." She said sarcastically, glaring at him. The heat was doing nothing for her already bad mood, and being tied up wasn't exactly helping either.  
"You agreed." He argued, just as annoyed as her at the whole situation. The plan hadn't been to get captured and tied up in the middle of the desert, but they'd been caught off guard and things had escalated rather quickly.

"You suggested it." She snapped, causing Steve to sigh in exasperation. "Can't you just get us out of this?"

"I would, but I only have one knife on me and I can't get to it with my hands tied like this." She snarked at him, shuffling around, clearly trying to get at it. He perked up slightly at the prospect of escape. "Where is it? Maybe I can get it."

"It's in my boot Steve, and believe it or not, I'm not that flexible." She tried to calm herself down. Getting mad at Steve wouldn't solve any of their problems, and would probably just cause more. Their captors hadn't made any sign that they were returning, seeing as they were tied up miles away from their base, but she wasn't about to risk being caught. Again. "Just relax, I'm working on it."

She worked on toeing off her boot, grunting when she couldn't get it past her ankle. "I need you to untie my laces." She told him, ignoring his questioning face. She tied them tightly this morning, not expecting to need to get them off, especially without the aid of her hands.

"Fine." He grabbed her foot with his own, as much as someone can grab a foot with their feet. He fumbled around, trying to grip her laces between her shoes.

5 very long and painful minutes later the boot was off, the knife falling out as it came off. "Thank god." Steve shuffled around, bringing the knife close enough that Natasha could grab it and saw it through the ropes. Once she was free, she stood up, stretching out and making a point of taking as long as possible to untie him.

"Is this punishment for getting us into this?" He asked, causing her to laugh. "Yeah, yeah it is."

* * *

"This is kinda ironic." Natasha said once they'd been walking for a while. All their tech was broken, so all they had to go off was a compass that they weren't even entirely sure was working. Luckily, Natasha had paid attention to which direction they had come from, so at least they knew which direction to walk.

"How is this ironic?" He asked, kicking the sand as he walked and instantly regretting it as it blew into his face. A small chuckle came from Natasha, and he turned around to frown at her.

"Well, considering how often we get stuck in the middle of an icy tundra, this is almost a refreshing change." She explained. Although she was really regretting asking Tony to add insulation to her suit right now. Maybe she should ask for another suit specifically for hot environments.

"Oh yes, I much prefer you getting sunstroke over hypothermia." He retorted, rolling her eyes. He was just as infuriated over the whole situation, well, maybe not quite as infuriated. He wasn't affected by the heat as much as she was. And because of said heat, she couldn't help but argue back. "If there was a choice-"

"We're not about to have an argument right now."

"I'm just saying, this was your fault." She pointed out, again. This time he only sighed, reaching back to take her hand gently. "I know, and I'll apologise to you later in length. But will you just be quiet for a minute and get on my back?"

His drastic change in conversation threw her slightly, but not enough for her to actually agree. "Steve, I'm fine."

"Now maybe. And as much as I hate bringing this up, we both know I can walk much quicker and for much longer than you, and I really don't want either of us to be stuck here." He explained his thinking, and although she knew he had a point, she really didn't need his help. She'd been through much worse in her life than walking through a desert. "I'll be fine Steve."

"This isn't me being a big strong man helping the damsel in distress Tash. This is me assessing both of our strengths, and needing you to have your strength if we need it." She let his words sink in. He was right, of course he was, as much as it pained her to admit it. Being or mortal on a team of superhumans wore on her occasionally, she was used to having to prove her strength all the time. Although, she knew this wasn't one of those times, and she knew Steve would never judge her for being more physically incapable than him.

"Okay, fine. Bend down." He did as she asked, letting her hop onto his back with relative ease and making sure her arms and legs were secure around him before standing up. This wasn't the first time he'd given her a piggy back, the last time being when they were walking through snow up to their knees. Well, her knees. That still didn't mean she liked it.

* * *

Natasha wasn't sure how much time had passed, but she knew enough to know that she was starting to get sleepy, not having anything to concentrate on except her grip on Steve. She let her eyes slip closed slightly, the sun finally getting to her. It had been beating down on them for hours with no sign of going down, and she was definitely in the first stages of heat stroke. All she wanted to do was sleep.  
"Nat? Stay awake for me darling. Please, just focus on me." He begged, as he felt her grip on his back loosen. He glanced over his shoulder to see her head resting on it, her eyelids fluttering closed. He let go of her legs briefly, hoping she had enough strength to hold herself up for a moment as he reached around and slid her around so she was cradled against his front. "Natasha, I need you to stay awake for me."

"mmm'kay." She mumbled, but opened her eyes, focusing on his face. All her exposed skin was red and starting to blister angrily, and he felt awful that he couldn't do anything for her except to get her back to the safehouse as soon as possible.

"Tell me a story Tash." He requested, pressing a kiss to her hair as she blinked sleepily at him. She knew he was trying to keep her mind occupied to reduce the chance of her falling asleep. "Did I ever tell you about the mission I did with Clint in Azerbaijan?"

* * *

He picked up his pace once he saw the small town on the horizon, the one where their safehouse was. Once he was there, he could get a signal to call for extraction, but that wasn't even his biggest concern. He had to get Natasha conscious again, and he had to get her cooled down. For once, he was actually glad their safehouse had no hot water running to it. Eventually, he reached the edge of the town, trying to keep as low a profile as he could with Natasha unconscious in his arms. She'd held on for longer that he'd expected, but now he was exhausted, the weight of Natasha in his arms wearing on him as he snuck in the back door to their small apartment, collapsing against the door briefly once it was shut. Natasha seemed to sense the change in the environment, and stirred slightly in his arms, but apart from her head lolling about slightly, she didn't wake up. He pressed his fingers against her neck once again, feeling her pulse, it was weak and inconsistent, but it was there.

He moved his way into the bedroom, placing her down on the bed gently before stripping off her suit and taking her underwear with it. Because he knew she'd only brought one bra and she'd kill him if he ruined it. If it were any other circumstance, he would've taken a minute to appreciate just how beautiful she was, but now was not the time. Scooping her back into his arms, he went into the adjoining bathroom, he placed her in the tub, turning on the cold water. He needed to get her temperature down, and he knew enough about basic first aid to know this was the first step. The water hit her feet first, the tub slowly filling as he wet a washcloth and pressed it to her forehead. In an ideal situation, he'd have some ice packs, but this was the best he could do.

As soon as the cloth hit her face, she stirred slightly, letting out a small whimper as she came back into consciousness. "Steve?" Her voice was almost barely audible, and he shushed her softly, pressing a small kiss to her forehead.

"You're okay Nat. I just need to get your temperature down." He explained, and she let her eyes slip shut again. "I need you to stay awake. I know it's cold, but you gotta stay awake for me Tash."  
"Ладно" She slipped back into her mother tongue, and Steve knew she only ever did that when she didn't have enough energy to keep her thoughts coherent, let alone in the right language.

"What was that?" He asked softly, because he knew from previous experience telling her to speak English didn't work out well. She had explained to him after the fact that hr trainers back at the Red Room used to order her to speak specific languages. So he tried to coax her into using English by pretending he didn't understand her.

"'kay." She managed to get her words out just before she threw up over the side of the tub all over his feet. Another sign of heat exhaustion. There wasn't much he could do besides get her temperature down, he couldn't even consider leaving her side to get his phone from the other room to call for evac. So he just held back her hair and let her throw up all over him, gently wiping off her mouth with a clean towel when she was done.

"Sorry." She mumbled, her eyes already slipping closed again. He shushed her, pressing a soft kiss to her forehead and coaxing her to stay awake. "It's okay Tash."

He stripped out of his uniform, grimacing at the smell and throwing it across the bathroom into a corner. Once he was sure she could keep herself conscious, he slipped out the bathroom, grabbing two bottles of the water from the fridge. He was well aware that he was dehydrated, and that she'd be mad at him for not taking care of himself, so he chugged the entire thing before going back into the bathroom where Natasha was sat shivering in the bath.

"I'm cold." She whined, her head clear enough that she could actually think. He brushed his hand over her forehead, deducing that she was not actually cold and that her skin was still burning. Still he wasn't an expert, and he should probably call in Shield for an extraction soon.

"I know, it'll be over soon, I promise." He wasn't entirely sure how true that was, but she seemed to accept his words, her eyes slipping shut slightly. "Think you can drink something?" He asked, cupping her cheek and prompting her to open her eyes. She nodded, letting him bring the bottle up to her lips and sipping at the water.

"Thanks." She was shivering, and he desperately wished her had some internet to search exactly what to do. He turned the water off though, keeping the cold cloth to her forehead. "I'm gonna call for extraction."

* * *

Five very long hours later extraction came in the form of Clint flying a plane with Tony, Bucky and Bruce on board.

"We call for backup and this is what arrives?" Steve asked, halfway between annoyed and relieved. He trusted Bruce with Natasha, and more importantly, she trusted Bruce, but he wanted an actual medical professional. And he was well aware that Bruce technically wasn't one.

"Try not to sound too excited." Tony snarked, following Steve into the house and into the bedroom. Natasha was laying on the bed, starfished in an attempt to get as much air on her as possible. When Tony walked in, she pulled the ratty blanket over her in an attempt to hide the fact she was only in her underwear. Tony looked over her, then back at Steve. "What happened to you two?"

"Ask Steve." Natasha grumbled, shifting around the cloth on her forehead. Her temperature had come down to a more reasonable level, but still way higher than it should've been. But she was aware of the situation at least, which was a step up from unconscious. He sat down next to her on the bed, brushing her side softly where her skin wasn't blistered.

"I have apologised multiple times." He defended himself, although he knew the fact his own burns were already starting to heal wasn't helping. Pressing a kiss to her forehead, he slipped his arms under her to lift her off the bed. "C'mon Tash." She still wasn't really able to support herself so he carried her to the jet, setting her down on the small cot in the corner. Brushing his hand over her forehead he noticed her temperature had gone up again slightly and chastised himself. He hadn't been paying enough attention.

"You're gonna be okay Nat." He promised, brushing her hair off her face as Bruce walked over. "I know. I have you."

* * *

Steve rubbed at her sensitive skin, massaging lotion on it to soothe the scalding flesh on her back. "I really am sorry baby." He apologised once more, pressing a kiss to her shoulder. They were home, sitting on their bed with the AC on full blast. "I know you are, but you owe me." She laughed softly. She was feeling so much better than earlier, her temperature was back down, except now it felt like her skin was burning off. Steve's burns had completely disappeared unlike hers, which were blistering and made it impossible to move without pain.  
"I couldn't have done it without you." He smiled, leaning over her shoulder to kiss her gently. She kissed him back, leaning back against him as he wrapped his arms around her. She couldn't stay mad at him for too long, especially when his lips were moving over hers so perfectly.  
"You're right." She chuckled, a soft smile painting her lips. "Not that we did very much."

"Not true, Bucky, Tony and Clint raided their hideout when you fell asleep on the plane. They'd abandoned it, but they did manage to find some information about where they might be going." He explained, grinning at her lightly. She slapped his cheek softly. "You could've told me that earlier."

"Sorry." He said sheepishly, but she silenced him by kissing him again, because he was just too cute when he pulled that face. "I think I can forgive you." Her eyes slipped closed as she relaxed into him, exhaustion finally coming over her. He pressed a kiss to her forehead before manoeuvring them down to lay down on the mattress. "Goodnight Nat."

* * *

**AN: If you have any ideas that you desperately, or not so desperately want incorporated into this story, please let me know and I'll try to write them in. I hope you enjoyed, please follow, favourite and review. Constructive criticism is always welcome and appreciated.**


	34. 2 Months Without You?

**AN: Thanks for all your feedback and advice last chapter. I haven't decided what I'm going to do, but here's another chapter for you all. That's the one nice thing about this quarantine, I'm getting a lot more writing done than normal.**

* * *

"Hey Nat?" He called, setting down his book on the nightstand, finally drawing the courage to ask the question that had been playing on his mind for a while.

"Yeah?" She replied from the bathroom, opening the door after she spit out her toothpaste. "Can I ask you something?" He asked as she lay down next to him on the bed. He was nervous, he didn't know how she'd react to his question. Hell, he wasn't sure how he'd react to it if she asked him. "Shoot."

"What do you think about marriage?" He bit his lip slightly, wary of her reaction. But they both knew this conversation was long overdue. Sure, they'd both made jokes and brief comments about it, but never once had they talked about it seriously.

"Are you asking?" She asked, raising her eyebrows. Truthfully, the thought of him asking didn't even scare her as much as she thought it would. Don't get her wrong, it still terrified her, but it was nothing compared to how she once felt about marriage.

"No, well…sorta…no." He stuttered over his words, blushing as tore his gaze away from her. Even after all this time, she still managed to cause him to stumble over his words when he was around her.

"Come again Steve?" She found it endearing how embarrassed he'd gotten, laughing softly and resting her head on his shoulder. He cleared his throat, trying to figure out his next words. "I want to marry you Natasha. I want to spend the rest of my life with you and I want the whole world to know how much I love you."

"You definitely sound like you're asking." She'd found it funny at first, but now she was getting nervous. His words were romantic, and loving, and she was scared. Not because marrying Steve didn't scare her, but she was not ready right now.

"I'm not asking you to marry me right now Nat. I just…I want all those things, I want that with you. But I want you to be happy, and I know marriage hasn't exactly been part of your life plan, but I don't think I was part of your life plan so…" He trailed off, not sure how to finish his sentence. She hadn't said anything, and he was scared. He didn't want to lose her, he couldn't lose her.

"Steve." She breathed out, afraid to say the wrong words. She didn't even know what the right words were. She didn't know the right way to respond, not when all her own feelings were cloudy and unsure.

"Don't panic Nat, please. I care so much about you, and that means I don't want to blindsight you by proposing without even talking about it first. Because we're not really your standard couple, and because I really don't want to lose you." He tried to explain how he felt, tried to pour his heart into his words. He needed to know how she felt. "I don't want to put you in the position where you feel awkward and have to say no because you're not ready, or that you're never going to be ready."

"I want to spend the rest of my life with you Steve, I do, because whilst that thought terrifies me, the thought of living without you is a thousand times scarier. But I'm not sure marriage is for me." She wasn't sure that was true. Not entirely. She thought that maybe, one day, she might want to get married, but the thought of promising that she'd be ready one day, and then not fulfilling that promise. She couldn't do that to Steve.

"Why not? And I'm not asking because I want you to feel bad. If you decide you never want to get married, I'm not going to ask. But I'm also not going to break up with you." He shifted so she was forced to lift her head off his shoulder, letting him cup her cheek gently.

"It's not that I don't want to get married, but…you deserve someone-" She started, but Steve cut her off before she could finish her thought, "If you're about to say someone better than you I will hit you over the head with this pillow." He laughed, and she couldn't help the small chuckle that also escaped her mouth.

"I know you think that Steve, but I'm not the kind of person you want to spend your life with." She had to be realistic. She couldn't promise him the life he wanted, the life he deserved. And she couldn't be selfish just because she wanted it.

"Natasha, when will you give yourself credit for the amazing woman that you are. I'm so lucky to have you, not the other way around. You could've chosen any guy in the world and you chose me." His thumb brushed over her cheek softly, and she brought her hand up to cover his with her own. She couldn't help but scoff. "I didn't chose you."

"Maybe not, but that doesn't mean I'm not yours." He pressed a soft kiss to her lips as she laughed to his words. "You're infuriatingly romantic."

"I try babe." He smirked at her, knowing how much it would annoy her. "Don't call me babe." She snapped, although it was softly. But the point still stood, she didn't like the nickname babe. Too many men in her life had called her babe for her to find any romance in the word.

"Awww, c'mon babe." She shook her head, but still captured his lips with her own, sighing softly when they pulled apart. Steve looked at her with those big blue eyes, as if he was staring into her soul. "Let me repeat my previous statement, I'm not asking you right now, and I'm not going to ask you tomorrow, but if I asked you to marry me, would you say yes?" He asked genuinely. He looked deep into her eyes, dread settling in his stomach as he waited for her answer. The seconds ticked by as his question was met with silence. It did make him think how anybody could do this on one knee with a ring in their hand. "Yes." She breathed out.

"Natasha Romanoff, will you marry me?" He gave her a shit eating grin, maybe more exaggerated than normal. She smacked him on the arm, her eyes narrowing slightly. "You're a little shit sometimes, you know that."

"You love me really." He smiled brightly, and she couldn't help but grumble, "Yeah I do."

"Just for my own sanity, you're not actually being serious right?" She clarified, looking at him slightly nervously.

"No, god no. We are definitely not at that point right now." He backtracked, but when she smiled back at him in relief he couldn't resist kissing her lightly.

"So why the sudden interest?" She asked, grabbing his arm and pulling it around her so she could snuggle into his side, her head resting on his chest.

"You could just ask me for a hug." He pointed out, his hand gently caressing her waist. "I know. But seriously, why are you asking?"

"I've always thought about getting married, and I guess finding Bucky again reminded me of that. It kinda reminded me of the life I used to dream of." He told her, looking wistfully at her. His life hadn't been easy growing up, neither had hers, but in completely different ways. And she knew he had dreams to get him through the dark days, they all did. Those dreams that seemed completely impossible, but if you're just lucky enough, they might come true.

"What changed?" She said softly, tilting her head to look at him, giving him a tired smile. "The war, the ice. I thought all I could ever be was a soldier. And I was happy with that. I woke up in this new world and everything was different, so I let that dream slip away."

"It came back." She pointed out, even though it was completely redundant. "I found someone I could dream with." It was corny and he knew it, but he couldn't bring himself to care. It was true. Natasha gave him all the reasons to dream. It gave him a reason to believe there was something beyond being Captain America.

"My dreams are more like nightmares." She whispered, pulling him out of his thoughts. Her face had fallen slightly, so he kissed her forehead, pulling her in closer to him. "I make great hot chocolate." He countered, causing her to chuckle into his chest slightly. He did make great hot chocolate.

"I love you Steve. And to be honest, I've always viewed marriage as a piece of paper. A contract between two people and nothing more. But maybe it takes being married to change that." She gave herself the courage to tell him everything, to be completely honest.. "But at the end of the day, I want you to be happy. That's all I ever want. And I think we both learnt that relationships are sacrificing something that's not as important to you as it is to the other."

"I love you." He laughed, kissing her softly, her words sending a wave of happiness through him.

"That's it?" She asked disbelievingly as he shuffled them so they were laying down, her body half covering his. She tucked her head into his shoulder, resting her hand on his chest.

"Yeah, I mean we could keep talking but I have a much better idea." He said, raising an eyebrow and tilting his head to capture her lips firmly. "Who are you and what have you done with Steve Rogers?"

* * *

"How was your meeting with Fury?" Steve asked, kissing her cheek from behind as she worked on paperwork on the kitchen island. "Not great." She complained spinning around on her stool and falling into his embrace. Earlier on in the day Fury had called her in to discuss the details of her next mission, and he gathered it was pretty serious.

"What's the problem?" He asked, kissing her hair as her head lean against his chest. She shifted so she could look at him, and only then could he see the conflict in her eyes.

"It's a two month mission." She said bluntly, chewing on her lips as she took in her reaction.

"Okay, that's cool. We can deal with that, that's fine. It's chill. Whatever." He was coping well at the news then she mused to herself. She couldn't lie and say her reaction hadn't been similar though. It wasn't that their relationship couldn't take the separation, she would just miss him so much. So much.

"It's Red Room Steve. I can't not take it. No one else knows them like I do, and I would never forgive myself letting them get away again." He looked at her, and he could see the genuine sorrow in her eyes, and he chuckled to himself for a moment that he was the one to make Natasha actually sad to go on a mission. But he understood completely. This was her past, these were the people who ruined her life.

"Can I help?" He asked softly, finally sitting down on the stool next to her and taking her hands in his. She shook her head, "This is something I need to do alone."

"I know. When are you leaving?" His voice was quiet, scared to say the words too loudly because then it would all feel too real. "6 days."

"So we've got 6 days before I don't see you for 60? That hardly seems fair." He couldn't help but let out his annoyance. It was selfish of him, but he didn't want her to leave. He didn't want to be without her for a week, let alone a month.

"I know, but this is my job Steve, and it's something that I really need to do." She explained, her eyes swimming in guilt. He didn't want her to feel bad about it, it wasn't her fault. But there pit in his stomach at knowing he wasn't going to see her for two months. He wouldn't be able to wake up next to her and go to sleep with her curled into him every night.

"I know, and that's one of the reasons I love you so much." He told her, kissing her shoulder before nuzzling into her neck and wrapping his arms around her, just wanting to be close to her.

"Do you wanna get out of here?" She asked suddenly, pulling away from his warm embrace. Her green eyes were sparkling as she looked at him, and even if he wanted to say no, he couldn't bring himself to. "Where d'you wanna go?"

"I don't know, I just want to get out of this tower for a while." She said, kissing him before taking his hand and pulling him off the stool, happily dragging him out the tower.

They wandered around the city, somehow ending up in central park after a few hours. It was where they always seemed to end up whenever they would walk around the city. It was always full of tourists, but it was calm, a stark contrast to the rest of the city surrounding it.

"I'm hungry." He complained, his stomach backing up his statement by grumbling loudly. She laughed, "I couldn't tell."

Her smile was bright, brighter than he'd seen in a while, and the sun glistening off her hair only made her even more beautiful. "Why are you looking at me like that?" She asked, breaking him out of his revive. "Like what?"

"Like I'm the most beautiful person you've ever seen." She looked so confused, like the fact she was even saying that was odd. "Because you are." He said honestly, causing her to blush and look away from him. Clearing her throat, she changed the topic back to food quickly.

"Hotdogs?" She suggested, grinning at him. Neither of them had forgotten the hotdog incident from their anniversary. Not that any of their friends would let them forget it anyway.

"If you want a hotdog, be my guest, but I won't stay up all night to hold your hair back."

"You would and you know it." She smirked at him, causing him to sigh. Because as always, she was right about that. "I would, but I can think of many, many more things I would rather be doing with you all night." He raised his eyebrows suggestively, and she held his gaze for a moment before letting out a small laugh.

"You kiss your mother with that mouth Rogers?" He laughed at her comment, kissing her firmly on the lips. "Nope. My kisses are reserved for one person."  
"Oh really?" She pulled back from him, giving him a smirk. He sent her an equally shit eating grin back. "Yeah, Sam and I love each other very much."

"Scandal, Captain America is gay! I can see the headlines." She gasped dramatically, grasping her hands over her heart in mock shock. He rolled her eyes at her, bending down to capture her lips with his own once more. "Shut up. But seriously, I'm hungry."

* * *

True to their word, the couple hadn't left their floor for the remainder of Natasha's time in New York, only leaving to get takeout on occasion. In fact they had barely left the bed, and had sat watching tv for hours on end, enjoying each others company, among other things.

"Don't go Nat." She was packing up her stuff getting ready to leave. It was early in the morning, and he hadn't gotten out of bed yet. Mainly as a protest, because if he got up it would be like saying he was okay about all this, which he definitely was not.

"I don't want to. But I think I'd be fired if I didn't." She said softly, throwing one of her (Steve's) t shirts into her bag. "So?" He whined ever so slightly, and she just looked at him, her expression somewhere between amused and pained.

"Steve, I love my job, it just sucks that I have to leave you for so long. But I have to do this." She didn't need to explain herself, they'd already said everything they needed to say to each other. "I know, I know. I'm just gonna miss you." He complained. She came over to get her phone charger, taking it out the wall before he pulled her back on the bed, kissing her fiercely.

"Steve." She threatened, but was weak willed as he kissed his way along her jaw. "I…I have to go Steve."

Despite her words, she made no effort to move, sinking into his arms and kissing him back just as passionately. He trailed kisses down her neck, his hands wandering down her hips as he pulled her in closer to him. She cupped his face, slowing down the kiss as she tangled her fingers In his hair.

"Tash." He whimpered, his eyes starting to tear up. "I love you Steve." She pressed another kiss to his lips before getting up, his grip on her loosening.

"Remember, if you open our private channel, I will come and find you. No matter what." They'd come up with the system a long time ago, before they were even dating. Initially they'd only set up a private comm channel because other agents on missions were complaining they were talking to much. But then they'd adapted it so if they opened it on solo missions, it was a sign they were in trouble.

"I know. I promise, if I'm in trouble, I'll open it." She threw her bag over her shoulder before sitting down next to him and gave him a soft kiss.

"I love you so much Nat." Their foreheads were rested together, their noses brushing. He pressed once last kiss to her lips before finally letting her go. "I love you too."

* * *

**AN: If you have any ideas that you desperately, or not so desperately want incorporated into this story, please let me know and I'll try to write them in. I hope you enjoyed, please follow, favourite and review. Constructive criticism is always welcome and appreciated.**


	35. Can I Marry Her?

**AN: Hey! I hope you're all staying indoors and staying safe! Have a new chapter, and for anyone who's a key worker, thank you so much! You have no idea how much we all appreciate you right now. Enjoy the chapter!**

* * *

"Clint. I need to ask you something" Steve said, walking into the lounge to see Clint and Tony playing a video game. He was nervous, as he seemed to be a lot right now. And he missed Natasha. That wasn't entirely relevant to the current situation, but it was a constant throb in his heart whenever he wanted to talk to her and realised he couldn't.

"Sure, what's up?" Clint asked, not facing away from the screen, intent on beating Tony. Steve still couldn't understand the obsession with video games, but Clint and Tony took them very seriously.

"Could we go somewhere else? It's kinda private." He wasn't sure how to emphasise his point properly, but Clint seemed to understand, giving him a small nod before turning back to the screen. "Sure, just let me kill Stark first". Steve sat on the couch next to them and waited for them to stop playing, trying to understand what they were playing. Eventually, one of them seemed to win, although who he wasn't entirely sure.

"Rightio then. Come on old chap." Clint said in a bad British accent, getting up and leaving the room. Steve just shook his head in amusement as he followed Clint out the room. "Wanna spar? I find that's the best method of talking." Clint asked, returning to his normal accent, already having pressed the button in the elevator for the gym.

"Sure." He laughed, getting his gym gear out his locker once they'd arrived in the gym. "Meet you in ten?"

* * *

They'd been sparring for the better half of 30 minutes before Clint finally asked why Steve had even wanted to talk in the first place.

"I wanted to talk to you about Nat." Steve told him, throwing a jab at Clint's side, which he managed to dodge. "You didn't do something stupid, did you?" He joked, smirking as he threw his leg up into the air, causing Steve to duck and roll under it.

"No. At least I don't think so. Kinda hard to piss someone off when you can't even talk to them." He got distracted by his own thoughts for a moment, but was quickly snapped out of it by Clint's fist flying straight towards his face. He dodged on instinct, but his entire body weight was off center, and he had to stumble backwards to regain his balance.

"So, what is it?" Clint asked confused, taking another swipe at him, taking advantage of Steve's moment of weakness. "I wanted your permission to ask her to marry me." Steve didn't want to beat around the bush, besides, it was the first time he was saying it out loud and he was kind of excited about it.

"WHAT?" Clint yelled, letting down his guard in shock. In that moment, Steve sent a punch at his face, his fist colliding with Clint's nose and sending him to the floor. "Fuckin' hell Steve!"

Steve winced as Clint brought his hand up to his nose and tipping his head back. "Sorry. Let me take a look at it, I think I broke it."

"Well it sure as hell feels broken!" Clint yelled, crawling up from the floor and sitting down on the bench near the mats. Steve grabbed the first aid kit and sat down next to him, properly looking at his nose. It was a bloody mess, that was for sure, but other than that Steve realised he had no idea what he was doing.

"Do you have any idea to fix a nose? Cause I have no clue." He asked, giving up looking at Clint's nose. Clint only laughed. "Nope. I think we should get Bruce to check it out."

Steve offered him a hand up, which he accepted before heading off to Bruce's lab. Clint's mid was racing, Steve wanted to marry Natasha. He had no problem with that, in fact he was pretty excited about the prospect. But he was worried that Natasha wouldn't want to marry Steve, because a failed proposal would kill them both.

"So, you wanna marry Nat?" Clint asked him whilst they walked. He wanted to know exactly how Steve felt, and more so if she'd shown any inclination of wanting to get married. "Have you talked to her about this?"

"Yeah, I do and I have. I asked her about it before she left." Well, he wasn't expecting that. He couldn't quite believe they'd had an entire conversation about marriage and Natasha hadn't run away. Although she had taken a two-month mission, so maybe she had. "And she's fine with it?"

"Yep." Steve couldn't help but smile, looking utterly infatuated with her. So she clearly hadn't run away, and that she wanted to get married. It went against he thought he'd ever known about her.

"I thought she never really wanted to get married." He said offhandedly, and Steve chuckled slightly in response. "Me either. She never ceases to shock me."

Clint fell silent, thinking about the entire situation. The fact Steve had asked him to marry her indicated that he was completely the right person for her, and that was just one of the many reasons he was the right person or her. Clint knew that she'd always be taken care of with him, and not only that, she'd take care of him back. "Well you have my permission."

Clint smiled at him, although it sent a pang through his nose, and Steve just grinned back at him. "Thanks man, this really means a lot to me. I realised that I really don't want to live my life without her. This last month has been hard enough and she still won't be back for another month. I just miss her, and I never want to miss her like this again."

"That's sweet. Now, how are you gonna do it? Because you have to do it right." He asked, raising his eyebrows at him. Because not only would he kill Steve if he messed this up, he was pretty sure Nat would too.

"I wasn't going to do anything fancy, I know she would prefer something small and personal instead of a grand gesture." And if that wasn't a sign he knew Natasha well, he didn't know what was. Natasha hated being the centre of attention, to be honest, he doubted she'd even want a massive wedding. "I know about this chocolate shop that makes some Russian chocolates that she adores. I could give you their number?"

"Thanks man. Really. I know Nat's like a little sister to you and you're the closest thing she has to family."

"I can see how happy you make Tasha, but if you hurt her, I will shoot you in the eye." He threatened, not that Steve needed to be told that. He knew that if he ever hurt her, Clint and the rest of the avengers would hunt him down and chase him out of the state. "I know you will."

"You gonna ask Fury?" Clint asked. Fury was the closest thing Natasha had to a father figure in her life, and he didn't hide that she was his favourite agent. And Steve couldn't lie when he said he was dreading it. "He's next on my list. Thought I should ask you first, just in case you said no."

"You really thought I was gonna say no?" Clint raised his eyebrows in disbelief, almost laughing. Because really, there was no point where he even entertained the idea of saying no.

"I hoped not, but I know you want the best for her, and I was nervous you thought I wasn't that." He voiced his worries, causing Clint to roll his eyes. "Dude, you're not Captain America for no reason. You're lucky to have her, but she's just as lucky to have you."

"What the hell did you two do?" Bruce asked, having finally appeared. Steve exchanged a glance with Steve before shrugging. "It's a long story."

* * *

The next day Steve journeyed to HQ, where he hoped Fury would be. He walked down the hallways slowly, thinking over what he was going to say. He hadn't even realised he was at Fury's office until his fist was raised ready to knock on the door. The door swung open on his first knock, having been left slightly open already.

"Captain Rogers, I wasn't aware you'd be in today." Fury looked up from his desk, his eyebrows raised not even a millimetre. He could clearly read the nerves coming off Steve as he sat down in the chair opposite the desk.

"I'm leaving in a minute, I just needed to talk to you." He was terrified, not that he'd show it, but now that he was here talking to Fury, he was scared. Really fucking scared. The man was terrifying on a normal day. "Is this a 'I'm quitting' talk or a 'I've got a lead' talk?"

"Neither actually." He swallowed, brutally aware that Fury could tell he was nervous. On his part, Fury just raised an eyebrow at him. "Oh?"

"Well, I just wanted to ask you if…well if you'd…if-" He trailed off, cursing himself for chickening out at the last moment. He just needed to man up. Fury had clearly had enough, setting down his pen and looking straight at him. "Spit it out Rogers."

"I want to marry Natasha." He blurted out, and crap, that probably wasn't the best way to do it. Fury had the power to kick both of them out of Shield, and the fact he'd let them date in the first place was just because he liked Natasha. Hopefully, that would extend to letting them get married as well.

"Good for you." He had to praise Fury for his complete lack of reaction, although maybe it was just because he didn't care either way. Then he realised it was purely an acknowledgement of his words, and not a response. "No, that's not what I meant. I meant, will you let me marry her?"

The question was out there now, and he couldn't take it back. Even though in this moment he was desperately wishing he could. "Are you asking for my permission to marry Natasha?" He actually looked surprised, and Steve took a little pride in being a person who had caused Nick Fury to show an emotion, even if he wasn't entirely sure it was a positive one.

"Yes. Look, she's never had a dad for me to ask, and even if she did, she wouldn't care about his opinion. But you're the closest thing she has to a father, someone who cares for her in that way. Also, I think it's probably somewhere in the handbook these things have to go through you in an official capacity." He was getting more and more anxious that this whole thing was stupid and tried to back out of it, even though the words were already out there.

"Well, in an official capacity, you have my permission. You're a good team in the field and you've never let your relationship affect your work. I have no valid reason to refuse." At least he had that going for him, though Fury's avoidance of the other half of his question worried him. Clint may think he's good enough for Natasha, but if Fury didn't think so, that was it. "And in a non-official capacity?"

"Natasha is the closest thing I have to a daughter. This job doesn't exactly make a social life easy, and I never thought I could care so deeply for the scared little girl Clint brought in all those years ago. You make her happy, I've seen it with my own eyes. I've never seen her smile more than when she's around you. You've already asked Clint I presume."

Fury's words shocked him, he'd never seen him talk so much, let alone about something so personal. He wasn't quite sure how to process it, or even respond. It sure sounded like Fury was saying yes, but he knew better than to assume anything about the man.

"Yeah, said he'd shoot me through the eye if I hurt her." He laughed, and Fury almost smiled. Almost. "Marry her, make her happy. Give her a life outside of this place."

Steve gave him a grateful smile, "Thank you. Really. That's all I ever want to do, make her happy." He paused for a moment, knowing his next words could potentially get him kicked out of the office very quickly. "Don't suppose you know when she'll be back? Or at least can I talk to her?"

"It's classified, and no. Mission's radio silent, even I don't know when she'll be back." For once Fury was transparent, although this wasn't exactly the most normal meeting he'd ever had.

"Is she safe? Well, not safe, I know she's not safe, but she's not out of her league? This is something she can handle on her own?" He questioned, letting his worry finally seep out. He'd kept it in as much as he could, but finally talking to the one person who knew anything about her mission, he just couldn't help it.

"You know she told me you'd come down here about a month in worrying about her?" Fury couldn't help but smirk, and Steve blushed brightly in embarrassment. "She told you that?"

"She's fine Rogers. I wouldn't have sent her if she couldn't handle it." Fury's reassurance did somehow calm him, unlike every single other time he'd asked Fury for information on a mission in the past. "Now get out before I give you some paperwork."

"Yes sir."

* * *

**AN: If you have any ideas that you desperately, or not so desperately want incorporated into this story, please let me know and I'll try to write them in. I hope you enjoyed, please follow, favourite and review. Constructive criticism is always welcome and appreciated.**


	36. Missed You

"Brother Steven, what is the matter?" Thor entered the gym, eating a poptart to find Steve aggressively attacking a punching bag.

"Nothing." He grunted, sending the bag flying off the hook. Truthfully, he couldn't get his mind off Natasha. Every moment of the day all he could do was miss her, and it hurt. It hurt so much all the time. "You are a bad liar Steven." Thor commented, and yeah, he knew that. Natasha told him that all the time, which only made him miss her more. Two months had stretched into three, and there was no way of knowing when she'd be back.

"I'm just a little frustrated." He told him, dragging a new bag across the gym and hanging it up. More punches landed on the new bag, his brow furrowing in concentration. Thor just watched him until another bag had swung off its hook. Steve just sighed, dragging it to the pile of bags he'd already destroyed. "Do you need some help?" Thor finally asked, and Steve could tell just by the look on his face that he was highly amused by the whole situation.

"A spar would be good." Steve knew that Thor could take him, and that he wouldn't have to control himself when he just wanted to let loose. Thor approached him, finishing his poptart and entering the sparring ring. Thor seemed to understand his want for silence, just getting into a fighting pose and letting Steve start the fight. Thor fought back, of course he did, but he let Steve land punches on him that he would usually block, recognising the need to just punch someone, but not having to worry about actually hurting him. Because there was always this niggling worry in the back of his mind whenever he would spar with Natasha or Clint that they wouldn't dodge in time, and he would seriously hurt them. They always told him not to worry about it, but he couldn't help it.

* * *

Their fight went on and on, and had long since forgotten the boundaries of the sparring ring, with both of them having been flung into the walls multiple times. All in all, it ended with them looking around at the decimated gym. "Tony's gonna kill us."

"You know Jane once told me this saying." Thor changed the topic quickly, and so dramatically Steve raised an eyebrow at him. "Oh yeah?"

"She said that absence only makes the heart grow fonder. Maybe this is what you need to take that next step friend Steven." Steve couldn't help but let out a small laugh. If only Thor knew. But he was right, missing Natasha made him realise that he never wanted to miss her again.

"Thank you Thor." He was about to say something else when Tony walked into the room, clearly furious at the destruction. "What the hell did you two do?"

"Young Steven over here seems to have some pent up aggression." Thor explained, missing the inuendo in his words as Tony smirked at him.

"Oh, I see. Missing Natashalie are you?" Tony couldn't help but mock Steve, even though he understood, and was actually missing her himself. Although clearly not to the level Steve was.

"Three months Tony. She said she'd be back in two months and it's been three. I called Fury and he said she's made no contact. I mean, she could be dead for all we know. She could be kidnapped, or hurt, or dead. And we wouldn't even know." He started ranting at the two men, unable to stop once he'd started, vocalising his worry. Because he'd not heard anything from her at all. Not even a message to tell him she was still alive. And he knew the guys were worried as well, he'd caught Tony trying to hack into Shield to get any information on her mission a week ago.

"Woah, calm down Rogers. I'm sure she's fine, this is Natasha we're talking about. She can handle herself. You know she can." Tony tried to reassure him, although it fell on deaf ears.

"This is the red room we're talking about. They make her do crazy things, what if she did something stupid, or got caught and brainwashed. What if I never see her again? What if she's dead Tony?" He yelled, kicking a brick across the floor in anger, because now he'd thought about the fact he may never see her again, it was compromising his every thought.

"Steven Grant Rogers, what have I told you about damaging Tony's property?" A teasing voice called out from the door. A voice that definitely belonged to Natasha, her voice tinkling in a way he'd never heard before. Or maybe it was just because he hadn't heard it in so long.

"Not to do it without you." He laughed, grinning from ear to ear, his smile only widening at Tony's offended face. "Atta boy."

"Natasha." He almost laughed, turning around to see her leaning casually against the door frame. "Hey soldier." She said with an equally wide smile on her face. She ran over to him, jumping into his waiting arms as he twirled her around, pressing kisses to any part of her he could find.

"I missed you so much." He said finally, putting her down and kissing her properly, relishing in the feeling of just having her in his arms and knowing she was safe.

"I missed you too." She said softly, cupping his face lightly, her thumb moving across his cheek gently. "You are never leaving ever again."

"Agreed." She laughed, kissing him again. God he'd missed that laugh. He pressed a soft kiss to her hair, twirling it in his fingers as he contemplated the colour.

"You dyed your hair." He commented, because it was icy blonde and not at all like her normal colour. "Astute observation as always Rogers." Her smirk was beautiful, and he couldn't help but kiss it away.

"I prefer the red." He pouted, because he really did. The red was so intrinsically Natasha, that seeing her without it just seemed wrong. She gave a hearty laugh at that, taking a strand of her hair between her fingers and looking at it. Not only was it blonde, it was much shorter that usual, and she couldn't wait to be able to go back to the red. Although maybe she'd keep the length. "Me too."

They continued talking until Tony cleared his throat in the background, bringing their attention back to the world. Steve had forgotten anything other than Natasha even existed, and that they were standing with their friends.

"It's good to have you back Nat." He said, patting her on the shoulder awkwardly. She sighed, taking his hand and forcing him into a brief hug. "I missed you too Tony."

"I never said I missed you. You know how much more hot water we've had over the last few months?" Tony defended himself, even though they all knew he was faking it, because they all knew there was enough hot water in the tower at all times.

"It has been quiet without you Lady Natasha." Thor added, pulling her into a bone crushing hug. "Can't breathe." She rasped out, wriggling out of his grip and trying to get oxygen back into her lungs.

"So where have you been?" Tony asked, and she figured now she was back, telling them bare bones information wouldn't matter. They'd probably find out all about it at a later date anyway. Although she definitely wasn't going to tell them about the more sensitive part of her mission. That was for her and only her to know. And by only her, she meant Steve as well. "All over, spent a lot of time in Russia, some in western Europe, most recently France."

"Sounds fun." Steve mocked, and she just rolled her eyes at him, letting him kiss her softly. "It wasn't. More importantly, what the hell do you do to the gym?" She asked, looking around the destroyed room. Ahhhh, he'd thought he was forgetting about something, and her face was somewhere between amused and annoyed. He could tell she was pissed at him, but he thought it was probably more to do with the fact he'd lost control. She had always tried to show him the importance of keeping his emotions in check, more so that anger wasn't the answer, no matter what the problem was.

"Thor and Steve went toe to toe." Clint explained, walking into the room with Bruce by his side. "We watched the tapes. It was really quite impressive." She'd already figured that much out, so she looked to Steve for some actual explanation of why they'd gone toe to toe, but he just shrugged at her, giving her that look that he might explain later. Usually he didn't though.

"Welcome home." Clint said, missing the looks she and Steve were sending each other, wrapping her in a tight hug. "Good to see you too Clint." She laughed, kissing his cheek before pulling out of his embrace. She returned to Steve's side, tucking herself into his body as his arm automatically wrapping around her waist. She'd talk with Clint properly later, but right now all she wanted to do was just be by Steve. She'd missed him, more than she'd realised she would.

"Now, if you boys will excuse me, there's something, or more accurately someone I want to do." She smirked at them, pulling Steve out the room as she batted her eyelashes at Steve.

"Oh la la Miss Romanoff." Steve laughed, letting her jump into his arms, her arms wrapping around his neck as he carried her out the room.

"When d'you reckon we'll see them again?" Tony asked, staring at the doorway they'd disappeared through. Bruce just looked at him, shaking his head lightly. "At least a week."

"Wanna bet?"

* * *

"Natasha, wait." He pulled back from her kisses, setting her down on the bed and sitting down next to her. "C'mon Steve, it's been months." She moaned, chasing his mouth, pouting when he pulled back further. His eyes bore into her, pleading silently. She knew what he wanted, he wanted to check she wasn't hurt, and more than that, he needed to know what she'd done on the mission. "I'm not hurt, I promise. Not anymore."

"Anymore?" He asked softly, his hand coming to rest on her lower back as he looked at her with concern. "It was a bit rocky getting out, but I promise, I'm okay." Stroking her hand over his cheek she kissed him gently, trying to show him that she really was okay.

"Let me check." He pleaded, and she gave an exasperated sigh, but giving him another quick kiss to show her consent. He let out a blow of breath, trailing his hand through her hair softly. "Thank you."

He trailed his hands down her arms before grasping the hem of her shirt, pulling it over her head. Hands caressed down her skin, his lips pressing soft kisses to old scars as he searched her body for new ones. He knew how on edge she was already, and that was partly his fault for having gotten carried away on the way to their room. She helped Steve wiggle her out of her pants, throwing them across the room, avoiding his gaze when he saw the scabbed over cut just below her scar from Bucky on her hip.

"How is it you only ever get hurt on this side of your body?" He joked softly, but she realised it was true. She'd have to work on defending her left side better. Steve's fingers trailed over her cut lightly, careful not to aggravate it, though it was clearly already healing. "What…what else happened on the mission?" He gulped down his anxiety over the question, even though he knew she was expecting it. He asked her after every undercover mission, because he needed to know. Natasha's work put her in _'difficult' _situations, and he needed to know whether she'd touched another man. The answer was irrelevant, the few times anything had ever happened, she'd been honest and told him, and besides, he'd rather her sleep with someone over being kidnapped or killed because she'd been made. And she knew that, and she knew he was okay with it if it ever happened, that didn't make it any easier to tell him.

"Steve, I'm sorry." She apologised, instantly looking guilty, prompting him to cup her face in his hands gently. "I jerked a guy off. I thought he'd begun to suspect something and it was the only way to shut him up. I'm sorry." She bit her lip nervously, her eyes wide as she looked at him expectantly.

"Are you okay? He didn't hurt you?" He asked tenderly, because whilst it hurt him to know she'd touched another man, he knew what he was signing himself up for when they started dating. They'd had a long conversation about her missions, and what sometimes happened on them. What it meant, what it didn't mean, and how it didn't matter. Steve trusted Natasha to only make that call when she saw no other option.

"I'm okay. Nothing happened that I wasn't in control of. I'm so sorry Steve." He stroked his thumb under her eye, sweeping away the small tear that had gathered in the corner of her eye. He knew that she didn't want to upset him, but he also knew that she hated herself for doing it. And that was honestly where most of her guilt was coming from.

"Hey, it's okay Tash. You know I don't blame you." Truthfully, he'd known something had happened the minute she'd walked into the gym. It wasn't at all obvious, except to him, and maybe Clint, but the overwhelming look of guilt on her face was clear, even though she'd tried to hide it. "You should. You should be upset at me." She told him, her voice cracking slightly. He shushed her, kissing her forehead and holding her close to him. "You know I'm never going to be mad at you for that. Not when you have no choice." Rationally, she knew that, she knew he was okay with it. But she just couldn't escape this feeling that she'd betrayed him, even though it meant nothing to her. Less than nothing.

"Hey, look at me." He tilted her head up so she was looking into his eyes, "I forgive you Nat. I will always forgive you for this. I love you, all I care about is that you're safe. That's all I ever care about." He kissed her softly, trying to chase her tears away. She whined slightly, causing him to pull back a fraction of an inch. "Hey, you're thinking too hard. Just be here with me. Stop thinking."

She closed the distance between them again, pressing her lips to his tentatively, the movements of her hands to wrap around him careful and measured. He just wrapped his arms around her tighter, pulling her so she was straddling his lap. "Stop thinking." He whispered, causing a small smile to grace her face. "I can do that."

* * *

**AN: If you have any ideas that you desperately, or not so desperately want incorporated into this story, please let me know and I'll try to write them in. I hope you enjoyed, please follow, favourite and review. Constructive criticism is always welcome and appreciated.**


	37. Marry Me?

**AN: The chapter you've all been waiting for, at least I think you have. I'm not gonna say anything else, just enjoy the chapter.**

* * *

They'd had a crazy few weeks. Natasha had found out a lot of information whilst she was gone, and now they were travelling around the world non-stop taking out all the cells they'd found. Fury had called them in for another mission, and honestly, he was starting to get tired of the constant fighting. "Do you ever think they'll go away?" Steve asked her quietly as they were sat on the plane, his fingers playing with her hair idly. Her head was resting across his lap, as it had been for most of the flight, having been asleep for most of it.

"I hope so, but I think that's wishful thinking." She said back, giving him a tired smile. They'd gotten the call at 4am, and they'd all been in and out of sleep during the flight.

"Who'd have thought? Natasha Romanoff the dreamer." He laughed softly, causing her to roll her eyes. "Well, you see, I met this guy. He gave me hope."

"Oh yeah?" He chuckled, smirking at her lightly. "Yeah, his name was Tony Stark." She joked, causing him to punch her lightly on the stomach. She curled up, burying her face in his stomach to hide her laugh. "You're a right piece of work, you know that?"

"I may have been told once or twice, he was an idiot though." She sat up, shifting her weight so her head could lean on his shoulder. He laughed, pressing a kiss to her forehead. "I'm sure he was."

"Absolute fool." She laughed with him, tilting her head so she could kiss him gently.

"Let's keep it pg you two." Clint teased from the cockpit, having twirled around in his seat to face them. Clint couldn't blame them for it though, they'd clung to each other tightly ever since Natasha had returned from her mission.

"Yes sir." Natasha mock saluted, giving Steve another quick kiss before joining Clint in the co-pilots seat, instantly starting up a conversation with him.

* * *

"Alright, landing in 10 minutes, get your stuff ready." Clint called, making them all jump into action. She checked her guns one last time before making sure her widow bites were charged. She did it before every mission where she was going into combat, no matter what the stakes were.

"I'll see you out there." Steve came up behind her, snaking his arm around her waist and leaning down slightly to kiss her. "Stay safe for me." She said softly, looking up at him as he adjusted his shield on his back.

"Always." He pressed another kiss to her lips before moving towards the cockpit to check in with Clint. This mission was supposed to be run of the mill, nothing special, although they only had limited information on the compound they were charging. But it was just her, Steve, Clint and Tony, with Bruce staying on the plane in case of a code green. So it couldn't be that bad, and they'd dealt with worse with less backup.

"Alright Avengers, listen up. We go in there, Nat and Clint get any information they can the servers before placing the charges. Tony, you're their backup from the sky, I'm their backup from the ground. We don't know who these guys are working for, so our priority is finding that information."

"We know the drill Cap, we got this." Clint said, clasping his shoulder after he'd landed the plane just outside the compound. Tony just smirked in agreement, his helmet going to cover his face and flying out the plane. "I guess it's go time."

* * *

There were more men guarding the compound than they'd expected, and they hadn't even managed to get inside yet, still stuck in the outside area as they fought through the hoards of people. They'd called in Bruce because they were just taking hit after hit without getting anywhere. Since then, things had started going better, or at least, they were making progress.

As Steve turned around briefly to focus his attention on a different guard, he saw Natasha fighting a lot of men. On instinct, he threw his shield to take out most of the men, letting her catch it and use it to defend herself. Natasha was the only person he let fight with his shield, although that was partly because they trained with his shield and actually knew the best way to use it. She flashed him a quick smile, throwing it back to him in a twirl of red hair. He caught it, coming over to her side and dusting a quick kiss to her hair right before she swept her legs around a guards neck, bringing him to the ground. She got out of her crouched position, her hair flipping up in attempt to get it out her face. They'd started the attack at night, but the sun was slowly starting to rise and was reflecting off her hair, highlighting the coppery tones it in. He was fairly sure she'd never looked that beautiful before.

"Marry me." He blurted out. It had slipped out, he hadn't even realised he'd said it until the words were already out of his mouth. She whipped out to face him, her eyebrows raising in surprise. "Not exactly the best timing there Steve." She laughed, unable to keep the shock off her face. He honestly didn't blame her, he was just as surprised he'd said it, but it had been playing on his mind so often that he hadn't even considered the timing of it. He didn't regret saying it though, and was actually glad he'd finally said it, although the timing wasn't the best.

"Seriously though." Steve said, punching another person in the face before turning to face her. "Steve, you can't be serious? We're in the middle of a warzone." She shook her head in disbelief, her eyes wide and slightly confused.

"Where else is more fitting for us? Marry me Natasha." He said, gazing deep into her eyes. She didn't look away from him either, although she did pull out her gun and shooting someone coming up behind him. "Are you sure?"

"I've never been surer of anything. I love you Nat, and I want to spend the rest of my life with you." He was so painfully genuine, because he couldn't fathom the thought of living without her. She shook her head in argument. "I'm fifty shades of fucked up Steve. I'm not marriage material, I won't be waiting at home for you when you come back from work with dinner on the table. I'm not someone you want to spend the rest of your life with Steve."

She had to voice her concerns, because she was never going to be the classic image of a wife. And she couldn't let Steve imagine his future with her to be like that, because it never would be. "Seriously? I thought we'd talked about this. I love you because of who you are, not who you think I want you to be. And I want to marry you despite all your crippling self-esteem issues. I mean we seriously need to talk about that Nat." He joked softly, taking her hand and squeezing it softly. She shook her head in disbelief, but a smile played on her lips anyway. "I can't believe you right now Steve."

"Is that a yes?" He asked hopefully, smiling at her with that goofy grin that he knew she couldn't resist.

"Yes." She breathed out, and he raised his eyebrows at her. He had to check he'd heard her correctly. "Yes?"

"Of course it's a yes dumbass." She laughed, kissing him passionately on the lips as he pulled her in close to him, wrapping her in his arms. It didn't escape her attention that he held his shield behind her back, protecting her. "I love you." He whispered to her, resting his forehead against hers.

"I think the others probably need our help." She laughed, though not breaking away from him, her hand coming up to cup his cheek, her thumb caressing it softly the way she always did.

"They'll be fine without us for a minute." He joked, causing her to laugh softly, pressing another kiss to his lips. "Have you met them?" She asked, and he rolled his eyes at her "Sadly yes. I much prefer you."

"Shut up." She grinned, blushing slightly before kissing him again. She had to admit that was pretty smooth.

"I do have a ring for you." He told her, and she just shook her head. "I don't care." He sighed softly, kissing her again. "I adore you."

She looked into his eyes, because she wasn't sure how to even express to him how she felt about him. He was…he was her everything, and she genuinely couldn't imagine what her life would be without him. He made her care about stupid things she'd never thought she'd care about, like whether or not they were having chicken or beef for dinner. Eating was always a means to an end, she'd just find whatever was in her fridge and eat it, but with Steve, it made her want to cook, because it was an easy way just to send time with him. "I love you so much."

"You're amazing, you know that right?" His words reminded her to one of the first things he'd told her when they started dating, and she couldn't help but mirror her response. "And you're always right." She laughed, knowing he remembered as well. She felt an arrow whiz past her head, causing her to whip round to see Clint staring at them.

"Sorry to break you two lovebirds up but we're kind of in the middle of a fight here. Think your make out session can wait?" He asked, shooting another arrow over their heads. And then she noticed that the guards were starting to build up around them, and that all the other Avengers were doing were keeping them from getting killed.

"Fine." She rolled her eyes, kissing Steve quickly before shooting someone coming up behind Clint, then running off to help out somewhere else. Her mind was racing, but she'd never felt so right in her life. It was like everything had finally fallen into place, and she was genuinely just happy.

"Did we just hear what I think we just heard?" Tony asked, causing her to laugh, because maybe they should've turned their comms off. She fired one of her widow bites at two men coming up behind her before responding. "Concentrate on the mission Stark."

"Yes ma'am." He said mockingly before shooting at someone behind her before zooming off again. She briefly recalled that he was trying to find a way in that wasn't through the front door, although her entire mind had turned to mush thanks to Steve and his terrible timing.

"Thanks." She said breathlessly, kicking someone else in the chest as she deployed her widow bites.

* * *

Through the rest of the mission they would steal small kisses when they ran past each other, helping the other out when they were surrounded. Hours later they had defeated all their enemies, and exhaustion had taken over.

"So, we're engaged." She laughed quietly to Steve on the way back to New York. Everyone else was asleep, scattered around the plane and snoring lightly. She had laid her legs over his lap, lying down on the bench. He'd been cleaning out a cut on her leg, and she hadn't bothered moving it, instead bringing her other leg up so she could lie down more easily.

"Speaking of which, I have something for you." He said, gently picking up her legs and setting them on the bench before running off and grabbing his jacket from across the plane. He returned back to her, pulling out a box from his pocket. He looked around the plane quickly, noticing no one was looking at them. Despite their earlier conversation being distinctly not private, he wanted this to be special, just the two of them.

"Steve." She warned quietly as she pulled herself up into an upright position as he sat back down next to her. "No, you deserve this. There's so many things you've missed out in life, this is not going to be one of them." He explained, reaching out to take her hands and brushing her knuckles softly.

"You really don't have to do this." She protested, because she really didn't need this. As far as she was concerned, he didn't need to say anything else to her. She already knew it all, and she didn't need him to tell her that again. He kissed her softly to shut her up. "Natasha, you are the most incredible person I've ever met, and you deserve so much in life, and I'm not saying I can give that to you, be if you let me, I'll try my damn hardest. After everything that's happened recently, I can't afford to lose you, and I need you to know that I will always be there for you, no matter what happens to us. I can't afford to waste any more time not being with you Nat. So, Natasha, Nat, Natalia, in the interest of making this short so you won't kill me, will you make the happiest man alive and marry me?" He asked quietly, opening the box and showing her the ring. It could've been a hula hoop for all she cared, she didn't need a ring to show that she loved him.

"Of course I will." She laughed kissing him once again. He slid the ring onto her finger, kissing her hand gently once it was on. "It's beautiful Steve." She commented, looking at it as it reflected the light from the early morning sun. It was beautiful, but more than that, it was exactly what she would've expected from him. It was so perfectly classic, without being over the top, exactly what she would've chosen for herself.

"It was my mother's." He admitted softly, and that truly took her breath away. His mother was so important to him, she raised him, loved him, all in a time where being a single mother was frowned upon, but also a thousand times harder than it was now. The fact he felt like she deserved something that belonged to his mom, that meant more than any words he could ever say. "Steve." She breathed out, unable to think of any other words.

"Clint helped me find it." He said, nodding towards him who was asleep with a coat over his head. She looked at him in surprise, because she hadn't expected that. "You told Clint?"

"And Fury. I had to ask someone's permission." He said, causing her to laugh before kissing him gently on the lips. She'd never even considered that there was anyone who would care enough about her to need to give their permission to marry her. And not only did those people exist, Steve had actually asked them. "I love you so much." She mumbled into his lips, tangling her hand in his hair, content to just be close to him.

"So much." He repeated, kissing her more passionately and pulling her so she was perched on his lap. She knew how much he liked just being able to hold her, keeping her safe in his arms. A thought suddenly occurred to her, causing her to pull back slightly and let out a small laugh. "How long have you been carrying that around in your jacket?"

He laughed at that, a blush colouring his cheeks. "An embarrassingly long time." She just kissed him softly, shaking her head slightly, because only Steve could do that. "You're ridiculous."

"Have I told you how sexy you look in that ring?" He whispered into her ear, kissing her neck gently in the spot that always brought her to her knees. "Steven Grant Rogers, do you really want to do this right here?" She laughed, capturing his lips with her own once more, unable to keep the lust out of her voice.

"Hmmm, I can't think of much better right now." He mumbled into her mouth, kissing her harder when she tugged on his hair slightly. The plane jolted, and she definitely would've fallen off of him if his arms hadn't tightened around her, keeping her in place. "What the...?" Steve's face furrowed in confusion, because that definitely didn't feel like normal turbulence. It shuddered again, causing her to cling to him tightly as Clint fell off the bench, jolting awake suddenly.

"To be continued." She laughed, getting up and kissing him quickly before helping Clint off the floor and going to the cockpit.

"What's going on?" Clint asked, rubbing his eyes as he tried to focus on the situation. She looked over the controls, her eyes finally falling on the radar. "We've got two bogeys locked on. We've gotta lose them. Buckle up guys, it's gonna be rough." She yelled to the guys in the back of the plane, letting Clint sit in the pilot's seat because they both knew she was a terrible flyer. She could get them to the destination no problem, but any unexpected problems and she was useless.

"We got cloaking on this thing?" Clint asked, looking over to her. "Yeah. You got a plan?" She asked, watching him mess with the controls. "Remember Montreal?" She shook her head in disbelief, because of course she remembered it. He'd almost gotten them killed on the flight home, but she had to give him some credit because he did get them home. She was quiet, pulling on a headset so she was able to hear what was happening on the ground. Clint looked over at her as she did so, raising an eyebrow at her. "That's a pretty shiny ring."

"Oh, this old thing? It's practically ancient." She joked, spinning it around on her finger. She didn't know how it was the right size for her, but it fit perfectly.

"Shut up." He rolled his eyes fondly at her. "Congrats Tash. You really have no idea just how happy I am for you."

"Thanks." She smiled, glancing over her shoulder to see Steve making sure Bruce was okay and wasn't going to hulk up again. He was always a thousand times more likely to hulk up when he'd just come out of it, he had a much harder time at controlling himself in the limbo afterwards. She couldn't help but smile even more brightly at that, because he was probably the most perfect person she'd ever met.

"I love you Tash. But if you don't include at least one of my kids in your wedding party I'll never forgive you." Clint brought her back to the present, causing her to laugh at him. "Stop worrying about my wedding and start worrying about not getting us killed." He mocked saluted her before a frown on concentration came over his face. She just thought about her words. Her wedding. Yeah, she could get used to that.

* * *

**AN: If you have any ideas that you desperately, or not so desperately want incorporated into this story, please let me know and I'll try to write them in. I hope you enjoyed, please follow, favourite and review. Constructive criticism is always welcome and appreciated.**


	38. Ending One War With Another

**AN: This chapter kicked my ass. It was a pain to write, a pain to edit, generally, just an absolute mess. Half of this I wrote absolutely ages ago and never used because I couldn't make it fit in with anything, so that's probably why. But what I ended up with is just a bit of fun, in which literally nothing happens, but I hope it's not too jerky and all over the place.**

* * *

"This isn't funny Clint." Natasha stormed into the room, completely drenched in something she feared wasn't water. She was pissed off. She had been going about her day as normal, only for it to be ruined by opening a door and having a bucket of something dumped all over her. She really hoped it was just water.

"This wasn't me. I swear." Clint hid behind his hand, trying his hardest not to laugh. She turned to Tony, staring him down. "Okay then, Tony?"

"Not me, I promise. Although props to whoever did." He held up his arms in surrender, though was unable to stop laughing. She didn't blame them, if this had happened to them she would've found it funny, but she was fuming. She didn't have time to deal with this today.

"Steve?" She asked, because he'd been strangely silent thus far. He just laughed, letting his arm wrap around her waist as she sat on the arm of the chair he was sitting on. "Wasn't me honey. I'm not that stupid."

"Then who?" At that moment, Peter and Wanda walked into the room laughing. They stilled instantly at the sight of Natasha, fear instilled in their eyes. She grinned internally, because two could play at that game.

"Peter, Wanda, how are you?" Natasha asked sweetly, cocking her head to the side slightly. She felt Steve shake with the attempt to keep from laughing beside her, knowing all too well what she was up to.

"Good, we're good. How...how are you?" Peter couldn't keep the nerves out of his voice, knowing they'd been caught. Natasha smiled disarmingly at them, "Oh, I'm just peachy."

"Are you okay Nat? You look a little wet." Wanda tried to look innocent, and she felt bad for her, she really did, but no one pranked Natasha Romanoff and got away with it. And she had a feeling these two were partners in crime.

"_Someone _decided it was a good idea to set up a prank in the corridor." She raised an eyebrow, feigning ignorance. "That sucks. I'd hate to be the person that did that." Peter nodded solemnly, trying to keep a straight face and not completely shit himself.

"Yes, whomever did this should be very careful. Because I will find out, and I will get them back." Natasha threatened. Peter and Wanda visibly gulped, fleeing the room as fast as they came in.

"You didn't have to do that Nat." Steve laughed, rolling his eyes. She punched his shoulder, losing her balance on the arm of the chair and falling into Steve's side. He adjusted himself, letting her curl up and rest her head on his shoulder.

"Please, it's my job to instil fear in them." He words were rather counteracted by the fact Steve was running his fingers through her hair and she'd tucked herself into his side. He didn't seem to mind that she was soaked, pressing a kiss to her temple.

"You're not actually going to hurt them, are you?" Tony asked, an edge of worry in his voice. She laughed, and Tony spoke for all of them when he said she was relieved. "God no. Just friendly teasing."

"They're probably terrified of you." Bruce commented idly, and Natasha couldn't help but be a little happy about that. Being in a relationship had changed her, but she had a reputation to uphold after all. "Good, you're all starting to think I've gone soft."

"Uhh, that's cause you have Tash." Clint told her, and she stared pointedly at him. She had not gone soft, and she was going to prove it. "You'll come to regret that Barton."

"Sure I will." He grinned at her, sticking his tongue out playfully. She wasn't amused though, she was on a warpath now. "Mark my words, I will get you back."

* * *

Natasha had a plan. A cunning, smart, verging on evil plan. But she needed help, and she knew just who to ask. They just happened to be the people who started this all in this first place.

"Kids!" She yelled, walking into what they had lovingly dubbed the den. Wanda and Peter were sitting on bean bags, remote controls in their hands.

"We're not kids." Peter argued, not looking away from the screen, his face scrunched up in concentration. "Yes you are. I've called in Coulson's team, we're going to need backup."

"Uhh, with what?" Wanda narrowed her eyes at the screen, glancing at Natasha quickly before concentrating on the game once again.

"Getting back at the other Avengers." Apparently this was enough for Peter to look over, taking his eye off the game for a second, letting Wanda overtake him by accident. "No fair, I was distracted." Peter whined, causing Wanda to stick her tongue out at him.

"I thought you were mad at us." Wanda asked Natasha, finally pausing the game and giving her their full attention. Natasha just laughed, because they were so painfully innocent. "Oh, I'm pissed, and I will get you back. But I have other priorities right now. Mainly getting back at Clint and Steve."

"And why would we do that?" Peter asked, raising his eyebrows at her. He'd clearly been spending way too much time with Tony. Natasha raised an eyebrow right back at him. "Need I remind you that not 20 minutes ago you pranked me?"

* * *

"Natasha Romanoff! I'm going to kill you!" Steve barrelled after Natasha, chasing her through the corridor. She'd gotten a head start on him, but he was still faster than her, managing to wrap his arms around her waist as they crashed into the wall. She squealed, her feet lifting off the floor as he spun her around.

"You okay Steve? You're looking a little blue." She smirked at her pun, his hair having been turned bright blue. She hadn't been the one to come up with it, that had been Fitz, but she had been the one to execute it. "That's not funny."

He tried his best to look threatening, but he knew she'd never take him seriously with his hair looking the way it was. "Come on, it's a little funny." She smiled, a bright disarming smile, and he couldn't help but give in. He loved seeing her so happy and care-free that he couldn't bring himself to spoil her fun. "It's a little funny."

She pouted at him grumpily. "You're no fun to prank." She looked so cute with her little pout that he couldn't resist kissing her. "Is this dye gonna come out?" He asked seriously, and she just laughed. "Don't worry, it'll come out in one wash. Apparently Fitzsimmons like to prank Coulson a lot."

* * *

"What the hell Tasha!" Clint's voice came from the vents, causing her and Peter to share a worried look. "What did you do now?" Steve asked, because the amount of pranks that had been pulled in the tower had increased tenfold in the last few days.

"I didn't do anything!" Natasha defended herself, looking over to Peter who looked incredibly guilty. "I may have rigged something up in the vents. Tony helped!" Peter blurted out, causing all eyes to look to over to Tony, who had so far looked very uninterested in everything.

"Don't tell Pepper!" He grimaced, looking up towards the vents. "What exactly did you do?" Rhodey raised an eyebrow at them, causing them to look even more guilty.

"Let's just say his codename is about to become very accurate." Tony said, and they all exchanged a look of anxiety. "I think things are about to get ugly." Sam said, and Natasha could only agree.

"Let's get out of here."

* * *

"Okay, I know how we're going to end this war once and for all." Tony exclaimed, walking into the cinema room where they were all sitting watching a film. He went ignored, everyone too interested in the movie or their phones to any pay attention.  
"What war?" Coulson humoured him, not looking up from his phone. Natasha leant over the side of the couch to see what he was so interested in. "Are you playing Angry Birds?"  
"Our feud, Avengers vs Shield vs New Avengers." Skye explained, walking into the room and turning off the screen, causing all of them to groan. "Awww, c'mon. I was watching that."

"I didn't know we had a feud." Rhodey commented, sharing a confused look with Sam. "I wouldn't question it."

"Okay, what are you suggesting?" Steve asked, clearly excited. Whilst Tony always suggested these ideas for fun, he appreciated the bonding the team got out of it, and they were always more efficient in the field afterwards. That and he was getting really tired of all the pranking.  
"A paintball war. Whoever wins gets bragging rights." Tony clapped his hands, causing the lights to dim and a single spotlight to fall on him.

"Okay, that's a little dramatic." Natasha laughed, rolling her eyes. Tony glared and cocked his head at her. "That's because this is a very serious issue Romanoff."

"Sure." She deadpanned and the lights slowly returned to their normal brightness as Tony relaxed his arms. "Are you seriously suggesting we end a prank war with a paintball war?" Sam asked, because he was sure this wasn't a good idea. Coulson clearly disagreed though.  
"It's not the worst idea you've ever had." He started, causing various exclamations from different people. "But the prize needs to be better than bragging rights."

"How about whichever team wins gets to choose the next game on game night" Clint suggested, and Natasha just cocked her head to the side.  
"That's a bad idea." She said, because she still hadn't forgotten last month's game night. It had been Tony's choice, and well, there was a reason they didn't let him pick anymore. "Yes, but it's actually kinda genius." Tony said, and he was only met by unconvinced stares. So instead, he tried to change the topic.

"So Bucky and Peter will go on the New Avengers team and Bruce can judge. Because no offensive buddy, but I don't want you stuck in the middle of a paintball war." It was almost impressive how well he diverted the conversation. It was one of the many things they'd picked up from Natasha over the years.

"What are the ground rules?" Bruce asked, because he was actually starting to get excited about this, despite the fact it would definitely spell their doom. Or New York's doom. "Each of our personal floors are out of bounds, you can't unlock or lock any doors, anywhere else is okay."

"What about outside?"

"What's the worst that could happen?" Tony said, shrugging his shoulders, causing everyone to snort in amusement and disbelief. "A lot."

"Just don't stray too far from the tower." Skye clarified, like that made it any better. As long as they didn't break New York (again) it would be fine. Hopefully.

"How does the scoring work?"

"I'm having Jarvis keep track of who shoots who. You get shot, you're out." Tony explained, looking over to Skye for her to continue. "First out gets no points, last man standing gets fourteen for their team."

"We'll have a 10 minute grace period before we start to spread out some more." Tony added, watching as Skye set a box full of paintball guns on the ground. "And break!"

* * *

"Hey Steve." She slowed to a stop as she ran past him, pressing a quick kiss to his lips. There were 8 people left in the game, and the concept of working in teams was starting to disintegrate. "Natasha." She knew that tone of voice, he was out for revenge.

"Steve, we're on the same team." She warned, backing away from him and holding up her gun. He raised his eyebrows at her, challenging her. "If I recall, you started this whole thing by pranking me."

"So you're gonna finish this?" She cocked her head to the side, smirking at him in the way she knew he found irresistible. He just smiled back, "That's the plan."

"You don't have the guts. You'll let me win." She'd backed him into a corner, metaphorically speaking. And in all previous times, she would've been right, because Steve would move heaven and earth to make her happy. But that hair dye had not come out in one wash as promised. "You underestimate me Natasha."

"Shoot me then." She challenged, causing him to laugh. A deep, cocky laugh that was so incredibly attractive that she found herself flustered. "Ladies first."

"Men just before." She countered, and he just shook his head at her fondly. This weird flirting, but not actually flirting was new to them, and Steve couldn't lie and say he wasn't a little confused as to what was happening. "That's not a thing."

"It is now." She smiled, her gorgeous, beautiful smile that was absolutely irresistible. And if he wasn't already lost in the conversation, he was now. And then her ring sparkled ever so slightly and he was done for.

"You're not getting out of this." He told her, trying to clear his head and focus on the fact that they were in a very serious situation. If Natasha beat him, he'd have to cook her dinner every night for the next week. But if he beat her, well…he couldn't repeat that.

"And you are?" She asked, raising her eyebrows and leaning against the wall. He smirked back at her, mirroring her posture against the opposite wall. "Touché."

"On three?" She proposed, and yeah, he could work with that. "1, 2, 3." They both said before ducking down, neither of them firing a shot. Steve raised his eyebrows at her, and she only raised hers back.

"You were gonna let me win." She commented, straightening up and viewing him with a curious eye. "I want to cook you dinner." He did enjoy cooking her dinner, in fact he did it most nights with very minimal help. Although that was mainly to do with the fact Natasha couldn't cook for shit. But their bet was really a win-win situation for both of them.

"And I want to let you do…well…you know." She came up to him, caressing his cheek softly before pressing a kiss to his ear. "Jesus Nat." He knew she was distracting him, and it was working, her body pressed up to him.

"Bye Steve." She jingled, pressing a chaste kiss on his lips whilst walking away. She had reached the elevator when she held out her gun behind her, pulling the trigger as she continued walking. At the same time, she felt a sharp pain on her butt cheek, twirling around to see Steve who was laughing. "You are so predictable Nat."

"Why are you laughing? I got you as well." She pointed out. His chest was splattered in red paint, dripping slightly down his front. She knew she had similar blue markings on her butt, and she could only shrug. "I guess we're both out."

"I guess we are." He had a dark look in his eye, one she knew all too well, and was all to inclined to give into the temptation. "Well you're covered in red, I'm covered in blue. How about we make purple?" She smirked at him, cocking an eyebrow suggestively. He pushed her back against the elevator doors, sealing her lips with his own, muffling the small yelp of shock that escaped her. He lent his hands on the doors, bracing himself as she attacked his lips with as just as much force, passion driving the both of them. Her lips parted, allowing his tongue to slip in her mouth, duelling with her for control. His teeth grazed her bottom lip as she melted into his body, moaning into his mouth. She wrapped her arms around his waist, her hands touching his bare skin underneath his shirt. He shivered at the touch, her soft hands gently caressing his back. Caught up in passion, they didn't notice the elevator doors opening until they fell through, landing in a heap of limbs.

"Jarvis." She almost growled as they parted for air. "I'm Steve."

She laughed at that, sitting up and leaning against the wall. "I know you're Steve."

"Jarvis!" She said again, much louder. He sat next to her, wrapping an arm around her waist as the doors closed, pressing a kiss to her neck.  
"Actually, that was me." Bruce's voice came over the speakers, and if he were here, Natasha wouldn't have been able to be held accountable for her actions.  
"I'm gonna kill you later." She told glared at the camera in the corner, although it wasn't as threatening as she's like because, fuck, Steve was still kissing her, sucking and biting at her neck.  
"It was too good to resist." Bruce defended, and yeah, she could understand that. In fact, she'd probably have done the same. Then an alarm starting going off, and that was never good.

"What's going on Bruce?" Steve asked, finally pulling away from her, something she was simultaneously thankful for and very pissed about.

"Peter just swung out the tower. And Skye followed." Bruce explained, and they could deal with that. It wasn't too bad. "Oh shit."  
"Oh shit?" Natasha asked, her eyebrows raising. Oh shit was never good. "Thor just left, and now Wanda's chasing him."

Steve and Natasha exchanged a look, both thinking the exact same thing as Bruce. "Oh shit."

* * *

"So, let me get this straight. When we let you guys have the weekend off, you took that as permission to not only destroy half of the tower, but also to destroy half of New York and end up in jail?" Fury yelled at them, having bailed them all out earlier after being called by Bruce, Steve and Natasha. They were all currently sat in a conference room at Shield HQ being lectured by him.

"In our defence-" Tony started before Fury cut him off. To say he was mad was an understatement. After Peter, Thor, Wanda and Skye left the tower, Tony and Sam followed under the pretence of trying to stop them from doing something stupid, which only prompted them to do something even more stupid.

"No Stark. No in our defence. I told you the rules last time something like this happened, and I told you the punishment. Doing all the junior agents paperwork for the next three weeks." Fury told him. "For all of you."

"But-" Skye protested, and Fury only held up his hand to silence her. She'd almost caused an entire building to collapse, which she insisted was Wanda's fault, although she said otherwise.

"You will either take this or I will up it to four weeks. And don't think you can blackmail your fellow teammates to do yours for you, they'll have their own and I will be calling Pepper" Fury threatened. No one said anything after this, lest Fury get even more mad at them. "You're dismissed."

* * *

"Right, what's wrong with you?" Steve came over to rest his hands on the back of their couch, peering over to look at Natasha. She'd been pretty quiet all evening, and now she was just sat crossed legged on the couch, obviously thinking about something.

"Have I gone soft? Like actually?" She tilted her head to look at him, eyeing him curiously as she waited for his answer. "Why are you so concerned about this?"

"Because...I don't know. I just can't stop thinking about it." She really didn't know why she was so concerned about it, but Clint's comment a few days ago had really gotten to her more than she'd thought. "What would be so bad about going soft?" He frowned, coming around the couch to sit on the coffee table opposite her.

"I'm a spy, I'm supposed to be scary." She told him, and he was really struggling to understand what she was thinking, or why she was even thinking it. He could guarantee that if he asked anybody if Natasha was scary, they would say yes. "Well, yeah. All the new recruits think you're terrifying. But with us, your family, you're allowed to act like a normal human."

"I have no problem with you guys thinking I'm nice." Steve really didn't understand what was going on. Natasha had never concerned herself on what people thought about her, that wasn't to say she didn't care, but she never worried about idle gossip. "So what is the problem?"

"I can't remember the last time I killed someone." Her admission seriously threw him. Not only did he not know how to respond to that, he couldn't understand why she was dwelling on that. In his head, not killing someone was a good thing. "Not killing people doesn't mean you've gone soft."

"Steve-" She started to protest, but he sent a glare, and she didn't say anything after that. "It doesn't mean you've gone soft, or that you're weak. It means you're strong Tash. And it certainly doesn't mean I love you any less. In fact, I probably love you a little bit more."

Her eyes scrunched up, and he placed his hand gently on the side of her face before pressing a kiss to her forehead. "Thank you."

"Now come on. Dinner's ready." He got up, offering his hand to help her up. She was reluctant to take it, for what reason he didn't know. "I made your favourite." He tempted, and she finally laughed, taking his hand and getting up, tucking herself into his side as they walked to the kitchen.

"Fine. But you better have made me dessert."

* * *

**AN: If you have any ideas that you desperately, or not so desperately want incorporated into this story, please let me know and I'll try to write them in. I hope you enjoyed, please follow, favourite and review. Constructive criticism is always welcome and appreciated.**


	39. How Many Seconds in Eternity?

**AN: Right now, I should be doing my A-Levels, that's fucking insane. But that does mean that any time I should've had an exam, I'm spending the entire time writing so it doesn't feel like I cheated the system as much as I have. But anyway, I'm sorry for this chapter. It's pretty dark, and it's a lot of angst. So I hope you can enjoy this absolute heart breaker of a chapter.**

* * *

Steve had been sent on a mission 3 days ago, and he'd just finished wrapping it up when he got the call. He was halfway across the globe, and it was currently morning, so he couldn't help but be on edge when he answered. "Clint? Why are you calling? Isn't it the middle of the night?"  
"Steve." Clint choked out. Steve could hear the devastation in his voice and his entire heart plummeted at whatever he was going to be told. "What's wrong?"  
"The base got attacked. Nat...she...she," Clint couldn't finish, and Steve found himself not wanting to know. He was just trying his hardest not to panic, not to give in to the endless pit in his stomach. "Is she okay?" He already knew the answer, Clint wouldn't have called, wouldn't have sounded the way he did if everything was okay. Or even close to okay.  
"She's...she's alive." His heart soared momentarily, before pain settled deep in his limbs. Nothing good every came after that. "But?"  
"Bruce...he...she might not stay that way." Steve felt all the breath leave his lungs, sinking down to the floor. He couldn't breathe, he couldn't think, it was like every function in his body had shut down, and the part of his brain dedicated to Natasha completely took over.  
"Fuck, fuck, fuck." The words escaped from his lips before he could stop them. The compound had been attacked, and now Natasha was hurt because he couldn't protect her. She'd needed him, they all had, and he wasn't there to help. It was his fault Nat got hurt, and there was nothing he could do. She was dying a million miles away and he wasn't there. "Fuck."

He needed to gather his thoughts. A million questions barrelled through his head. What were her injuries? How quickly could he get back to base? What about everyone else? How did this even happen?

"Is everyone else okay?" He finally settled on. Natasha may be his entire life, but he was still leader of the team, and it was still his job to know how everyone else was, even if it felt like his heart was cracking open.

"We're good. Wanda's a bit banged up, but she'll live," Clint paused, "Shit, sorry. Bad choice of words." That was good, everyone else was fine. It was just Nat. But it was Natasha, his Natasha that was hurt. And he wasn't there. He couldn't breathe. "Okay, god…I need…I've got to…"

"Steve, breathe," Clint said gently, and Steve felt immediately awful. Clint's best friend was lying half dead and he was the one comforting him. It should've been the other way around. It shouldn't have been at all. He should've been there. "Cap, listen to me. Tony's already on his way to you, he's testing out a new jet. He'll be there in less than an hour. You'll be back here in under 5."

As awful as it was, he needed Clint to be strong, because right now, he couldn't. His mind was racing, and yet he was completely numb at the same time. "Okay, yeah."

"I'll keep you updated." Clint's voice was shaky as he hung up, and Steve couldn't bring himself to care, because his entire mind was filled with Natasha. Her hair, her smile, her laugh. He couldn't lose her, he couldn't. She was his everything, he could do anything, as long as he had her.

* * *

The next hour was the longest in his life. He couldn't move, he could barely breathe, his entire life was crashing down around him and all he could do is sit against a wall. Every second felt like it lasted a minute, every moment where he didn't know what was happening killed him. Because she was dying, and without her, it already felt like he was dead. So that's where Tony found him, sat against the wall he'd fallen against, staring into space as he tried to organize his thoughts into something other than panic.

"Steve. Hey, come on." Tony's face appeared in front of him, shocking him just enough to bring him back to the present. Or at least close enough to the present that he knew something was happening. "Tony?" His voice was raspy and barely audible, but a hand came down on his shoulder, and then he was suddenly on his feet and being guided to a plane, where he was subsequently sat down again. He only focused back in on the world when Tony's face filled his vision once again, a hand placed on his leg. He idly noticed then that they were already in the air, and then he realised Tony's lips were moving and he wasn't listening. "…she's hanging on, but it's rocky."

"Tony? Is…are…Nat?" He choked out, because he couldn't think of any other words. Tony sat down next to him, placing a hand on his back in such a tender movement that it scared him. Not more than his spiralling thoughts, but still.

"She's doing okay," Tony told him, and that didn't comfort him in the least. She wasn't good, or even looking good. "Oh, I have something for you. Bruce had to take this off, thought you should have it for safe keeping."

Tony forced Steve's palm open, putting a small object in his hand. He looked down, seeing it was Natasha's ring. Steve choked back a sob, closing his hand and clutching her ring in his fist. It felt like a lifeline, like a link to Natasha even when he was so far away from her. He held his knuckles up to his mouth, closing his eyes and trying his hardest not to think.

He was vaguely aware of all the noises around him, but when a loud, continuous beep came over the speakers, he was shocked back to the world. "What's happening?" He asked immediately, and only then did he notice all the projections around the jet. Heart rate, oxygen levels, blood pressure, and in the centre of it all was a live feed to Natasha. He could barely see her, surrounded as she was by doctors, but just knowing she was there sent a pang to his heart.

"She's flatlining." Tony said bluntly, chewing on his nail as he watched the screens. Steve couldn't breathe, his entire body seemed to stop, the full-blown panic taking over once more.

"Don't do this to me Nat," he muttered, watching the screen, his nails digging into his palms as doctors tried to bring her back. She couldn't…he couldn't…Natasha…

"Hey, look at me. Steve, look at me," Tony gripped his arm, pulling him to a chair and sitting him down. "You gotta breathe for me Steve. You gotta breathe for her."

Steve tried to focus on his voice to bring him back down to earth, but it was the beautiful, amazing sound of Natasha's heartbeat going back to its steady pulse that finally let him breathe again. "She's good Steve, she's back," Tony rubbed his back gently.

"Fuck." Steve breathed out, because he honestly couldn't think of many more words right now. "She's a fighter Steve, she's not gonna leave you. Not if she has any say in it."

"She might not," he said solemnly, and he knew he was right. And that fact alone terrified him.

* * *

Natasha crashed two more times before they got back to the compound, and both times Steve practically felt his heart stop as well, just waiting, praying, wishing that she'd come back to him. And she did, but each time it took longer, and each time she came back weaker than before. He wasn't sure how he even got to medical, or how he ended up in a plastic chair in the waiting room, but he was there, waiting patiently with everyone else. A soft hand was placed on his shoulder, and he looked over to see Wanda with tears in her eyes, giving him a small smile. Nothing was said, but he did take the hand off his shoulder, holding it between his and letting her rest her head where her hand had been.

Hours passed, or maybe it was minutes, or maybe days. Time stretched into eternity, and his head was just mush that was trying it's hardest not to shut down. But eventually, eventually, Bruce came in the room, and he could only bring himself to look up. His legs didn't feel like they worked anymore, his whole body didn't feel like it worked anymore.

"We got all the shrapnel out. She's alive, she's stable." Steve let out a breath, more relieved than he ever had been before. She was alive, she was safe, he hadn't lost her. "Can…can we see her?" His voice cracked as he said it, protesting after hours of disuse. Because it was all well and good hearing that she was okay, but he wouldn't believe it until he saw her.

"Yeah, come on," Bruce clasped his shoulder, pulling him up and escorting him through the double doors, leading him to another door. "She's just in there."

Bruce left him, leaving him to take a deep breath before he pushed open the door. His heart broke at seeing her motionless on the bed, but she was there, she was alive. Pulling over a chair from the corner of the room, he sat down next to her, tentatively taking her hand, careful not to jostle any wires. He brushed the hair out of her face with his other hand, pressing a kiss to her forehead.

"You gotta wake up for me Nat. Cause I love you, and I need you, and I'm not sure what my life would be without you. So you have to wake up for me." His voice was barely above a whisper, and he knew it wouldn't do anything, but he needed to say it. He needed to know that she knew it.

* * *

He stayed awake for three hours before finally passing out due to exhaustion despite his best intentions. Bruce had come in briefly and told him that she'd wake up when she woke up, there was no way of telling when, and that she'd been in surgery for around 16 hours. And that explained why he was so exhausted, because along with all the mental gymnastics he'd done, he hadn't slept in days, so it really wasn't a surprise that he'd fallen asleep.

He woke up to the feeling of a hand gently carding through his hair, groggily coming to. "Hey." Natasha's soft voice really woke him up, causing him to sit up and grip her hand tightly. He pressed a kiss to her forehead, rubbing his thumb along her cheek. "How long have you been awake?"

"Not long." Her voice was raspy from disuse, but he'd never heard anything more amazing in his life. She was awake, he was talking to her, and she was okay. "You should've woken me."

She gave him a soft smile, her eyes half closed as she leant into his touch. "You looked like you needed the sleep."

She knew she looked like crap and couldn't talk, but the bags under his eyes were prominent and his hair was ruffled and sticking up in every direction. She brought her hand up to hold his, giving it a squeeze. The small comfort was all he needed to let a tear escape his eye, now they were alone, he couldn't help but give in to all the emotions he'd felt over the last day. "I thought I'd lost you," he admitted quietly, pressing his forehead against hers. She let out a small laugh, although seemed to regret it a moment later when a wince of pain washed over her face. "Me? Never."

"I love you so fucking much Natasha." He held their conjoined hands up to his lips, his words barely above a whisper. She pulled one of her hands away from him, gently tracing his jawline. "I'm here. I'm okay now."

"Tony asked me where we keep our legal documents Tash. That's how bad it was." Natasha knew it had been close, scarily so, but she hadn't realised it was that bad. And now she suddenly understood why he was so beat up about the whole situation. And whilst it wasn't her fault this had happened, she was sorry for putting him through all the pain and turmoil he'd clearly been through. "I'm sorry for scaring you."

"It's okay. It doesn't matter now." He pressed another kiss to her hair, noticing how her eyes were slipping closed more often than not, clearly trying to stay awake for his sake. He took her hand once again, and she seemed to jolt awake. "Nat? What is it?" He asked panicked, because her pupils were blown and a look of panic came over her face.

"My ring. It's not there anymore. I was wearing it when they attacked. Fuck, I'm so sorry Steve." Her breaths were short as she frantically looked at her hands, and then at the sheets. He caught her shoulder, effectively stilling her. She looked at him, tears in her eyes, more upset about the fact she'd lost her ring more than the fact she'd almost died. "Hey, relax. Bruce had to take it off. I've got it," he reassured her, wiping away her tears before digging in his pocket and retrieving the ring.

"Let's put this back where it belongs hmmm?" He took her left hand, sliding it onto her finger before kissing her knuckles. She sighed in relief, letting her eyes slip closed. "Get some rest Tash. I'll be right here."

* * *

**AN: If you have any ideas that you desperately, or not so desperately want incorporated into this story, please let me know and I'll try to write them in. I hope you enjoyed, please follow, favourite and review. Constructive criticism is always welcome and appreciated.**


	40. This Isn't a Coincidence

**AN: So this chapter was completely inspired by a review left by Ky111, although it was completely unintentional on their part. Their comment about what would happen to a normal human if they ate a hot dog that Steve and Natasha ate really got me thinking. And this chapter was born. **

* * *

"What are you thinking about?" Steve asked, walking into the kitchen to see Natasha pacing around. She looked up in surprise, stopping for a moment to let him kiss her quickly. "What d'you mean?"

"You twirl your knives when you're trying to work things out. So what's up?" He pointed out, and sure enough she was passing her knife between her hands. He turned on the coffee pot, leaning against the counter and smirking at her lightly.

"D'you think things have been too easy lately?" She asked, setting her knife down and picking up a new one. Steve never understood why she had quite so many knives, especially the ones she was playing with at the moment. They were decorative, ones she'd accumulated over the years from lots of different countries.

"Maybe, it's been kind of nice taking things slow though," he shrugged, although he was guessing she was going somewhere with this. Although he really had enjoyed being able to relax over the last few months. "It has, but that's not what I mean."

He sighed, knowing he was in for a long conversation. "Then what do you mean?"

"That hotdog stall where we got food poisoning, where was it?" The total flip in conversation surprised him, but he knew she had a point, he just hoped she would get to it sometime today. He had to stop to think about the answer to her question for a second, but that was the nice thing about having a photographic memory. "Corner of 87th street."

"That's what I thought, but it wasn't there when I walked past there a few days ago." He couldn't understand her point, vendors moved around all the time, and he was quick to point it out to her. "So? It's been a year, he's probably moved."

"Totally, that's the most logical explanation." She didn't sound convinced by her words, and he just wanted to know what was going on in her head.

"But?" He prompted, raising an eyebrow at her. She stuck her tongue out at him before tossing her knife up in the air and pointing it at him. "We got food poisoning. You got food poisoning. You, Captain America, and we got it bad. It probably would've killed someone else. But there have been no reported deaths from food poisoning from a hot dog cart in New York since 2009." She was gesturing pretty wildly with her knife, and he was genuinely scared she might accidentally stab him.

"What's wrong with her?" Tony asked, walking into the room to see Natasha pacing the floor, aggressively throwing her knife in the air and catching it again.

"She's got a conspiracy theory." Steve teased, and she rolled her eyes at him. "It's not a conspiracy theory. You need a permit in New York to have a food stand, right?"

"Yeah?" Tony looked as confused as Steve felt, especially seeing as he'd come in at the middle of her train of thought. She ignored his confusion, instead jumping up so she was sitting on the counter. And whilst she tried to hide it, Steve didn't miss the slight wince that flashed across her face. "Maybe you should relax Nat. You're still healing."

"I'm fine. What was the name of the stand?" Whilst she didn't technically ignore him, he still felt slightly offended. But when she was like this there was no stopping her, even when she'd technically died not even a month ago.

"Hunter's hot dogs." Steve replied automatically. It was burned in his brain, because those hot dogs had given him an experience he'd never truly regret.

"Look it up Tony. Hot dog stands by that name that have applied for a permit in the last five years," she ordered, and Tony looked at her with wide eyes, completely terrified before pulling out his phone. "Okay."

"D'you know what else is bothering me?" She asked, her eyebrows furrowed as she opened a file that was laying on the counter. "What?"

"We found Bucky. We found him way too easily. And I'm not saying that was a trap, but Hydra didn't care." She showed him the file, and it annoyed Steve how much it made sense. Although he had to point out the one little niggling thing in the back of his mind. "Buck had run away from Hydra months before we found him."  
"Yeah, but there's a difference between no one having him and us having him," she pointed out, and Steve could only shrug. He was beginning to think that she had a point, although what it was, he wasn't sure.

"What was the name of the hot dog stand?" Tony asked, a frown present on his face. "Hunter's hot dogs," he repeated, narrowing his eyes at Tony.

"You're sure?" Tony checked, and Steve couldn't help but snap at him. "I've got a photographic memory. Yes I'm sure."

"It doesn't exist. No applications for a permit, no website. Nothing." Natasha frowned at this, making to hop off the island, but had only shuffled forwards when Steve glared at her. He came to her side, gently lifting her off and back onto the floor. Mainly because he'd be the one Bruce would yell at if she pulled her stitches, again.

"Check for it in images, anything," Natasha ordered, coming over to peer over Tony's shoulder. Really, she was grateful for Steve's help because despite her insistence, her body hadn't quite healed the way she'd wanted it to after the near death experience a month previously.

"What are you thinking Nat?"

"Our compound got hit last month, but quite frankly, they didn't do any damage. Not really," she thought out loud, having picked up her knife again and was tapping it against her palm. Steve raised his eyebrows at that, "You technically died."

She sighed, giving him a guilty smile before continuing to talk. "Yes, but I was the only person who was hurt. Everyone else escaped with a scraped knee and nothing else. They infiltrated the compound, gave us the easiest fight, shot me, then left immediately. They didn't take anything, our servers weren't even touched. And we didn't even realise how odd it was because I got shot."

"Yeah, can you stop repeating that?" Steve asked, scowling at her ever so slightly. "Sorry," she winced, leaning up to kiss him softly as a means of apology. She didn't think she'd ever not feel sorry about putting him through that, despite the fact it hadn't really been her fault.

"That hot dog cart, not in any images apart from on one day. It's in the background of a dozen photos, all taken on the same day." Tony caused them to pull apart and look back over his shoulder. "Let me guess, the day we got food poisoning from it?"

"Yup." Tony nodded, and if they'd doubted Natasha before, they definitely weren't now. There was way too many coincidences for them to dismiss it all, clearly something was going on. And it seemed that Steve and Natasha were the targets.

"How would they know we'd end up on that street corner and in need of food? It makes no sense." That one detail hadn't been adding up in his head. Out of all the street corners, and out of all food they could've brought, it was that one.

And then the question that had been bugging Tony ever since they'd gone on the date in the first place. He'd let it go, figuring it didn't really matter at the time, especially considering they were too busy puking their guts up to answer any real questions. "Why d'you leave the restaurant in the first place? I picked a place I thought you'd like."

"It was boring. And full of old people," Steve said, trying his hardest not to sound too ungrateful. Natasha nodded, adding onto what he'd said. "And stuffy, really stuffy."

"I've never seen that place full of old people. So you left the restaurant and went halfway across the city?" Now Tony was really confused. The place he'd picked was a pretty modern place, and one he actually enjoyed going to. And it was all the way across the city from the stall they'd ended up eating at.

"The cart was only 5 minutes away from the restaurant." Natasha told him, furrowing her brow in confusion. Honestly, she was surprised she could remember as much about this experience as she could. Considering it happened so long ago now. Tony shook his head, that was one of his favourite places to eat, and he knew its location. "No, it wasn't. It was all the way across town."

"Find the email I sent you with all the details of the bookings on," Tony told her, and she finally set her knife down on the counter, pulling out her phone and searching through her emails. Eventually she found it, passing it to Tony.

"Yeah, I didn't send you that email." Tony said, causing her to frown and come over to his side. "Come with me."

* * *

They ended up in Tony's lab, with about a thousand hologram screens in the air around them. "Right, this is the email I sent you. And this is the email you received." Tony showed them two emails that were almost identical, except for the addresses. "That's…We were set up."

"But that makes no sense. Why go to all that effort and bargain on the fact we'd buy a hot dog from that specific stall?" Steve would never had made that call, not unless he knew it would work out. It would've been a giant risk, one that whoever was trying to get them would've known. "I'm willing to bet they didn't. They must've set up loads of stalls around the area. I compared images all across the city from that day to the day after and there are about a dozen more carts than usual. All the way from the restaurant to central park." Tony confirmed his suspicions, and suddenly a switch flicked in Natasha's brain.

"That's where we always go when we leave the tower without a reason," she punched Steve lightly on the shoulder, and his eyes widened in realisation. They seemed to gravitate towards central park for some reason, and if someone had been tracking their movements, it would've been obvious. "Someone's been watching us."

"That's why I was shot. Because you weren't there. They must've known you were across the globe, set up the attack so only I would get hurt knowing that you'd come racing back as soon as they heard." Everything was clicking into place, and Steve couldn't deny that he was a little scared. He took Natasha's hand, feeling the need to know she was actually there besides him, and she gave it a soft squeeze. She understood that he needed the comfort of knowing she was safe, especially given everything that had happened recently.

"And Bucky?" Steve asked, because that part of it was still an enigma to him. Of course there was the possibility that it was irrelevant, but he'd learnt to trust Natasha's instinct a long time ago, and if she thought something was off, it probably meant something was off.

"Did anything happen whilst I was away trying to find him?" Natasha asked. She couldn't bring to mind anything that had happened whilst she'd been gone, or that she'd been told anything. Tony pulled up a calendar, swiping through it until he found a certain date. Natasha looked at all the information curiously. "Jarvis records anything and everything even remotely significant each day and puts it in here." Tony explained, and that was actually pretty genius. Tony pouted ever so slightly, scrolling through what looked like pages of information before finally coming across something. "Here. There was an explosion in one of the SI labs downstairs. The floor had to be evacuated."

"Which floor?" Steve asked, not being able to make much sense of the screen. Maybe it was a coincidence, but there didn't seem to be any of those about today. "72."

"The gym's on 73." Steve pointed out. It was the first of the floors only the Avengers had access to, but he couldn't think of anything more significant that that.

"So's our temporary holding cells. If we'd have brought Bucky into the tower and not Shield, that's where we'd put him." Tony said, pulling up the plans to the building. Natasha didn't even know they had holding cells, let alone where they were located. They'd never had a need for them before. "This could be a coincidence," she said, wanting more than anything to be wrong this time. "Or it could be something much worse. Sweep the floor for bombs, explosives, bugs. Anything. I have a bad feeling about this."

* * *

"They found a bomb hidden in the vents. We gave everyone on that floor and the five floors below it the day off to try and avoid suspicion." Tony told them, walking into the living area of the compound where they'd all evacuated to just in case. "I've been doing some digging, and by that I mean my lovely wife has been looking into it."

He gestured to Pepper, who had walked in a little bit behind him with a tablet in her hand. "So I looked at everyone who was hired and everyone who resigned three months either side of the incident. In total there are ten people, but no one was hired and then quit 6 months later. So we have no idea who could've of done this or whether they're still working for us."

"So we have no way of knowing who's been targeting us?" Steve asked, and Pepper nodded. She did something on her tablet and then multiple faces came up on the tv. "Hold up. Go back a second." Natasha told them, having scanned through all the faces. Pepper did as asked, and a pit formed in her stomach. "I know who did this."

"You know this guy?" Tony asked, and she nodded. "Not personally, at least I don't think so. But I've seen his face before. I'll be back in a second."

She returned having grabbed a file from her room and throwing it down on the table. "What is this?" Bruce asked, taking the folder and flipping through it. The majority of it was in Russian, and a lot of it was blacked out.

"It's my file. Not my Shield one, the Red Room one. I found it whilst I was on that mission ages ago." She pulled the file from Bruce, taking out a photo and showing it to them. "See here, he's in the background of this photo." She pointed out a man in the photo. The photo itself was taken in the red room. She was in the middle of a dozen girls practicing ballet, and there were various people at the back, their man being one of them.

"You must've have met this guy then, if he's in the back of this shot." Tony commented, and she supposed that he must've been right, except for the fact she couldn't remember ever meeting him. "It's like there's this little niggle in the back of my head that's telling me I know this guy, but I don't know where. I don't have a name, the only reason I recognise his face is because of these pictures. I've spent months pouring over these trying to find any hint of who any of these people are. But I've got nothing."

"Maybe we should ask Bucky. He may have at least met him." Steve suggested, gently placing his hands on her shoulder. He could tell she was getting worked up over this whole situation. She'd spent a long time sorting out her memories, figuring out which were real and which weren't, so he knew that finding out she couldn't remember something so large would be sending her into a small panic. She smiled gratefully at him, glad that he was taking charge right now, because she couldn't trust herself to. "It's worth a shot. Where is he?"

"He's in his room I think. I'll go get him." Wanda said, getting up off the couch and walking off towards the living quarters. Steve couldn't help the look of concern that passed over his face, he'd hoped Bucky would have integrated himself into their group more than he'd seemed to. "Is Buck doing okay?"

"You should stop worrying about me Stevie. I'll have you know I'm a model citizen." Bucky appeared out of nowhere, clapping Steve on the shoulder before moving over to look at the files over Natasha's shoulder. "What did you want me for?"

"Have you ever met this guy?" Natasha asked, passing him the picture and pointing to the man in question. At the same time, a much larger picture of his Stark employee photo came up on the tv. "He used to train you back in the day. You don't remember?"

"I know his face. I recognised his face when I first saw it, but I don't know how." Bucky nodded, a tiny furrow appearing in his brow as he considered her words. He knew she'd met him, she'd taken beatings from him, she should remember him. "He stayed with the Red Room for about a year. I was in and out for most of it, but I'm fairly sure it was around 1986."

"How can you not remember a guy who trained you for a year?" Tony asked, and she just shrugged. But then a sickening wave of realisation came over Bucky. "What do you remember about 1986 Nat?"

"Uhhh, not much. Most of the years blur into one," she responded, unconcerned about her lack of memories, and Bucky knew why. He didn't want it to be true, sure, they'd fucked with his memories, but he'd come to term with that a long time ago. But her?

"Alright, what do you remember about 85?" He kept his voice steady, and Steve eyed him curiously, trying to figure out what he was up to. "I went on a mission. I think it was to the south of Russia to get some intel."

"Okay, what do you remember about 87?" Bucky wanted her to figure it out for herself, or at least understand it for herself. Part of it was selfish, he didn't want to tell her, he didn't want to be the one to cause her all the anguish he went through. "Not that much, I know I went to Brussels once or twice."

"Now tell me what you remember about 86."

"I don't…I don't. Why can't I remember anything?" Her breathing quickened by the smallest increment, but it was barely noticeable. Unless of course, you noticed every small detail about her like Steve did. He saw the panic in her eyes, and whilst they were sitting next to each other already, he gently put his hand on her thigh under the table, giving it a soft squeeze. Her own hand landed on his a second later, her fingers grasping at his softly. His touch seemed to ground her, and a second later she was looking back at Bucky. "Why can't I remember anything?"

"They wiped your memory a few times. I don't know what happened in that year either. Not really." Bucky explained, his voice quiet and soft, trying to keep her calm. Because as subtle as her movements had been, they all knew that talking about the Red Room was something they had to be careful about. "They wiped me too, but they did it so often memories would start to leak through. Just small things, faces, a date, a location."

"So, do you have a name? Anything we can use to track this guy down?" Tony asked, and Bucky just shook his head. "I don't have anything on this guy. I have some locations we can start at, but nothing specific."

"What d'you want us to do Nat? I mean, this certainly feels targeted towards you." Bruce asked, and for the first time in her life, she was scared. She knew this all centred around her for some reason, but that didn't mean she knew what to do. "Uhhh, Bucky? Give Tony a list of possible locations and anything else you can remember. Names, dates, anything. Bruce, Steve, start going over his fake information. Find anything you can on this guy."

She left the room, her composure barely intact, losing it completely once she was out of sight, burying her face in her hands as she leant against the wall, willing herself to keep her tears at bay. She was frustrated more than anything, completely overwhelmed by all the emotions running through her. She wasn't alone for long, a strong pair of arms encompassing her and pulling her into their chest. She went willingly, letting Steve clutch her to him as she tried not to cry. His fingers raked though her hair as his other hand rubbed her back lightly. "You're okay Tash. I got you."

She broke slightly at his words, clutching at his t-shirt and whimpering. She treasured her memories, they were some of the only real things she had in her life. At least she thought they were. And suddenly she was doubting everything she'd ever thought was true. Were those memories real? Or were they just fake ones implanted to make her comply to whatever they wanted.

"You can cry Tash, it's just us," Steve promised, and she wanted to be strong, she didn't want to let this get to her, but Steve was surrounding her, making her feel safe and protected, and she just couldn't help it.

Steve lowered them to the floor as she cried into his chest, letting her curl up on his lap as he rocked her slightly, pressing kisses into her hair. He'd known as soon as they started talking about the Red Room that this could happen, but he hadn't expected her to break down quite this quickly. But he knew how important her memories were to her. She thought she'd figured out what was real and what wasn't, so the fact this was shaking her entire world wasn't shocking. And it killed him that there wasn't much he could do right now except for hold her. But when he could, he would kill the fuckers that caused the person he loved so much distress.

* * *

**AN: If you have any ideas that you desperately, or not so desperately want incorporated into this story, please let me know and I'll try to write them in. I hope you enjoyed, please follow, favourite and review. Constructive criticism is always welcome and appreciated.**


	41. Paperwork Sucks

**AN: Trigger warning for panic attacks. So if you can't read that kind of stuff, then please don't. Your mental health is way more important that a FanFiction.**

* * *

There was paperwork everywhere. And she meant everywhere. It covered their kitchen, their couch, their floor. It had even spread to the bed at this point. To say she was behind was an understatement. After her office at Shield was quickly filling up, and once she had no more space, she decided to bring it home to work on it. Of course that had been three days ago and she hadn't made any progress. The amount was overwhelming, and she was starting to stress out about it. Steve was on a mission, so hadn't witnessed the bombsite their apartment had become. He wasn't a neat freak persay, but he liked things organised, as did she, although the current state of the room was beginning to make her question that. Clint had come to find her a few hours ago, wondering why she hadn't left her apartment in three days, and hadn't managed to escape yet, having been dragged into the piles of paperwork to help her.

"This report is from Novosibirsk. That mission was what, a month ago?" Clint asked in disbelief, opening another file and chugging his coffee. He would never judge her, but this was ridiculous. Even he didn't have this much of a back log, and he hated paperwork more than her.

"Two actually. That's not even the oldest one. This is from Vienna, which was from three months ago," she sighed, signing the file Clint had just given her. She loved being a Shield agent, but she wished she didn't have to do any paperwork. It was boring and frankly a waste of her time. She'd have thought that being forced to have a month off when she'd almost died would have meant she could catch up, but if anything she was just more behind.

"How much of a backlog do you have exactly?" He raised an eyebrow at her, and she winced. "Four months maybe?"

"Tasha, we're gonna be here for four years at this rate. We need help." Logically she knew that, and if there was anyone they could ask for help, she could. "Well if you think Tony's going to help, you must be crazy. Bruce would just laugh at me then leave. Pepper has enough on her hands and I think Steve would have a heart attack if he saw this."

"If I saw what?" Steve's voice called out from the entryway. Tony had redone their entire apartment in the tower a few months back, and one of the things he'd done was give them an actual front door instead of just walking in from the elevator. The area between their door and the elevator was the only place she'd managed to keep clear from the mess that had overcome their apartment.

"Nothing!" She yelled, racing though the living room to get to him. She jumped into his arms, hugging him tightly as she forced him to turn around so he wouldn't see the mess.

"Welcome home." She sealed his lips in a fierce kiss, moving her mouth over his passionately as she gestured with her hand to get Clint to tidy everything up.

"It's not gonna happen Nat. Not even a miracle would clear this up." Clint called, causing her to sigh and rest her forehead against Steve's. He frowned at her, shifting ever so slightly so she was forced to look at him properly. "What's going on Natasha?"

"I missed you so much." She knew there was no point in distracting him now, although what she was saying wasn't untrue. It had been 4 days since she last saw him, 4 days of hell that was only partially linked to his absence.

"Natasha." He narrowed his eyes, staring at her. She withered under his glare, she knew she'd regret teaching him how to do that. She reluctantly let go of him, letting him lower her down to the floor. "Don't be mad but…" She turned him around, letting him see the mess that was swallowing their apartment. "Jesus Christ."

"I'm sorry, I've just haven't had the time to do all my paperwork recently." It wasn't exactly an excuse, but she was sorry that it had gotten this out of hand.

"I can't see the floor Nat," he said in exasperation and she winced, running a hand through her hair. "It's bad, I know."

Steve walked through the living room and into the bedroom with the intention of dumping his bag on the bed, only to find that the mess didn't end. He picked up a file, thumbing through it quickly. "How recently is recently?"

"You don't want to know," she told him, and he raised his eyebrow at her. "Four months," she mumbled, and he pulled her into a hug, letting her rest her head against his chest. As much as he was annoyed that their apartment was covered in paper, he could see it was wearing on her.

"Did you find anything?" She asked about his mission instead, pulling away from him ever so slightly. They'd hit a dead end on their mystery man from the Red Room. He was good, and they hadn't managed to find any trace of him anywhere on Earth. Him and Bucky had gone to scope out a possible location, but the fact he hadn't said anything yet didn't fill her with hope.

"Nothing. The place was deserted. We'll find him Tash, I promise." He pressed a kiss to her forehead, and she just nodded quietly. She hated the fact she wasn't involved in the missions, but even she could see that sending her would be putting not only her, but everyone else in danger. So she was stuck at home, doing paperwork.

"Fury wants you at shield," he told her, kissing her hair gently and letting go, moving towards his bag to throw all the dirty washing in the laundry basket. She sighed, cleaning off a spot on the bed and sitting down. "I don't have time."

"Hey, it's okay. I'll help Clint whilst you go talk to Fury." He kept his voice soft, coming over to cup her cheeks in his hands, pressing a kiss to her forehead. Natasha didn't get like this often, but he could practically see the stress and anxiety radiating off of her. She wrapped her arms around his neck, kissing him softly before resting her head against his chest. "Thank you."

* * *

"Fury, you wanted to see me?" She knocked on the door to his office, poking her head around the door. "Yes Agent Romanoff, come in."

Uh oh, that wasn't a good tone of voice. Not that any tone of voice from Fury was usually good but he was practically screaming that he was pissed off. "You haven't been in Shield for the last week with no explanation given. Where were you?"

"I've been busy." She wouldn't dare tell him that she was catching up on her paperwork. If he knew how behind she was, well, that didn't bare thinking about. Her contract with Shield had become looser over the years, but it was true that she couldn't just disappear for a week without giving Fury a reason.

"This is your job Romanoff. If you can't do it, I will have to reconsider your role within the organisation." She knew that, but that didn't change the fact she'd be fired anyway if she couldn't finish her paperwork. "Yes sir. I understand."

"Good." He got up, grabbing a box from the corner and putting it on the desk, making a thud as it landed. She eyed it curiously, cocking her head to the side ever so slightly. "What's this?"

"You're behind on your paperwork from the last week Romanoff. I expect this done by tomorrow or I will be assigning you to desk duty until it's done. We also seem to be missing a lot of your mission reports, so if they're not done, they better be by tomorrow." Fury wasn't an idiot, she knew that if he knew her mission reports were missing, he knew they weren't done. And if he knew that, then he knew she wasn't going to get it all done by tomorrow. "Seriously?"

"You're dismissed." She took the box, sighing as she left the room. She headed back to her office, throwing the box on her desk before sitting down. She pulled out a file, opening and starting to work on it.

"Natasha, you forgot to fill out the forms for the next strike mission. I need them done by tomorrow." Maria Hill walked into her office without invitation, handing her another file.

"How does this keep happening?" She asked herself. It was truly incredible how her pile of work just kept increasing.

"I'm sorry?" Hill raised a questioning eyebrow at her. "Oh, nothing. Thanks." She dismissed Hill, burying her face in her hands. She decided to go back home, the longer she stayed at Shield it seemed the more work she would end up with. She put the files back in the box, heading to the garage.

"Romanoff!" Agent Lewis approached her from behind before she could escape this miserable building. "Yes Agent?" She just wanted to get home to get all this work done interrupted, and maybe get a hug from Steve whilst she was at it.

"The new mail guy mixed up some of your files in mine," he said, passing her a few files. She threw them aggressively into the box she was holding. "Great. Thanks." She couldn't keep the sarcastic bite out of her voice, as much as he didn't deserve to be on the other end of her wrath.

"No problem." He either didn't pick up on her anger, or wisely chose to ignore it, instead leaving her in peace. She practically sprinted to her car, throwing the box on the passenger seat and escaping before she could get lumped with any more paperwork.

20 minutes later she pulled into the garage under the tower, sighing before getting out the car. She made her way back to her floor, collapsing on the couch once she got there. Not only did she not want to do all this work, the sheer amount of it was overwhelming her, and she hadn't even been doing it for the last hour.

"Nat?" Steve asked, coming over to peer at her over the back of the couch. Him and Clint were working on her files, god she loved those boys, though her dramatics had gotten their attention.

"We have a problem," she sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose between her fingers. A small kiss was placed to the side of her head, and she briefly considered just never getting up from this position. Letting the world descend around her and just letting it.

"What is it?" Clint asked, worry evident in his voice. She sighed, getting up from the couch, picking up the box she had put on the floor and dumping it on the table next to them. "More files. And they need to be done by tomorrow or Fury'll put me on desk duty."

"Tash, I know you don't want to hear this, but maybe that's a good thing." They all hated desk duty, but Clint did have a point. A point she didn't want to acknowledge but a point nonetheless. "That's not an option Clint. We have to get this done."

"Fine." There was no point arguing, she was on a mission, and she couldn't be stopped. She'd spent enough time out of the field recently anyway, she was not about to let some goddamn paperwork keep her chained to a desk.

* * *

_6 hours later_

Clint had left about an hour ago, saying that he loved her but not that much. She didn't blame him, in fact she was surprised he stayed as long as he did.

"I'm gonna head to bed. You coming?" Steve yawned, closing a file and putting it on the stack that she just needed to put her signature on. They had finally found a use for their dining table. They usually just ate in the kitchen, and they'd told Tony that, but he insisted that they'd need a bigger table if they ever decided to expand their family. Of course, he didn't know that wasn't exactly an option for them. She looked over the amount of work she had left to do before looking over to Steve. "Nah, I'm gonna stay up a while longer."

"It's one in the morning. Promise me you'll go to bed soon," he asked, getting up and coming up behind her, resting his hands on her shoulders and rubbing them softly. "I promise. Love you."

"Love you too. Night." He pressed a kiss to the crown of her head before leaving. She wasn't going to bed anytime soon, and they both knew that, but pretending both made them feel a bit better.

When Steve woke up at 6am and headed into the kitchen to get a drink before going out on a run, he wasn't entirely sure what he'd find in the dining room. But Natasha was asleep, her top half spread out on the table, as she snored lightly. He debated whether to move her or not, but eventually decided to try to get her into bed, without waking her. A usually impossible task, but he wasn't entirely sure when she'd last slept, so he figured he had at least a chance. He gently wormed his arms underneath her, bringing her so she was cradled against his chest. He managed to make it halfway to the bedroom before she started to stir.

"Steve?" She mumbled, burying her face in his chest, her eyes still closed. "Hey, go back to sleep," he whispered, placing her on their bed, pulling the sheets over her and pressing a kiss to her forehead.

"No, I need to do work. Fury's gonna kill me." She sat up, shoving the sheets of her and making to get up when he pushed her back down gently. He sat down next to her, brushing the hair off her forehead. "You need to sleep Natasha."

"Don't coddle me Steve, I need to finish my work," she objected, trying to get up but his strong grip on her shoulder stopped her from moving. "I'm not coddling you Nat. Go to sleep, I'll work on some cases. I'll wake you up in a few hours and you can continue working. Deal?"

"But you were gonna go on a run-" He cut her off before she could continue. "Deal?" His tone left no room for argument.

"Deal," she muttered, albeit reluctantly. She may have been a nightmare to deal with, but she couldn't say no to Steve, no matter how hard she tried.

"Goodnight Nat."

Natasha stumbled into the living room a few hours later, raking a hand through her hair as she weaved through boxes to get coffee. "Morning sleepyhead." Steve chuckled, looking up from the file he was working on.

"What…" she yawned loudly, scrunching up her eyes. "What time is it?"

"One," he told her, and her eyes widened, abandoning the coffee machine to search from paper frantically.

"Shit Steve. You promised you'd wake me up. I have to get those files done for Fury." She couldn't help but let her stress leak into her voice. He came over to her, pulling her into her arms, essentially trapping her to stop her frantic movements. "Hey, relax. I've done them. You just need to sign them and give them back." He pressed a kiss to her hair, and he could feel her body relax in his arms.

"Thanks." It was barely more than a whisper, but he heard it all the same. "Go have a shower, yeah? Take some time, I'll make you some food And then I promise I'll let you get back to this."

"I don't have a choice do I?" She asked, and he just shook his head. "Nope. Go shower. Because no offense sweetheart, but you stink." He wrinkled up his nose to demonstrate his point and she pushed him away, rolling her eyes. "Love you too Steve."

* * *

Steve walked into their apartment after his morning run, sweaty and aching for a shower. They'd managed to get enough of her work done to satisfy Fury, but there was still a lot to do, despite the fact they'd spent literally two days doing it. He looked around for Natasha, hoping he would be able to coerce her into getting some rest. He smiled, noticing her knees peeking over the back of the couch, assuming she had finally gone to sleep. Well, hoping more than anything. He grabbed a blanket from the cupboard, intending to lay it over her and leave her on the couch when he heard it. The short, shallow, sharp breaths falling from her mouth inconsistently, an air of unease around her.

"Nat?" He asked, walking around to see her laying on the couch, legs bent slightly, hands spread across her stomach. Her eyes were closed, and he could see tears leaking out from under her lashes. He knelt down onto the floor next to her, wrapping his hands around hers.

"Natasha, look at me." Her eyes cracked open, her eyes glassy and unfocused as she panted, desperate for oxygen. He knew what was happening, he was honestly surprised this hadn't happened sooner.

"Just breathe, deep breaths, in and out." She tried to copy his breathing, but despite her efforts she couldn't calm down. And that only riled her up more, each breath getting shallower. "Just concentrate on me. You're okay Nat. Just breathe." He brushed his hand over her hair before trailing it over her shoulders as he still grasped her hands with his other one. Her entire body was shaking, and her teeth were sinking into her bottom lip as she desperately tried to breathe.

"Natasha, look at me. I'm here okay. Just copy me." He brought her hand up to rest on his chest, just over his heart as he exaggerated his breathing, and slowly, her breaths began to even out. "You back with me?" He asked, and she gave a tiny little nod. He moved to perch on the edge of the couch, cupping her cheeks gently as he waited for her to give him a sign she was ready to move. She nuzzled into his hand, bring one of hers to grasp it softly, needing to ground herself to him. She wasn't really satisfied with that though, instead forcing her body to sit up so she could wrap her arms around his waist, falling against his chest. He held her tightly to him, making sure she had enough room so she didn't feel suffocated, but she could never feel suffocated by him. He pulled her around so her body was curled up against him and he could sit down properly, raking her hands through her hair and whispering sweet nothings into her ear.

"This has been happening more often," he said softly after a while, weaving his fingers through her hair, gently combing out the tangles.

"I'm sorry," she whispered, and he instantly shushed her, pressing a kiss to her hair. "Hey, it's okay. It's okay baby."

"I'm sorry. I should have more control over this. This…this shouldn't…I…" she trailed off, starting to get worked up again, because goddammit, she was the Black Widow. She should have more control over her emotions, she was trained to have more control over her emotions.

"Hey, look at me Tash. You don't be sorry about this. It's okay, you're okay. I promise." He pressed a soft but insistent kiss to her lips, and he felt all the fight leave her. He lifted her up, and he heard her moan, assuming that he was going to leave her, but he just moved to their bed, lying down with her curled up against his chest. He wasn't going to leave her, despite the fact she wouldn't even notice, having slipped into a proper sleep for the first time in days. But when she woke up, he was going to do what he should've done in the first place. He was going to force Tony, Clint and Bruce into doing paperwork. Even if he had to drag them kicking and screaming.

* * *

**AN: If you have any ideas that you desperately, or not so desperately want incorporated into this story, please let me know and I'll try to write them in. I hope you enjoyed, please follow, favourite and review. Constructive criticism is always welcome and appreciated.**


	42. I'm What?

**AN: I was going to post this yesterday, but to me it felt wrong to be posting given the current climate. But it's here today, and it's not the fluffiest, but it is a chapter I know a lot of people have been waiting for, so I hope you can enjoy.**

* * *

Steve was sat in a dingy bar, talking to man who was quite frankly disgusting. They'd finally managed to get a lead on their mystery Russian man, mainly the bank account his wages from his stint at Stark were paid into. Regardless, that led them to the man Steve was sitting across from, the ex-army commander Richard Addams.

"You're a lucky guy, nice girl you got there." Addams looked over to Natasha, who was sitting at the bar, paying them no attention. They had a simple plan. Make Addams think he had a chance with Natasha, then take him in and question him for information. The way Addams was so blatantly staring at her made him sick, and whilst he knew she was used to it, and didn't particularly care, that didn't mean he liked it.

"Yeah, she's something special," he smiled, looking over to her as she placed her hand on the bartenders arm and smiled coyly at him. "That she is," he agreed, and it was time to implement the second half of the plan. There was nothing men like this wanted more than a taken woman.

"But I'll tell you something, man to man. She has a bit of a wandering eye, just can't keep her under control," he laughed as Natasha tossed her head back and giggled at something the bartender said.

"I'll bet." The man laughed, and yeah, Steve wanted to throw up.

"I'm off, I heard there's some Latvian girls around here, might get lucky." He waggled his eyebrows, downing his beer before getting up and shoving the man's shoulder before leaving to sit in a booth on the other side of the pub. He hated acting that role, but not as much as he hated the next bit.

"He's all yours Romanoff, do your thing," he said through the comms. "Copy that Rogers, moving in now."

Even though they were on private comms, they always made sure they kept things professional whilst on missions. Or at least, whilst they were actually doing the mission. The hotel rooms and cars between locations were a different ball game.

Natasha approached the man sitting at the table Steve had just vacated, swinging her hips ever so slightly. "Mind if I sit?" She asked, gesturing at the empty seat. Addams looked up at her in surprise, but there was no disguising the dark look of lust he had in his eye. "Be my guest."

Steve watched the whole conversation play out from across the room, including the part when she sat on his lap, wrapping her arms around him. It made his blood boil watching it, even though he knew it was for a mission and meant nothing. But the way his big, fat hands trailed over her body, his eyes looking at her like she was nothing more than a piece of meat made him want to go over there and punch the man in the face.

"I would do anything for you." The man said to her, and whilst she was smiling disarmingly at him, Steve could see the disgust in her eyes.

"I hate this," he grumbled under his breath, and a tinkling laugh came out of Natasha's mouth. He knew she was laughing at him, disguising her actions by pretending she was laughing at a joke Addams had made that definitely wasn't funny.

"I know baby," she said back to him, disguising it in her conversation. Addams brought his hand up to caress her face, and Steve had to stop himself from gagging. "Honestly, what can I do for you?"

"There's so many things, but first," she flipped him onto the floor, pinning his arms behind his back. "Colonel Richard Addams, you are under arrest by the jurisdiction of Shield. You have the right to remain silent, anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law," she said, pulling out a gun and aiming it at him. Steve put the handcuffs on him, dragging him up by the collar before handing him off to a lower Shield agent who was waiting by the door to take him away.

"Well done." Steve told her once Addams was outside. The rest of the bar had looked over in shock, but this was New York and this kind of stuff happened all the time, so they were quickly ignored again.

"Well done yourself." She bumped his shoulder, smiling at him. He shook his head at her, not really believing he deserved the praise. "I didn't do anything."

She smirked at him softly, shaking her head at him in disagreement. "Course you did. You tolerated me flirting with another man with minimal complaining. Granted, a gross, disgusting man, but still," she told him, kissing him gently on the cheek. He wrapped his arm around her waist, pulling her in close to him. "Ughhh, you stink." He commented, and she just laughed.

"Yeah, I know. I could do with some help getting this smell off me," she smirked at him, and he just shook his head, unable to stop laughing as he kissed her softly.

"Come on." He rolled his eyes before taking her hand and pulling her out the bar to what promised to be a very enjoyable shower.

* * *

"Widow, on your left." Steve shouted through the comms. She quickly turned, using her widow bites to take out three men. Addams' information on their mystery man from the Red Room had been incredibly useful, which is why the entire team was raiding a remote base in the middle of Russia. It was supposed to be quick, get in, get out, don't alert the guards, but alas, things were never that simple. Someone had tipped them off to Shield's actions and had employed guards 24/7 to guard the facility.

"Moving in on the west wing now," she informed them, pulling out a new magazine and putting it into her gun.

"Watch out for powered individuals." Steve warned, and she could only be so mad at him about the warning. She'd been listening in every single meeting, but it had taken enough convincing to even let her come on the mission, so she'd take the warning. "Got it."

The hallway she walked down wasn't abandoned by any means, but it was a hell of a lot quieter than she'd anticipated. Which made her immediately suspicious given the resistance they'd faced outside. "Things are pretty quiet down here," she said, cautiously keeping to the shadows as she descended a staircase.

"Good for you. Things aren't quite as easy up here." Tony snarked, and she almost let out a small chuckle, but she couldn't escape the sinking feeling in her gut that something wasn't right. "Quit complaining Stark. At least you're not down here in the thick of it." Clint responded.

There was always constant chatter over the comms, most the time she was part of the problem, but she could hear something faintly in the background. Normally, she would just turn off her comms, but she had a feeling that would end up blowing up in her face.

"Can you guys be quiet for a minute?" She snapped, and everyone fell quiet. She felt like she could hear people breathing, but something was off about the whole situation down here. She entered through a door, and her breath was literally taken away when she saw it. 10 or so children lying in beds, handcuffed to the railings. Just like she used to be. And fuck, she was going to kill whoever was in charge of this whole operation, Shield orders be damned. "I'm gonna need some back-up down here."

"I'm on my way. What's going on down there?" Steve responded, and she could already hear him running. A few of the girls were awake and watching her cautiously, and she honestly didn't know what to do. "Turns out the Red Room hasn't changed its ways. I've got about 10 little girls down here handcuffed to beds."

"Oh shit. I'm calling in evac." Tony said, and that was a good call. But she was a little preoccupied by the footsteps entering the room behind her. She spun around quickly, coming face to face with their mystery man. "Who are you?" She asked, and he just chuckled.

"You don't remember me Natalia? I'm offended." He had a thick Russian accent, and all too quickly she pulled a gun out on him and aimed it at his head. "Who are you?" She growled, and she could hear voices in her ear asking her what was happening and who she was talking to. And couldn't they tell that she didn't know who he was?

"You never change Natalia. You come crawling back to us, just like you always do." He said, and she wanted to punch him. "What the fuck is your name?"

She was flat on her back in seconds before she could even process what happened. His leg had swept under her and his fist had connected into her chest, sending her flying to the ground. "You little piece of shit." She spat on the floor, getting up to face him. Her ribs ached, but she was sure he had some sort of serum running through him, and if she didn't get up, that would only spell more pain for her.

"Nat? What's going on? Are you okay?" Steve's worried voice crackled in her ear and she could only manage to get a quiet "Help," out before a fist was thrown at her head. She dodged just in time, and she knew she was out matched here. This guy had trained her, according to Bucky, he knew her moves, knew her tactics. She knew nothing about him apart from the fact he was strong. Really strong. It was all she could do to dodge his attacks, barely able to get a punch in, let alone something debilitating. She fell to the floor again as a hard kick was angled at her knee. She rolled out of the way as a foot was aimed at her head, and just managed to get up when she felt a dull throbbing in the back of her head. She turned around, her vision going fuzzy as she saw him holding a wrench above her head. She fumbled to get her bites out, just managing to activate them and shocking him, falling to the ground as she did.

"Natasha?" She heard Steve call. His voice was faint, and she couldn't figure out how far away he was as she slipped into blackness. She tried to keep her eyes open, now was not the time to lose consciousness, she was in danger. But Steve was close, and he would protect her, she could sleep.

"Nat? Look at me, stay focused on me." She tried to focus on his voice, but she was falling deeper into unconsciousness, her eyes fluttering closed as her head throbbed.

* * *

Her head hurt as she came to, squinting as she tried to open her eyes. She blinked quickly as she tried to grow accustomed to the light, trying to sit up when a firm pair of hands pushed her back down.

"Relax Agent Romanoff, you're safe." An unfamiliar voice pierced her thoughts, growing her headache from the dull throbbing to a more acute stab of pain. She brought her hand up to the back of her head, feeling a bandage, and…oh yeah. She'd been hit in the head by a wrench.

"Where's Steve?" She asked immediately, noticing his lack of presence. It was unlike him to leave before she woke up, although she could hardly talk. Regardless, she thought it was odd.

"Director Fury called him for a meeting. It looked like you wouldn't wake for a while," the doctor explained, and she could forgive Steve for leaving. That didn't make her happy about it, no one wanted to wake up alone with a concussion, but she understood. "What happened?"

"Mild concussion, few bullets, some serious broken ribs, but don't worry, the baby's okay." The doctor seemed to think her words would be reassuring, but she could not only feel her heart rate go up, but she could hear it as well.

"Baby?" She was confused. Why was she talking about a baby? This doctor was implying she was pregnant, but she wasn't pregnant, she couldn't be pregnant. It was physically impossible for her to be pregnant. Her concussion must've been worse than she'd thought.

"I'm so sorry Agent Romanoff, I assumed you knew. You're pregnant." The doctor, now her vision had cleared enough for her to actually read, whose name was Cameron apologised, and Natasha wondered whether she'd read her file. It was there in the medical section of her file that she was sterilised, redacted to anyone apart from doctors. Which this lady was.

"Preg…pregnant?" Natasha couldn't comprehend her words, and Cameron just smiled at her. "Yes, by my calculations you're not far along though, maybe five weeks. I should've realised, my apologises."

"I can't have kids." She had to say it, because nothing about this made sense. She couldn't have kids, the Red Room had taken that away from her. "I know, I read your file. However, that doesn't change the fact that you are."

Natasha couldn't believe it. But as she thought about it more, the more it made sense. Why she had been feeling off her game, why she hesitated earlier, why she was so incredibly tired.

"I know this must be a shock, but we would like to do an ultrasound to ensure that the child is okay and will be fine going forwards," Cameron said, and Natasha didn't know how to react. She just nodded and the doctor left the room leaving her alone with her thoughts. She was conflicted. She was pregnant with a child, Steve's child. She was pregnant with the love of her life's child. And most people would be overjoyed about that, but this was her. This had never been in her life plan, mainly because it should be impossible. But she was happy, wasn't she? She should be happy.

In reality though, she was scared. Properly scared. She wasn't made to be a mother. Sure, she loved Clint's kids, but she could be fun Auntie Nat with them. Her own child meant all sorts of responsibility, and it wasn't that she couldn't be responsible, but babies literally can't do anything by themselves. An entire life would be placed into her hands and it was up to her to keep them alive. And it wasn't like she'd be doing this alone, she knew Steve would be there every single step of the way, but that didn't make her any less terrified.

The doctor came back in with an ultrasound machine, and her smile instantly calmed her down. It was strange, no one except for Steve could do that so instantly and effectively. "Can you lift up your gown for me Natasha?" She asked, and she was surprised at the change to the use of her name instead of Agent Romanoff. But she said nothing, because it made her feel better being talked to like she was an actual human in this situation. Anyway, Natasha did as asked, lifting up her gown and exposing her stomach, and she felt weirdly vulnerable. She simultaneously wished Steve was here and that he wasn't. She really wanted a hand to hold right now, but she also wanted to do this by herself right now. She wanted this moment to just be hers. Was that selfish?

"This is probably going to be cold. Just take a deep breath and it'll warm up pretty quickly." She was warned, but that didn't mean she wasn't slightly shocked when the gel touched her stomach. The doctor just laughed, "I did tell you."

They both went silent for a while as the wand moved around her stomach. Cameron didn't seem to concerned about anything, putting all her fears at bay. "Alright, it looks like everything's fine."

"Can I see it?" Natasha didn't really know where the question came from, and it shocked her that she was asking. But then when she thought about it, she did want this. And it scared her.

"Of course." The doctor turned the screen so she could see it from where she was laying on the bed. Natasha pushed herself up slightly despite the aching in her chest from what she presumed were the broken ribs, so she could see the screen better.

"So that dot right there, that's the foetus." Cameron pointed to a little speck on the screen, and Natasha thought she'd feel more. But it really was just a tiny little thing that she could barely see, let alone something recognisable of a baby.

"Do you want a picture?" The doctor's question brought her out of her reverie, and she couldn't help but be confused. "A picture?"

"Of your child," Cameron clarified. She was in two states of mind. This was the first time she was seeing her child, and despite the fact there was practically nothing there, she wanted to remember this, and she knew Steve would care. "Yeah, can I get two?"

"One for the father I presume?" The doctor asked as she cleaned off her stomach and moved the ultrasound machine to the corner of the room. Natasha could practically hear the question she was dying to ask. "It is Steve's, before you ask. And if you could not tell him, or anyone for that matter it would be greatly appreciated." She told her, and the woman didn't even look phased, despite the fact Natasha was using the voice she always used when she wanted to scare people.

"My lips are sealed. I am required to tell director Fury though," Cameron told her, and yeah, she knew that, but once Fury was told, she'd be pulled out of missions, and then people would start gossiping. And then Steve would find out before she'd had the chance to tell him.

"No, please. Don't. I just think he would take it better coming from me." Everyone in Shield understood that Natasha was Fury's favourite, and that she could usually get away with anything. Not that either of them admitted to that.

"Alright, but it's your ass on the line," Cameron said, and Natasha couldn't help but laugh. And then the door swung open rather dramatically to reveal Steve in the doorway.

"Hey. Sorry I wasn't here." He ran into the room slightly out of breath and holding a bouquet of flowers. The doctor shot Natasha one last knowing look before leaving, giving the couple their space.

"You didn't have to buy me flowers," she objected, and he just rolled his eyes as he sat next to her, pressing a kiss to her forehead.

"Not dead then?" He joked, and she shook her head, falling back against the pillows. "You're not getting rid of me that easily Rogers," she teased back, shuffling over on the bed so he could lay down next to her.

"Awww man, I'm gonna have to try harder next time," he laughed, wrapping his arm around her shoulder and sighing as she curled into his side. She never got tired of letting him wrap his arm around her and tucking herself into his body.

"What happened after I passed out?" She'd been given no information on how the mission ended and she wanted to know.

"We managed to get the guy who knocked you out into our custody. He hasn't said anything yet, we're kinda hoping he'll respond to you, but he put up a pretty nasty fight. I'm pretty sure he's enhanced, although you probably already figured that out." She furrowed her eyebrows at his words. "Are you okay?" She asked softly, and he let out a small chuckle. "I'm good Tash. A bit bruised but I'm okay."

"What's gonna happen to the children?" She asked as he ran his fingers through her hair, mindful of the bandage. He sighed, clearly considering what to tell her.

"A lot of them were malnourished, we've set them up on IV drips until we can get them to eat something," he told her, and she frowned at him. "You know that's not what I meant."

A little smile appeared on his face. "Three agents said they'll take in a kid on a temporary basis, with the possibility it could become permanent."

"What about the others?" Realistically, she knew what would happen, but no child deserved to grow up in the system. Although, it couldn't possibly be worse than the life they'd been pulled from. "They're gonna stay here for a while, just until they're adjusted to the real world. Then we don't have much of a choice. Tony's been talking to a…an orphanage that he's invested a lot of money into. They'll grow up okay Tash."

Natasha knew what Steve wasn't saying, what he was thinking in his head. And if it had been any other time, and any other circumstance, she would've considered it, but right now, it just wasn't the right time. Not with the news she just found out. "Steve, we can't take one of them in."

He sighed, kissing her forehead. "I know, that's why I didn't ask." This was the perfect time to tell him, explain why they couldn't take in one of the girls who desperately needed a home. But she needed time to process the fact she was _pregnant. _And she just needed to figure out how she felt before telling Steve. "It's just not the right time for us to take in a child Steve. There's just a lot going on right now."

"I know Tash. If we really wanted to make it work, we could. But we just don't have enough time to give a child the attention they deserve." He was right, they didn't have the time to have a child right now, and yet they were. In nine months they would have a child and they weren't ready for it. She wasn't ready for it. Whilst Steve didn't know, he didn't know they were going to have a child, he seemed to sense that she didn't want to talk about it anymore.

"What's the doc say?" He changed the topic, and she gave him a grateful smile. "A few broken ribs, mild concussion. You need to keep an eye out for any erratic behaviour." He actually laughed at that. She came home with a concussion often enough that he knew exactly what to do, what to watch for, although with Natasha, he had no idea what counted as erratic behaviour.

"I'll be sure to look out for that," he smirked, kissing her lightly. She moved to rest her head on his chest.

"Thank you for saving me," she said softly, and whilst she knew he didn't need her to thank him, she still felt like she needed to say it anyway. Without Steve, she would've been dead ten times over by now. He just shrugged, pressing a kiss to her hair. "What are fiancés for?"

Her eyes slipped closed, and she was ready to fall asleep when Steve's finger shook her shoulder gently. "Hey, no sleeping Tash. Concussion remember?" She pouted grumpily at him. She was pregnant, she could sleep if she wanted to. "I hate you."

"No you don't."

* * *

**AN: If you have any ideas that you desperately, or not so desperately want incorporated into this story, please let me know and I'll try to write them in. I hope you enjoyed, please follow, favourite and review. Constructive criticism is always welcome and appreciated.**


	43. You're What?

**AN: I think I rewrote this chapter about ten times. I had so many ideas about how this would go, and a lot of the stuff that didn't work has made itself into other fics that may or may not ever be published depending on if I ever finish them. **

**Trigger warning for discussion of miscarriage and implications of abortion. Nothing serious, but if that's a serious trigger for you, be warned. **

* * *

It was Steve and Natasha's turn to make breakfast that Saturday. Every week, the team would have breakfast together on Saturday, and they took it in turns to make it to make it fair.

"Nat, can you start on the eggs?" Steve asked from where he was ladling pancake mixture into the frying pan.

"Sure. Where are they?" She asked. Whilst she wasn't awful at cooking, it was safe to say that Steve was always in charge of their cooking endeavours. "Fridge, top shelf. Get the bacon out whilst you're at it," he told her. She swung open the fridge as Clint walked in, yawning loudly.

"Coffee?" He mumbled, rubbing his eyes as he tried to wake up. "In the pot." Clint stumbled over to the pot, pouring himself a mug and practically inhaling the liquid.

"God I love it when you two cook," he commented. Natasha started scrambling the eggs, passing the bacon over to Steve. Whilst they cooked, the rest of the team slowly filtered into the kitchen, all still dressed in their pyjamas.

"Whose turn is it to set the table?" Steve asked as he drank his second cup of coffee. Pepper looked at the chart on the fridge "Bruce."

"Alright. Pep, can you help me?" Bruce asked, and the pair took all the plates to the table. Steve started frying the bacon, and everyone groaned as the smell filled their nostrils. Natasha though, the smell made her want to gag, which only confused her. She loved the smell of bacon, who didn't? But currently, the thought of eating it made her want to throw up. Damn pregnancy.

"You okay Nat?" Steve asked, immediately noticing her face. She swallowed, trying to force the nausea back down.

"Yeah, I'm good…" she trailed off, feeling the bile rise in her throat "Actually, I think I'm gonna…I'm gonna…" She sprinted the small distance to the kitchen sink, throwing herself over it as she threw up. She felt Steve's hands rub her back comfortingly, and another pair of hands holding back her hair. When she felt done, she pressed her head against the faucet, the metal cool on her skin. She felt a strong pair of arms pull her up, wrapping her in his embrace. Steve pressed a warm washcloth to her mouth, cleaning up the sick from around her mouth.

"Thanks," she whispered, her voice slightly hoarse. She let her head fall onto his chest, her eyes fluttering closed slightly until she felt her body being pulled away from Steve's warm arms.

"Here Tash," Clint said softly, handing her a glass of water which she took sips at. Her mind wandered as she drank, and she could imagine Steve doing this for their child when they were sick, holding them and taking care of them, much like he was doing for her right now. God, she was barely pregnant and already she was emotional.

"I'm gonna go lie down," she muttered, pulling herself out of Steve's grasp and setting down the glass of water on the counter. "I'll finish up down here then I'll join you." Steve promised, pressing a kiss to her hair before she could leave.

"Relax Rogers, we can finish up here. Take care of Nat." Clint said, trying to shoo the pair out of the room.

"I'll be fine for a while. Stay here and eat." It's not that she didn't want Steve by her side, but it was completely unnecessary. She was pretty certain she wasn't going to throw up again, and all she wanted was to have a nap, despite the fact they'd woken up barely an hour ago.

"Promise you'll call if you need anything," Steve pressed gently, taking her hand lightly and rubbing his thumb against her skin. She smiled tiredly at him, letting her eyes slowly blink closed and open. "Yeah, I'll probably just have a nap."

"Love you." He pressed a kiss to her forehead, smoothing his hand over her hair. She hummed in response, "Yeah, me too," before letting go of him and making her way to their room.

* * *

A dip in the bed roused her from sleep, a soft hand brushing her hair out of her face. "Hey." Steve's voice was gentle, accompanying a brief kiss on the crown of her head.

"Hey," she snuggled into his side, prompting him to wrap his arm around her and lay down next to her on the bed. "What time is it?" Her voice was scratchy, and she wished she'd brought some water with her, although she wasn't really sure she wanted to put anything in her body right now.

"Around 2. I checked on you earlier but you were pretty out of it." She couldn't find it in herself to care about the fact she'd slept half the day away, she was way too comfortable right now. "You want some food?" He asked, and the thought of food sent a new wave of nausea through her.

"Not hungry." She didn't mean to sound as harsh as she did, but her nap really hadn't settled her stomach the way she'd wanted it to.

"You need to eat Tash," he pressed softly, and she sighed into his side. "I know. I will…Just…ask me again a bit later okay?"

"At least have some water." His tone wasn't leaving her any wiggle room, although she knew it was just because he cared. "Okay." She conceded, though she feared putting anything in her stomach would only end up in it coming back out. Pressing a kiss to her forehead, he left to get a drink and she soon heard the sounds of some food being prepared. Because of course he didn't listen when she said she didn't want anything. She needed to tell him she was pregnant, she should tell him when he comes back in. But she just wanted to go back to sleep, or at least just close her eyes for a little bit. She didn't fall asleep, but she was drifting in a weird limbo when Steve came back in, setting down a plate and mug on her end table.

"I made you some toast with some honey if you're up for it. My Ma used to make it for me when I was sick." It was sweet, and she appreciated the gesture, but just the thought of food was making her feel sick. She sat up, trying to keep her face straight but he seemed to notice anyway.

"Nat, I'm worried about you," he said softly, coming to sit on his side of the bed, tucking a loose strand of hair behind her ear before resting his hand on her shoulder. "I'm fine. I promise."

He frowned at her, in the way he always did when he was concerned about her. Or thought she was lying. "It would really make me feel better if Bruce checked you out."

"I don't need him to. I promise I'm okay." Just say it Natasha. Grow a pair of balls and tell him. He'll probably be ecstatic, you just have to get the words out. "Tell me what's going on Tash."

"I…I…" she started, before she felt the familiar feeling of bile rising through her throat. "Okay, come on." Steve recognised the look on her face, quickly scooping her up and taking her to the bathroom, setting her down on the floor just in front of the toilet. She buried her head in the bowl, with Steve pulling her hair back and rubbing her back. He looked around the bathroom, grabbing one of her hair ties from the counter and pulling her hair into it. It was messy, and he missed a few strands, but it was better than nothing. Her coughs and splutters broke his heart, he just wanted to know what was wrong.

"I'm done. I'm done," she muttered, resting her head against the rim of the toilet before Steve pulled her onto his lap, letting her rest against his chest. "I got you Tash."

They sat there in silence for quite a while, with him holding her shaking form. "Steve?"

"Yes honey?" He asked softly, pressing a kiss to her forehead. "Can you take me back to bed?"

Steve didn't miss the inuendo, and chuckled to himself internally, but did as she asked, picking her up gently and settling her back under the covers. He walked back over to his side of the bed, getting in next to her and wrapping his arm around her waist.

"Please Nat, I need to know what's wrong," he almost begged. Seeing her like this was so painful, and he could tell that already she was fighting to stay awake. "Nothing's wrong Steve."

"Hey, don't be nervous."

"I'm not nervous," she lied. She knew it was ridiculous, but she was terrified at what Steve would say to the news. He would be happy, logically, she knew that, but that didn't stop part of her brain twisting everything around until all her thoughts were jumbled.

"You fiddle with your ring when you're nervous," he commented, looking down to her hands where she was twisting her ring around her finger. At his words, she immediately ceased her actions, letting her hands drop down to rest on the bed. "Oh."

"Please tell me what's going on Nat," he pleaded, bringing his hands to cup her cheeks gently. He knew this wasn't just her being stubborn about something. She didn't seem concerned about the fact she'd thrown up twice today and could barely keep her eyes open, so she obviously knew what was wrong with her. And she didn't want to tell him, which meant she was scared, and that terrified him.

"I…I'm…I can't…I…" She fell over her words, unsure of how to say what she wanted to. It wasn't difficult, but it felt like those two little words were in a foreign language.

"Whatever it is, you can tell me Nat, I'm here," he assured her gently, and she nodded, bringing herself to sit up.

"I have something for you." Words clearly weren't working for her, so she pulled open the top drawer of her end table, pulling out the pictures from her ultrasound a week previously. She gave them to him, looking at his face as she gauged his reaction.

"Are these…you mean?" His eyes widened, looking between her and the pictures in shock.

"I'm pregnant," she said finally, after days of wondering what to say to him. She had been back and forth on the whole thing for a while, and she hoped he could figure out what she was thinking, because she was still unsure. She saw his mouth pull into a smile and his eyes light up like an excited child on Christmas.

"Really?" He asked in disbelief, but there was a bright smile on his face. She couldn't bring herself to match his smile, but the corners of her mouth did tug upwards slightly. "Really."

"That's amazing," he laughed, pulling her into a kiss, and she could feel his grin as he pressed kisses all over her face. But that didn't stop the little seed of doubt in her mind. "You're happy?"

"Over the moon. Why wouldn't I be?" He asked, pulling back slightly to frown at her

"I don't know. It's just been such a long time since we talked about it. I shouldn't have questioned it."

"I've always wanted kids, you know that Nat," he was trying to be reassuring, but it just sent doubt spiralling through her.

"So you lied to me?" She asked, hurt and upset. She'd always know Steve wanted kids, and she'd always felt bad that she couldn't give them to him, but not once had he ever made her feel bad about it. He'd only ever told her that he loved her and that kids didn't matter to him.

"I would never lie to you Nat. You know that." He didn't want to argue with her, he really didn't. But she was pushing his buttons and he couldn't help but get riled up. He didn't lie to Natasha, not ever.

"What? Unlike me? Because I have never lied to you Steve." Natasha's voice started to rise, and she wished she could just calm down and have a normal conversation, but her entire body was out of whack.

"Nat, that's not what I meant." She knew that, she knew he didn't mean it like that. She knew it was her mind twisting things, she knew it was her wanting to think the worst because it was easier than the alternative. "Whatever Steve."

She threw the covers off the bed with a huff, leaving the room with Steve close behind. "Natasha, that's not what I meant and you know it." He reached out to grab her hand but she let it slip through her grip.

"How am I supposed to know anymore? All you do is pretend to be perfect, and newsflash Rogers. You're not." Why was she saying this? She didn't mean it. She knew he wasn't perfect, and she knew he didn't act like it either. But she just wanted to punch him in the face right now.

"God, how badly did the red room fuck you up?" In that moment he knew he had messed up. He had stepped over the carefully drawn lines they had created for themselves in arguments. Certain topics were always off limits, regardless of how angry they were, with the red room topping the list. He didn't even know why he said it. She turned on her heel and walked straight into the open elevator, crossing her arms over her chest.

"Nat. Please, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean. Let's talk about this," he begged, his pleas falling on deaf ears. He tried to place a hand on her arm, but was shrugged off.

"What's left to be said?" She asked rhetorically before closing the elevator doors. He let out a deep breath, sinking onto the couch with his head in his hands. He was a fucking idiot. "Shit."

* * *

He knew he had to give Natasha her space, especially after what he'd said, and that she had to be the one to come to him, lest he face the wrath of an angry Natasha. Not to mention, an angry, pregnant Natasha. And it suddenly dawned on him that she was pregnant. They were having a kid. He honestly didn't want to think about it too much though, not when he couldn't talk to her. He had hoped she would come back that evening to sleep, but after lunch the next day she hadn't reappeared, and he was starting to get worried.

"What the fuck did you do?" Clint asked angrily, pulling him out of his thoughts as Clint pulled him off the couch and roughly into a corridor.

"What?" He asked, trying to feign ignorance. It was more so that he didn't want to get into the dirty details of his life right now.

"Don't pull that bullshit with me Rogers. Tasha hasn't left the shooting range for days and seeing as you aren't there to force her to eat, you clearly did something. So cut the crap or I swear I will hurt you in ways you didn't even think possible," Clint threatened. Steve knew he couldn't lie to Clint, and he knew that he was right. He just wanted to talk all this out with Natasha.

"Alright, shesaidsomethingthenisaidsomethingandthentherewasyellingandshestormedoutandhasntcomeback," he breathed out quickly, hoping that saying it more quickly would make it seem less awful than it actually was.

"What the fuck did you say to her?" Clint almost growled, and Steve knew he'd messed up. He knew that before Clint had told him, he'd known it the second he'd mentioned the Red Room. He honestly wouldn't be surprised if Natasha never talked to him again.

"Ummm, well we were talking about children and I said that I've always wanted children," he said nervously. If Natasha had told Clint about their current situation, then that was fine by him, but he certainly wasn't going to tell someone first. He just hoped Clint wouldn't figure it out for himself.

"You are such a fucking idiot. Why the fuck would you say that? You know how much she beats herself up about it." Steve just sighed. Of course he knew that. He knew how much she hated the fact she couldn't have kids, although that clearly didn't seem to be the case anymore. But he knew she'd spent most of her life hating herself, and that she viewed herself as lesser because of it.

"I didn't mean it like that. She took it completely out of context," he argued to Clint, and the man just scoffed. "So you're blaming her?!"

"That isn't what I said and you know it." Steve argued back, his voice raising as he got more and more annoyed. At this point, Tony and Bruce burst down the corridor, clearly out of breath.

"You've royally fucked up Rogers. America's sweetheart my ass. Look, if you wanna break up with Tash, be my guest but don't be a fucking coward about it." Clint snapped at him, punching him in the side of the face. He took the hit, rubbing his jaw. Clint had a mean right hook.

"Woah. Okay, why don't we all calm down," Tony said, moving between them. Neither him nor Bruce had any idea what was going on, but neither were fond of the idea of a punching match between Clint and Steve.

"It's okay Stark, I deserved that," Steve told him, meeting Clint's stony gaze. "Yeah you did."

"Do one of you want to explain why you're screaming at each other in the middle of my corridor?" Tony asked, and Steve just sighed whilst Clint looked a minute away from murder. "Go talk to her you fucking idiot." Clint said before stomping away from them.

"What the hell did you do?" Tony said angrily, turning around on Steve. Clint didn't just get angry for no reason, especially not at their Captain. And Steve didn't go around letting people punch him either.

"Keep your nose out of my goddamn business Stark." He yelled, stalking off to the elevator. Tony watched everything shell shocked, curious as to what was going on.

"PEPPER!" He shouted, running off to find his girlfriend, who hopefully knew more about the situation, leaving a shocked Bruce in his wake wondering what the fuck had just happened.

* * *

"Nat?" He asked gently over the sound of gunfire. She twirled around and he pre-emptively ducked as she fired a shot at his head. He deserved that.

"Can people stop trying to kill me?" He asked no one, getting up from the floor. She seemed to notice the bruise on his cheek from Clint's earlier punch, her gaze softening ever so slightly. "What happened?" She asked, gingerly approaching him and touching the tender flesh, pulling back when he let out a small hiss.

"Clint," he responded simply, and she cracked a small smile at that. "You deserved it"

"I know." He took a deep breath. He knew he had to make the first move. He'd made a mistake and he just prayed she'd forgive him. "I'm so sorry Natasha. I didn't mean what I said. I shouldn't have argued back with you."

"I shouldn't have taken things the way I did. I know you didn't mean it like that. It's just…I'm scared, and it seemed easier to pick a fight than to figure out how I feel. I shouldn't have riled you up so much." She'd never enjoyed talking about her feelings, even with Steve, but she owed him an explanation. She shouldn't have gone off at him like that, and she was genuinely sorry about it.

"Still, I crossed a line. I shouldn't have said that stuff about the red room. It doesn't matter how angry I am, it's unforgivable. If you never wanted to talk to me again I wouldn't blame you."

His eyes glistened ever so slightly, and he looked like a kicked puppy. She forgiven him about an hour after she stormed out, but if she hadn't, she would've now. He looked about a second away from kneeling on the floor and begging for her forgiveness. She reached out to cup his face before wrapping her arms around his neck, pressing a small kiss to his lips. "I could never kick you out of my life like that Steve."

He sighed in relief as he wrapped his arms around her and held her to him tightly. Their noses rubbed together as they looked into each other's eyes, telling the other just how sorry they were without words. Steve noticed that look in her eyes though, behind all the sorry and the love, he could see her fear and confusion. "Why are you so scared Tash?"

She pulled away ever so slightly, her brow furrowing as she tried to figure what to say. "I just… None of this was ever in my plan. You, getting married, having a kid, everything's just changing so fast and I'm not ready," she choked on her words slightly, and Steve pulled her back into his embrace, letting her bury her face in his chest. "Hey, calm down. Everything's gonna be okay. I promise."

His words were a whisper into her ear, more a promise than anything. She shook her head softly. "I can't be a mother Steve, being solely responsible on another person who can't survive without me. How can I possibly be the mother they need?"

He brushed his finger over her cheek before tilting her head up so she would look at him properly. "Natasha, if there's one thing I know about you, it's that you can do anything you put your mind to, and that you'll be an amazing mother, assuming that's what you want. Is that…do you want this?" He asked softly, brushing away her tears before they had a chance to fall. She bit her lip, clearly deep in thought.

"I think so. But I know that you want this, and I think that it would be wrong to deny you this."

He shook his head, this should be her decision. Yes, he was a part of it, but he didn't want her doing this for him. "I appreciate the sentiment Nat, but don't do this for me. I don't want you to regret this in ten years and end up resenting me, and this child."

"But I don't want you to wake up in ten years regretting being with me and not having the family you really wanted. You've given up so much for me, I can't let you give up your dream." She argued back, and he just sighed, pressing his forehead against hers. Steve didn't know how to explain properly, she was his everything. He didn't care whether he had a family or not, as long as he had her. "You are my dream Nat, and I will never regret choosing you."

"You don't know that," she shook her head, her lips quivering ever so slightly as she fought tears back. He shushed her, pressing a kiss to her forehead before pulling back. "Natasha, look at me" He cupped her face gently, her eyes hesitantly meeting his. He could feel the apprehension radiating off of her, and it killed him. He didn't tell her how much she meant to him enough. "I will never regret this. Not one second of it, I swear."

"On Bucky?" She choked back a sob, and he pulled her into him again, letting her bury her face in his chest. He pressed a kiss to her hair, smoothing his hand over her hair. "I swear on Bucky's life that I will never regret this."

She seemed content to stay in his arms, her arms curled around his waist as she calmed down her breathing. "Steve?"

"Yeah?" He hummed into her hair, tucking her into him even closer than before. "I'm scared," she admitted, and they'd already covered that, but it felt like she was actually saying it for the first time. He gave a tiny little chuckle before sobering slightly. "I know. Me too."

"What are we going to do? I mean, we're supposed to be getting married." She started to panic again, pulling away from him and raking her hands through her hair in exasperation. "Hey, calm down. It's two weeks away, no one will even know," he said, grabbing her hands and pressing them to his chest, letting her feel his heartbeat underneath them. She smiled briefly, grateful for the grounding touch before the little frown came back over her face. "What about when we tell everyone? They'll know then."

"That is future Steve and Natasha's problem," he told her, letting out a soft laugh as he tried to calm her worries. He knew they'd be the subject of relentless teasing once everyone found out about when their kid was conceived, but he really couldn't bring himself to care.

"Well what about-" she started to say before he cut her off. "Do you want to call this whole thing off? Because it kind of seems like you're making excuses not to get married." He laughed, although he couldn't hide the slight fear lacing his voice. He knew this was always a possibility, marriage and love didn't come easily to her, and he wouldn't blame her if she got cold feet. But he really hadn't thought it would be because she was pregnant.

"No, no, of course not. I love you Steve Rogers, don't you ever doubt that. There's just so much more to deal with now and I just don't-" she started to break down, her strong façade fading.

"Come here," he said, enveloping her in a hug, stroking her hair, "There is nothing that we can't face together, okay. I promise." He pressed kisses to her hair, hushing her softly and wishing he could do more to alleviate her fears.

"What if I lose it?" She whispered, scared to even think about it, but she knew it was possible. Probable even. She shouldn't be able to have kids, and yet here they were, having this conversation. But Steve wasn't about to let her go down that path, shaking his head as he rested his head on top of hers. "You're not going to. You've already made it this far and now we know about the little guy, we can make sure everything's okay."

"What if this is the Red Room's last fuck you? Because I'm not sure I could recover from that."

Truthfully, Steve was terrified at the prospect as well. He'd known she was pregnant for all of a day, and he already loved their kid, more than he thought possible. "Me either, but we'd get through it together, because that's what we do."

"Steve," she started to pull back from him, but her just tucked her into him, his chin resting on her hair. "As much as I want to promise you we're not going to lose it, I can't Nat. No one can. But I can promise you that whatever happens, I'll be there for you. I will always be there for you."

His reassurances weren't much, and he knew that. But he also knew that if she wanted this, she wouldn't let her fears stop her. "Do you want this Nat? And I don't want you to even think about me, because this is your body and your life, and I want you to be sure. And I need you to know that if you don't, that's okay. I will support you in everything you decide to do, whatever it is."

It hurt him to tell her that, because he wanted this, he wanted their child so badly, but is she didn't, then so be it. He would never force her to do something she didn't want to.

"I do, I want this Steve. I want this with you. But…it's just…I'm…" she didn't know how to finish, how to properly explain herself, so she trailed off, looking up at him to try and show him what she meant.

"Scared?" He supplied, tracing her jaw lightly with his fingers, and she let out a relieved sigh. "Yeah," she said in a breathy chuckle. He dusted a kiss to her hair, and she buried her face against his neck. "Steve?"

"Hmmm?"

"I feel like crap." He laughed loudly at that, and her lips quirked up into a smile ever so slightly. "Come on, I think you need some cuddles and a movie." He lifted up her chin, pressing a gentle kiss to her lips before taking her hand and leading her out the shooting range.

"Steve, I don't need-" she started saying before he cut her off, his lips pressing firmly against hers. "For once, let me take care of you," he mumbled into her mouth and before she could protest anymore, he lifted her up bridal style, eliciting a small squeal from her. He carried her to the common room, dumping her on the corner of the couch, albeit carefully.

"Hey!" She laughed, muffled as Steve threw a blanket on her and crawled on the couch and pulling her into him so his back was against the back cushions. She tugged the blanket over them, perfectly content to stay snuggled in his arms.

Now that she was sat still, she was exhausted, and could practically feel herself falling asleep. But she forced her eyes open, just so she could see at him, just so she could look into his eyes. They were so full of love, gazing at her with so much reverence that it made her shiver slightly.

"You're pregnant Natasha," he whispered, his face fixed into a permanent smile. His hand slipped down to rest on her stomach, and she couldn't help but smile back at him. "Yeah." Her voice came out as a breathy chuckle, because she couldn't quite believe it either.

"We're gonna have a baby Tash," he chuckled, and she went to kiss him, but he pulled away, instead shuffling down the couch until his face was level with her stomach. He lifted up her tank top and pressed a kiss to her stomach, causing her to giggle. Actually giggle. He pressed butterfly kisses over every inch of her skin, his fingers tracing soft shapes against her side "I love you."

"Are you talking to me or the baby?" She asked, and he moved back up to kiss her softly. "Both of you. Always, both of you."

* * *

**AN: If you have any ideas that you desperately, or not so desperately want incorporated into this story, please let me know and I'll try to write them in. I hope you enjoyed, please follow, favourite and review. Constructive criticism is always welcome and appreciated.**


	44. Stupid, Even for You

"Yep, you're pregnant."

They'd gone to Bruce to find out exactly how she was pregnant, seeing as she'd been told she couldn't have kids, and she'd gone to a doctor just after she defected who confirmed that she was unable to have children.

"How am I pregnant?" She asked, and a frown of confusion came over his face. "Uhh Nat, if you don't know how babies are made, maybe you shouldn't be having one."

"Shut up," she rolled her eyes, and Steve had to keep himself from chuckling at her side. "Natasha was sterilized. She physically can't have kids."

"I'm sorry?" Bruce just looked baffled by this, and honestly, so were they. That's why they were here in the first place. "Natasha can't have kids, and yet, somehow, she's pregnant. It shouldn't be possible and yet it is."

Natasha looked over to Bruce with a look akin to pleading in her eyes. "Please tell me you can figure this out Bruce."

It was the unknown more than anything that was scaring her, she just wanted to know what was going to happen, or if this was even something that would end well.

"I can try. I'm guessing you found out because you missed your period, right? That's where the alarm bells start to go off for most women." Bruce didn't sound convinced by what he was saying, and his scepticism was only furthered when Natasha frowned at him.

"I found out after I got hurt on a mission. I don't get periods Bruce. We told you, I was sterilised."

A small look of horror came over his face, and he cleared his throat before speaking. "You…you should. Sterilized women still release the eggs, but the sperm can't reach them," he told her in explanation, as if this whole situation couldn't get more confusing.

"I haven't had a period since I was fourteen." She'd been taken at fifteen for the surgery, and hadn't had one since. Which made perfect sense because if she couldn't have kids, why would she have a period?

"Jarvis? Do you have any images of Natasha's reproductive system pre-pregnancy?" Bruce's eyes lit up, and she knew he'd had an idea. "Sending them to the screen now Dr Banner."

"Okay, now give me some from before they started dating." Steve narrowed his eyes at Bruce, wanting to understand what was going through the doctor's head. "What are you thinking?"

Bruce didn't answer him, instead mumbling, "Jesus Christ."

"What?" It sent panic through Natasha's veins, the fact the mere image of her uterus would cause Bruce to have that level of shock. Paired with the fact his eyes flashed green for a second, it didn't fill her with confidence. "Your uterus, it's completely hacked up. It should be non-functional, and yet, it's completely healed now."

He showed them the images, and yeah, there was an obvious difference between them. "How is that even possible?"

"I don't know. I mean, I have a few ideas but I don't think there's any way to know for certain," he frowned, "Jarvis, give me some scans from a year ago."

"Why do you have a bunch of scans of my uterus?" That was confusing Natasha. Why on earth was there all these images of her body, without her having any knowledge of it. "Jarvis is constantly scanning you guys just in case. It all gets sent to our servers, and I get a notification if there's something worrying or distinctly out of the ordinary."

It partly felt like an invasion of privacy, but it did comfort her that no one was going to keel over and die because they ignored an injury. Even if it was her. "Surely this is classified as out of the ordinary?"

"Yes, but the system is pretty clever. This is classified as a personal problem that's causing no harm," Bruce explained, and Steve was really starting to think Jarvis was too clever for his own good.

"Oh, that's interesting," Bruce mumbled, his eyes scanning over the images. And that didn't send a lot of joy through her. "What is?"

"This is gonna be an awkward question. How long have you two been having unprotected sex?" He winced as he asked it, but they were all equally as uncomfortable with the question.

"Uhh, pretty much our entire relationship," Steve told him, turning tomato red. Honestly, Natasha was just surprised Steve had been the one to answer.

"That's what, two years?" Bruce asked, causing Natasha to raise her eyebrow at him. "Yeah. Why?"

"Right, well I have a couple of ideas why this is even possible, but I'll have to do some more tests to confirm it," he seemed dubious about it, a seemingly permanent frown on his face. "What are they?"

"Well, since you two have been having sex for a long time without protection I think that part of your super serum has transferred to Nat and has healed her, causing her not to be sterile anymore. Up until now nothing has happened because Nat's body has been rejecting your sperm but I imagine recently the serum has healed it enough that she could, physically become pregnant"

"So I'm…?" Natasha trailed off, because she actually didn't know where her sentence was going.

"Your uterus is that of an average woman."  
"Are you seriously telling me that Steve has magical healing sperm?" Natasha's eyebrows raised into her hairline, and Steve snorted into his hand.

"No. Well, yes. That's exactly what I'm saying." Bruce blushed, matching the exact look on Steve's face. She just thought this entire situation was hilarious. "This is…that's ridiculous."

"Agreed. But that's the best I've got," Bruce shrugged, looking mildly apologetic.

"What does all this mean Bruce?" Steve asked, his fingers twirling strands of Natasha's hair, seemingly of their own accord.

"Theoretically, you're perfectly normal. But there's years worth of damage and scaring that I can't account for. I would highly suggest finding a doctor who's actually qualified to do this kind of stuff."

It was true, Bruce was barely a qualified medical doctor, and he'd told them that plenty of times, but he couldn't even pretend that he was a qualified obstetrician.

"We'll find someone," Natasha smiled, and Bruce had never seen that smile before. In fact, he was pretty sure it was a smile reserved solely for Steve.

Steve ducked down to press a kiss to her hair, but she tilted her head to capture his lips instead, giving him a slow kiss, that Bruce could describe as nothing but loving. In their cores, they were both very private people, and he felt honoured that he was let in to see this moment.

When they pulled away from each other, their noses nuzzled against each other briefly before they looked back at Bruce, their faces flushed in a mixture between embarrassment and pure joy. Yeah, Bruce had no doubts they were going to be amazing parents.

He made to leave, already feeling like he was invading on their privacy. "Hey guys? Congratulations."

Natasha looked at him to give him a grateful smile, but Steve just kept looking at Natasha adoringly, looking more in love than he ever had before.

"Thanks Bruce."

* * *

When they got back to their floor, Natasha fell on the couch and fell asleep pretty immediately. She was tired, ridiculously so considering the fact it was only 11am. She was vaguely aware of Steve tucking a blanket around her, but he was gone by the time she woke up a few hours later. She didn't blame him, it was the middle of the day and the sun was out. If only she could keep her eyes open long enough to enjoy it. Her phone rang from somewhere in the cushions around her, and she spent a few minutes trying to fish it out without getting up. It was most likely Steve calling anyway to ask if she needed something. "Hey."

"I'm calling you in." Fury's stern voice replied, surprising her ever so slightly. She cursed, she really should've checked the caller id before picking up.

"For a mission?" She didn't know why she asked, obviously it was for a mission. But for the first time she didn't really know whether it was a good idea or not.

"Undercover," Fury clarified, and she couldn't deny that she was curious. She desperately wanted one last mission before she was taken off active duty, even though she knew how selfish that made her. "Will I be in danger?" She wouldn't go if she was going to be in any amount of danger. She wasn't stupid, and she wasn't going to take unnecessary risks. Although she was pretty sure Steve would say this entire thing was an unnecessary risk.

"That doesn't sound like you," Fury commented. Frankly she would've been concerned if he hadn't brought it up. "I'm getting married in a week Fury. I don't want to have to limp down the aisle," she lied quickly. Although, her excuse wasn't entirely a lie. She really didn't want to get married with a black eye.

"No, just a simple seduction to find out information. He's weak willed, you'll barely have to touch him to get what you need," Fury explained. He knew that she was less and less comfortable doing these sorts of missions, especially as Steve struggled to stay calm when he was over seeing it.

It was the perfect mission, not dangerous, and probably pretty low risk. Just enough to give her one last mission before she was stuck at a desk for nine months. "I'm in."

"You've been sent all the information you could need, co-ordinates have been sent to the quinjet. Good luck." Fury said before hanging up. She groaned putting her head in her hands, despite the rush she felt at going on a mission.

Steve was going to murder her when he found out. And he would find out. If it wasn't whilst she was on the mission, then she would tell him when she got back. But she knew he'd be pissed, and she knew he'd forgive her. He always did, whether or not she deserved it, she just hoped he wouldn't be mad for long.

* * *

"I know I say this a lot, but has anyone seen Nat? I haven't seen her since this morning," Steve asked as him and Bruce were making dinner that night. It was Thursday, which was when they all tried to eat dinner together, something that was often unsuccessful due to the nature of their jobs. Although today, they all should've been there. He'd already texted her to say that food was almost ready, and he'd gotten no reply. That was ten minutes ago.

"Nope, I've been at Stark all day," Tony said from where he was pouring red wine into the glasses. Pepper took the bottle off of him and giving him a bottle of white. "You know Tash only like white wine."

Steve was about to protest but Clint said something before he could. "I don't think we're gonna have to worry about her wine choices tonight."

Steve raised his eyebrows at that. Clint couldn't know, could he? He knows Natasha would've told him if she'd talked to Clint about being pregnant, even if just to keep him in the loop. But Clint wasn't an idiot, it wasn't out of the realm of possibility that he'd figured it out for himself, although Steve was surprised he would out them in front of everyone. "Clint?"

"Uh, I didn't mean anything by that," he tried to evade the oncoming question, although it was pointless. In Clint's defence, he'd forgotten that Steve wasn't supposed to know Natasha was on a mission.

"Clint," Steve warned, glaring at him ever so slightly the way Natasha had taught him to. Clint looked incredibly guilty, and Steve knew that he knew where his fiancé was, or what she was doing.

"She's on a mission, but she asked me not to tell you cause she thought you'd overreact cause it's a seduction," Clint admitted, wincing in apology, although whether it was for Natasha or Steve he wasn't sure.

Steve exchanged a look with Bruce, one filled with worry and just a tiny bit of rage. Bruce shrugged ever so slightly, but Steve knew he was feeling much of the same. "That girl will be the death of us," Bruce commented.

"Sorry Tony, dinner's cancelled," Steve told him, storming out the room with Bruce close behind. He dialled Fury's number, aggressively stabbing the screen. Bruce's hand came to rest on his shoulder, silently telling him to calm down. But he couldn't, not until Natasha was out of danger, not until she was safe.

"Fury."

"Get Natasha out right fucking now." Steve had a foul mouth on him, something everyone knew, and he usually reigned it in when he was talking to people like Fury, but it slipped out when he was angry. Which he was right now. Incredibly so. Because either Natasha had taken this mission knowing full well how he would feel about it and went anyway, or Fury coerced her into it. Neither option was a good one.

"You have no business getting involved in this mission Captain." Fury couldn't help but be mildly curious what was going on. Steve Rogers was nothing if not respectful of authority.

"She's pregnant." Steve said sharply, reeling at her actions. Fury was silent for a second, and Steve really wished he could see what he was thinking. This wasn't exactly how they were planning on telling him, but he didn't have much choice anymore.

"Alright. Romanoff get back to base now. Mission's over." It was clear Fury was no longer talking to them, his voice muffled, and he was presumably talking to Natasha.

They could only hear one side of the conversation, but Natasha had presumably protested her order. "I've got Captain America on the phone and he doesn't sound too pleased. I'm assuming you understand why. Now either you can talk to him or you can get back here."

Fury went silent for a moment, listening to her speak.

"She's on her way back. If I'd have known…" Fury started, obviously talking to them again, and it was obvious he felt bad about the situation, which was rare in itself.

"I know. I'm on my way to base, I think I need to have a conversation with my fiancé."

"Agreed Captain. Use my office."

* * *

"What the hell were you thinking?" He hissed, pulling her roughly by the arm into Fury's office as soon as she had gotten back. He was grateful Fury had let them use his office. It was the only office that didn't have windows into the hallway and the whole of Shield didn't need to see this.

"I'm sorry, but I checked everything out. I was never going to be in any danger, it would have been fine," she reached out to hold his hand, which he let her do, but he made no attempts to hold hers back. "You can't possible know that Natasha. Anything could've happened."

Steve was angry, she knew that, and she'd prepared herself for this conversation to happen. And she knew she had to make it up to him.

"Steve, I'm sorry, I just wanted to go on one last mission," she tried to explain. She really was sorry, but she desperately craved one last adrenaline rush that she could only get from missions.

"I know that Natasha. I understand that, but d'you know how much it hurt to find out from Clint that you were on a mission?" He was trying so hard to keep his anger back. Because he understood, he really did, but at the same time, he couldn't bear to see her get hurt.

She sighed softly, rubbing her thumb over his knuckles, because now she understood. Because she'd already known he'd be angry, but it wasn't the fact she went on a mission or the fact she could've gotten hurt, although that certainly played a part in it. It was because she hadn't been honest with him.

"I'm sorry. You know I am. But you know if I'd told you, you would've told Fury and stopped me from going."

Steve let out a long sigh, one of acknowledgement that she was right. "You're right, I would've. But it's only because I care about you Tash."

"I'm dreading being locked up for nine months Steve. I need to do something." She was frustrated more than anything. She'd never gone a month without going on some sort of mission, let alone nine. "No one's locking you up Natasha. That's not what this is."

"But that's what it feels like. I'd do anything for this little guy, including give up my life for nine months, but I just wanted a farewell." She felt tears start to form in her eyes, and why was she crying about this? Stupid hormones.

Steve reached out to cup her cheeks, brushing away her tears with his thumb. "I know you do, and I'm sorry that you can't do what you love because of this. But I don't want you to get hurt, or for our kid to get hurt because you were reckless. You'd never forgive yourself Nat." He was right, of course he was. She'd never be able to forgive herself if something happened to their child because of her. "I don't want that either. I just wanted to be selfish for once in my life, and I'm sorry."

Steve looked at her thoughtfully for a moment, clearly mulling something over in his head. "Look, maybe we can sort something out with Fury."

"You mean you'll let me go on missions?" She knew it was ridiculous to ask, and not at all what he was thinking about, but she couldn't help but be a little hopeful. Even if they were the kind of missions they sent rookies out on to scare them.

"Hell no. You are not setting foot on a battlefield as long as my heart is beating whilst you're carrying this child." He let out a small laugh as he said it, and she pouted at him, grumbling softly, "Fine."

"I love you Nat, and I love this kid. I can't risk losing either of you."

"I understand, I can't lose you either. I love…" she trailed off, getting that all too familiar look on her face. The look that Steve was starting to get really sick at seeing, although maybe not as much as she was. He placed a hand on her back, guiding her towards the bin tucked in the corner of the room when she stopped him. "It's okay. I'm not gonna be sick, I just feel a little queasy."

He eyed her carefully, trying to work out whether she was just determined not to throw up or whether she was actually okay. "Promise?"

"Yeah." She leant her head against his chest, relishing in his strong grip as his arms wrapped around her. She knew Steve hadn't picked her up, but she found herself surprised when they were suddenly by one of the armchairs, with Steve sitting down and gently pulling her onto his lap. Her movements were measured, because the jury was still out on whether she was actually going to be sick, but she curled up and buried her face in his neck, taking deep breaths to help quell the nausea. He was whispering soft words into her hair, but they flew over her head as she settled her stomach through sheer determination.

"You two done?" Fury walked into his office, sitting down behind his desk and giving them a half curious, half pissed off look.

Natasha lifted her head off his shoulder, adjusting herself as to look at Fury properly. Steve brushed his hand through her hair softly, he could tell by the look on her face the nausea hadn't passed, but as usual her determination was overruling that.

"Yes sir," Steve said, knowing Natasha wasn't going to say anything yet. Normally, Natasha would get off Steve and sit in her own chair, like a normal person, but Steve didn't seem particularly inclined to let her go, and she honestly wasn't feeling all that enthused about moving.

"Romanoff, that was stupid, even for you." His voice was softer than she expected, considering she could see just how mad he was about this situation. She figured his concern that she would blow chunks all over his office outweighed his anger.

"I understand that this is your life, and you are free to do what you like with it. However, not only are you putting yourself and your child at risk, you are also putting my other agents in danger. I can't risk losing an agent because they're too concerned about making sure that you're okay."

"I know sir," she winced slightly, because she knew he was right.

"From this point on you are off active duty until you deem a suitable time has passed that you feel comfortable returning to field, after your kid is born. Or you can retire, but that doesn't really seem your speed."

Fury was right, retiring really wasn't something she was interested in right now. And she knew her opinion might change once she could actually hold and spend time with their child, but for now, she couldn't imagine anything much worse than never being allowed to fight again. And it wasn't just because she loved it, but she liked knowing that she was doing something to make a difference in the world, a good difference.

"What is deemed a suitable amount of time?"

Fury cleared his throat ever so slightly, adjusting his posture the smallest increment. Most people wouldn't notice it, but both Steve and Natasha knew it was how he looked when he was about to be honest. And not a harsh truth, but a much softer one. "Natasha, Steve, believe it or not, this is quite an uncommon situation for me. Most female agents leave Shield all together when they find out they're expecting, but I imagine that's not what you want."

Natasha actually scoffed at that. Leaving fieldwork was one thing, but leaving Shield? Leaving the first place she'd ever felt wanted? Yeah, that's not what she wanted. "That would be correct, I'm not leaving Shield."

"I will give you six months after the birth of this child before I expect you back in the field. If you want back before then, that is between you two. That obviously excludes any world domination type events, in which case you will both be expected to provide your services."

Steve looked down to Natasha, glancing at her with equally wide eyes. "That sounds…really fair." He couldn't hide his surprise, but then again, everyone knew Natasha was Fury's favourite.

"After you return to the field, I will try my best to make sure one of you is at home, but I can't guarantee it. Terrorists don't sleep." Was that humor? Nick Fury didn't make jokes. Not even to get information out of someone. Steve could see Natasha itching to make a quip about it, so he started talking before she could put her foot in her mouth. "We know sir."

"Captain, I will pull you from active duty from a few weeks before, to a few weeks after the birth." It was honestly more than either of them had expected. In fact, all Steve had expected was a 'good for you, I'll see you in nine months'. "Thank you sir."

"That will be all agents" Fury said, dismissing them from the room. They got up, but as they got to the door, Fury stopped them with a small wave of his hand. They turned around to look at him, a curious look on both their faces.

"Congratulations, you'll make great parents," Fury said finally in such an un-Fury like tone of voice. Natasha looked up at Steve with wide eyes, a small smile on her face. He chuckled into her hair and Fury even cracked a tiny smile.

"Thanks Nick."

* * *

**AN: If you have any ideas that you desperately, or not so desperately want incorporated into this story, please let me know and I'll try to write them in. I hope you enjoyed, please follow, favourite and review. Constructive criticism is always welcome and appreciated. **


	45. I Do

Natasha really thought she would never get married. She really wasn't the type, or at least, she hadn't thought she was the type. And she certainly never thought she'd be marrying Captain America. If only the Red Room could see her now.

But for all her doubts, marrying Steve wasn't one of them. Especially now as she stood in front of a mirror with Pepper and Laura and Wanda fussing over her, she knew this was undeniably one of her best decisions.

"You look beautiful Nat," Wanda said, her voice soft and filled with awe.

Natasha had never been one for compliments, even from Steve, but today, she was inclined to agree with Wanda. It had taken them a long time to find the right dress, but wearing it right now, with Steve's dog tags nestled between the material and her skin, she knew it was right. Everything was right.

"Thanks Wanda."

A soft knocking drew all their gazes towards the door, a voice belonging to someone none of them expected calling through it. "Is everyone decent in there?"

"Come in Bucky," she called, and the man poked his head around the door frame. "Could I talk to Natasha alone for a minute?"

The girls filed out the door, leaving the pair of them alone in the room. "You look amazing. Steve's a very lucky guy."

"I'm a very lucky girl," she smiled, sitting down on the bed and kicking off her heels. "You made it then?"

"Well, I could hardly miss my best friend's wedding," he laughed, settling next to her. They lulled into a comfortable silence as she waited for him to say whatever he came in for.

"I have something for you," he started, digging his hand into his suit pocket. How they'd managed to convince him to wear a suit was beyond her, the man hated any form of formal attire.

"You didn't have to-" she objected, reaching out her hand to stop his movements. Because her and Steve hadn't asked for anything, they had more than enough already, but Bucky stopped her.

"It's from Steve, and Fury, and me a little bit." Confusion clouded her face slightly, her brow crinkling the tiniest bit. "What is it?"

"I haven't exactly been honest with you, or the rest of our friends. I haven't been looking for clues about my past, I've been looking for yours." She pursed her lips slightly. Bucky knew more about her past than anyone else, even Steve. Their histories were intertwined, her past was very much his past, and she didn't want him to drag up the inevitable memories.

"James," she said warningly, her voice low.

"No, hear me out. Remember back in Russia when we were…" he trailed off, unsure of how to end the sentence. Thankfully, she let out a soft chuckle, alleviating his nerves. "Thanks for reminding me that I used to date my husband's best friend on my wedding day."

It was weird, that there was once a point in time when they belonged to each other. They'd both changed so much, she wasn't Natalia anymore, and he wasn't the Winter Soldier.

"Sorry," he winced slightly before carrying on his story. "A few weeks before I was forced to leave you, your handlers gave me a necklace they had taken from your house when they took you. The idea was that I give it to Alexi, who would then give it to make you fall back in love with him, which I didn't want to do. I wanted to give it to you myself but I knew they'd kill me, or you, or both of us. I gave it to Alexi, but he never gave it to you, and I assumed it got destroyed in the explosion that killed him."

"He didn't die," she mumbled. It was only after she joined Shield that she found out the truth of really happened that day. The horrible truth which had taken her a long time to come to terms with. Of course, she'd killed him herself soon after.

"No, he didn't. And when Wanda was helping me sort out my memories, I remembered about the necklace, and I figured that maybe it hadn't been destroyed. I told Steve, and we told Fury, who then gave me permission and supplies to go find it," he explained, and Natasha cocked her head to the side slightly. "And did you?"

"I don't know, did I?" He smirked, getting out a small jewellery box and opening it, letting her see the contents.

The necklace in itself wasn't particularly glamorous, or special, not to anyone else. And it didn't particularly spark any memories within her, she didn't recognise it. But knowing it was from her past, that it probably once belonged to her mother, well, it made her forget to breathe for a moment.

"I…I…thank you. Seriously Bucky. Thank you." She wasn't crying, _she wasn't_. But she brought her hand up to dab at her eyes delicately, wiping away the tears that definitely _weren't_ falling. She reached out to touch the necklace with her shaking hands, but he stopped her, pulling the necklace out of the box.

"Can I?" He asked, and she nodded her assent, letting him drape the necklace around her neck and fasten it. She fiddled with the little pendant, looking down to see it as best she could. "I really don't know how to thank you for this."

"Just don't leave Steve at the alter and I'd say we're even," he laughed, and she couldn't help the smile that cracked over her face. "I could never."

"No cold feet then?" He asked, and she shook her head, laughing softly. "Nah, my feet are toasty and warm."

* * *

Steve couldn't take it anymore. All of his groomsmen had gone off to do who knows what, leaving him all alone in his room. His room that he was painfully aware was just a few doors down from Natasha's, and that sent him out the door before he could even comprehend moving.

"You can't go in there." Wanda told him, standing in front of the doorway. He knew it was bad luck, but he didn't much subscribe to that idea. They'd had enough bad luck to last them a lifetime, this wouldn't add to it.

"Please?" He pleaded, bringing out his best puppy dog eyes. Her face was stony for a second before melting. "Fine, but it's your head."

She slipped away from the door, leaving him alone staring at the one thing between him and Natasha. The only thing between him and his future wife. He knocked on the wood softly before he could chicken out, his heartrate going a million miles an hour. "Nat? Can I come in?" He asked softly, only able to hear her soft breathing behind the door.

"It's supposed to be bad luck to see the bride before the ceremony," she chuckled, and he couldn't help but smile. Even just hearing her calmed his nerves. "I really don't care Tash," he said as he slowly opened the door, giving her enough chance to stop him if she wanted to. But she didn't, and he came face to face with the most beautiful person he'd ever seen. His beautiful, gorgeous, radiant Natasha. Her dress was elegant, exactly as he'd imagined it to look, and everything about her was just…well, he didn't have the words to describe it.

"You just gonna stand there gawping like a fish?" She laughed, giving him the most amazing smile he'd ever seen.

"I love you." He managed to get out the words, coming over to her and taking her hands, bringing them up to his chest. She smiled up at him, standing on her tiptoes to press a small kiss to his lips.

"You look incredibly handsome," she complimented, and a small blush dusted his cheeks. "You look like a goddess Tash," he said back, kissing her lightly.

"You decided against the army uniform then?" She asked softly. He had spent a long time deciding what to wear, but had eventually decided on a velvet navy jacket.

"Nah. This is a new chapter of my life, I figured I should start it as I mean to go on," he smiled gently as she looped her arms around his neck and peering at him curiously. "And how do you mean to go on?"

"Not as a soldier. A husband, a father," he paused, letting his hand slip off her hip to rest his hand on her stomach lightly, "The person who loves you. Not a soldier. Just you and me," he admitted quietly, and her lips quirked into a smile.

"You practice that in the mirror Rogers?" She laughed, because it was either that or she was about to cry, and she wasn't about to cry before she even made it down the aisle.

"Every single day." He smiled, and she pressed a kiss to his jaw before resting her head on his shoulder, content to just stay here, with him forever.

"How are you feeling?" He interrupted her train of thought, pressing a kiss to her hair, careful not to mess it up. She brought one of her hands down from his neck, interlacing her fingers with his hand resting over her stomach. "I'm good. I threw up right when I woke up, but apart from that, I'm good. The little bean seems to know that today's special and that they shouldn't ruin it."

He laughed softly, not wanting to tear himself away from her, but he knew people would come looking for the both of them soon. So he reluctantly pulled back, tilting her head to kiss her softly before he noticed the necklace sitting around her neck. "You talked to Bucky then?"

"Yeah. That was very sweet of the both of you," she smiled, rubbing her nose against his lightly. "Thank you." Her voice was barely above a whisper

"NATASHA! Let the man go for five seconds, you'll see him again in less than an hour!" Wanda yelled through the door, causing Natasha to chuckle into his chest.

"I guess that's my cue to leave," he laughed, kissing her softly on the lips. She pouted up at him, not ready to leave this moment, because she knew, she just knew, that this would be the moment she remembered from their wedding day. The moment that was just theirs, so perfect and genuine, and something they didn't have to share.

Obviously, her face made him laugh again, low chuckles escaping his lips. "I will see you," a soft peck was delivered to her lips before he knelt down, his hands caressing her waist as he pressed a soft kiss to her stomach, "And you, later." Another kiss was pressed to her lips before he finally pulled away, only their hands linked together.

"I love you Natasha Romanoff."

"And I love you Steve Rogers."

* * *

Although he'd already seen Natasha, watching her walk down the aisle, looking so perfect brought tears to his eyes. Because he was finally getting to marry her. Fury was stood beside him as their officiant as Clint walked her down the aisle, and he honestly couldn't think of a more amazing moment. So much so that he barely registered that she was by his side and taking his hands until she gave them a soft squeeze and tilted her head at him.

He smiled brightly at her, bring her knuckles up to his lips and brushing the skin softly. Fury cleared his throat quietly, causing them to look over to him as he started to speak.

"If you'd have told me 5 years ago that I'd be standing here today, marrying these two, then simply put, I wouldn't believe you. But here we are, and the amount of love that they share is unmatchable. Their dedication, not only to their work but to each other is truly humbling, and their ability to not let their personal lives impact their professional relationship is unlike any others. Through thick and thin, they've been there for each other, and will continue to, whatever the future may bring." Fury gave them a knowing smile, which they both returned easily.

This moment, right now, it made Natasha wonder how she'd ever not wanted to do this. Get married to the man she loved more than anything else in the world. She looked at Steve, getting lost in his eyes, the ceremony rushing past her until it was time for her to say her vows.

Honestly, she was nervous about it. She'd been hesitant about saying their vows in front of their friends, but Steve had convinced her it was a good idea. More so, he'd told her that he wanted all their friends, their family to know just how much he loved her. And when he'd given her the puppy dog eyes, she couldn't refuse his wishes.

"Steven Grant Rogers, I can't really begin to describe how I feel about you. Which shouldn't be much of a surprise. You know, well, everyone knows, that I'm not the most forthcoming about my feelings, but I can't help it when I'm around you. To people who don't know you, they just see Captain America, the perfect specimen. But that's not what I see. I see you as the kindest man I have ever met, a person who would go to the ends of the world to save someone who you just met, so you can understand how hard it is for me to comprehend just how much you'd do for me. Everyday I feel so lucky that I have you, and that you can love me, despite of everything that I've done. I know that'll you be there for me from now until eternity, and I promise that I'll be there too, because I love you Steve, so much more than I ever thought I could, and I will continue loving you until the end of time."

She frantically scrambled at her eyes, wiping away the tears. Steve gently cupped her face, brushing his thumb over her cheek and giving her a soft smile, his eyes just as watery as hers.

"I never thought I'd be so lucky to have you Natasha. You are perfect for me in every single way, in ways I didn't even know possible. From the moment I first laid eyes on you on the helicarrier, I knew you'd be important to me, but I couldn't have guessed just how much. The thought of living my life without you is so unfathomably painful that I don't know what I would do without you. You have always been my guiding light since I woke up from the ice, and even though it took a while to get there, I'm so glad I realised how I feel about you, because nothing makes me happier than when I'm with you. Our lives are complicated and messy, but I know with you there's nothing I can't face, and I can't wait to take the next step with you, whatever that may be."

Natasha smiled a teary smile at him, reaching up to wipe away the tears falling down his cheeks as he did the same, his movements careful, clearly making sure he wouldn't ruin her makeup. And if that didn't make him the perfect man, she didn't know what did.

A ring appeared in her hands, how she didn't know, completely unable to tear her gaze away from Steve. "Natasha, repeat after me. I, Natalia Alianovna Romanova …"

"I, Natalia Alianovna Romanova, take you, Steven Grant Rogers to be my lawfully wedded husband, to have and to hold, to love and to cherish, until death do us part," she grinned as she slid his ring over his knuckles, his hands shaking just as much as hers.

"I, Steven Grant Rogers, take you, Natalia Alianovna Romanova to be my lawfully wedded wife, to have and to hold, to love and to cherish, until death do us part," he gently placed her ring on her finger, never once breaking eye contact with her, his thumb grazing over her knuckles when the ring was nestled next to her engagement ring.

"Then, by the power vested in me by a dodgy government agency, I now pronounce you man and wife. You may kiss the bride."

It was all the permission they needed for Steve to close the small gap in between them and kissing her passionately. The crowd cheered, but they didn't notice, it was just the two of them alone up there, so completely full of love.

* * *

Steve and Natasha were dancing amongst their friends, well, dancing was a strong word. It was more like rhythmical swaying, despite the fact the music was upbeat and loud. And Clint was just staring at them, a small smile on his face.

"Watcha looking at?" Bucky asked, sitting down next to him and handing him a beer.

"Them. I don't think I ever realised just how in love they are," Clint smiled slightly. There was something about the pair that just worked, they worked in tandem in everything, their moves synchronised to each other well before they even became _Steve and Natasha._

"Yeah, it's hard to believe there was a time before Steve and Talia were together."

"I love Laura, more than life itself, but those two, they just-"

"Seem like they were created for each other." Bucky finished his thought, saying it more eloquently than he ever could. Because Laura was his life, he would never doubt that, he loved her with all his heart, but he'd never seen two people so completely enamoured with each other like Steve and Natasha. "Yeah, exactly."

"I wish I had that," Bucky commented idly, and Clint looked over to him in surprise. It was the first time he'd ever said something like that, something so human, at least to Clint.

"You'll find it," he reassured, but Bucky just shrugged, a dark look crossing over his face. "I'm not so sure."

"D'you know that by the time she turned 14, Nat had killed over 100 people?" Clint asked, mainly because he knew Bucky did. It was more so to make a point.

"I know. I was there."

"Between them, Steve and Natasha have killed more people than they could count. Not all of them bad. In fact, most of them weren't. And they had control over their actions, they knew what they were doing. You think they don't deserve this?" Clint cocked an eyebrow at him, his eyes narrowing ever so slightly. Because he knew he was right.

"Of course they deserve this. They deserve the world."

"You deserve to be happy Barnes, however that comes about."

"Thanks Clint."

* * *

"So Mr Rogers, I've been thinking," she smirked, lifting her head off his shoulder to look at him.

"Pray do tell Mrs Rogers," he smirked back, dropping a kiss on her lips. She blushed slightly at the use of her name, deciding that it would never get old.

"We need to find Bucky a girlfriend."

"Agreed. I mean just look at him, he looks so sad," they swivelled their heads to look at Bucky, who was idly chatting with Clint. Granted, at this particular moment, the man was smiling, but their point still stood. "So, who were you thinking?"

"Wanda?" She suggested, and he furrowed his eyebrows at her. "Isn't she with Vision?"

"They broke up. Well, broke up is a strong word for it, but they decided to stay as friends."

"How did I miss that?" He asked, and she just smiled at him. "It's not our fault you've starting missing things in your old age," she teased, the corners of her lips crinkling in a smile.

He spun her out of his arms, eliciting a laugh from her as he twirled her before pulling her back into his chest. "That's no way to speak to your husband now, is it?"

"Don't forget the father of my child," she quirked her lip in a sly grin as he dropped his hands to settle around her waist, his thumb caressing her side subtly.

"Ah yes, can't forget that," he smiled, kissing her gently, his lips moving perfectly across hers as she wrapped her arms around his neck.

"How about Darcy?" He asked as they pulled away from each other, and she hummed thoughtfully, cocking her head to the side slightly. "That might work. She's a bit of a handful though"

"Buck could take her."

"How about Sam?" She asked, raising a questioning eyebrow. His forehead crinkled in response, his eyes narrowing slightly in confusion. She brought her thumb up to smooth over his forehead before resting it on his cheek.

"Sam? I thought he was into girls." It wasn't that he was oblivious. But the entire time he'd known Sam, he'd only ever shown interest in girls. Only ever dated girls, only ever talked about girls.

"He is, but there's this thing now where you can like both Steven," she teased lightly, her smile causing him to drop a kiss on her lips lightly. "My apologises darling."

"D'you reckon Bucky is even into that?" She asked, tilting her head slightly. "I have no clue. We never really talked about that sort of stuff. It was dangerous to even think those things back then."

He shuddered, tucking her closer to him as he remembered back to his childhood. There were things he missed, his Ma more than anything, but he'd never really realised just how prejudiced everyone was back then.

"Times have changed Steve."

He let out a soft laugh, because he knew that. He was glad they had, because it meant he was standing here, surrounded by all his friends with the most amazing woman in his arms. His _wife. _"Believe me. I know."

She went quiet after that, resting her head against his chest and closing her eyes, thankful as Steve lifted her ever so slightly, taking all her weight like it was nothing. "Steve?"

"Hmmm?" He hummed softly into her hair. She cleared her throat, almost nervously. "If I wasn't in the picture, would you…y'know?"

"Be interested in guys?" He asked, and she nodded her head, looking up at him with wide eyes. "You really wanna have this conversation at our wedding?"

She shrugged, unbothered by the question. "I'm just curious. Can't blame a girl for asking."

"Everyone, can I have your attention please" Tony called out, hitting the side of his champagne glass.

"Saved by the bell Rogers," she smirked, leaning up to kiss him softly.

"Shut up _Rogers,_" he whispered against her lips, rolling his eyes.

"If everyone could follow me to the garden, I've planned a little surprise." Tony declared, leaving the room, letting everyone follow him. Steve and Natasha hung back, waiting for everyone else to leave before following them.

"Don't worry, it's a good surprise," Pepper said, walking past them handing both of them a glass of champagne. They watched her disappear into the night, her fingers intwining with Tony's.

"I really thought this no alcohol thing would be easier," she whispered to him, watching as he sipped at the glass in his hand.

"You can't have a wedding without alcohol Tash," he pointed out, and she just huffed unhappily. "You can if the bride can't have any," she protested, pouting up at him. He ducked down to dust a kiss across her lips, laughing as her tongue swiped out to taste the champagne on his lips.

"You can't if Tony Stark is invited," he countered, necking his glass and taking the full one off of her, exchanging it for his empty one, much like he had been doing for the entire night. It was a good thing he couldn't get drunk, because he'd have probably passed out in a bush by now otherwise.

They followed all their friends to the end of the garden, their hands threaded together and following everyone's gazes to the sky. A firework lit up the sky, followed by dozens and dozens more.

"This is pretty romantic." Natasha snuggled into his side, letting him wrap his arm around her shoulder as her arms slid around his waist.

"Yeah." She watched the fireworks intently, a soft smile painting her lips before she looked back over to Steve, only just noticing the tear rolling down his cheek.

"Hey, what's wrong?" She asked, bringing her hands up to cup his face, brushing away his tears.

"It's stupid, I just wish my mom was here," he said softly, and she brought herself onto her tiptoes so she was level with his face. "I know sweetheart. But I'm sure she's watching."

"I know she is. She'd love you," he laughed slightly, another tear escaping his eye that she was quick to wipe away.

"She'd be so proud of you Steve." She peppered soft kisses to his face, running her fingers through his hair. She could only understand how he felt to a certain extent, because whilst she wished her parents could be here, she'd never known them like Steve had. And if there was one thing that was certain in the world, it's that Steve Rogers loved his mom.

"I love you so much Tash," he whispered, pressing his forehead against hers.

"I love you too, you stupid old man."

* * *

**AN: So a lot happened in this chapter, but I've been trying to expand the little universe I've created and I realised that Natasha and Steve would totally make it their mission to set up Bucky, but I didn't really know who to pair him up with. So it's up to you guys, I'll probably go with the majority, and if I didn't mention the character you ship him with then please tell me.**


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